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Would you adopt a child?

erykah1310
January 22nd, 2007, 10:54 PM
Just curious if anyone here would adopt a child ?( if you couldnt or didnt have any that is)
Since having a kid of my own is gonna definately be REALLY hard and prolly very expensive, i have kinda been looking into adoption.

If you would adopt, would you conisder over seas adoptions or adoptions from your country?

jiorji
January 22nd, 2007, 10:56 PM
yes definetly. There's plenty unwanted kids in the world with no mommy and daddy and they need love too :sad:

jiorji
January 22nd, 2007, 10:59 PM
part B...i'd adopt from a third world country only because those children have less chances to be picked up cos most ppl in those countries give up their babies cos they don't have the money to raise them.



:offtopic: I used to know this little adopted girly back in Europe and her parents were trying for a biological baby and they couldn't have one and they adopted her. ANd then baby came along and they ended up treatin the adopted girl like crap:mad: It was so sad to watch. SHe would do ALL chores and wasn't allowed to play because she had to watch the baby.:yell:

erykah1310
January 22nd, 2007, 11:04 PM
thats so sad:sad:
I know of 2 people here who tried and tried for years then adopted and concieved shortly after, but thankfully didnt treat the adopted child poorly.

susieqt
January 22nd, 2007, 11:17 PM
As I have two kids of my own, I don't think I would want to adopt, but if I couldn't have kids of my own for whatever reason, I would adopt most definitely. If things were different and I didn't have to work for a living, I would love to foster kids, any age, for whatever time they needed to be with me. I would find that very rewarding.

wdawson
January 22nd, 2007, 11:20 PM
if i where to adopt....which i won't be cause i have two already....i would adopt a child locally.....i think people get caught up in world tradgeies and think they can save the children when we have our needy kids......the people that go overseas are selfish people in my opinion....they don't want to wait for the legal process to take its course.......and i think the canadian government should change it's policy. then again if you are comfy paying bribes to corrupt officals overseas with no real legal rights to the adoption. buyer beware.....

jiorji
January 22nd, 2007, 11:20 PM
susieq...i realize this is your opinion, but if (in an ideal world:p ) you could afford fostering, why not adopt forever?:D

susieqt
January 22nd, 2007, 11:34 PM
In an ideal world, I would adopt a child forever if he/she came into my home. I just would like to foster a child as many children need temporary homes while their parents sort out their lives. If that child that I was fostering did become "available" for adoption (i.e. the parents gave up their parental rights) I would adopt them forever.

Prin
January 22nd, 2007, 11:57 PM
I know for sure that I would adopt a dog... Does that count? :o

Maya
January 23rd, 2007, 12:12 AM
YESSSSS there are sooooo many unwanted children.

I also agree we should help the ones right here. Not that children elswhere shouldn't be adopted too, it's just that there are lots of really poor and unwanted kids here as well. I've heard many horror stories of foster care though, I don't think i've got the energy to even go into that but the Ministry of Children and Families is not doing their job imo.:sad: In defense of the few people in the system who care, I suspect it is difficult to make a difference due to the bureaucracy.

No Prin, dogs don't count and especially not puppies!!:p:)

Another thought, why do we keep reproducing when there are so many unwanted children????:confused:

Tommysmom
January 23rd, 2007, 12:23 AM
Now I feel really selfish, reading everybody's answers. I wouldn't. My husband and I have talked about this because we do want a child, and I'm getting a bit on the older side and might also have some problems conceiving.

We decided that if we couldn't have our own baby, we'd get another doggy instead. Or two... or more... hehehe. If we can ever get our pup's health issues under control I'd love to foster some, there's just too many JRT's who end up in shelters here because they're not like the doggy on Frasier.

So, no adoption for me. Unless they're furry and I can leave them in a crate when I need to go out!

Prin
January 23rd, 2007, 12:28 AM
From my understanding of biology, it's not unnatural to want your own... IMO, if you don't want kids of your own, it kind of makes you "unfit" from a natural selection standpoint because you're not passing on your genes. And I think in my case, and in many people I know, it's true. We've been raised to not want kids for whatever reason and I think we think it's a choice we make, but there is a lot of physiological reasoning behind it...:o

Tommysmom
January 23rd, 2007, 12:37 AM
Prin, I think that's pretty true eh. I mean, we talk a lot about the natural instincts in our animals, but I think we forget that humans as a 'breed' have a lot of instinct too... we just tend to rationalize it a lot and pretend we have other reasons for acting the way we do.

Prin
January 23rd, 2007, 12:39 AM
Exactly. We think because we can justify why we decide what we decide that we were consciously behind the decision.:D

jiorji
January 23rd, 2007, 12:40 AM
i think it's good to adopt no matter where you adopt from:thumbs up

Shaykeija
January 23rd, 2007, 01:58 AM
About 10 years ago, I looked into adopting over seas. (Because Canada thought we were too old) The starting figure was 50 thousand dollars. Plus plus plus..we were looking at Rio because they have kids that are killed everyday there by killing squads. Kids ranging from all ages that the government deemed undesirable to tourists. There was a news show on this about 10 years ago and it broke my heart....:sad:

Maya
January 23rd, 2007, 03:00 AM
From my understanding of biology, it's not unnatural to want your own... IMO, if you don't want kids of your own, it kind of makes you "unfit" from a natural selection standpoint because you're not passing on your genes. And I think in my case, and in many people I know, it's true. We've been raised to not want kids for whatever reason and I think we think it's a choice we make, but there is a lot of physiological reasoning behind it...I think what you are saying is that people tend to pro-create without thinking much about it, it's more of an instinct to want to put their genes in the gene pool because they can?

I won't likely be able to have children due to my financial situation and the effect it has had on my health, so it is true I am "unfit" to contribute. If I became fit I don't know if I would want to or not. It is a bit sad to not have the choice though. Some people also choose not to have children because they feel it is irresponsible given the state of the world, I think they are few and far between though.

An aside, my social studies teacher in high school told us that the poor shouldn't have children. I think it's more that they shouldn't because it brings more suffering into the world but I don't think it is really fair to tell someone they shouldn't have children if they want the experience.

TeriM
January 23rd, 2007, 03:12 AM
Hubby and I were unable to conceive and tried in-vitro with no success :sad: . We toyed with the adoption idea but I've had several friends go through that process and it was extremely tough and emotional. Some cases were awesome success stories (korean adoption, USA baby, local baby) in the end and others withdrew before becoming parents because the process was so grueling. In every case in was also very expensive. I am now 39 and hubby is 48 now so we decided (although the door is still open a crack) that we really enjoy our life and lifestyle and to move on. It does ocassionally pop back into my brain but for the most part I am comfy with the decision. We did decide to get another dog though (Riley) and that has been lots of fun and brought new energy to our household.

coppperbelle
January 23rd, 2007, 06:51 AM
Adopting is a great option especially if you are open to adopting an older child from this country. There are many whose parents who have finally relinquished custody and are available for adoption. Working in a school there have been a number of occasions where I would have taken in a child to foster.

Friends of ours recently had their first child. She is 42 and he is 48. They have been trying for over 10 years and gave up. Low and behold she discovered that she was pregnant and is thrilled. He was a little more apprehensive because of his age but happy.

I think you have to do what is right for you and not worry what others think. If you want a child from overseas, a child from here or none at all, it is your choice and no one elses.

Good luck with your decision.

Hunter's_owner
January 23rd, 2007, 07:57 AM
I am pretty sure I would adopt if my life would sort itself out and I wanted to have a child. I don't think it really matters to me whether it is biologically my child, or whether I adopt. :shrug:

My bf was adopted at 3 months of age, so that may have something to do with how I feel about it.

Kristin7
January 23rd, 2007, 08:32 AM
If I wanted kids, I would consider adopting, sure. Especially would be interested in kids that aren't infants. Babies kinda scare me. They seem so fragile. If you are considering adoption, read up on all the issues that go along with it. This is a good site, but there are others, and lots of books too.
http://www.adoption.com/ It is not all fun and games (not saying you are thinking that either). For those who are not adopted, it may be hard to imagine what it is like not knowing who your birth parents are and why they gave you up. Coming from a different culture would also introduce more issues for the child to deal with. Consider open adoption also, so there is not so much shame and secrecy built in. It is not impossible to deal with these issues, but just something to be aware of and prepared for while your child is growing up. Amazing how expensive and difficult the process is these days. My adoption was only $100 back in the late sixties and I was only a couple months old at the time. Well, officially, a year and 2 months, as a year waiting period had to pass before it could be finalized. Every state seems to have different laws, too. If you decide to do this, good luck!

Kristin7
January 23rd, 2007, 08:37 AM
Oh, one more comment. It is interesting to read about others who adopted and shortly thereafter became pregnant, after having problems conceiving earlier. The same thing happened to my mom. They adopted me and a few months later she got pregnant with my brother. He was followed by two more brothers in the next few years. Luckily, I was not treated any differently or loved any less because I was not my parent's biological child.

x.l.r.8
January 23rd, 2007, 09:29 AM
We thought about it, for a while. Seems it's easier to adopt from 3rd world because no psyche evaluations are required, just cash, hence why anyone in films with huge ego's go that route. We are still on temp visa's so we couldn't here anyhow, but we also knew we wouldn't go down other avenue's because NEITHER of us would have to carry any guilt. We still have a few years still and that allows me time to continue being the worlds best Uncle, (my nephew flies out on Sunday for his 10th birthday for 2 weeks snowboarding, I'm probably more excited than he is because he's my mini-me, dad/grandad always gets out names crossed over because the likeness confuses him :D ) Our neighbours adopted twice and despite it nearly financially crippling them they are installing some great beliefs at the same time they are not afraid to let them have contact or knowledge or the birth parents. If I were to model my behaviour it would be on theirs, but for now we will keep practicing :thumbs up

papillonmama
January 23rd, 2007, 11:57 AM
Yes I would and have plans to at least foster children in the future. For me, because I am a minority and IMO the government has made it very difficult for my people to have children and raise them in peace and at a respectful distance I would like to do everything I can to make sure that children from my culture are treated with the love and respect that they deserve. Not to say that I wouldn't accept a child or children from another culture, but I understand the needs and difficulties that have arisen due to issues that have arisen from our cultural past. I've just seen some awful things happen to wonderful children and I've seen how they've grown up and how they've turned out, and I feel that if some of those children had been given a different perspective on their own culture then they wouldn't be so ashamed of themselves and their background.

My want to help these kids arises from seeing the way that one of my distant family members treats her grandkids. She became their adopted mother because her son and his girlfriend were unfit parents, the mother abused alcohol through her entire pregnancy and her children were born with disabilities, both mental and physical.

The eldest child was left with her mother for almost a year, she endured neglect and abuse and watched as her mother and father partied, when the mother had her second child the baby was so small and weak that the mother was willing to let her die, my family member saved that baby. And I understand why she feels so close to her, but after she got custody of the baby, she was asked to take the first child on as well. She took the child in grudgingly, and she lives begrudged. She's well taken care of, she recieves all medical needs and clothed and fed, but she is treated differently. Last year when I visited them with my kids we spent time with her little kids and the eldest saw how my kids were treated, all equally. When one is told that they can't hit no one is allowed to hit. I had to tell her younger sibling and I could see how justified she felt just having someone to stick up for her. How it made her feel to be an equal. She asked me if she could come home with me. It made my heart break. I would have taken her home in an instant. I think of her all the time.

I also grew up in and out of foster homes and know how difficult it can be not knowing where you belong. I just hope they reform the CAS before I'm in a big enough home for me to be a foster parent.

So yeah, I would want to take care of kids from Canada simply because there are so many in need of good places to be.

There are also a lot of those kids that don't belong in foster care. There were people who lived near me, they lost their kids to CAS, they did everything to get their kids back, they gave up their dog, which they demanded they get rid of because it was a pitbull, they moved out of the apartment that they were in before, because they said it wasn't good enough, they said they had to paint, so they did (they had to paint their apartment, and then they were told they had to leave that apartment). In the end they never gave them their kids back. Now, maybe they didn't deserve to get their kids back, I'm not the right person to say, but even after doing everything they could to please them, it was never enough.

A friend of mine was adopted, she was lucky to have a wonderful adopted family, but to this day, she still feels that she was stolen from her parents, she knows them and feels that they ruined her life by taking her from her biological parents.

So really I guess I just want to make it better for some of these kids. Of course I would have to wait until my kids are at a more understanding age. 3 is not an understanding age, and I want to have a larger home outside of this rotten city.


:sorry: That was really really really long. And it's just how I feel about adoption and fostering. I think you would make a wonderful foster or adoptive mother. You must have ample patience to have so many pets, and to foster too.

erykah1310
January 23rd, 2007, 02:54 PM
We are going to foster parenting courses starting in a few weeks, since we are both off, we figured it would be a good idea, I have called CAS about fostering, even if short term ( especially with how my work and Guys work is) they recommended we go in for "parenting" courses and I feel it would be a great asset to have if we do decide to adopt one day. Being active in CAS, helping in anyway we can, and so on.

erykah1310
January 23rd, 2007, 03:01 PM
:shrug: I just really want to make a difference in a childs life, whether or not its going to live with us forever, I just think that atleast us being a safe and "good" foster home ( cause we all hear of the horrible ones) and trying our best to socialize the child and get him/her into some activities ( which CAS encourages) and make the whole fostering process an over all good experience for both us and the child.
We have more than enough room here, 2 bedrooms are never used by human occupants:D It would be a nice friendly and responsible environment. There is a ton of things around here that we can use to teach responsibilities and compassion with.
Plus we are both out going people, in the summer we camp together, we have bon fires in our yard for the heck of it, we roast our marshmallows there , you name it , there is nothing too silly for us to do...
( I just was outside building a race track for our remote control monster trucks:D when Guy returns from fishing, we are going racing lol)
Any way, i just feel we both have so much to offer a child who may not have had the best start in life.

mummummum
January 23rd, 2007, 03:46 PM
Erykah ~ I think you would make a wonderful any kind of mother ~ foster mother or adoptive mother. There is such a HUGE need for foster parents in Canada. Older children are being sent to group homes and believe it ~ hotels because of the lack of real homes. What a great way to open up your heart.

CyberKitten
January 23rd, 2007, 03:52 PM
Absolutely!! I have an adopted brother and I think of him in no way differently than my other sibs. He was adopted as a baby and I do realize it is harder to adopt infants in Canada or the US now - though some private adoptions that inolved doctors and lawyers do occur faster than the typical 13 year wait for one in most provinces. (Private adoptions I mean.)

I have a friend who just a adopted a baby from China and they are so happy!!!

Maya
January 23rd, 2007, 04:44 PM
erykah1310, It sounds like you have a great set up for fostering or adopting. I know even if it's only for a while it can make a huge difference in a childs life to have good influences and unconditional love. Some kids that have been through a lot may test your tolerance out of lack of trust but with love and patients wonderful things can happen.

joeysmama
January 23rd, 2007, 05:22 PM
Adoption is a wonderful way to create a family. The people I know who've adopted through international agencies did so mainly to avoid the risk of the birth mother having a change of heart. My cousin recently went through a similar scenario with his foster child. They were told she was available for adoption, they had had her since she was 3 days old. They were her first home after the hospital and the only family she had known. But just after initiating proceedings they found out that the birth father had never been notified of her existence. He was thrilled to find out he has a child as was his wife ! (She has to be THE most understanding wife on the planet) So they no longer have this child, but they did transition her to her father's care and I think that was wonderful of everyone to put her needs and comfort first. She went from short visits with him and his family to longer visits, to sleep overs and just gradually increased the time she spent there.

My other cousin adopted from Russia and there was a great deal of "gift giving" involved there. And the child arrived undernourished, fearful, and with a huge scar indicating a serious accident.

I know of several families who adopted through Holt International and they can not say enough good things about that agency. Fom what I understand a good deal of thought goes into the handling of the adoption. The fees are very straightforward and the children are cared for exceptionally well. The babies are brought here so that the adoptive parents and the child can bond once in their forever home rather than beginning with everyone stressed in a hotel room.

I'm one of those women who was born to be a mother--I've wanted babies since I was a baby myself. So if I couldn't have had children yes I would certainly have pursued adoption. I adore being a mom !

But not everyone feels that way and that's fine !! I hate to see young couples get "the questions" at every family function. And I know women who had babies because they wanted the photo op, the shower etc. Not because they wanted the responsibility. Like getting the puppy because it's cute.

People who don't want to raise children are still perfectly nice people ! :) (And usually they have the patience to be perfectly nice to other peoples children too.)

CyberKitten
January 23rd, 2007, 06:18 PM
Good luck with fostering - it can be a wonderful experience. Some close family friends fostered a teenager when I was maybe 8 or 10 so I got to know her well and she became part of our extended family as well. We still keep in touch and she visits on occasion - she'd had a myriad of problems and living with them seemed to help her immensely. I have also seen some "foster kids" in my practice and marvel at the good work these families are doing. It is a calling I am sure!!

cpietra16
January 23rd, 2007, 06:26 PM
My husband and I fostered for 7 years and looking into adopting overseas. We decided to put the 20, 000.00 towads invitro.We failed the first time, but were successful the second time around. At the time we both agreed that if the 2nd time was unsuccessful we would adopt. We also thought that if it was successful we may still adopt a second child, but ofcourse nature had its sense of humour...we got naturally pregnant 2 more times with out medical intervention...but when the kids get older we may get into fostering again. I really enjoyed having these kids around.

meb999
January 23rd, 2007, 09:41 PM
Just curious if anyone here would adopt a child ?( if you couldnt or didnt have any that is)
Since having a kid of my own is gonna definately be REALLY hard and prolly very expensive, i have kinda been looking into adoption.

If you would adopt, would you conisder over seas adoptions or adoptions from your country?

Let me know if you ever look into international adoptions...I took a few International Adoption classes and I can give you an idea of costs and implications and stuff :thumbs up

meb999
January 23rd, 2007, 09:44 PM
Oh and another thing : if anyone is serious about addoption, you better be 500% positive because (in Qc at least) if things don't work out and give the child back to the government after adopting him/her, that child can never be adopted again....
There's a legal way to break the bond of biological filiation to permit an adoption, but once an adoption is final, there is no legal way to break that filiation....alot of young chinese girls didn't 'fit' into their new adoption homes and are now destined to spend the rest of their childhood/adolescence (until they are 18) in foster care :sad:

Prin
January 24th, 2007, 12:21 AM
That's so sad! :sad: