Pets.ca - Pet forum for dogs cats and humans 

-->

16 Things It Took Me Over 50+ Years to Learn

mummummum
March 27th, 2007, 06:16 PM
16 Things It Took Me Over 50+ Years to Learn
By: Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one
is very important.)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 111.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . They start out as
grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Skryker
March 27th, 2007, 06:22 PM
:laughing: I like it! Not sure which is my favourite one-Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . They start out as
grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with or Never lick a steak knife.


13 is a thing I've noticed-it's very true. Lousy tippers are generally not worth your time, either (I mean, the "Why should I leave a tip? This is their job!" kind of tipper).

Shamrock
March 27th, 2007, 06:40 PM
Love it, Mx3!:highfive:
I like the Titantic one!:D

CyberKitten
March 27th, 2007, 06:54 PM
I had heard the Titanic one before - did not know Dave Berry said it tho. I always think of a poster I used to own (lost in some move) that said "Every new idea begins with a minority of one." I honestly believe that!!

Frenchy
March 27th, 2007, 07:34 PM
7. Never lick a steak knife.


I know :sad:

angeldogs
March 28th, 2007, 03:58 AM
that was a good and funny read.
i like 1.that's funny.

Purpledomino
March 28th, 2007, 09:50 AM
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.


Thanks for the heads-up! :thumbs up

erykah1310
March 28th, 2007, 10:20 AM
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

How true is that!, Gossip can be so horrible.

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

LOL, I have seen this one played out way too many times, some people are a little overboard with their "hobbies" :laughing:

Furbaby Momma
March 28th, 2007, 10:57 AM
All 16 are true, Thanks Mummummum for sharing this. :laughing:

Maya
March 29th, 2007, 10:07 PM
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

Indeed very true!:) :thumbs up

Spirit
March 30th, 2007, 12:13 PM
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)


I've lived by this one for a very, very long time. Whenever I meet someone new, our second or third date is always out for dinner (I never do this on the first... when you don't have anything to say, first dinner dates can be a boring and awkward experience). And it's true... this one never fails.