March 6th, 2007, 07:18 PM
Yesterday I was visiting my kids' old elementary school. They need subs and I volunteered to go on the sub list. I was turning in my paperwork. The principal asked how I was doing (I had had some surgery way back when my kids were there) So I was standing there crowing about how great I feel, how healthy I am blah blah blah. The secretary was very interested and asked me a ton of questions. And then she tells me about how they had experience with illness because her little boy had cancer and died when he was six.
I wanted to rip my tongue out. I was positively bragging and this woman was mourning.
But she was a sweetie and clearly was looking for a chance to talk about her little boy so I stayed as long as she wanted to chat but I couldn't help but cry.
Then today I was in the Shop-Rite (grocery store) and I saw the husband of a woman I used to volunteer with at the school. We were room mothers for the class. And I liked her, she was easy to work with, helpful to me etc. So I introduce myself to her husband. Very happy for a chance to ask him to give Debbie my regards and yes, you probably guessed. He told me that she passed away two years ago.
So I was doing my grocery shopping crying. And that's happened to me once before in the grocery store where I saw an old acquaintance and asked about the family and his wife had just died.
I'm never ever speaking to people in public again. I can't anyway because of the big old foot in my mouth.:footinmouth:
I just had to vent and this is a safe place for venting.
Is it really only Tuesday ?????
March 6th, 2007, 07:22 PM
You're safe now, joeysmama--these things always come in threes! You just happened to hit the three things too close together. :grouphug: The rest of the week will be better, I'm sure! :goodvibes: No more bad news.
March 6th, 2007, 07:27 PM
Thanks Hazel !!! Does it count as 3 if the first one happened a couple years ago--the first grocery store one? It's funny you said that cuz tonight I was thinking how these things happen in threes and I was worried about the next one. But then I remembered that I had done that in the grocery store another time so maybe that counts??:fingerscr
I think it's just from living in one area for so long. I always run into people I knew at one time. The kids were on a team together, or we used to live on the same block or whatever. But you lose touch so you feel as though you have to stop and be friendly, but you really don't know what's been going on in their lives you know?:shrug:
March 6th, 2007, 07:28 PM
no more bad news from us at least :) it is only tuesday but tomorrow is wesnesday one day closer to the end of the week :thumbs up. tomorrow will be better :goodvibes: :goodvibes: :grouphug:
March 6th, 2007, 07:30 PM
but you really don't know what's been going on in their lives you know?:shrug:
That's just it ! You didn't know , so don't feel bad :grouphug: oh and yes ,it's only tuesday :frustrated:
March 6th, 2007, 07:34 PM
How sad for both families. I can understand how upset you were as it has happened to me too.
Last summer my father passed away after being ill for 5 months. It was a terrible time and a few days after his funeral we got a phone call telling us my sister in law was in the hospital. She had been ill for awhile and died 10 days later. At her funeral I met someone who like you I knew when our kids went to elementary school. I knew his wife had died but I was too upset to attend her funeral but did send my husband and my condolences in a card along with a note. So we are talking at the funeral and he introduces me to his girlfriend. I had heard he had re-married and was surprised when he said girlfriend. We talked for a few more minutes and he said something about his second wife so I asked if he was divorced. Nope, she had died also. So this guy loses two wives in the space of a year and half. I felt like an idiot thinking I should have known all this. He doesn't seem to be bothered at all. Then on top of this his daughter came up to give me a hug and I thought she was his other daughter and called her by that name. I knew this girl so well when she was growing up and I should have known who she was. So you see, it's not just you.
March 6th, 2007, 07:37 PM
Plus, the first woman you talked with, who had lost her son at the age of six? She maybe needed to talk about it--and you gave her the chance. :thumbs up Sometimes that can be a great relief!
So don't worry about it.
And yes, two years ago counts! :thumbs up So you've had your quota now!
March 6th, 2007, 07:40 PM
coppperbelle :grouphug:s for you, too!
March 6th, 2007, 07:42 PM
I am not sure that's putting your foot in your mouth - you honestly asked them how they were - and how were you to know about the secretary's child?? I live in an opposite kind of world - if ppl make an appt to see me, it is usually because they are goin gto have to cope with bad news so I try not to talk about my illness(Besidesm one of the worst thing one can do in giving others advice is to start citing one's ow n experience. We are much too different for that butI see many ppl who are not in the biz so to speak use it and for some pll I can see support groups working.) And I an getting way off track, sigh!
I would not worry about it what I want to say. You did nothing wrong. You are concerned and said so. You listened to someone who needed to talk - maybe she does not have that opportunity much and sometimes, it is easier to discus something so devastating with someone that is an acquaintance.
What frustrates me are the parents I see who come in - and yes, they are hurting and full of anxiety and distress and fear of the unknown - which always seems to be the worst until people know what kind of plan they have and what to expect. - but they take over the waiting room in grand "drama Queen style" either intimating to other parents - I can discuss this issue better than you (I know all the terminology, etc, etc) to the ones who want to somehow prove that their situation is worse than anyone else's and they thus deserve more attention and caring. And now to be snarky, it is often these parents who get in the way of their children's care or spend less time with their children. If I did not see them laughing at someone's joke at Tim's, it might not bother me but I've usually come from a quiet parent who would never think of sharing her situation with anyone she just met, much less someone who is loud and aggressive and knows it all - and the quiet parent refuses to cry in front of her child, is there 24/7 (with a bed in the room for her) and I greet her in the hall and she just breaks down.
My point I guess is everyone is different and thankfully, it is a small minority who act like the woman who is more worried about herself than her child ( a concept I do not get at all to be honest - I am a basket case when one of my kitties has a sneeze!), well not a basket case but you know, worried!).
So don't beat yourself up!!! Sounds to me like you were being kind and thoughtful and your best to be a good person when you did discover your greif. Gve yourself a break on this!!!
March 8th, 2007, 02:30 PM
Oh, that wasn't so bad! ;)
A coworker of mine (this is going back a few years) was pregnant. My friend (another coworker) went off on vacation for 2 weeks. While she was gone, coworker #1 had a miscarriage. Now, she's not a small girl and always had a bit of a tummy, and I guess she didn't lose it too soon after the miscarriage. Anyway, friend (coworker #2) comes back from vacation and we're heading out for coffee together. No one thought to warn her about the miscarriage - it happened 2 weeks ago, after all. That's old news in an office environment. So she meets coworker #1 in the hallway and starts gushing at her, rubbing her belly, "Oh, you look so great! How's it going?!" Coworker #1 looked like she was going to piledrive coworker #2 right then and there. I just grabbed #2 by the arm and walked quickly away, waited until we were out of earshot and explained what had happened while she was gone. She was mortified! :eek: :footinmouth:
So, you see, you're not alone! We all do that at least a half dozen times in our lives. We can't possibly know what's going on in other people's lives. We're not clairvoyant ... yet! :p :D
March 8th, 2007, 04:08 PM
See? I knew where to head for comfort !! You're all so sweet. I did feel truly horrible but it's natural to ask how the family is etc. when you see someone isn't it?
And yes I think the mom really wanted to talk about her little boy because she told me a lot about him and before I left she hugged me and told me she was glad I was there.
Too much sadness in this world though !:sad:
March 8th, 2007, 04:15 PM
I am at the age right now,where many friends are either sick or gone:sad: 5 ladies I used to work with have died of cancer in the past few years.
If I ever see a husband or wife walking alone,I am almost afraid to ask,but I guess these things happen,now when I am 63 yrs old,however I have no plans on leaving any time soon:)
March 8th, 2007, 05:58 PM
:grouphug: Yeah, it happens to everybody sooner or later. I do it here on the board sometimes... :o