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Did I Make the Right Choice?

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 04:11 PM
Okay, most of you know that I'm egaged.

Well, my fiance is not rich so I told him that I didn't care how much the ring was, or if anything was 'real', as long as it was sparkly. So, I got my ring when I was there (aquamarine stone). Only problem is is that it is silver with white gold plating, well, the plating wore off and the ring tarnished.

http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/1417/imgp3886cl9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

So, I bought a new 10K white gold setting hoping to exchange the stones.

http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/5346/imgp4202ct5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Well, I got to the jeweler and he said that it can't be done, my stone is too small for the new setting. So, his wife is going to Toronto Tuesday for supplies and is going to pick up a new aquamarine stone that will fit, I have left mine there for a sample because I like how sparkly my stone is and want one failry close to it in looks.

The thing is though, did I make the right choice by getting the new stone, or should I hold on until I find a setting that's the right size? He's fine with the exchange, he would rather have good quality than nostalgia, and I'm thinking of getting the original setting made into a pendant so would still have it.

What would you do in my situation?

Frenchy
January 28th, 2007, 04:17 PM
Depends on how the ring is important to you. Maybe wait for you guys to settle together and get a new ring ?

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 04:31 PM
Well, we had trouble finding a ring when I was there as they were all a lot of silver/gold, not my style. We had trouble finding something petite. The one I got actually had an amethyst in it, but being my birthstone I thought that it wouldn't look right, so we changed it with the aquamarine.

I like the new setting better, I just wish that my stone would fit. Guess the stone itself means more than the whole ring. My original dream ring has always been very similar to the new setting.

jiorji
January 28th, 2007, 05:02 PM
hmmm......i don't know what to say....I like the green but the aquamarine has more meaning.

I'd wait for a new ring design so that the old stone fits. But i'm sure it'll look nice either way :thumbs up

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 05:06 PM
LOL The green is going to be replaced by a stone that is the same as the original, only the proper size for the setting.

wdawson
January 28th, 2007, 05:10 PM
i say forego a ring....use string...and when its affordable....go for the mother load of rings.....its about love right and not just possesions......oh i think i have been in the tjt too much:D

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 05:22 PM
LOL Well, the first ring was 40 EP which is $8 CDN. The second ring will be a total of $130. I still have the wedding band he gave me on my right hand which is their tradition, we are following both.

I guess my main worry is what the new stone will look like.

jiorji
January 28th, 2007, 05:23 PM
LOL The green is going to be replaced by a stone that is the same as the original, only the proper size for the setting.

yeah i got that :rolleyes: I'm just saying that it's not the ORIGINAL stone

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 05:44 PM
Yeah, I know. But, he is a good jeweller and will find a stone that's very similar. I will see if he can do anything with the original stone. I guess.

I think that I'm just feeling weird about putting together my own ring. :rolleyes:

jiorji
January 28th, 2007, 05:48 PM
well it doesn't have to be permanent.
WIll there be a wedding band or both?

My mom wore a wedding band all her life and then she got a new ring that she wears on that finger as well. And then they got a new wedding band to add LOL

so well along the way he'll give you more rings is what i'm saying ;)

Dogastrophe
January 28th, 2007, 06:10 PM
My wife works in the jewelry wholesale industry (mainly dealing with diamonds). She said that many times a jeweler (particularily those in the large retail stores) will take a quick look and say that something cannot be when infact stones can be swapped and or mounts altered. A good goldsmith will be able to tell you right off whether it can be swapped or if the work involved makes it not worthwhile.

Check around with different jewelers for their opinion.

Best of luck

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 06:20 PM
This guy is one of the best. He is a small store that deals mainly in designing and making, repairing, etc, he doesn't have much in the 'pre-fabbed' for sale stuff, so I trust him. I know quite a few people who deal with him and have not had any problems.


Jiorji: I have a plain band on my right finger that he also gave me that is to be my wedding band (in their tradition their wear their wedding rings on the right hand to symbolize engagement and then switch to the left hand when they get married), that ring will be my 'wedding in Egypt' band and then I'm going to get a diamond band for my 'wedding in Canada' band, so I will wear all three after we are married here. I won't wear the engagement ring for flyball etc, so just the wedding bands. Basically it will all symbolize all the stages of the relationship.

Frenchy
January 28th, 2007, 07:00 PM
its about love right and not just possesions......oh i think i have been in the tjt too much:D

:laughing:

Prin
January 28th, 2007, 08:19 PM
I'd change the stone. This is just the beginning. You're going to have to wear that ring forever, right? May as well get it as well made as possible. For your first anniversary, he can get you one from him all the way.;)

Dogastrophe
January 28th, 2007, 08:43 PM
This guy is one of the best. He is a small store that deals mainly in designing and making, repairing, etc, he doesn't have much in the 'pre-fabbed' for sale stuff, so I trust him. I know quite a few people who deal with him and have not had any problems.



In my prior post I was going to mention to look for a jeweler who is able to do their own castings and also make repairs as they are the best to determine what can and cannot be done with a particular ring. Looks like you are way ahead of me!

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 08:43 PM
LOL Well, technically the wedding bands will be from him. Guess basically we're doing opposite from tradition (guy buys engagement, girl buys wedding). But, hey, nothing is traditional with us!

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 08:50 PM
In my prior post I was going to mention to look for a jeweler who is able to do their own castings and also make repairs as they are the best to determine what can and cannot be done with a particular ring. Looks like you are way ahead of me!


Yeah, he measured it and looked closely at it before he made the decision. He said it would sit far from the side stones if he did it, that even if he redid the setting it just wouldn't look right. It's easier to pay the $10 for the new stone. Hopefully they do as I ask and use the original as a sample and get a stone that's as close to it as possible.

brandynva
January 28th, 2007, 09:20 PM
I'm going to throw my :2cents: in here too. hehe why not?

I think that if you both agree that a new ring that you pick out is okay, then it's okay! What matters is what makes you guys satisfied. I like the idea of taking the original stone and turning it into a pendant, then wearing on your finger what you like. It's a representation of your relationship to YOU primarily. Nobody you show it to will ask, "is that the original ring or did you have it remade?" hehe I would do what makes you and your man happy.

Also, I like the idea of the wedding band engagement thingy jig. That sounds really neat and traditional and romantic... :cloud9:

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 09:31 PM
We couldn't get a good pic, but this is what we've done. I have my birthstone ring from my dad (who passed almost 10 years ago) on my ring finger of my right hand, and my daughter's ring from my mom on the middle finger of my right hand. So, I added the wedding band to the birthstone ring because we are trying to follow both traditions. His ring is what will be his wedding band.

http://img250.imageshack.us/img250/1088/imgp4021ng5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img250.imageshack.us/img250/8767/imgp4025vj1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 09:49 PM
Oh, and this is what I want to get for my Canada wedding band. It says "love" on the side. :lovestruck:

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/168/b000htws8g01a10fhfrjz0gca0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Prin
January 28th, 2007, 10:19 PM
Ooo cool!

:offtopic: :sorry: Are you writing up a pre-nup? :o

Byrd
January 28th, 2007, 10:31 PM
Well, considering I don't have anything.... pre-nups don't hold up with sponsorship either. I'm thinking of writing something up that he thinks is a pre-nup and having him sign it. But really, as they said on settlement.org, if you don't trust them even that much, then you shouldn't do it.

Prin
January 28th, 2007, 11:04 PM
It's not about trust, IMO. It's about the fine print of marriage and self-protection. There's a lot about marriage that most people only find out when their marriage ends. A prenup involves seeing a lawyer, and IMO, learning all there is to know about what can happen and how to protect yourself..:shrug:

Love is blind, but that doesn't mean you can't protect yourself. :shrug:

meb999
January 29th, 2007, 07:16 AM
if you don't trust them even that much, then you shouldn't do it.


It's not about trust, IMO. It's about the fine print of marriage and self-protection. There's a lot about marriage that most people only find out when their marriage ends.

I completely agree. A mariage contract just puts the both of on the same page.

It's like discussing children, family, finances before getting married. Love is great, but you guys are together for the rest of your lives, it's good to put all the cards on the table, not just financial stuff, but also your expectations of each other (I think Rick posted a great list of questions to ask before getting married a while ago...)

Plus a mariage doesn't only end with divorce, it also ends when one of you passes away, so it's good to plan ahead.

CyberKitten
January 29th, 2007, 06:36 PM
I guess I do not equate marriage just with a ring tho yes, it is an important symbol. When I was a young undergrad, I said to anyone who would listen that if any guy gave me a diamond, I'd throw it back at him. (I would prefer he spent the money on doing something good for the world or his place in it) - and I thought a small wedding band was just fine. Maybe a family heirloom or something like that, something tasteful and simple - not ostentatious. Needless to say, I am not a huge purchaser of jewellery (sorry Dogastrophe\, your wife's biz prob does not make much $$ from me). I have kept my grandmother's wedding band and it is a cherished heirloom because it represents the great marriage my grandparents had (58 yrs together)

When I finally did marry, I wore a simple band. No engagement ring. Later - now more mature - I strangely agree with my younger sentiments even more. I told my bf if he wanted to buy me jewellery, I'd appreciate a donation to Drs without Borders or our Health Care Ctre much more.

It is his love and a caring, supportive and mutually respectful and loving relationship I treasure more. I am not a materialistic person, (Tho I do love books and certain items much to my dismay so I am not as altruistic as I'd like to think I am. I try tho.)

I do recognize everyone is different though and if a ring is extremely important to you, I think you should find a good one and Dogastrphe's recommendations sound good. I did recently have a silver bracelet someone gave to me as a gift fixed and I was very impressed with the place that fixed it. (It is owned by Maritime family - one of the owner serves on our Foundation Board actually). Charm Diamonds maybe? The trouble is I rarely get to wear it because I work so much and can't wear it there.

I am never happy to see nurses or other medical staff wearing jewellery. Call me old fashioned but it seems unprofessional.

I once lost my wedding ring while preforming minor surgery on a patient and no, it did not end up inside the patient. I had taken it off prior to the procedure and when I went to look for where I thought I had placed it, it was not there. Finally, one of the cleaning ppl - a wonderful person who sometimes beings me the best cheesecake - found it in the locker room. Whew!!

heidiho
January 29th, 2007, 06:57 PM
I used to think pre nups meant you were already saying it wont last,but when i read about Paul M and Heather m and the fact that she can get half after only 4 years of marriage when he already made all that money before her ,i sayYEP if there is alot of money involved there would be no doubt in my mind to get on.

CyberKitten
January 29th, 2007, 07:19 PM
I definitely would get a prenup!! It is not about money and one needs to protect what assets one has prior to marriage. Of course we are not all marrying millionaires (in fact, I dare say the minority are, lol) but whatever assets one has are important and with the high number of divorces, logic is required even in the middle of romance.

I frankly do not understand Paul McC not getting a prenup - he must've still been in mourning and was taken advantage of. (I know, I am biased - I always thought he was someone who in his position did a lot of good. He is not all talk and no action. Plus, he is my fav Beatle, lol)

Byrd
January 29th, 2007, 07:24 PM
I really don't know what I'd use a prenup for, I make $30,000 a year and live in a basement apartment, my vehicle is not even paid for! They don't hold up on the sponsorship front. :shrug:

CyberKitten
January 29th, 2007, 07:38 PM
You make that now - and $30,000 is $30,000. It is your asset and you prob have other assets you are not conisering - future earnings, pension plan, etc, etc - it all has to be considered. Most prenup plans are not about the here and now - they ar about the then and later. And alot can happen in that period of time.

I know a couple living common law - he is the wage earner and she has had a tough life (abuse, life of poverty from a family of 24 children, she'd lost 2 children). He bought a lotto ticket (Super 7) when he went to get her a sandwich and voila, ligtening struck and they won $12.5 million. He is a good guy and the cheque was spilt in half - 1/2 is in her name and one half in his. Not all spouses, however, are like him, unfortunately.

Byrd
January 29th, 2007, 07:42 PM
But would we both not need to be at the lawyers to sign it? We are in two different countries. Do I have to list my assets? 'Cause I don't even know what they are. :shrug:

trippincherri
January 29th, 2007, 07:49 PM
Do the pre-nup, better to be safe than sorry right?
I too believe that you need to look out for yourself first, in fact I keep all receipts of furniture and appliances just so that if my bf and I ever do split then I have proof of whats mine.
I don't think thats silly, I worked hard for what I got and I am going to keep it no matter what!!
And who's to say you won't win the lottery or be left some sort of inheritance windfall? You just never know.

As for the ring I am a big lover of aquamarines :cloud9: (I was born in march,so it is my birthstone) so I'd opt to keep the stone first.
But if the setting is most important to you then change that and find a stone to fit!!
Good Luck!

Byrd
January 29th, 2007, 08:54 PM
Would something like this work: http://www.lawdepot.com/contracts/prenup/index.php?loc=CA&a=t


I'm sticking with aquamarine, just a larger aquamarine. People who hadn't studied the ring would likely never even notice the change (I left mine with the jewler for a sample of what I want the new stone to look like - as close to the old stone as possible).

Byrd
February 7th, 2007, 08:38 PM
I got the ring back today.

The stone is identical! I'm so happy! :D

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/9944/imgp4248ob2.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

The two together:

http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/1167/imgp4254fb7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

trippincherri
February 7th, 2007, 08:51 PM
Ooooh la la very sparkly.

Looks great Byrd! Glad you ended up happy with your decision.:thumbs up

Byrd
February 7th, 2007, 09:12 PM
Well, I told them I wanted sparkly.

The only problem with the old ring is that it tarnished, it was fine as long as I was in Egypt, but once it hit Canadian air it changed. The jeweler said that it's from the differences in the air.

Prin
February 7th, 2007, 09:15 PM
I like the new one better...:o

Byrd
February 7th, 2007, 09:29 PM
Yeah, me too, hence another reason for doing it.

rainbow
February 8th, 2007, 04:57 PM
I love the new one. You made the right choice.

Byrd
February 8th, 2007, 06:40 PM
I wore it today and WOW is it sparkly!!!! :cloud9: