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I hate the 4th of March!

Quins-mum
March 4th, 2007, 12:53 AM
three years ago today, I had to give my best mate back to her maker at 2.15pm.
Its now 7ish here in NewZealand, and I've just taken Cassies casket off the wall unit and had my twice a year drink with her (one on her birthday too).
Quin came to see what i was doing, but left when he seen my tears. Lexie came and purrrrrrd and smooched Cassies casket....they know more than they let on.

Cass was my baby, I guess you could class her as more than a companion -she was everything to me, We did everthing togther, the only time we were apart was when I went to the pub.

The day that she died, my dad said a very profound thing to me. He said " Cas has been in our lives for over 10 years, and a constant companion for you, it must be like loosing your partner. I can't imagine what you are going thru as I have never lost something/one as close as what Cas has been"

Why doesnt the friggin pain go away???.
Animals are at our mercy, they love us unconditionally. Do we love them more than humans that the pain is unbarable sometimes?

I feel sorry for my Quin (3yr black lab), as I feel that sometimes I dont get as close to him as i should.. yes I love him to bits, but sometimes I feel that he lives in Cassies shadow... what an awful thing to say!
Lexie, my cat was upset too, she used to sit in the hallway, where Cas was put to sleep, and she would curl up and have a snooze. It took about a month for Lex to get back to her old self. Five mins before the vet arrived Lex went up to Cas and gave her a kiss.

Anyway, Im dribbling a bit now. I've had my cry, and Cas will never ever be forgotten. It is hard today, not just because of Cas, but My best friend Shereen has a brain tumour (ironic really as it was a tumour that took my Cassies life) and is not expected to last the night, they have stopped the steroids and she is just on morphine. I really hate the 4th of March!

Cas, no words or no amount of tears will bring you back, I never wanted you to die, but I know that if I had died first you would have pined for me, just like you used to do when I left you at nanny and grandads(although you loved going there), so I would NEVER WANT YOU TO GO THRU THIS HEARTACHE. My only regret is that you might have been suffering, and that I, as your mum couldnt save you... I am soo sorry my girl, please forgive me if you suffered -( i live with that fear every living minute), I did try everything I could to keep you.

Cassie and lexie

Prin
March 4th, 2007, 01:09 AM
There are dogs we love to death, and then there are rare soulmate doggies who love us so deeply that we can never let them go, no matter how much time passes. I'm so sorry you lost your soulmate doggy. :grouphug: :rip: And it's ok that Quin isn't your soulmate doggy, too. He's still loved to death (and you still have time to get to know him better, too). :) :grouphug:

Quins-mum
March 4th, 2007, 01:11 AM
Aw, you've got me crying again!!!!! and thats good... i need to cry.:thumbs up
I think that is one of the nicest things someone has said to me. thank you:)

CyberKitten
March 4th, 2007, 02:29 AM
Awwww, I am sorry to hear about your pain - I completely understand. I feel that way about a bunny who lived to be at one point the oldest living domesticated rabbit in the country tho that's not why we were so close - he could have cared less about such stats if he understood what they meant. It was a relationship hard to explain and for which friends still tell me they were concerned about me for awhile after his death. He was a special being and it sounds like your Cass was that to you too!!!

Some beings - two footed, 4 footed, male or female - whoever they are - just burrow their entire soul and being into who we and they are and a part of us dies at that very moment they no longer are part of who we are because in the end, that's what makes them so integral and important to us - they have managed to become part of who we are and it is not simply a matter of never forgetting them. We are in fact mourning that part of us that we shared with them and it's inevitably a part that made us better for having shared their lives.

My heart goes out to you on this sad anniversary tho I realize anniversary hbardly covers what it all means and words alone cannot possibly convey the sentiments and pain. Take care!!!

:grouphug:

Quins-mum
March 4th, 2007, 02:51 AM
It was a relationship hard to explain and for which friend still tell me they were concerned about me for awhile after his death. !

:grouphug:

Thank you... once again im in tears... good tears tho.
Im sorry about your bunny... I too had one, a giant white, Sniffy... died at age 10 ... breast cancer! friggin cancer!
Its like you say...2, or four legs,whatever.... love comes in many shapes and forms.
Thank you, both you Ciberkitten and Prin, for reading my babble.
This site has been such a help for me. Not just because of Cas, but just to talk about experiences with fur-babies.
I guess nobody knows pain until they have to make a decission to end a life, and in my case it was a great relief...sorry to say, but the night after cas passed I had the best ever sleep... prob thru exaustion. I miss her like crazy. But i am honoured to have been her mum, to have had the love and devotion that she gave me. I admit, before I got her, I was a bitch, very self centered, but by the time she passed, i had changed, I really do owe her for humbling me.

Quins-mum
March 4th, 2007, 03:13 AM
Sorry for the dribble... but one thing I do remember is that Cassie always smiled in a photo that was taken with her and other ppl, when I was in the photo she never looked happy... I was very upset about this when I looked thru pix after she passed, as all the photos I have of her and I together, she always looks sad!:sad:
it was pointed out that the reason for that was, she was "smiling at ME if I took the the photo", as she could see me. If I was in the photo,she normally couldnt see me, she was looking at someone else holding the camera, so why smile if she couldnt see her mum:lovestruck:

Frenchy
March 4th, 2007, 03:21 AM
I'm so sorry Quins-mum , and yet I can relate. I still find it very hard , loosing Daisy 6 months ago. Her picture is on my screen saver, I don't want to take it down, I keep asking myself why her ? Why couldn't I had her longer....I still don't accept it, I think it's unfair and I'm real mad about it. I have other dogs, I do love them to death, woudln't trade them for the world. But there are not Daisy. So hugs to you :grouphug:

Quins-mum
March 4th, 2007, 03:26 AM
Thanks Frenchy. Yup, Cas is my screensaver too.
Sorry to hear about Daisy, jeez, six months isnt long:sad: , How long did you have Diasy for?: , so "right back at ya with the hugs":grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Frenchy
March 4th, 2007, 03:35 AM
six months isnt long:sad: , How long did you have Diasy for?

I know , only 6 months. I knew it would be hard to loose a dog but I never tought it would be that hard ! I adopted Daisy from the Humane society, had been dumped there at 8 years old. Was too old to produce and we could see she just had a litter , yes , at 8 years old. I only had her for 2 1/2 years. That's why I don't think it's fair. Someone want to surrender an 11 yr old to our rescue t, I don't want to foster him (I know it's sound so cruel) because I know there's a chance he won't get adopted , that's what happen with Sam. I love him to death , but it's hard to foster older ones, you have to get ready to keep him/her yourself. And right now , I just can't.

Quins-mum
March 4th, 2007, 04:12 AM
I admire you Frenchy, just remember, no matter how hard you try, or how sad you feel you just cant save them all.
About 5 yrs ago a stray ginger cat came crying to my door, she was skinny, and looked yuck, so I fed her, took her to the vet etc... it turned out she belonged to the richest family on the street. I took her back to them, but "she had already adopted me"... i guess it was because she was allowed inside.
Anyway, after 3 years of her living with me, I had to put her to sleep due to kidney failure,:sad: i rang and told the ppl who used to own her , out of courtesy so they wouldnt worry as she used to go to her old owners for a quick visit.
WELL.... the husband turned up on my door step an hour after i buried her and DUG HER UP, and took her back to their place.... after I had looked after her, fed her, and paid of meds for her kidneys for 3 years!!!!... apparently his wife was "distraught" at "their" cat dyin!

BUT the money that I spent isnt the issue, "i was adopted by a cat"!!!! she left home for ME:cloud9: , because I loved her.
She is no longer buried at my house, that doesnt matter anymore... she left and came to live with me, coz I gave her what she needed, love, attention and more love in her last days....
Her old owners can have her body, I have beautiful memories of a beautiful cat, who WANTED to stay with me and my fur-baby family:cloud9:

rainbow
March 4th, 2007, 01:56 PM
I am so sorry for the sadness you are going through. :grouphug: I agree with Prin's statement about "soulmate doggies"......and it's always a little harder to lose one of those. :grouphug:

CyberKitten
March 4th, 2007, 02:36 PM
OMG re the person coming for an animal they gave up. I buried my bunny back on a woodlot I own because while I would never call him timid, he did have that bunny hop and loved to see other bunnies when we would go back there. (He was litter trained and I'd have him in a carrier so he could see what was going on.) I figured since this was one of the places we had shared time with, he would enjoy having company from the other (wild) rabbits who loved to chase the ATV or just play in the clover. Up to me, I have taken them all home but that was not their life. I did plant more clover for them though.

I still am in tears when I go there now tho and it is hard to look at anything that vaguely looks like my baby - who was a Dwarf Netherland bun. Not too long ago, I was at an M&M (ortality ajnd Morbidity) session at work - wwhere we discuss patients who have died and how we handled the situation, did we do everything acc to protocol and so forth and one of my collegues who specializes in cardiac pediatrics (unlike me who does oncology but we both seem to have as many deaths because we take the high risk cases that some doctors won't because they worry about their "average - give me a (*&^ break!) and all I couild think of as he discussed a case where a child had died after two heart transplants - was my rabbit and even post the event, I talled to him about it. Fortunately, he did not think I was crazy and talked about how hard it was on his famnily when they lost their dog due to cancer and like me, had pulled out all the stops, going to Cornell which has a noted Vet school to find a cancer specialist. (btw to my Ont friends on here, we recruited this guy from London when Western Ont shut down their transplant program and he is wonderful!!!!)

Anyway - back to Cass - celebrate her life, write about her, create a scrapbook about her - I did that with my bunny. It is the kind of thing I often tell my young patients to do. Write about their experiences and take pix with a digital camera I bought for that purpose and create with it. Or draw the various people and places in the hospital or the friends they meet in the hospital. I too as a child had chronic illnesses and went thru a situation of losing friends I had made in the hospital so I know first hand how devastating that can be. So that might help you with Cass???? And Daisy Frenchy??

We are all different tho so what works for me may not be what you need to do.

Like you, I mourn on the anniversary of his death - but my mother always tells me I did everything I could (I had brought him to the vet school in PEI where they had a rabbit specialist but at his age, there was not much they could do, sigh!) He was just such a special little guy - and I adore my cats = every one of them and there will be atime they mean the same to me as this bunny did but he - like my poodle and beagle and other cats - set the gold standard.

Anyway - take care! You too French - so sorry to hear about your Daisy!!!!

Peepmouse
March 4th, 2007, 02:42 PM
:grouphug: :grouphug: Quins-mum. It's always a sad day when we have to let one of our furry loved ones go on that journey over the rainbow bridge. Today isn't an anniversary as such...it's a remembrance day. A time to remember all the wonderful things that the 2 of you did together. The pain will never go away, but it does ease with time. The fact that we have happy memories of them, keeps them alive in us always.

Quins-mum
March 5th, 2007, 12:37 AM
wow... thank you everyone for your words of encouragement... Today (the 5th) I have stopped crying, I am now, as you say peepmouse "celabrating Cassies Life":lovestruck:
Cyberkitten... I am starting a scrapbook of Cass, and my bunny (sniffy) and my cats Misty,Goss,josh, Puddy and my very first pet that i had in scotland, my hamster... ironically called "hammy" the hamster. may they all :rip:
thank you to everyone, Rainbow, Prin, Cyberkitten, Peepmouse, Frenchy for simply reading my dribble.
Rainbow, I hope you dont mind, but i would like to start my scrapbook of Cass with your poem that you have as your signature... It brought tears to my eyes the first time I read it.
Thanks everyone for your kindness:lovestruck: :lovestruck: :lovestruck: :lovestruck:

TeriM
March 5th, 2007, 01:00 AM
Big hugs to you at such a difficult time :grouphug: .

Quins-mum
March 5th, 2007, 01:02 AM
Big hugs to you at such a difficult time :grouphug: .

thank you so much:angel:

breeze
March 5th, 2007, 08:05 AM
hugs for you and yours,,, I can't finish what I what to say
I'm sorry :candle: :candle:

hazelrunpack
March 5th, 2007, 08:30 AM
Quins-mum and breeze :grouphug:

I've been trying to get through this thread for a week now, unable to reply...and even now, there are tears on my cheeks. Sometimes, no matter how long or how recent the loss, that's what you gotta do...just cry. :sad: At least, after a while, the tears only fall on the anniversaries and the good memories outweigh the sad ones most of the time...but I think everyone here can relate to days that bring back the sad memories. So :grouphug:s to everyone.

I'm glad you're feeling better Quin's-mum...and breeze, it'll come.... :candle:

Quins-mum
March 7th, 2007, 04:08 AM
Thanks hazelrunpack:grouphug:

I know what you mean... I feel the same way when I read other threads. Im sorry that you were upset, I guess being an animal lover, we can all relate to loosing a pet.

I reckon :grouphug: for everyone

chico2
March 7th, 2007, 07:53 AM
Quinsmom,I don't think there is a dry eye after reading your posts,but they are sad/happy tears,happy because Cassie had a long happy life filled with love,sad because of the void we all feel,sometimes years after we lost a much loved friend.
The pain of losing our pets,seem at times unbearable,but we are always ready to love again,since life without a four-legged little life would be a sad life indeed.:sad:

Quins-mum
March 7th, 2007, 02:20 PM
life without a four-legged little life would be a sad life indeed.:sad:

I so agree with you. I found the house was so quiet after Cas. I would sit in my office and would look at where she used to sit.
Going down the pet food isle at the supermarket for the first time after she passes was THE hardest thing I had to do... I cried in the shop.... must have looked like an idiot.

Anyway, I got Quin 8 days later, and although he isnt Cassie, he is THE MIGHTY QUIN, and I love him for being such a bloody clown:lovestruck::clown: