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Biological Clock

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 08:29 PM
I was wondering if there are any other females here who have started to hear their biological clock ticking?

I just thought about it the other day. Having just got out of a relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, I feel like I have just lost a few years.

Now I'm beginning to panic. I am 28, and fertility problems run in my family after we hit 30.

I am dating someone, but it's too soon to say whether he would ever want to marry me and have kids. Plus, he's also a few years younger than me.

I guess I never thought about it until now, and then all of the sudden it hit me. By the time I get through all the dating, engagement, marriage stuff, I'll probably be older than 30, at which point having kids may be hard.

It's funny, in my last relationship I tried to convince myself that marriage wasn't important to me. It is a lie though. It was actually one of the reasons I broke up with my ex because he couldn't make the commitment. I think coming to the realization that it is was like a small epiphany to me. I always said that if I got pregnant before marriage, it would be ok, and it would, but I would still prefer to find someone, have him propose to me, get married (not necessarily doing a long drawn out engagement or anything though) and then buy a house and have kids. I know it's rather stereotypical and plain, but it's what I want...in a nutshell...

so, anyone else feeling the tick tick tick?

Stacer
February 11th, 2007, 08:38 PM
...yeah, uh huh. Although I am married and 28 as well. Neither of us are in jobs that are where we'd like to be. We are renting a one bedroom apartment and it seems like things are moving at a snail's pace. We don't want to have kids until at least one of us has a permanent fulltime job (no contracts). He's going to be 30 this year, but that doesn't seem to matter as much to guys.
I too worry about fertility, my friend made a good point when she said that she'd rather know earlier rather than later if she or her husband are unable to have kids, that way they've got more time to figure it out. Hence they had kids in their mid 20s. Good advice, if only she'd mentioned it 4 years ago. Cause I'd never though about it like that. My clock has definitely kicked in, but I am terrified of childbirth so that is another hurdle I'll have to jump when the time comes.

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 08:42 PM
Infertility is definitely not in my genes, but right now, rather than a biological clock ticking it's kind of a logic ticking. Like decide now, so you don't decide at 50 to have kids and it's either too late or you'll be a freaking old parent.:D We're not financially stable, but like my step-mother says, if you wait till your financially stable, you'll never have kids. :D

Stacer
February 11th, 2007, 08:44 PM
Good point Prin, I guess we should get at it then. I'll be back in 10 minutes...:D

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 08:46 PM
:laughing: :laughing: :D Good luck! :D

jiorji
February 11th, 2007, 08:49 PM
i think my clock is waking up...:shrug:
kinda like...one minute "awww that baby's cute"...the next "who the F has time for diapers?!?! not me!"
one trick though my mom taught me ...when you have kids, make sure the grandparents live close by to take the kids for the weekend and the WHOLE summer :D

Grandparents are fun :cloud9:

Stacer
February 11th, 2007, 08:51 PM
Grandparents are key. They're begging to take them off your hands, at least for a couple hours.

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 08:53 PM
Good point Prin, I guess we should get at it then. I'll be back in 10 minutes...:D

chika bow chika (you don't get the bow bow because it's only 10 minutes)

jiorji
February 11th, 2007, 08:53 PM
my grandparents would come stay with me every day and then take me to their house on weekends up to when i was 13. And in the summer it was full week grandparents adn parents for weekend :D

The house was obviously less messy in the summer

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 08:55 PM
I got spayed when I was 22 and my clock still ticks sometimes. ;) Seriously though, having kids can put a major strain on any relationship, so it's always wise to wait until you know your relationship is strong. If you wait until you are financially ready, Prin's right, it'll never be the right time. About the pain, you really do forget it after a short time. You are usually so busy with baby you don't have time to focus on the pain. Also, that's what they make epidurals and pain killers for. :thumbs up About the diaper issue, you get used to it. It's almost like breathing. And you are usually so concerned your kid has a normal poop you WANT to change it to make sure the plumbing is working. Just like we do with our dogs, right? lol I know my dad is a fanatic about his dog's BMs and if she isn't regular he knows it. hehe Anyway, I don't really have much to contribute, but figured I'd jump in anyway... :D

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 08:58 PM
You were spayed at 22? :eek: No dr would do it that young here unless you have a heap of kids... Otherwise, I might be too.:D

jiorji
February 11th, 2007, 08:58 PM
yeah but when you get the drugs during childbirth...do they have to put it at th base of your spine?? I mean really, way to make things worse. can't there just be a pill?!?or morphine? lol

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2007, 09:00 PM
When the time comes for us to have kids, I plan on getting all the drugs I possibly can when I go into labor. I don't plan on feeling a thing. (I have issues with the thought of something that big coming out of a hole that little). :o

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:00 PM
No, other drugs can hurt the baby. The epidural stays in your spine and doesn't get into your blood (as far as I know, but I could be so wrong).

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:03 PM
I ask my vet to spay me once :D what ? He only charges $150.00 ! :shrug:

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 09:03 PM
They don't normally spay that early here either, but I was told not to have anymore kids. I had a c-section with my first and the #$%^ doctor didn't sew my uterus up right, so it was majorly weakened with my second child. They didn't know until they got in there to do my second section. If I had've gone into labor my uterus would've possibly ruptured killing me and the baby. :eek: Fortunately we had already made the decision that two was plenty and all we wanted and that we could always foster or adopt if we wanted more. I just love babies, but wouldn't want anymore. 1 was enough, 2 is overkill. lol :laughing:

As for painkillers, I was petrified of the epidural in my spine, so they gave me Stadol which is injected in the IV. It's more a relaxant than a pain killer. They are careful what they give you because if the baby is too sleepy from drugs he/she won't breathe on their own very well and that could cause major complications.

And Frenchy -- I don't know about you, but sometimes it's okay if the bow bow comes before the chika chika.. :angel:

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2007, 09:04 PM
Drugs, drugs, drugs for me. :thumbs up

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 09:05 PM
No, other drugs can hurt the baby. The epidural stays in your spine and doesn't get into your blood (as far as I know, but I could be so wrong).

You are correct. It's a spinal block basically that shuts the nerves off to your lower half. What you are essentially doing is paralyzing yourself from the waist down. One downside to epidurals is it can actually slow labor and you won't feel the urge to push when the time comes. However, these reasons are not enough to stop women from getting them. lol I would have if I weren't such a big weenie.

Sorry, I just know a lot about this topic. Not as much as a doctor though... ;)

Oh, one thing a lot of people don't realize.. They don't usually give you an epidural until your cervix is dialated to a 4, which involves some pain to get there.. :o please don't hurt me...

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:07 PM
Brandy is a birthy superstar! :D She just pops out with all this info. :cloud9:

Hunter's_owner
February 11th, 2007, 09:09 PM
Yeah I know what you mean about the biological clock:frustrated:

I am almost 27, and I am in a job that I hope I can be in for the rest of my life. I love it, and I think I am pretty secure there, well as secure as anyone here in NL can be in any job.

My man is working as well, but he isn't that happy in his job, and we are working in two places, about an hour and a half from each other.

We have been together for almost 8 years now, so I know that he is who I want to be with, but I am defeintly not ready for kids now, and I know he isn't either.

I just hope that within the next 3 years we can live in the same place full time instead of him with me for 3 days and me with him for 3 days...

More than anything...I WANT a house:yell:

I am not going to wait to be financially stable, because that'll never happen with my student loans, but if I can get a house I will start to think about kids. If that don't happen soon, then I may not have kids....

It is a very stressful time for me too when I start to think about it. My way of dealing is by not thinking about it, but that isn't a good way is it:o

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 09:09 PM
I know what you mean about the if you wait till you have $$, you never have kids!!!

Aside from this minor financial step back in moving and such, my situation isn't all that bad. I know that if it happened now, I would be ok. I can make sacrifices, I have everything I need in life, it's not like 5-7 years ago when I didn't own pots or anything else that a person needs. I'm set. As long as I can pay rent, pay my loans, and buy food, i would be ok, and I could on Mat leave salary. And 9 months to save extra $$$ would be fine. And that's with doing it alone. With someone, a partner, it would be way better.

I dunno. I just feel like in the last few months my hormones have gone wacko. I'm no longer just looking for a relationship, i'm looking for a man to marry and have kids with. I never felt that before.

And I can't stop this stupid clock from ticking!!! If I have one more dream about having kids/being pregnant, I don't know what I"m going to do (I have had like 6 or more random dreams about being pregnant in the last few weeks)!! (and no, I'm not pregnant...at least I dont think i am!)

Oh course, a friend suggested to me that the reason i feel like this is because in my subconscious I know I have met the man I am going to marry...I dont want to jinx it though, or assume anything yet.

jiorji
February 11th, 2007, 09:10 PM
As for painkillers, I was petrified of the epidural in my spine, so they gave me Stadol which is injected in the IV. It's more a relaxant than a pain killer.

so you can choose?? phew!!
I've had a tattoo done there at the bottom of the spine and OMG it hurt like HELL! no way am i getting any injections there!
IV it is!!:thumbs up

but anything related to hospitals and pain and IV makes me feel really woozy. If i end up having kids i'm really afraid that i'm going to freak out at the hospital and pass out :o

A while ago i had to have a very minor surgery...can't even call it a surgery..it was the removal of this tiny thing on the surface of my skin and they had to schedule a surgery date for me LOL and the nurse thought i was playing around until she took my pulse adn then she had to give me pills to calm down or else my heart rate wasn't good enough to go under for the surgery. Yes it was a 15 minute surgery :o

so I don't know how childbirth would go

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:13 PM
It is a very stressful time for me too when I start to think about it. My way of dealing is by not thinking about it, but that isn't a good way is it:o

But you girls (Ho and others) are still sooo young ! There's no rush, my mom had me when she was 43 yr old. :shrug:

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 09:14 PM
Brandy is a birthy superstar! :D She just pops out with all this info. :cloud9:

I'm sorry. :o It's one topic I know a little about. lol Having been through it and all. I'm one to research and read everything I can get my hands on when it comes to my health. hehe

As for the birthing thing, I know when I was in the middle of labor I kept saying, "I wanna go hooome, I don't want to do this ANYMORE!" hehe The doctor kept telling me I couldn't go home until I had that baby so get pushing! :eek: Another thing I was 20 when I had my first, so i was super young and naive...

Hunter's_owner
February 11th, 2007, 09:15 PM
But you girls (Ho and others) are still sooo young ! There's no rush, my mom had me when she was 43 yr old. :shrug:

Yeah I know, Frenchy. I think about that and I know a lot of people especially now that have kids later, but then a lot of my friends are married and have kids and all you know....It just makes me think about it:shrug:

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:17 PM
Raingirl, preggers dreams can mean a lot of things (like new beginnings) and not necessarily biological clock ticking...:o :shrug:

Geez, this thread moves faster than the TJT on a crazy day. :laughing:

Frenchy, I'm 99% sure I don't want kids, but the other 1% doesn't want me to be 60 with a teenager.:o

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:18 PM
I'm sorry. :o It's one topic I know a little about. lol Having been through it and all. I'm one to research and read everything I can get my hands on when it comes to my health. heheNo sorries! It's good! How else are we going to learn it? We need to know everything before we go to the vet, uh, dr. :D

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:18 PM
Yeah I know, Frenchy. I think about that and I know a lot of people especially now that have kids later, but then a lot of my friends are married and have kids and all you know....It just makes me think about it:shrug:

You could foster dogs in the mean time, will get your mind off it ! :D

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:19 PM
Yeah I know, Frenchy. I think about that and I know a lot of people especially now that have kids later, but then a lot of my friends are married and have kids and all you know....It just makes me think about it:shrug:
lol me too! All my friends are married and all my man's friends have kids already.. It's NUTTY! :eek:

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2007, 09:19 PM
I still want drugs. :D I saw that movie. :yuck:

Dracko
February 11th, 2007, 09:20 PM
My clock never started ticking. I am 39 and am greatful that I never felt the urge to have kids. I consider myself "childfree by choice." I can not every recall a time in my life when I thought it would be a great idea to have a kid. NEVER. Not in my make up.

But, I almost think this was meant to be. I raised 2 of my sister's boy all throughout their teen years (she was a horrible parent) and they are more like my kids than hers to this day. I'm the one they call if they need help, money, a recipe :laughing: , etc. The second boy and I are extremely close.

I mother my animals and would rather be around animals than kids any day. I don't begrudge anyone swooning around babies, but it would NEVER happen to me.

The idea of having a child is so foreign to me and only someone who feels this way can understand. Someone I work with does and when I talk to her we are so on the same wave length. One of our co-workers said that it was just fear of the birth process. NOPE. Guess it's hard to explain to others.

Hunter's_owner
February 11th, 2007, 09:21 PM
You could foster dogs in the mean time, will get your mind off it ! :D

Yeah That may be what I will do for the rest of my life:o
But I still need a house, and with the student loan info I got Friday in the mail, it just seems next to impossible.:frustrated: :sad:

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:21 PM
Frenchy, I'm 99% sure I don't want kids, but the other 1% doesn't want me to be 60 with a teenager.:o

I know it wasn't easy for her when I was a teen but only because my dad wasn't there anymore. But when I grew up a bit, she was real glad I was there because I'm the one who takes care of her now.

AliSam
February 11th, 2007, 09:21 PM
I will be 35 this year and I still haven't had children. I have been married for almost 8 years and do have the house but we are so house poor that the finances just aren't there right now. I know I shouldn't keep waiting because I will never be financially ready but we can barely afford to feed ourselves (and of course the furbabies) let alone a 3rd human being. Once we re-negotiate our mortgage, we should be good to go.

meb999
February 11th, 2007, 09:22 PM
29 here.....and yeah, my biological clock is definetly TICKING!! Of course, my fiance's clock is ticking louder than mine, so he's puttin' the pressure on for kids :D (he's turning 40 this year ) plus all our friends are poppin' out babies like it's nobody's business!!

I'm actually trying toplan my career and stuff around the babies....I won't really get a maternaty leave since I'll be fresh outta school, and if I take 12 months off, I'll be WAAAAYY out of the loop (stupid laws keep changin'!!:rolleyes: )....so I'm a little freaked out at the idea of having kids and returning to work almost right away!

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:22 PM
The idea of having a child is so foreign to me and only someone who feels this way can understand.

ohhh believe me, I understand.

jiorji
February 11th, 2007, 09:25 PM
ok but nobody knows about kids until they have had and have learned:shrug:
again that's why you need grandparetns around to teach you:thumbs up

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:27 PM
I understand too. I just don't want any regrets and I'm still too young to know for sure... :shrug:

meb, the paternity leave for dads in Qc is very attractive too, eh? (hint, hint) :laughing:

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 09:27 PM
I have a friend who has been married for 12 years, is in her mid thirties and has no children. They are happy with their choice and she actually doesn't seem to like kids very much. Their pets are their children. It's sad because a lot of people who make this choice are given the third degree. Or it's assumed that they CAN'T have children. To some people your marriage or life cannot be complete without children. I think people need to back off and realize that not everybody is like you. (not you anybody in particular, just you in general)

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:28 PM
I kind of envy you, Brandy... You have the kids and by 40, you'll be home free! :D Ok, so not completely, but you know what I mean.:D

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 09:29 PM
But what if you know that fertility problems run in your family? That's what is making me panic. My mother had 16 miscarriages before me (she had me at 32), my sister had 5 between my neice and nephew (29 when she had my neice, 36 when she had my nephew). I just don't want to go through that. I saw how it affected my sister.

meb999
February 11th, 2007, 09:31 PM
It's sad because a lot of people who make this choice are given the third degree. Or it's assumed that they CAN'T have children.

I KNOW!! One of my bestfriends is 36, living with her long-term boyfriend and has no intention of ever having kids. They are happy, yet people WON'T LEAVE THEM alone about it! It's their freakin' choice!!

If you're not 100% sure you want kids, then you shouldn't be having them...and you shouldn't have to explain your choice...it drives me nuts when other people start buggin' her about not having kids ('cause I know she's completely fed up of having to justify her choice) I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say : 'oh! you'll change your mind, all girls want kids!' Like you're not a girl if you don't want any???

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:34 PM
But what if you know that fertility problems run in your family? That's what is making me panic. My mother had 16 miscarriages before me (she had me at 32), my sister had 5 between my neice and nephew (29 when she had my neice, 36 when she had my nephew). I just don't want to go through that. I saw how it affected my sister.

I don't think it's a good enough reason to rush into it. Maybe you could adopt?

Dracko
February 11th, 2007, 09:34 PM
Trust me, I don't need to have one to know it isn't for me.

Besides, I've been with my bf for 4 years now and we have his 10 year old son 50% of the time. I do more for that kid than his own parent's do and always do the right thing, but it is cuz I have a sense of self-respect and know how a child is treated decides who they are as an adult.

Anyone who understands how I feel (like Frenchy) gets it, if not, you won't. No matter how much I've been in love with someone, no matter how cute the little babies shoes are, no matter how they smell, no matter who's kids I am looking after...I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO HAVE CHILDREN. And finances are not an issue. It's not like a food you say you don't like just cuz you haven't tried it. Just like there is instinctively something that lights up in most women making them know they want to have a baby, I have this thing that has ALWAYS told me I do not. No way, no how. And I am not heartless. I have a desperate need to protect things that are defenseless like young children and animals. BUT, I won't be birthin' them. :stork-baby:

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:35 PM
But what if you know that fertility problems run in your family? That's what is making me panic. My mother had 16 miscarriages before me (she had me at 32), my sister had 5 between my neice and nephew (29 when she had my neice, 36 when she had my nephew). I just don't want to go through that. I saw how it affected my sister.

omg, that's horrible! I'm so sorry for your mom and sister! I know people who've had miscarriages and I don't know if it's the hormones (the ones that make you love your kids instinctively) or what but it definitely is devastating. If I really wanted kids and I was at risk like that, I'd probably pump out a couple asap..:o

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:36 PM
I KNOW!! One of my bestfriends is 36, living with her long-term boyfriend and has no intention of ever having kids. They are happy, yet people WON'T LEAVE THEM alone about it! It's their freakin' choice!!



Some people really should mind their own business. Because I'm 36, don't have kids or a husband, some guys at work think I'm a lesbien. :shrug:

Hunter's_owner
February 11th, 2007, 09:37 PM
Yeah I am sorry too:grouphug:

That definetly puts things a little differently. :o Added stress for sure:sad:

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:38 PM
And I am not heartless. I have a desperate need to protect things that are defenseless like young children and animals. BUT, I won't be birthin' them. :stork-baby:It's ok... I don't think you have to defend yourself to the death here.. So many women around here (especially Frenchy and technodoll) feel like you do. I've said before that sometimes we think it's a choice, when really it's something biological telling us we're somehow not fit to reproduce... :shrug: For some women, the instinct is to pop 'em out and for others it's to keep 'em in. :shrug:

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 09:39 PM
Besides, I've been with my bf for 4 years now and we have his 10 year old son 50% of the time.

Tap yourself on the back because you're better than me. I refuse to go out with guys who have kids. I don't want to give birth and I certainly don't want to take care of someone else's kid. Been there , done that, was a nightmare. Never again.

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:40 PM
Some people really should mind their own business. Because I'm 36, don't have kids or a husband, some guys at work think I'm a lesbien. :shrug:

Really, eh? People should mind their own business. Even if you're not a lesbian, Frenchy, we'll love you just the same.:) :grouphug:

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 09:40 PM
For me...(and this may sound odd) but I want to be pregnant. I want to have my own kids. I want to do the whole 9 months thing, get fat, give birth, all that. For me, it's something i have always considered very sacred and natural. It's something i know I have to do. As weird as it is, it's something I've looked my entire life forward to. If I weren't able to do that, to be pregnant and have kids of my own...then I would be very VERY unhappy.

meb999
February 11th, 2007, 09:42 PM
have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:42 PM
I say go for it then. :shrug: You can't miss the opportunity while you have it, and let's face it, if you wait for Mr Right... well... let's just say the Mr Rights are slim pickin's. :D :shrug:

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:43 PM
have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

She dumped his a**... :o :grouphug:

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 09:45 PM
Raingirl, I see what you are saying. I'm sorry the loss your family has had to endure. I have a close friend who had 3 miscarriages between her 3rd and 4th children and I saw how it devastated her. It changed her really. Could you get fertility tests done? I know they can be expensive, but I wonder if it would give you peace of mind.

And other people should mind their own business in a lot of areas. For some reason there are those that think it's their right to comment on every little detail in someone's life. We are all different for a reason, thank God! I think we should value the differences in each other instead of nit picking every little thing.

Dracko
February 11th, 2007, 09:46 PM
Besides, my sister had 5 of them, which was more than enough for us both. ;) Especially considering I accepted responsibility for 2 of them for many years. If I'd have had my own kids I couldn't have done that. As well, my bf and I (well, just in the process of splitting up actually) have pledged to pay for the extra cirricular activities of a 12 year-old boy who lost his mom and his father can't afford to do it. Because this boy plays many sports such as hockey and would have had to give that up, we decided to step up to the plate. Even though my bf and I are separating we are committed to helping this family and the cost is at least $1000/year. If I had my own herd I would not have been able to step in and support my nephews, nor this boy.

I think that things work out the way they should. If everyone was popping them out who'd be there to pick up the pieces for the neglected or disadvantaged ones? Not having my own children has offered me the chance to help other children and animals in a way I couldn't have if I were focused on my own family or committing all my finances to them.

meb999
February 11th, 2007, 09:48 PM
She dumped his a**... :o :grouphug:

not the ex...the new guy!!

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:54 PM
not the ex...the new guy!!

Ooohhh!!! I dunno him. She hasn't posted any pics of him yet.:D

jiorji
February 11th, 2007, 09:54 PM
have you talked to your boyfriend about this?


oMG!! if she tells this new guy she wants babies ...the rebound guy...he's going to run!!
Plus nobody has babies with the rebound guy:rolleyes:


and i beg to differ...there is a mr Right for everyone. You just have to be patient:D

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 09:55 PM
She dumped his a**! :o :grouphug:

I LOVE the way you put that. Because I totally dumped his a**!

But with the new guy...we have only been together like 2 months. I have told him about the fertility issues and what my goals are, so he knows that it's something I am looking towards, that this is not just a "fair weather" relationship. He knows I am looking for more in the future. He is too, but we aren't at the point where we could start having kids or anything. Even though we have only been together a short time, we have really hit it off. We have already had marriage discussions, which was odd at first, but not in a bad way. We just discussed what we ideally wanted in a wedding. Etc. so...it's possible that we might get there. He is amazing and I would totally marry him if he asked me though, because I really do believe in soul mates, and I think I may have found mine.

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 09:57 PM
Ooo cool! :) (btw, I took out the !! because I thought that was too harsh.:D)

In that case, I hope it works out and you figure out he's the one really soon.:D

Dracko
February 11th, 2007, 09:59 PM
oMG!! if she tells this new guy she wants babies ...the and i beg to differ...there is a mr Right for everyone. You just have to be patient:D

I'm not so sure there is always a Mr. Right, but there usually are a few Mr. Rightnows for everyone. ;)

technodoll
February 11th, 2007, 10:02 PM
i wish i could get spayed :frustrated: just waiting impatiently for everything to dry up, never was any clock and never will be. my agenda is way too full for kids, which i can't stand anyways LOL! no really. everytime i see or hear a baby my skin just crawls. after holding one i have to go disinfect my hands and wash my clothes in boiling water :yuck: but puppies... :cloud9: bring on the puppies... they can never do anything wrong :lovestruck: :D :thumbs up

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 10:04 PM
hahah. I don't believe in rebounds. Besides, I was basically out of my relationship with my ex for almost a year before we actually broke up. THings were bad, it just took me a good look in the mirror to figure that one out. And one of the guys who helped me figure that out is my current boyfriend (the new guy). He and I both started working at the same place at almost the same time. We became really good friends quick. He really helped me see how I was being abused by my ex emotionally, and if I wasn't careful, it could have escalated to physical abuse. He also broke up with his ex recently, so we took some time before actually hooking up. We are taking it as slow as we can right now, but we both feel that this is right what we are doing. Things just "clicked".

Dracko
February 11th, 2007, 10:04 PM
i wish i could get spayed :frustrated: just waiting impatiently for everything to dry up, never was any clock and never will be. my agenda is way too full for kids, which i can't stand anyways LOL! no really. everytime i see or hear a baby my skin just crawls. after holding one i have to go disinfect my hands and wash my clothes in boiling water :yuck: but puppies... :cloud9: bring on the puppies... they can never do anything wrong :lovestruck: :D :thumbs up


I think I love you. :cloud9: LOL YOU GET IT!

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 10:08 PM
I think I love you. :cloud9: LOL YOU GET IT!

lol- not to rub it in or anythin but... Told you! :D :D This is a pet board, eh? Where pet parents come to play, and a lot of pet parents don't want kids. :shrug:

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 10:10 PM
This is the new guy (sshhh...dont tell him i posted a pic of him! His eye is red because he had a burst blood vessel in it)

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 10:10 PM
i wish i could get spayed :frustrated: just waiting impatiently for everything to dry up, never was any clock and never will be. my agenda is way too full for kids, which i can't stand anyways LOL! no really. everytime i see or hear a baby my skin just crawls. after holding one i have to go disinfect my hands and wash my clothes in boiling water :yuck: but puppies... :cloud9: bring on the puppies... they can never do anything wrong :lovestruck: :D :thumbs up

My friend feels a lot like you do. btw, my spay didn't include the uterus or the ovaries so things aren't completely dried up. lol I get visited from Aunt Flo quite regularly unfortunately. :sad:

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 10:13 PM
Ooo he's much, much hotter than the last one! Woohoo! :lovestruck:

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 10:15 PM
yeah, he is a hotty. and he's TALL. he's 6'4"....i love tall boys. And for all you montrealer/quebecers...he is french!! lol. He is from New Brunswick. French is his first language, english his second. He barely has a french accent unless he is drunk. It's cute.

I could have his babies. ;)

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 10:15 PM
wooohooo ! nice BF ! BTW if anyone need some eggs I would glady sell mine to you :thumbs up I won't need them :D

technodoll
February 11th, 2007, 10:16 PM
whooops posted my thoughts before reading what had been written, jeez this thread started just before Desperate Housewifes, and then BAM 3 pages later... ha ha :laughing:

i hope i didn't come across as heartless. i would never harm any child, and do feel an instinct to protect them from harm (i assume only a sociopath would lack this human-gene?!). That being said, I can understand others wanting to breed because it's what feels right for them. Good, cuz I'll need somebody young and strong to take care of me when i'm old and in a hospice :D :laughing: But i'm the kind of person who will request a seat change on a plane or in a restaurant if a person with a baby or young bratty kid sits next to me (I'm fine with the well-behaved ones though). I avoid public places which cater to children, and I don't hang out with people who have kids (different interests). I used to be considered a freak but now, being "child free" is turning into a movement unto itself, it's acceptable now and in fact it's applauded... too many people were guilted into having kids and if they had to do it again, most would not (actual statistics from public polls... great book btw: http://www.amazon.com/Okay-Youre-Brat-Priorities-Parenthood/dp/1580632025 if anyone wants to borrow it... :o )

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 10:16 PM
lol at the having his babies comment, raingirl. :laughing:
wooohooo ! nice BF ! BTW if anyone need some eggs I would glady sell mine to you :thumbs up I won't need them :D

Ooo blond hotty eggs!? Oo lala! :D

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 10:17 PM
lol Techno, you don't have to defend yourself, IMO. :)

Mocha's mum
February 11th, 2007, 10:18 PM
wish i could get spayed just waiting impatiently for everything to dry up, never was any clock and never will be. my agenda is way too full for kids, which i can't stand anyways LOL! no really. everytime i see or hear a baby my skin just crawls. after holding one i have to go disinfect my hands and wash my clothes in boiling water but puppies... bring on the puppies... they can never do anything wrong
Today 07:59 PM


Amen sista!! :highfive: I couldn't have worded it better myself!! My sister's got two, and that's fine by me! I got one of those Mirena IUD's (or IED as I call it - improvised explosive device), which I would not recommend to anyone; I'm having a lot of problems with mine, and I'm going for a pelvic ultrasound on Valentine's Day no less to check the placement so that it can GET OUT OF ME!!! Not to mention the abnormal pap.....but I digress.....

I always say that pregnancy is a parasitic infestation (look up the definition of parasite), and that there is nothing beautiful, or natural about child birth. I was there for my sister's first....:sick:

I am terribly sorry if I offended anyone just then....just expressing how I feel. And like TD said, bring on the puppies (once I have a big yard, and not a little shoebox).

technodoll
February 11th, 2007, 10:19 PM
hey raingirl, great thread BTW! :highfive: love everyone's comments, points of view, experiences! :crazy:

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 10:20 PM
He is a hottie! :D

TD -- Even though I have kids, I"m like you. I get frustrated when parents don't control their kids in public. My kids were trained from babies how to behave in restaurants and public in general. My mom and I used to meet weekly for lunch in a sit down restaurant and I would take my kids from infancy on up. :D I get annoyed at movies when parents talk to their kids in normal at home voices too. We had one last night like that. :rolleyes: Anyway, I shall stop my rant now. lol

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 10:22 PM
I totally respect all those who decide not to have kids. NO WORRIES THERE! lol... more spots in daycare for my kids (j/k). I know lots of people who chose to not have kids, and that's fine by me. I wish people wouldn't bug em about it though. But for me, I want kids. At least two. And I could adopt, and would if I couldn't have my own, but the act of being pregnant and having the kid myself is something I wanted to go through my entire life.

and childbirth doesn't scare me one bit. I do yoga and meditation and such, and I plan on doing pre-natal yoga. Also, the births in my family are very quick (usually less than 2 hours from water breaking to birth). THe pain doesn't scare me at all either.

technodoll
February 11th, 2007, 10:33 PM
TD -- Even though I have kids, I"m like you. I get frustrated when parents don't control their kids in public. My kids were trained from babies how to behave in restaurants and public in general.

LOL we had this discussion in another thread a few months ago, and the conclusion was (funnily enough) that good, responsible dog owners also have well-behaved children :D :thumbs up and I don't think that's a coincidence! :highfive:

Frenchy
February 11th, 2007, 10:35 PM
being pregnant and having the kid myself is something I wanted to go through my entire life.



I sooo don't relate :p But I do hope everything works out for you, you sound like you will be a good mom. :grouphug: :goodvibes:

Prin
February 11th, 2007, 10:49 PM
But I do hope everything works out for you, you sound like you will be a good mom. :grouphug: :goodvibes:I agree! After all raingirl has been through with Odin, there's no doubt she'd be the best mom ever. :)

brandynva
February 11th, 2007, 10:56 PM
LOL we had this discussion in another thread a few months ago, and the conclusion was (funnily enough) that good, responsible dog owners also have well-behaved children :D :thumbs up and I don't think that's a coincidence! :highfive:

That's because when my kids act up I tell them NO in a firm voice and redirect to something else. lol Ok, so it's a little more involved and I can't put them in a crate if they chew something they shouldn't... Although they would like it if I let them play in the dog's crates. Anyway, I'm outta here. I'm getting sleepy now. buhbye!

rainbow
February 11th, 2007, 11:00 PM
WOW.....I go to make/have supper and there's three pages of a new topic !!! :D

I went through the biological clock thing. I wanted desperately to get pregnant but it never happened. But now I am so glad that it didn't.

Raingirl, I hope your wish comes true and the new hottie bf are meant for each other. :fingerscr

Frenchy, keep your eggs....Mr. Right is coming. :D

erykah1310
February 11th, 2007, 11:00 PM
WOW, where the h*ll did this thread come from????? lol
Bio clock ticking here, but i think the batteries die sometimes:shrug: Im more like Prin on this in a way... for me it comes and goes, I go through spurts when "yup, its time".... then within a few days its more like " hrmm... maybe later" I too get annoyed by screaming kids.... obnoxious kids, kids running through the restaurant with snots hanging down their faces while im trying to eat... but really its not the kids, its the parents...
Im 26 and if I dont have kids by the time im 30, im gonna take the batteries out of the clock.
so... I guess I better get cracking then huh???? :D
When I was a kid I always said I'd be a step mom... Guy doesnt have any kids ( which sucks for me) so that idea is out the window for now.
As far as birthing..:D :eek: I'd go with a midwife, and a doula ( happy melissa594 publicly documented that you're hired when the time comes :p lol) and no drugs.

Skryker
February 11th, 2007, 11:14 PM
I just thought that I'd jump in here with my opinion , for what it's worth.

First off, I think that anyone who knows themselves well enough to know that they don't want to have kids should be applauded! :thumbs up Good for you, and tell all the busybodies to mind their own beeswax!:D

That said, I have always wanted kids, have been with a man for 10 years now who has a kid from his first marriage and we have had her for the last 5 years (and I wish it could have been sooner! ;) ). However, I have fertility issues and at the age of 36 it seems very unlikely that I will have a child. It may be that that is for the best in terms of my health and the health of a potential child. :shrug: It's something that I struggle with and have mostly come to terms with-but it does jump up and bite me sometimes, like earlier when I read this thread and ended up weepy. :o

So here's my real :2cents: for you, Raingirl-take a year and talk to your doctors. Find out now if there is or could be a problem, and if there is something you can do about it, do it now. That way, when you are ready in other ways, you will be ready physically, too. And there won't be any surprises later on. You might have to be persistent, since a doctor may try and tell you to try and get pregnant first, but with a family history-why wait?

I knew about some of my problem just after my husband and I started dating; it didn't seem like the time to think about it, because I was only 26, we'd just started dating, there would be lots of time later...and then it was we're not as financially stable as we'd like, we're moving, don't have a doctor in the new town yet, bought a house, step-daughter moving in....There's always a reason to wait, and I waited too long.

If we had more money, we'd adopt. I have the luxury of knowing that I can wholehearted love a child that I didn't give birth to. But, things as they are-I have a kid that I've raised and couldn't be more mine, and my cat and dogs. So I love and am loved. That's pretty good. :)

Good luck to you. :goodvibes:

raingirl
February 11th, 2007, 11:50 PM
I just wanted to post this link for anyone who is interested:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/08/14/60minutes/main568259.shtml

Just kind of puts it into perspective. Regardless of marriage or even being with someone, I figure, if I want to have a child in the next seven years, before I'm 35, then I really gotta start planning it myself. I can't necessarily hold off and wait to find someone to marry and all that. I need to do it for myself.

The last 5 years of my life went by really quick, and I guess that is why i'm scared. If those went by in a heartbeat, then I better start planning now. Life happens while you are making other plans.

TeriM
February 11th, 2007, 11:52 PM
Stryker, I've been where you are (fertility issues). Hubby and I tried in-vitro unsuccessfully and have chosen not to persue the adoption route. I do wish I hadn't waited as long as I did but truthfully I wasn't really sure I wanted to have any kids (at least until I couldn't) and a person can go nuts wondering "what if". I was 33 when we started trying and did in-vitro at age 36. Hubby is almost 10 year older so that was a factor in not going any further. I am mostly happy with our choices but I do admit to the odd blue day and personal pity party. Then I shake it off and look at the great things in life and all is well with the world again.

Hubbby and I were laughing tonight that when we retire we can reverse-mortgage up the hilt and live the good life because we have no kids expecting an inheritance :D .

Raingirl, good luck with your decision.

phoenix
February 12th, 2007, 09:32 AM
[QUOTE=Mocha's mum;371595]
I always say that pregnancy is a parasitic infestation (look up the definition of parasite), and that there is nothing beautiful, or natural about child birth. I was there for my sister's first....:sick:
[\QUOTE]

That is pretty insulting IMO. You after all were a parasite once lol. No one here has said your feelings are unnatural, so it's pretty odd to say that there is nothing natural about birthing a child. I think there is nothing more natural (although not so much beautiful at the moment).

Anyway, raingirl, I'm 4 mos along in my first pregnancy... it is a pretty strange thing to go through, and we're very excited about it. As a teacher, I am pretty intolerant to badly behaved children, and would have no problem asking a parent to deal with a child in public if it was disturbing others... but I don't hate kids. There's love enough for everyone no matter how many legs (well, I draw the line at 4 probably lol). I'm 32 (I'll be 33 before the child is born), luckily had no problems so far. Everyone is different, so I'd say going to your doctor now and starting things along (re. checkups, proper nutrition, etc) is a GREAT idea even if you're not quite ready. It is a lot easier I think to do with a partner (I'd probably be overwhelmed without my guy right now).

I really hear you all about the career. I was steaming ahead and doing very well (teaching at University, starting a PhD...) but I gave that up for now to do this... I figure I can go back to it in a couple of years, but a family might not be possible if I waited too long.

Good luck.

joeysmama
February 12th, 2007, 10:57 AM
My biological clock was ticking and ticking, and the alarm went off, and we hit the snooze and it kept right on ticking....;)

I've wanted to have babies, practically since I was a baby myself. I loved being pregnant, loved giving birth, loved the infant stage etc. But if that's not who you are, I think it's fine to not have children. I don't think anyone should be made to feel as though they have to have kids. We're all different. And that's a good thing.

I know people who didn't even begin until their 40's and they seem younger to me than other people their age. So maybe there's something to that "kids keep you young" adage. I had my two in my 20's but kept trying into my 40's. It turns out that I have low progesterone which was a problem but when I had my kids I had just gone off the pill each time which was loaded with progesterone and left just enough in my system to keep me from miscarrying.

I'll be 50 this year and still no signs of menopause, still ovulating etc. I'd have another now if I could move somewhere and lie about my age. Otherwise it would be just tooo embarassing to be walking around pregnant at my age.

So I dote on the poor doggie and pour all those maternal instincts out all over his furry little face.:goodvibes:

meb999
February 12th, 2007, 11:57 AM
but the act of being pregnant and having the kid myself is something I wanted to go through my entire life.


I'm with you....I can't wait to be pregnant, even with the nausea, the back aches, the swollen feet...everything.

I'm so glad you found someone who makes you happy Raingirl....:highfive:

Frenchy
February 12th, 2007, 12:32 PM
Nobody pm me for my eggs :sad:

Kristin7
February 12th, 2007, 12:33 PM
Interesting thread... I'm 37 and no kids. I am not sure I have a ticking clock - never have had a strong urge to have kids and the only way I might consider it would be if I were with the right person to have them with. No urge whatsoever to be a single mom, or mom w/ lazy or abusive or loser man for a father to my kids. So far the right man and right time has not come along. Since I'm getting close to 40, I would say the chances are fairly good there will be no donation from me into the gene pool! Although I dont' have a strong urge to be a mom, I still dont' like choices being taken away from me, so it will make me kinda sad when the chance is completely gone (no more eggs, too old, etc).

I can relate to some of the stories about people who get badgered to have kids or rude comments from people who think we should all want to procreate: My mom in particular is constantly pressuring me to have kids and give her some grandchildren. It is waaayy too important to her, and makes me feel like i'm expected to be some baby making machine for her and what good am i walking around w/ an empty womb? My sister in law just had a baby over the weekend, but this will not stop her from hounding me. :yell:

good luck to all w/ the ticking clocks though! :fingerscr

phoenix
February 12th, 2007, 12:34 PM
lol sorry Frenchy, but don't feel bad I'm sure they are lovely eggs. Mine worked fine though :crazy:

RolandsMom
February 12th, 2007, 01:03 PM
Hes a hottie Raingirl!
I am one of those who cannot wait to get pregnant. My biological clock has been friggin yelling at me for a few years now. I want kids SOON but have to convince my man that he wants more. (its a have kids or i have to leave situation which really sux)
ERYKAH, you want to be a stepmom? My bf has an 8 yr old daughter and its so much harder than i ever thought it would be! Its a whole different relationship when you know (and totally understand!) that you will NEVER come first to them. Its an adjustment for sure. And then they are in no hurry to have more cause they have already been there and done that...sore point this side..could go into a total rant but wont!

LynLyn
February 12th, 2007, 07:49 PM
I don't want kids, ever. I think my biological clock is broken

Prin
February 12th, 2007, 07:52 PM
I don't want kids, ever. I think my biological clock is broken

Maybe it's a digital and is just different.:)

papillonmama
February 12th, 2007, 08:35 PM
I had that biological clock thingy, then I had twins and now it's forever in the shop. Every once in a while I see little babies, and I'm like "ohh, they're so cute, here quick take them back."

Once my hubby said, we'll talk about kids down the road, I'm thinking, like when, when YOU can bear them?
We also have a very strong twins gene between the two of us, so chances are, the next time, it could be twins again. So, I'm just a little nervous about us talking about it again.

Good luck to you though Raingirl. Having kids is tough but they're awesome, even when you do have two at the same time, honestly, I felt overwhelmed with love when I had the twins, I think it might have been all of the hormones, but man, I cried I was soo happy. Don't tell him I told you, but so did my man. Yup, having my kids was the happiest moment of my life.

I don't see anything wrong with not having kids, everyone is different, it's not like it was before, where all of the emphasis is on getting married and having children.

So all the power to all of ya!:thumbs up

OntarioGreys
February 13th, 2007, 09:19 PM
my grandparents would come stay with me every day and then take me to their house on weekends up to when i was 13. And in the summer it was full week grandparents adn parents for weekend :D

The house was obviously less messy in the summer

Hmmm how many of your grandmothers worked fulltime jobs? Are your moms working now??

I know my grandparent used to take my son weekend and some weeks through the summer, but my mom was not working.

It is a whole different ballgame now that I am a grandmother, I work fulltime and and my weekend are to catch up on housework, rest, go over to my parents and visit since mom is not well and help out there and be ready for the next work week, if I can get a couple hours in with my grandchildren I am doing good, of course I don't have a spouse to share household resposibilities so i have an extra weekend workload Time have changed and responsibilities have changed many grandmothers have to continue working till retirement age, consider yourself lucky if you have parents that can take the kids for weekends, or summer holidays but don't count on it when planning families ;)

Prin
February 13th, 2007, 09:25 PM
I totally agree... I know if we ever have kids, we're totally on our own. With my dad travelling and all that, and my man's mom hating me, it's not likely my kids' grandparents will be there for weekends or weeks at a time.

breeze
February 13th, 2007, 09:32 PM
Hmmm how many of your grandmothers worked fulltime jobs? Are your moms working now??

I know my grandparent used to take my son weekend and some weeks through the summer, but my mom was not working.

It is a whole different ballgame now that I am a grandmother, I work fulltime and and my weekend are to catch up on housework, rest, go over to my parents and visit since mom is not well and help out there and be ready for the next work week, if I can get a couple hours in with my grandchildren I am doing good, of course I don't have a spouse to share household resposibilities so i have an extra weekend workload Time have changed and responsibilities have changed many grandmothers have to continue working till retirement age, consider yourself lucky if you have parents that can take the kids for weekends, or summer holidays but don't count on it when planning families ;)

when my kids were small they did not know thier grandparents, my father died at a young age and my mom did not want anything to do with them, as for my husband parents they were to old to look after them. and i am not there yet for grandkids so i will get back to you. when planning a family you can't count on it when it comes to grandparents you never know

raingirl
February 13th, 2007, 09:32 PM
I agree as well. My mom had her first kid at 16, her last at 42, she is done with kids. She rarely sees my sisters kids and has NEVER even taken them for a day, let alone overnight. SHe also still works, and nights at that, so we rarely see each other as it is.

And well...my current bf is the oldest in his family, so likely the first to have kids, but I wouldn't want my kids staying there at all, because all his family smokes. Unless they quit..no way.