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Court Humour

Hunter's_owner
March 14th, 2007, 07:57 AM
Someone sent this to me this morning. I found it hilarious:laughing:



Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place. It's worth reading to the
end!
Those of you who have worked with attorneys will find this
very easy to understand. Others will find it easier.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.


______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

chico2
March 14th, 2007, 08:03 AM
Thank's for the laugh,great stuff,just my kind of humor:laughing: :laughing:

Lukka'sma
March 14th, 2007, 08:11 AM
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________


And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
__________________

These two got the biggest laugh from me. Great start to the day, thanks

Frenchy
March 14th, 2007, 12:39 PM
:laughing:

rainbow
March 14th, 2007, 01:39 PM
I've seen that one before but it still makes me laugh. :laughing: :laughing:

Hunter's_owner
March 14th, 2007, 01:41 PM
Yeah me too Rainbow. I saw it awhile ago, but still this morning when I was erading it I was laughing out loud all by myself:o

TeriM
March 14th, 2007, 03:40 PM
Gotta love a good giggle in our day :thumbs up . Thanks HO :D .

technodoll
March 14th, 2007, 03:55 PM
he he too funny... i sent this giggle out to my jokes group last night! coincidence?? :confused: :D

Prin
March 14th, 2007, 06:54 PM
ooo maybe she's on your list but you didn't associate her here with her in real life... ooooo that would be cool.:D :laughing:

I love literal jokes. They're funny. :D

AliSam
March 14th, 2007, 08:04 PM
I love that. I have seen that before as well and still love it.

meb999
March 14th, 2007, 08:36 PM
Love it, love it, love it!!! :D :thumbs up

Hunter's_owner
March 15th, 2007, 07:43 AM
ooo maybe she's on your list but you didn't associate her here with her in real life... ooooo that would be cool.:D :laughing:

I love literal jokes. They're funny. :D

Yeah that is what I was thinking Prin, lol. That is conincidence:D

Joey.E.CockersMommy
March 15th, 2007, 11:19 AM
Thats hilarious, I needed the laugh.

Does anyone know when expo 86 was? :)