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Had to show you pics of what mark did for me for 1 year!!

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 02:13 PM
I came home and the table was all set,he bought king crabs,and these shrimp the size of footballs...

TeriM
March 28th, 2007, 02:22 PM
You are a very lucky woman :) .

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 02:24 PM
I know i post just about any kind of pictures,but i have to show someone.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 02:31 PM
Roxy had a little to much champane

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 02:37 PM
She really did like the taste gave her a taste off my finger and then she wanted the glass

Lukka'sma
March 28th, 2007, 02:37 PM
That's wonderful heidiho. Looks like you had a great evening waiting for you. Thanks for letting us in on a special night.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 02:43 PM
And that was our night...

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 02:43 PM
what a keeper! lucky girl. and Roxy! stay off the champagne!

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 02:46 PM
He is a great guy,totally caught me off guard when i walked in the door........I has to take pics and show you guys..Thanks for lookin

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 02:53 PM
can you send me one of those romantic island boys? i sure could use one round about now!

Dog Dancer
March 28th, 2007, 03:17 PM
Happy Anniversary Heidiho. What a nice surprise to come home to. I like the surf board next to the table - Island life eh.

Roxy needs KAA - kitty AA - she's too funny!

breeze
March 28th, 2007, 03:26 PM
Happy Aniversary Heidiho glad you had a special night like that and thank you for sharing,

rainbow
March 28th, 2007, 03:59 PM
Happy Anniversary Heidi & Mark !!!

http://www.smileyvillage.com/smilies/romantic.gif (http://www.smileyvillage.com)

What a lucky girl you are.....such a romantic guy. :cloud9: And, Roxy.....too cute. :lovestruck:

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 04:08 PM
You know i hate to say it,but he is so good to me and i am not to him.Sometimes when he has some beers he just acts like he is 20 not 47 and it bothers me,so i make him feel like s*** and i dont know how to not do that..I guess i just think he is 47 he should always act like it,but he is the you know artist,musician,kind of guy..I dont know would that bother you guys??Or do guys just always have that BOY thing in them???

Maya
March 28th, 2007, 04:09 PM
Very nice. Sexy tattoo guy, aawsome dinner, adorable cat.:cloud9:

Maya
March 28th, 2007, 04:11 PM
Well it depends what it is that bothers you I guess. My guy is really young but doesn't act it. He doesn't drink either though so he is fairly guarded and doesn't let loose.

chico2
March 28th, 2007, 04:12 PM
Awww Heidi,give Mark a great big hug from us,just thinking of what a difference he has made in your life,makes him a wonderful guy,also he loves cats,which makes him even more wonderful,he's a keeper for sure!http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/25.gif Happy Aniversary!

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 04:21 PM
He really is the most sweetest ,cutest guy,i guess basically it just turns me off sometimes when he gets so buzzed that, i dont know just acts like a 20 year old.and sometimes when he is drinking and other people are hanging out he can be rude,he thinks he is being funny,but he is not..he will talk over people when they are telling a story,he is a Leo he has to be the center of attention,so if someone else is talking he will either interupt or not even look at them when they are talking,and i dont drink so it is hard in our little place when he drinks,you know how it is when you are sober and someone is drinking you are on 2 different levels and i just cant relate........

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 04:30 PM
at 47 he should listen when you talk heidiho. have you tried to tell him how much you dont like it when he does this? i know from experience that men do not understand hints. you have to tell them outright. it seems like he really cares about you and if things make you unhappy he will want to modify his behaviour. I have also learnt that at least 95% of men will always have the teenage part of them at some stage. and that mostly with a little alcohol in them. talk to him gently an see how it goes.

joeysmama
March 28th, 2007, 04:34 PM
I've heard so many sad things lately that it was so fun to come and see this !!!

I'm happy for you and happy that you shared !! Thanks for the smile.:)

Also--how cute is Roxy ?? You should submit that picture to a contest or something. Too cute !!!!!!!

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 04:38 PM
I have tried to tell him and he thinks i am the only one who says he can be rude when he is drinking,sometimes i think deep down he knows it,but doesnt want to admit it.I compare it to this,he is like Aidan on Sex and the city and i like the Mr Big type,or do i????? He has told me sometimes he sits there and drinks because it is the only way i ever pay attention or listen to anything he has to say,even if it is negative attention he will take it,and he is right,once i get sucked into the vortex we call TV i dont talk to him or anything...

Maya
March 28th, 2007, 04:41 PM
I know what you mean about the talking over. I think it is more often a guy thing, my boyfriend even does it to me every now and then. He doesn't even know he's doing it. Like I'll keep trying to respond and he'll cut me off everytime, like up to three or four until i get frustrated and say something snippy.:frustrated: I think it is one of those things worth working on and you don't have to feel guilty for not finding it acceptable. I'm sure he's still sweet, just needs some fine tuning.

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 04:49 PM
oh heidiho.
the evil :evil: of t.v. !!!! that im afraid is something youre going to have to work on. my (now) ex is like you! its hockey hockey hockey. i can relate to what your bf is saying. its hard!!!! make a few nights a week about just the two of you and suck up missing a few programs. your relationship is worth it! play games or go for a walk. reconnect. the tv is an evil that, im sure, has ruined many relationships. its give and take!! he needs to take a break from drinkin too much and you need to take a break from the box!!!!

poodletalk
March 28th, 2007, 04:52 PM
In a relationship nothing is ever perfect, there's alot of compramises, understanding,respecting and talking to make things work. From the pictures you post Heidi, it shows Mark really cares for you and you are very happy with your new life.

If things are bothering you,you need to tell him exactly what's wrong and how both of you to improve things. It's alot of hard work to keep a good relationship on track.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 04:54 PM
I cant tell you how right you are,i have become a serious tv addict,i used to ride bike after work,but ever since we got roxy i just go home and plant myself in front of tv and play with her,we really have not done anything together in awhile,he has been working weekends also,that tv is an evil evil thing especially the reality crap that i find myself watching,i live in one of the most beautiful places anywhere and just go home and sit there after work,which does bother him cause he goes to the gym and i know he wishes i would also workout and take better care of myself,but like you said he needs to chill out on the beer to..We have to do something because we have been fighting alot lately.

Shamrock
March 28th, 2007, 05:00 PM
Happy Anniversary, Heidi!:love: :cloud9:

These are great pics, really made me smile.:highfive:
And what a sweet thing for Mark to do for you!

I agree that most men seem to keep just a bit of the "little boy" in them.
This used to annoy me sometimes too. I saw it as well, immature and undiginifed. Oh grow up, I used to think.;) Dont act silly.

I have to admit though.. I've not seen this type of frivolity from my husband for a long time. I'm kind of sorry to see it go.:sad:

But if this aspect is really bothering you, and has become an issue, yes,. you need to convey your thoughts very clearly.. but gently.:goodvibes:

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 05:03 PM
im not one to tiptoe round what i want to say so im sorry if it sounds hard but stop talking about it and make a plan!!! do it!!!
make both of what you enjoy a part of your life.
maybe say..you will go to gym with him twice a week if he will chose two programmes, that you enjoy, to watch together. that way you are doing something together that may not be the most favorite thing to do together. its a great compromise it think. and take a step back and look at that incredible place you live in. I make a point of looking around often and appreciating things surrounding me. its fulfilling and invigorating. also going for that daily bike ride will also help the way you feel about yourself and that projects into many aspects of life. (belive me somewhere inside you you dont feel good about the whole couch potato thing!!i know, im there at the mo!)

Dog Dancer
March 28th, 2007, 05:13 PM
I'm not a relationship expert or anything, but you probably need to talk to him, but NOT when he's drinking. I also remember a very good line "Don't try to change a man unless he's still wearing diapers."

What about making a couple nights a week where you guys have date nights. No TV and no beer. A walk on the beach to go for ice cream two miles down. A walk to the coffee shop two miles up. A movie, or just a walk and watch the sunset from a pier. Then instead of approaching the issue as an attack you can just say, "Oh this is so nice, no TV, no beer, just us enjoying each other in paradise. We need to do this more often, we really get to connect." Then go home and have fun... Make it worth giving up the beer;)

My BF interrupts everybody and I'm sure he doesn't even notice it. It annoys me to no end, but he'd deny it if I ever called him on it. Sometimes though if it's with somebody new and he does that I'll ask him to wait a minute while so-and-so finishes what they were saying. It always throws him when I do that, like he just doesn't even know he's doing something rude.

Good luck with it. Obviously he cares so much for you, all good things take time and effort. So long as he doesn't drink and get violent you can work on it.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 05:21 PM
Wow your good,i cant believe you said that,because deep down i do hate myself for going home and sitting on the couch after i have sat all day at work....I honeslty am not sure why i keep doing it,some of it i know is i have always been one for instant gratification(drugs for one) and that is part of what keeps me from exersicing because i will not instantly be in the shape i want to,it will take months of 5 days a week doing it,so i just dont do it at all..And i know when he comes home and sees me laying on couch watching tv it bothers him and that is partly why he is like screw it i am gonna drink...We do need to do something and fast because when we do fight it is pretty nasty and we say some things that go beyond how two people who love each other should go..

breeze
March 28th, 2007, 05:28 PM
you can't change anyone you can only comprimise or adapt, taking and expressing your opion also helps, I have been in a relationship for 25 years and i think it's me that acts like i'm 20 sometimes, he is also t.v. addicted so I go up to the t.v. and turn it off just like that right in the middle of something, then we go for a walk (on nice nights) talk and listen to each other no matter how silly or dumb it might be play with the dog or just listen to music. every day we work on the relationship if you don't you grow apart, that is how we stay together.

breeze
March 28th, 2007, 05:30 PM
heidiho

unplug the t.v. for 1 week and see if it helps but you can't cheat and plug it in again..... just get up and unplug it

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 05:40 PM
That is what we need to do for sure,we just started doing our own thing and like you said we live in paradise there are a million things to go do,and we just dont,i love that idea no beer no tv night,i will be talking to him tonight about this,because we seem to have lost respect for each other somewhere along the line people used to tell us we were like the perfect,cutest couple and that is no longer,i cant believe what has happend or when it happend...And i dont know who said you cant change a man,but you are right ,he made that very clear that he does not appreciate that it seems that that is what i am trying to do..I tell you if any of you know an artist they are very deep thinking and just a different breed.And like i have read before in the beginning of a relationship the things you fell in love with now drive you crazy.

joeysmama
March 28th, 2007, 05:51 PM
My guy is 50, he'll be 51 this summer and sometimes I tell him that he acts like he's 14.

We're not on the same wavelength a lot of the time. He tends to be insensitive sometimes. I'm always trying very hard to be nice to people, to think if there's something nice I can do for them. Things like that. Tom is likely to say what he thinks even if it doesn't sound very nice. For instance, if we're out and someone says something he doesn't like he'll make a face or roll his eyes. I save that sort of thing for the ride home. Or once we were standing in a line and he kept talking about how he smelled moth balls. I knew it was my friend's mother who was standing a few places behind us. I whispered it to him hoping he would realize that the person was nearby and just stop. But he said "I should go ask her what kind of perfume that is."

I didn't think that was funny because she might have heard him.

So stuff like that bugs me because it's kind of immature.

But then, on the other hand, he's good to me. He does a lot of nice things for me. Took good care of me when I was sick and tries to let me have whatever want if we can in any way afford it. And even sometimes when we can't.

So I take the good with the bad.

But I'm also learning that I have to make more time for him and let him know that he's important. I'm really quick to drop everything and go out if our friends call. I'll whine at him and tell him we can afford it, and we never go out, blah blah blah. But if he wants to go out just the two of us and I'm tired I'll blow him off which isn't right. Then he said to me "You would go if our friends were going but you don't want to make time for just me."

And that made me feel badly so now I try to really give him my attention and be as nice to him as I am to other people.


Anyway...I'm not trying to make this about me. I just thought that maybe if I told you a little bit about our relationship you might see that boys never really grow up.;)

papillonmama
March 28th, 2007, 05:57 PM
Might I also suggest that when you have your talk with him that you both put some rules down about fighting.

Some might be like, never going to bed mad

No name calling

Resolving the fight, even if you have to agree not to agree

Keeping it to talking and keeping it civil, if it gets out of hand, just stop, it's not resolving anything, just take a minute to calm down and keeping on subject, what happened three weeks ago is not relevant, it's just being used to stir up the future

Don't use the blame game, it's too easy to blame each other

There are others you can probably think of, arguments are good as long as they are constructive.

Good luck Heidi

Happy anniversary, you really are lucky to have such a sweet man, but tell him straight the 20 yr old behaviour is bothersome.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 06:11 PM
Joeysmama- That is us totally,he does things that really embarass me or make me look at him and think god your 47 act like it,but one the other hand he has given me everything and more,the condo was bought because i couldnt live in the studio anymore,roxy was okd because he knew how happy that would make me,and a million other things he has done because he knew i wanted or needed and in return (like he has said) i never do anyting for him,and he is right,i dont,and what you said about being as nice to him as you are other people,i cant tell you how many times he has asked me that.Why am i so nice to people i dont even know,but when it comes to him i am horrible,and i really have no answer for that one yet.And he says that is why he will sit there and drink because it is the only way he gets any attention from me.

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 06:38 PM
Papillonmama has some very good points Heidiho. you can be angry at each other without being disrespectful. there is never need for name calling. can i also point out that, as with children, it is very important that you specify the behaviour that is unacceptable not the person. also never ever use words like, always and never in arguments. it puts the other person on the immidiate defensive cause its just not true that someone is always or never doing one thing or another.
i honestly think that you need to find yourself and love yourself befor you can believe that he can love you as he so obviously does.
ask him how hes feeling about stuff thats going on too. its amazing how a calm intimate converstion in a comfortable safe environment can bring out some serious issues. just be open to hearing about your shortcomings as well and just listen. its too easy to get defensive and angry.
also remember that you only ever get angry when you are hurt.

Frenchy
March 28th, 2007, 07:06 PM
Now I'm hungry for sea food :yell: I like the drunken kitty pic :p Lay off the booze Roxy ! I won't give you any advice on your couple Heidiho cuz , I'm single so it's not my place to say anything, and the others gave you great advices :thumbs up It's really nice of him to have prepared this special evening for both of you :lovestruck:

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 07:09 PM
I meant to mention she did also have great points,everyone here has,and all the things everyone says we shouldnt do is exactly what we are doing,we are constantly nitpicking each other,and accusing..I just dont know when the exact moment was that we just started treating each other w/ no respect....Everything he does bothers me and same for him...We were so differnet when i first got here,i know the newness wears off,but it has gone beyond that,and is not gonna last if we dont start working on it now.

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 07:23 PM
well there you said it. so start working on it TONIGHT!!!!! try to think back to the stuff you used to do and go back! its so worth the fight when you find a good partner.
the nitpicking has deeper issues of anger that you need to get to the bottom of. so important! it happens when you let things go that make you angry and you build up resentments that come out as stupid little nitpicks.
you have to confront situations as they arise to avoid this build up. it eventually explodes with "last month when you did...." that doesnt work. i know this only from my very recent experiences :sad: . but once you start talking, it comes out and its surprising how easy it becomes.
good luck! its never easy but, then, life never is a bed of roses.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 07:37 PM
I know,cant believe we let it get this far,and the only reason i am here talking about it is because i dont want my mom to worry about anything,and havent really made close girl friends here,and i love everything you guys have said.....

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 07:48 PM
i know how it feels to not have taht many close girlfriends. anytime you need advice feel free. its great to be able to give some advise where its needed.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 07:52 PM
For the most part i can deal with it,but sometimes it is kind of hard,like the nights he does want to sit at home and have some beers,i have no girlfriends houses that i can go to.....So thanks...And my mom thinks everything is picture perfect and i want to keep it that way,she is just so happy for me..

RolandsMom
March 28th, 2007, 07:57 PM
i think your mom would want to know. i know my mom was super happy for us too and tried everything to convince us to go to counselling and talk talk talk but she was very understanding when it went wrong. good to talk to )my mom and i only talk when we are far apart. close up we are terrible!!) they are happy when we are happy. i think its good not to hide truths, cause then if things go wrong its a huge shock to everyone. of course i dont know your mom so i dont know how she is with stuff. i know my mom likes to know it all!!! good and bad!

breeze
March 28th, 2007, 08:34 PM
so heidiho when he wants a beer then that is the time you turn on the t.v. go for a shower or a long bath, so you won't notice what is bothering you and when he is not drinking turn off the t.v. and go for a moonlit walk by the ocean, sit outside and talk to each other,
things do go up and down, you can grow apart then get back together that is part of life you each have to have time to yourselfs but there are times you can do things together. and instead of nikpicking walk away do something else so you won't be bothered by it,, there is nothing wrong with fighting as long as it's clean stay on topic don't bring anything else into the conversation, and make sure you end it there and not carry it to the next day.

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 08:38 PM
See that is part of the problem though,cause our place is so small,when he has a beer and i try to watch tv,he just starts ripping into whatever i am watching,or he starts talking,the focus has to be on him,then i get pissed then he says i am defending the tv,it just goes from there,..

breeze
March 28th, 2007, 08:40 PM
See that is part of the problem though,cause our place is so small,when he has a beer and i try to watch tv,he just starts ripping into whatever i am watching,or he starts talking,the focus has to be on him,then i get pissed then he says i am defending the tv,it just goes from there,..

what about if you just turn the t.v. off when he does do that?? and show him that you care what he says would that help?? maybe that is when he is more comfortable talking

heidiho
March 28th, 2007, 08:44 PM
Oh my god he would love that!!!That is why he does it,so i will talk to him,and by making fun of whatever i am watching he knows that will get me to pay attention to him,even if it is because i am mad,it is still attention..And on his behalf i really do not listen to things he has to say once i am into tv. But you know how it is when you are sober and someone is not,it can be annoying....Well getting ready to go home,will update tomorrow.,Thanks for all the really great advice,now i need to try and apply it..

breeze
March 28th, 2007, 08:47 PM
hope it works out for you just keep trying and never give up:thumbs up

Prin
March 29th, 2007, 01:05 AM
Great supper! As for everything else, if he does it to get attention, don't give him any attention. It's like a crying dog: it's annoying as hell, but you just have to go through it a couple times.:D

And maybe give him more attention when he's sober too.;) :D

dustybird
March 29th, 2007, 01:52 AM
What a wonderful surprise and congrats. Thank you for sharing.

As for why your nice to others and feel you aren't to him...well sometimes people who have been hurt in the past, do that to the ones they love for fear of getting hurt again. It's like putting up a wall to protect yourself(don't know if that's the case). By letting your guard down you open yourself up to more feelings and the chance of a bigger hurt. If that is the case you need to tell him that is why and then you can work on it together...he can stop trying to get negative attention. You could have sort of a safe word(not really a safe word, can't think of how to word it), but something that when one of you is doing the thing the other really doesn't like, say the word. It doesn't have to be a serious word but could be something that makes you both giggle, so you don't instantly get mad, I don't know like fuzzlewuzzle; but don't abuse the word. Sometimes if someone says something funny, when fighting about something not too serious, you start laughing and are then able to talk instead of just throwing heated words at one another.

I am by nooo means an expert of any kind of relationships, just going by things I've read in those darn women's magazines. I am also really terrible when it comes to wording what I am thinking, so I hope it made some sort of sense. Picking a no tv/beer night is a good idea, but mix it up so it isn't always the same night month after month(tues one month, thurs another) so it doesn't get boring or oh yah it's such and such a night woopie.

There is a website I will try to find that has couples coupons, like good for one full body massage, not all "intimate" related(they're free, just print them off) and can give them to one another as reward for "good behavior". Sounds a little too much like bribery but maybe it could help kick start you guys doing more stuff together(or you could make your own).

Wishing you guys the best:grouphug:

heidiho
March 29th, 2007, 01:51 PM
I love all the advice told him last night,he asked what was said ,couldnt remember all of it,so i am printing all of it out to show him,i think how we reunited is such a great story and we always would bring it up,and be like can you believe after 14 years we are back together.It would be a shame not to make this work,we talked some last night about things and agreed we need to change and quit constantly nit picking each other and start doing stuff together again...I honeslty dont know how people are together for 50 years,day after day ,everyday,i am happy i have started later in life,this stuff is hard work........

Prin
March 29th, 2007, 01:56 PM
Heidi, relationships are kinda up and down... You have your worst moments and your best moments...:shrug: Somebody told me once that you have to stop wishing for the romance from the beginning to come back and embrace the next level of intimacy: where you know who you both are and have no illusions, and you know your man's worst sides, but love him anyway.:shrug:

chico2
March 29th, 2007, 03:49 PM
Heidi,I have been married to a wonderful,funny,at times childish and crazy man for 42 yrs,but I am equally at times a little nutty,you have to be able to laugh together and a little crazy is good in this day and age,as long as you are serious when it matters.
The biggest problem I have with your post is the drinking,we are no tetotalers(sp?)I love a beer or 2 a day,hubby likes red wine(beeing from France)but drunks is something I just cannot handle:yell:
It seems like both of you have some adjusting to do,like you said,you live in paradize,it should not be that hard,TV would be the last thing on my mind:laughing:
I know you don't want to mess up this relationship and I am sure neither does Mark,a little compromising from both ends,you a little less TV and Mark less beer and you'll be happy ever after:fingerscr
Especially now,since you have a wee fourlegged baby:cat:

heidiho
March 29th, 2007, 04:20 PM
I know you cant go back to the first few months,god how incredible they were,but you're right they are new things to learn about each other..I know this is no excuse but a small % of the reason i do stay home after work,is roxy has been there all day alone and i feel kind of bad,but i know i cannot stop my life because of her..And just writing it sounds silly...He also has been working 7 days a week,so we havent been able to do anything together then either.But we are gonna start re connecting again cause we both know this will not last if we continue on like we have.......