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Poll of the night! Do you believe in marriage?

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:10 PM
Do you think two people can be married for the rest of their lives?


I'm just wondering because with all the divorces and the 'more women being without a man than with a man' thing, how many people still believe in the idea of getting married for life?

hazelrunpack
January 16th, 2007, 11:13 PM
I do--20 years and counting--till death do us part. And if I ever catch him playing around, death will come early...he he he

jiorji
January 16th, 2007, 11:15 PM
i think there's so many divorces because ppl give up so easily. Some ppl consider the first fight to be the end of things. :shrug: I don't think you should stick up in a loveless marriage where there's constant arguing and yelling, but i think that's when you say "ok let's try to get some help first"

I dont' care for marriage other that it being this silly romantic way to celebrate a union. If i were to get married and not get actual gov't papers for it, then to me that would be official still. :cloud9:
Ok i'm getting sappy now :lovestruck:

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:17 PM
I'd like to believe in it... But on the other hand, I'm glad my mom and dad divorced... And my man.. Well, he's scarred for life. His mom met her new hubby at a marriage rebuilding seminar. :eek:

jiorji
January 16th, 2007, 11:20 PM
yeah but you take your chance....isn't that what it's all about?

marriage or not , you have a house together. It'll be the same huge deal if anything happens, whether or not you're married. I think that a steady relationship is as much a gamble as is marriage

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:23 PM
lol except in this arrangement, he gets the whole house.:D

btw, if we ever hit rocks, I'm never going to a marriage camp or whatever... My dad went to one once too and said it's the easiest place to meet people because everybody is all vulnerable and unloved..:eek: Verrrry counterproductive...

I always wondered if there were real people in the world who, when asked "How did you know he/she was the one?" reply, "I just knew"... Because I don't know.:D

Dad of Dog's
January 16th, 2007, 11:24 PM
I wonder if having parents that have never divorced and have a good 1st marriage plays a part.

My wife and I are celebrating 13 yrs married this month and no plans to divorce. Both our parents are still married.

I think that in our highly disposable society people are viewing marriage the same way. Fewer and fewer people are working through their problems and all mariages have them. Instead they just end it without working through them.

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:25 PM
Yeah, the stats say kids of divorce are much more likely to divorce later on...:rolleyes:

rainbow
January 16th, 2007, 11:27 PM
Do you think two people can be married for the rest of their lives?

We've been married for 34 years but our lives aren't over yet. :D

I didn't vote because my answer would be "Yes....if you are both willing to work things out because life isn't always a bed of roses." ;)

My parents were married for 20 years of hell because my mom believed parents should stay together "because of the kids." We finally convinced her otherwise. :o My older sister has been married for 43 years and my younger brother has been married 35 years. They've also had their ups and downs but worked them out too. :shrug:

jiorji
January 16th, 2007, 11:28 PM
I always wondered if there were real people in the world who, when asked "How did you know he/she was the one?" reply, "I just knew"... Because I don't know.:D

"oh you KNOW." ;)

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:29 PM
34 years eh? :eek: So you and 20 year Hazel will be my marriage mentors? Teach me how to marry "right" and all? :D

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:31 PM
"oh you KNOW." ;)

lol ok. :D I don't know if I'll be with him "tomorrow", but I'll pretend.:laughing: Or maybe that's just something that's safe to say after you've already been married a kajillion years?

jiorji
January 16th, 2007, 11:36 PM
well if you're wondering what it would be like with someone else in an alternate life(let's say...like what would've happened if you didn't break up with the ex or if the guy next door was into you...or if you were single what would you do) then you're having doubts and he's not it. That's how i'd be able to tell.

hazelrunpack
January 16th, 2007, 11:36 PM
34 years eh? :eek: So you and 20 year Hazel will be my marriage mentors? Teach me how to marry "right" and all? :D

This one, hun, you gotta teach yourselves... If you can't work it out together, no outside instruction is going to be worth a hill of beans.

Oh, and interestingly, hubby and I met while training for similar positions after college. We hated each other at first sight! :D Funny how minds change sometimes...

Prin
January 16th, 2007, 11:39 PM
Fine line, Hazel... :D

well if you're wondering what it would be like with someone else in an alternate life(let's say...like what would've happened if you didn't break up with the ex or if the guy next door was into you...or if you were single what would you do) then you're having doubts and he's not it. That's how i'd be able to tell.
Yeah, but after a few years with anybody, you're bound to get some "what if" thoughts... :shrug:

jiorji
January 16th, 2007, 11:42 PM
well technically you shouldn't......unless it's BRad Pitt :D

Dad of Dog's
January 16th, 2007, 11:51 PM
That's funny, my wife and I couldn't stand each other.

Prin, if you doubt now don't marry.

erykah1310
January 16th, 2007, 11:56 PM
Im undecided, but I know deep down that im not with "the one" right now. He talks marrage but Im not interested, we have discussed it through and through, but it just sucks when you have someone pulling at your heart but you know that if you pursued it.. it would be worse than what you have now.
Its complicated. Im undecided!

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 12:06 AM
sigh ...at least you guys have something to ponder about :rolleyes: ahhh yes, the single life :D shaving my legs when *I* want to :evil:

i'm meeting my "one" next month :cool:

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 12:10 AM
Jiorji, getting married means never shaving again! :D (Not to me though.. I shave for me.:D)

I'll always doubt. It's what I do.:D If I listened to all my doubts, I'd be in a cave, nekkid, in the fetal position, and trembling.:D

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 12:12 AM
ooohhh no shaving!!! I like marriage! :D

Dad of Dog's
January 17th, 2007, 12:14 AM
The wife is reading over my shoulder.
She wants me to ask a question, not meant to be rude.
Passing the keyboard over.....

Hi,
If this is a relationship and not just dating why would you waste precious time(life is short) with someone that you are not interested in building a life with. It sounds as if you may be holding him back from finding someone that is right if you already know that you are not that person. If doesn't seem fair if he thinks there is more to your relationship than there is. Does he know that you don't think he is the one you want to marry and spend your life with.

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 12:19 AM
lol it's not rude, but I have to say, not knowing whether he is the "one" doesn't immediately make me know he isn't the one. ;) He's just a man I'm with, who I live with, who I get along with, and who is my best friend and who I love a lot... :shrug: :D He's neither temporary, nor permanent. He just is.

x.l.r.8
January 17th, 2007, 12:24 AM
Moved in together 89, engaged in 92 and married in 96, it took a long time to save for the wedding in Maui away from everyone. My sister got married the same year, and again 3 years later, and again 2 years after that! parents stayed togeter until death did them part. The good book says some interesting things on the subject, never realized how much I agree's with the Bible until I did some reading. It's written that you are no longer the charge of yourself, you give that to the other (and that works both ways but only the male is held accountable to god) and you spend your lifetime attending to the others needs. I felt this way before I knew what the Bible said, one of the reasins of getting away was so we wern't in a church as I didn't believe why I had to do something under the eye's of God when it was me paying for the ring. It was the right move for me and I can honestly say I never think about the "what if's", when we argue I always think, OK big shot, lets see you get on without her. I have certain rules that I believe came from my parents and their parents before them, never go to bed angry, never leave the house angry, never show disrespect in public, never be ashamed of showing love, be prepaired to sacrifice some thing you want in order to gain something much better. Always, Always leave and return with a kiss. :lovestruck: it doesn't come easy but when it works it's unbeatable. Now we just need :stork-baby: before we fill the house with :cat: :dog:
Now my sister, who in all essence was exposed to the same environment, grew up with the same beliefs has a very different opinion on the subject :shrug:

Dad of Dog's
January 17th, 2007, 12:26 AM
Sorry that comment/? was for Erykah.

I do have a question for you Prin, why do you think he is not "the one". It sounds like he could be by the way you described your relationship. Nothing better than marrying your best friend.
What do you think "the one" would be if you found him. What are you expecting to find in him/you?

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 12:27 AM
That's pretty great-sounding.:)

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 12:30 AM
Sorry that comment/? was for Erykah.

I do have a question for you Prin, why do you think he is not "the one". It sounds like he could be by the way you described your relationship. Nothing better than marrying your best friend.
What do you think "the one" would be if you found him. What are you expecting to find in him/you?

lol sorry! :D I don't think he's the one because I don't think there is a "one". :o You just never know where you'll go or who you'll become. My aunt said that you either grow together or grow apart..:shrug: Not sure that applies all the time (as in that it's a choice).

I don't know who my one would be. I never wanted one.:D It just wasn't in my plans. :o

TeriM
January 17th, 2007, 12:40 AM
I didn't vote because my answer would be "Yes....if you are both willing to work things out because life isn't always a bed of roses." ;)


I agree with Rainbow. I voted yes, just yes because I don't believe marriage is absolute no matter what and I also think the "yes, with the right person" is a bit of a cop-out. It is to easy to just say "he/she wasn't the right person" if things don't work out. Hubby and I have been married 8 years and together for a total of 14 :eek: .

I think the whole concept of knowing if he/she "is the one" is a little unrealistic. Movies, books, tv shows etc. lead us to believe that you will hear bells ringing and life will be so blissful with "the one" so when that doesn't reach up and hit you over the head we are sometimes disappointed. There are times when love feels amazing and there are times where you will drive each other nuts.

Dad of Dog's
January 17th, 2007, 01:03 AM
I would like to stick around for a little bit if nobody minds.

What I mean by "the one" is who you think you would like to spend your life with.

What are the things you look for that would make you think ah this is the one.
What are the things that make you think he is not the one.

erykah1310
January 17th, 2007, 01:18 AM
The wife is reading over my shoulder.
She wants me to ask a question, not meant to be rude.
Passing the keyboard over.....

Hi,
If this is a relationship and not just dating why would you waste precious time(life is short) with someone that you are not interested in building a life with. It sounds as if you may be holding him back from finding someone that is right if you already know that you are not that person. If doesn't seem fair if he thinks there is more to your relationship than there is. Does he know that you don't think he is the one you want to marry and spend your life with.

Hi Dad of Dogs wife!
Its not that I am not interested in building a life with him, its just we have been through so SO many hard things ( drinking, trust, faith in me ect..) in our time together and we had a huge meltdown/break up last year, after alot of talking and understanding of how we both feel. He completely knows where I stand on a daily basis ( we made that promise to each other, not to hold back feelings or emotions) I do love him and care deeply for him, but I think that there has been so much hurt feelings over the years previous to our break up, that I now have issues. Actually I know i do. He said he is willing to work WITH me to resolve them. Dont get me wrong we still argue, have differences in opinion and all other "normal" relationship hurdles, but nothing NEAR what was happening before.
As far as the other person that tugs at my heart from time to time, I have no control over those feelings, and he (current bf) understands, as he has admitted to the same thing. However for me, that other guy would just be worse for me than anything. I just feel it deep down.
Like I said its kinda complicated, but yes, we are very open now with each other and are BOTH happy the way things are. No immediate need for children and we both agree that us getting married would sorta freak us both out. I have commitment issues( or fears if you will) and he now understands that just because I dont want to be married, doesnt mean i dont love him.
Hope this clears it up a tad:o

Bearsmom
January 17th, 2007, 01:22 AM
Yup, I believe in marriage for happily ever after. My parents were married for 43 years before my mom died. I plan on working at this marriage thing (and it sometimes is work) for at least that long.

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 01:22 AM
What are the things you look for that would make you think ah this is the one.
What are the things that make you think he is not the one.Must love dogs...
Must be clean.
Must be kind.
Must be honest.
Must be supportive.
Must be caring.
I could go on for a while... But everybody can be those things some of the time, right?

erykah1310
January 17th, 2007, 01:24 AM
It sorta seems that i contradicted myself there, sorry, so im gonna clear up a bit more
He talks marrage but Im not interested, we have discussed it through and through,
By this i meant, it has been discussed both by him and me.

but it just sucks when you have someone pulling at your heart but you know that if you pursued it.. it would be worse than what you have now.

I didnt mean for this to come across as i have it bad right now, more or less what we did go through...

I didnt really know how to reply to the thread with out boring people on my personal situation:shrug: :o

Maya
January 17th, 2007, 02:26 AM
I think everyone should just want each other to be as happy and safe as possible, marriage or not.

happycats
January 17th, 2007, 06:34 AM
My answer isn't there:rolleyes: (your supposed to be the poll queen prin;) ) JK

I think once you bring children into it,I think you owe it to them to work hard to make the marriage work. Leaving is the easy way out (unless there is substance or physical abuse)
Marriage is like a job, sometimes there are many things you have to do but may not want to, or don't feel like it, but you still have to do it, you have to work at it.
I saw a statistic just this week (I think on citypulse) that the average divorce now costs between $15,000 and $30,000 each person!! And that's a friendly one (That's enough to keep me married:eek: )

Hunter's_owner
January 17th, 2007, 07:20 AM
I guess I believe in marriage:shrug: Iti s something that I have always thought about, but now as it gets closer to being something that I will soon do, it just seems like its not a big deal.

I have been with the bf for almost 8 years now. I can't imagine being with anybody else, our lives are built so much around each other now.

But I hear ya Prin, in how do you really know...
Sometimes I have doubts, but I guess everyone has doubts at some point, whether they want to say so or not.

I really agree with what you said about there not really being "the one", where you said you never know where you will go or who you will become.

I would just like to add that I am another person who didn't get along with the bf when we first met. In fact I didn't like him at all:rolleyes: But he has a pesonality very different from most people and he is hard to read unless you get to know him really well.

So yeah, I think that marriage can work, but it has to be something that the 2 people involved are willing to work at and not just let it be:o

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 08:16 AM
i voted "no, it's unrealistic". i may sometimes *hear* of people who have been married for many years and say they are still happy together, but i have a hard time believing that deep down, they never have thoughts of "what if". Many people stick together out of habit, out of convenience, for the kids, for financial reasons, for the family, etc -and not because they truly love each other and would fall apart if they seperated. that,s just fairytale hollywood, IMO.

i'm not jaded or pessimistic, just realistic. :shrug: People change, life circumstances change, dreams change. I think there are more divorces today because it's more acceptable than it was even two generations ago. Humans belong to the animal kingdom and IMO are not designed to be monogamous their entire lives (very few animal species are). You can have more than one soulmate during a lifetime, more than one love, and it's not wrong (if you take religion out of it).

I am a child of divorce (thank goodness my parents split up, they are sooo different that they would have imploded the whole family :eek: ), i am myself divorced and have no regrets. Would i remarry someday? no, don't need the gov'ment paperwork and i never go to church. I'm happy to just "be" with the person I am at the moment, and if later on life circumstances change, then so be it: i look forward to the adventure! falling in love is a drug, being in love is an even better drug, just loving someone is a comforting warm blanket. I want more of all this before i die! :D

chico2
January 17th, 2007, 08:30 AM
Well girls,having been married for 40+years I certainly believe in marriage,my marriage anyway:thumbs up
We are both from disfunctional,divorced parents,not very good childhoods..
However rather than not believing in marriage because of it,it made us fight sooo much harder to stay together and we certainly had our problems,we were very young and had a son before we were married.
I agree,todays young couples,most already with houses,2 cars etc...and wanting more,give up too easy and run home to mom and dad.
We were two lost souls desperate to belong,noone to escape too and I am really glad we did not give up when things got rough,he's my best friend,my other half and we really enjoy beeing emptynesters for the first time in our lives:thumbs up

Bushfire2000
January 17th, 2007, 08:43 AM
I am a romantic at heart. We've been married for 14 years and it just gets better. Yes we have fights(who dosent) but after he agrees that I'm right(LOL) it passes. We come from very different kinds of families but fundimentaly they share the same values of love, family first, loyalty to spouses.

I know my HB loves me because he is letting me fill the house with dogs even though he himself is not a pet person. (Tell that to the dogs that sit at his feet under the table just waiting for acknowledgement from him).
And I know that I love him because I waited 7 years before I started collecting dogs.

I after having watched two of my sisters get divorced and revert to teenage behavior. And after watching my mother revert to teenage behavior after my Dad passed away, Have a thery: women when cut lose from their partners whether by divorce or death revert to the age they were before they got married,etc. Because of this thery I have a firm belief that women can manage very well without a man in their lives. And I am very grateful that I got married after age 30 and that I experienced life as a grown adult before I met my HB. I have every intention of staying married to this wonderful man but I'm still grateful to have had an indapendant life first.

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 08:48 AM
todays young couples,most already with houses,2 cars etc...and wanting more,give up too easy and run home to mom and dad.

hmm that's a rather harsh generalisation chico. are you saying that people should stay together in a loveless marriage just because they have a house & two cars, or whatever? i don't know of anyone personally who terminated a relationship and "ran home to mom and dad" :cool: perhaps because i am not 19 years old anymore. jeez i couldn't WAIT to leave the house at 18 and would rather cut off an arm than move back in with either of my parents, whom i love very much.

Not everyone is as lucky as you to have found contentment in one "better half", i do wish there were more happy people like yourself because you are such a nice person (home happiness brings about social happiness!) BUT personally, i would be sooo bored to be with the same person for so many years... i need the adventure and the change once in a while. And that is also one of the reasons i chose NOT to have children. but that's just me. :)

happycats
January 17th, 2007, 09:00 AM
I do believe happiness has much to do with "state of mind" and poeple who claim to be miserable in their marriage, in some ways choose to be!

Really only you are responsible for your happiness, if you always look at the bad things or are pessimistic, your are destined to fail at marriage, and really at many things in life.

Having a great attitude and outlook on life, and being truly greatful for all the things you "do" have, makes all the difference in the world. JMO

Rick C
January 17th, 2007, 09:54 AM
Our 23rd anniversary is coming up in May so I guess I believe in marriage!!!

Having said that, its probably not necessary in this day and age in our particular culture.

One of my colleagues in the office finally popped the question to his fiance after an eight-year courtship where they were living together. Neither can fully explain why they're getting married as opposed to continuing on as they were before. Maybe its just an extra level of committment.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 10:39 AM
BUT personally, i would be sooo bored to be with the same person for so many years... i need the adventure and the change once in a while. And that is also one of the reasons i chose NOT to have children. but that's just me. I don't get bored. Every day I learn something new about my man. :shrug: We're constantly changing and growing, in 10 years, I won't be with the same person anyway. He's definitely not the man I met 5.5 years ago and I'm not the girl he was after back then anymore either.

And I do think that marriages like Chico's still happen. I know a few people well over 50 who are still madly in love and are best friends. :shrug:

Techo, chico's comment wasn't directed at you. She was saying that even if they're settled in, people still give it all up too soon (reason for the so high divorce rate).:shrug:

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 10:41 AM
Maybe its just an extra level of committment.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

A friend of mine cheated on her man, so she got engaged to show him she was seriously committed. Then she cheated again, so they got married to show him she was more serious. Needless to say, she cheated on him again after being married... She told me once, "You're lucky because you still have two more committment steps ahead of you. There's nothing left I can do to prove I'm committed to my man.." :eek: :eek:

Hunter's_owner
January 17th, 2007, 10:45 AM
Gee that is an odd way of proving commitment:rolleyes:
Maybe not cheating would be the best way to prove commitment.:o

I don't feel that a wedding would make me feel any more committed to my man than I am now.:shrug: Its really just legalities and paperwork:p
I feel like you Prin, that you learn new things all the time, and that you are constantly changing, therefore, the 18-19 year old I was when we first starting dating is much different than the 26 year old I am now. And I know for a fact that my man has changed a lot too.

LM1313
January 17th, 2007, 10:54 AM
Yes. Anecdotally, I know several people who claim to be married and have also seen evidence of paperwork and laws relating to marriage. Therefore, I've concluded that marriage exists.

Now if you're asking me if marriage is a good thing . . . :D

I don't think the high rate of divorces is due to people giving up or getting into marriages too easily (except people like Britney Spears). I think it's that people in past generations had a bunch of societal and even legal pressure to stay in a marriage. It wasn't so long ago that you needed a specific reason to end a marriage, like "he was having an affair."

It's perfectly natural to fall in love. It's also perfectly natural to fall out of love after a few years. Not that it happens to everyone.

The concept of "the one" is pushed on us by romantic movies, etc, but I don't believe it. Traditionally speaking, marriage had nothing to do with love or romance. Probably a good thing considering they used to be able to marry seven year olds to adults! From a contemporary, realistic point of view, people change. You may love the person you married, only to have him change into something you don't love or can't love.

I don't see any tragedy in the ease of or prevelance of dissolving marriages. People SHOULD be able to get out of unhappy situations easily.

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 10:59 AM
of course people change all the time... the question is: do you change in the same direction as your partner, or in different directions? you know? Right now, after 4 years, i'm still happy with my man and i'm trying not to think too far ahead because i need to enjoy today, and not be worried about tomorrow. Do i think to grow old with him? honestly... no. we are too different and i KNOW our needs will, down the road, diverge too far to be reconciled. i'm not going to invest years into trying to keep a relationship above water just for the sake of it, when we both would be happier elsewhere (after the heartbreak of course). :shrug: i don't call that "giving up", i call that being sensible... you only have ONE life :o again this is only my personal view on life and i'm happy with it, but it would not be suited for others judging from what i'm reading here - yay for diversity! :goodvibes:

Rick C
January 17th, 2007, 11:09 AM
In my business, which is like a small village of several hundred people, I see all sorts of marriages.

I see great, life-long love stories . . . . true love and affection.

The most common thing is long-lasting affection solidified by common interests in what might be best described as partnerships. They like each other generally, they get along . . . . but they probably like a little space too.

I see relationships where it appears each is living a different life and that rut is something they find more appealing than the alternative of being alone and in the world again.

I see the aftermath of divorce, the bitterness or heartache . . . . and death. I talk about death with older people quite a bit and quite frankly.

People are interesting. The human dynamic is interesting.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 11:16 AM
Would i remarry someday? no, don't need the gov'ment paperwork and i never go to church.

hahah omg i thought you were married !! :o
Not that it makes any difference, it's just that you acted married and as i said earlier, to me marriage is just like a celebration of love (lol gag :yuck: ) and paperwork in the end means nothing and there's proof people don't need that to make them feel "married".

Frenchy
January 17th, 2007, 11:55 AM
I'm the only one who choose the misery answer :D I think marriage is just a very expensive piece of paper. I will never understand it. And it puts too much pressure on the couple. :shrug:

erykah1310
January 17th, 2007, 12:19 PM
A friend of mine had his heart ripped clear out of his chest on his honeymoon:eek: They were highschool sweethearts, together for 9 years. Got married and the #$%** cheated on him in Cuba on their honey moon! He didnt know until 2 weeks later, they were married for a whole 2 weeks, still going through the divorce ( 2 years later)
Sometimes I guess, you just really dont know what is really going on in the other persons head:shrug:

Shamrock
January 17th, 2007, 01:32 PM
Do you think two people can be married for the rest of their lives?

Yes.

Can two people be "happily" married for the rest of their lives?

Yes, but less often - in my own observations.

I'd say that most people today believe in the "idea" of getting married for life.
Certainly less people are.
These stats might have changed, but saw some time ago that 1 in 3 marriages in Canada ended in divorce, 1 in 2 in the U.S.

Many reasons account for this. Smaller families, better education, women more financially able to support themselves. Religious pressures to stay together have eased. The stigma once associated with divorce is gone.
Those are just a few.

I've been married for 42 years.:eek: longer than anyone I know personally. All 3 of my siblings divorced many years ago. All friends embarked on new relationships or marriages. Sometimes people ask how we have stayed married for so long. Dont know the answer.:D We treat each other with respect,we are both willing to compromise fairly.. and we give each other a fair bit of personal "space". All of these I beleive are important elements to any long term relationship.

People and life's circumstances change. All young married couples strive to grow and change together, but sometimes it just doesnt evolve that way. A life long marriage is a pretty remarkable accomplishment, and can be a truly wonderful union.
It's not in itself a total or true indicator of a happy relationship, though.
And personal happiness is something that should never be sacrificed, imo.

I voted yes, if the right person.. as the closest answer.

Very interesting discussion.:thumbs up

happycats
January 17th, 2007, 01:43 PM
That's amazing Shamrock!!!!

My parents have will be married 45 years this August, and I think that's pretty amazing. But I do believe part of their success is due to the fact that my Mother is more submissive, easy going (or seem's to be).
Does my Mom get her own way ? Does she get what she want's ? More often then my Dad does!
Although she seems to be the more submissive, less argumentative one, I think it's all just an illusion for my father:D I think my Mom run's the show:evil: (don't ever tell my Dad that though).

My parents have been together so long, that they can finish eachothers sentences, and often know what the other is thinking.:lovestruck:

TeriM
January 17th, 2007, 01:44 PM
I do believe happiness has much to do with "state of mind" and poeple who claim to be miserable in their marriage, in some ways choose to be!

Really only you are responsible for your happiness, if you always look at the bad things or are pessimisticm, your are destined to fail at marriage, and really at many things in life.

Having a great attitude and outlook on life, and being truly greatful for all the things you "do" have, makes all the difference in the world. JMO

Well said happycats :thumbs up .

happycats
January 17th, 2007, 01:47 PM
Thank's TerriM:o It's like that song goes "Don't worry, be Happy":D

TeriM
January 17th, 2007, 01:55 PM
today, and not be worried about tomorrow. Do i think to grow old with him? honestly... no. we are too different and i KNOW our needs will, down the road, diverge too far to be reconciled. i'm not going to invest years into trying to keep a relationship above water just for the sake of it, when we both would be happier elsewhere (after the heartbreak of course). :shrug: i don't call that "giving up", i call that being sensible... you only have ONE life :o again this is only my personal view on life and i'm happy with it, but it would not be suited for others judging from what i'm reading here - yay for diversity! :goodvibes:

TD, nothing personal but I think this attitude is why a lot of marriages don't succeed. People are unwilling to invest in the relationship all the way. I also do not believe in staying in a marriage if you are truly miserable but I think that a lot of times people don't respect marriage seriously enough to work things through.

Just curious TD does he feel the same way or does he think that you are the love of his life? I wonder sometimes why people choose to be with someone that they don't think they have a long term future with. I feel that is somewhat selfish as it prevents the other person from possible meeting someone who they could have a long term future with.

FYI, both me and hubby have never-divorced parents and family that have very few divorces. This probably has something to do with my opinions.

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 02:04 PM
Just curious TD does he feel the same way or does he think that you are the love of his life? I wonder sometimes why people choose to be with someone that they don't think they have a long term future with.

he says i'm the love of his life, but i'm looking at things the rational way... he's from australia and hasn't been home in 4 years (since he moved here). His family and friends are all there. he hasn't made any friends here, he works, he comes home, he has me and the dogs and that is IT. I have zero interest in even visiting australia, it's too far and frankly i just don't care, you know? i like it here, i'm happy here, i want to retire in the countryside in a big old house surrounded by dogs and he wants the condo in NYC downtown (exaggeration but to demonstrate the point). so yeah we love each other and things are good now, but for how long? :shrug: dunno. taking it one day at a time and we'll see what happens. but for sure, am happy there will never be any children to complicate matters... i like life with no strings attached. maybe that's why i'm still a renter... rent my home, lease my car... safer that way, easier to bail out and run back to my parents :D (totally joking about the running back to parents!!)

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 02:43 PM
You have time to do it all. :shrug:

Maya
January 17th, 2007, 03:13 PM
i'm not going to invest years into trying to keep a relationship above water just for the sake of it, when we both would be happier elsewhere.I agree.

It's not nice to force anyone to stick to something that is not working for them. I think sometimes it's even an indication that the person who "wants to work things out" may not have their heart in the right place. In my opinion true love means not trapping yourself or others, there isn't going to be much future if the present isn't good. Every situation is different, however I think if we care for another person, we will be able to let them do what makes them happy. If what the other person does makes you un-happy and you both can't come to some agreements or compromise within a limit that allows you to be happy together then maybe it's time to separate. You'll get back together if it's meant to be and keep working on it one day at a time. (Not the same as on one week hate you the next abusive deals) Sometimes difficulties can even bring us closer but I don't think a marriage should be used to tell us how we need to behave. We need to be able to figure out what is right for ourselves and love ones without a certificate.

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 03:21 PM
i'm not going to invest years into trying to keep a relationship above water just for the sake of it, when we both would be happier elsewhereI agree in general but you're wayyyy above water, so why assume the worst is going to happen?

erykah1310
January 17th, 2007, 03:25 PM
if you have been through the "worst" before, sometimes you think that that is how everything is gonna turn out. some people anyway.:shrug:

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 03:26 PM
prin, i know :o but everytime i bring up "wanting a house away from the city", he freaks out. that speaks volumes for our future together :shrug:

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 03:33 PM
Freaks out how? My man used to freak out about leaving the province... Now, I can't keep him here.:D

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 03:36 PM
he's a city boy... he gets really nervous and antsy in the coutryside for some reason. plus he hates the weather here half the year, hasn't made a single friend in 4 years, has made NO move to get a green card (still on a work visa), yadi yadi... Love is one thing, but it isn't everything IMO :frustrated:

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 03:37 PM
But if he marries you, that's all taken care of.:D

And he does have friend...s. Me! :D

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 03:38 PM
TD poor guy!! He's australian (if i remember correctly). They don't like weather below 10 degrees Celcius ;) hehe

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 03:39 PM
yeah, that and do any of us really like the weather here more than 6 months a year?

Stacer
January 17th, 2007, 04:03 PM
I believe in marriage, I don't believe that marriage is for everybody. My husband of 1.5 years and I had discussed many aspects of relationships throughout our our relationship of 6.5 years. In the beginning while we were dating he said that he was uninterested in marriage and could see himself being happy to "just be" with the same person for the rest of his life, he didn't need a piece of paper to tell him that he loves and is committed to a woman. I, on the other hand was looking forward to someday being married to the man I love. I initially thought that our relationship might not go anywhere because of this. We didn't talk alot about it after our relationship became serious. But once in a while there would passing comments and I could gradually see the change in his attitude (with no coersion by me. I 'd like to think that his love for me made him change his mind as he'd never been in love before, so how could he know what his heart would want? ). I honestly don't remember the point where his mind was changed. We moved in together after 2 years and the discussions about our relationship were mainly about us getting married one day. I never once pressured him into marriage despite the badgering by my family and his. I had no idea he was going to ask me when he did. And I wasn't in any rush to get married, I just knew that's what I wanted from our relationship because of the way that I felt about him.

When people ask what's the difference if you're married or together commom-law for the rest of your lives I don't really have and answer, I just know that it feels right for both of us. I can't say that our marriage will stand the test of time, nobody can, but I'd like to think that we can do it. Both of our parents have and our grandparents. Although my mom is the only one out of 8 siblings to have a successful marriage. :shrug:

On a side note: Before I met my husband I was sure I would never have kids, the thought terrrified me. After falling madly in love with him, it was a strange thing, I started to have these feelings that I wanted to make babies with him, that he was the one person that I thought I could do that with and not feel so overwhelmed by it.

LM1313
January 17th, 2007, 04:13 PM
In the US, a big reason to marry is for the legal benefits. For example, if your loved one is in an accident, you'll be more likely to get in to see them and be able to make medical decisions on their behalf (if they're in a coma or something) than if you're just girlfriend/boyfriend. In Canada that may not be the case, as I believe common law marriages are recognized after a certain number of years?

chico2
January 17th, 2007, 04:14 PM
TD,the running home to mom comment was definetly not directed at you, I know several friends(my age)who have a problem with married daughters/sons escaping to mom/dad because they cannot work out any little problem..we,hubby and I never had a safe haven.
We were young,I was 18,he 19,but with plenty of life experiences behind us.
We,like you and your BF were from different countries,me Sweden,he France,totally different temperaments.Him a typical Taurus,me a typical Capricorn.
But we basically wanted the same things in life,not necessarily kids,but in those days,once you were married you had kids(and sometimes before:) )
If you really love someone,you'll have fun together,travel and do things if possible,if you are bored in a relationship,it's time to end it IMO.
When the question of moving to Canada came up,I was not happy about it,at first,the big unknown was very scary and very far away,I was very comfortable in our little niche in Sweden.
But we went,kids,furniture and all and I have never regretted it.
Boredom,has never entered our relationship and at this stage of our lives I don't think it ever will,but sure,life is not a constant party,all happiness,things happen,things you did not plan,but if you love each other,you'll support each other and work things through
I don't think marriage per say is what's important and I believe if young people today chose not to get married,or have kids,that's perfectly ok.
It was a little different in the 60's when we had our $50 wedding:D

Skryker
January 17th, 2007, 04:25 PM
I haven't voted yet because I'm still trying to figure out the best choice, but here goes an answer: Do I believe in marriage? I believe that's it's a legal entity all about property rights. Do I believe in committed relationships that can last a lifetime? Absolutely! I just think that the form of that commitment doesn't have to be a legal marriage. And it's an individual thing-everyone probably has a different way of expressing that commitment.

My parents are coming up on 45 years married this summer. That's quite an example to live with-and yet, I grew up with them joking that they never got married. Thing was, all of their friends who got married the same summer that they did got divorced. So Dad's logic was "Can't get divorced if you never got married." Their way of whistling past the graveyard, I guess. Sooooo, maybe I have mixed messages! And my sister's 27 year marriage has just died it's last lingering gasp after 3 hellish years of dying.

I think that you are exactly as committed as you want to be, with or without a piece of paper. My Dad would be just as married without it (and I've seen the marriage certificate, so I know they really are married:D ), my former BIL was just as uncommitted WITH that piece of paper. My brother and I are both in 10 year live-in relationships without the benefit of legal blessings, but consider ourselves married.

Is it always easy? For me, yeah, it mainly is. I think we lucked out. I know that my past relationships were anything but easy, and my guy had the same experiences. After 10 years, we are still shocked that things work so well.:shrug: We still both periodically look at each other and get what he describes as "being hit in the face with a shovel, but in a good way!". So, TD, I guess I lucked out in that I get the warm comfy blanket everyday, with period shots of the falling in love and being in love drug, too.

Do I think that everyone has a "one"? I don't know. More like, everyone has a type of one, maybe-a personality type that would work best for you. (My hubby just added "Yeah, you found your tin-foil wrapped geek! Well, he IS that, and my knight in shining armour, too. :lovestruck: ). I don't know if everyone will ever find that or not. I certainly wish it for everyone.

Skryker
January 17th, 2007, 04:37 PM
Boredom,has never entered our relationship and at this stage of our lives I don't think it ever will,but sure,life is not a constant party,all happiness,things happen,things you did not plan,but if you love each other,you'll support each other and work things through


I think you've hit on an important thing, chico-I think people give up because of boredom, or when things stop being fun.

We've had 10 typical years together-we've gone through some hellish things as well as times where everything was fantastic. Most of the time, it's life. We work, we hang out, ect. Through all of it, there has always been mutual love and support no matter how not fun life was at the time. I can't imagine going through some of it without him. We always seem to hang on to the idea that life gets better; no bad stuff lasts forever, and when it's over, things will be fun again-and all the more fun because we'll be together.

(Now I have to go and check my blood sugar-I'm being a real sap today. :o )

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 04:41 PM
Skryker, that's so adorable.:)

4thedogs
January 17th, 2007, 05:10 PM
I hear so many people say well if it doesn't work out I can always get a divorce. I think this mind set going in will often end in divorce the second it get tough.

Maybe it should be tougher to get married in the first place. I have heard some say that maybe a marriage license should be given similar to a drivers license.

Not everyone may want to get married but for those who do, they should really take it more serious.

heidiho
January 17th, 2007, 05:25 PM
I think marriage is something society tells us we are supposed to do,do i think it is in our make up to be with one person forever,no..I think it is also harder for men to be with one person and be faithful to that person forever,i think just like in the wild men have this need to conquer,not all men,but lots of them,hopefully mine doesnt do it.:laughing: :laughing: Do i believe there is someone for everyone,no.....I think it takes tons of work and in some cases willpower to be with the same person for 20,30,40 years,i think nowadays waiting til your older gives you alot better chance of a great marriage,so do i believe in it,yes,but nowadays it jsut seems like changing underwear for some people,and it has lost its true meaning and makes me not want to be part of that institution........

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 08:27 PM
In Canada that may not be the case, as I believe common law marriages are recognized after a certain number of years?Not in Qc anyway... A lot of people are common law here and they believe that because they file their taxes together, it's like being married, but it isn't. If my man dies, his mom and dad get the house. If he's sick, his parents make the decisions. Unless he was to legally sign over the power of attorney to me, I'm legally nowhere. :shrug:

Skryker, are you having a good relationship day, or what? :D :cloud9:

Maya
January 17th, 2007, 10:26 PM
Skryker, that's so sweet you have a night in shining tin foil, it made me a bit teary.:o :lovestruck:

Prin Quote:In Canada that may not be the case, as I believe common law marriages are recognized after a certain number of years?

Not in Qc anyway... A lot of people are common law here and they believe that because they file their taxes together, it's like being married, but it isn't. If my man dies, his mom and dad get the house. If he's sick, his parents make the decisions. Unless he was to legally sign over the power of attorney to me, I'm legally nowhere.

Hmm that's something to think about. It would be nice to have some kind of arrangement.

prin, i know but everytime i bring up "wanting a house away from the city", he freaks out. that speaks volumes for our future together

He might change but I can see how you wouldn't want to bet on it.

My b/f talked for a while about wanting to be near his family but there's no way that would work for me, they are awful.:yuck: Lately he seems to have changed his mind. It's difficult to say how things will turn out though.

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 10:58 PM
It's difficult to say how things will turn out though.

Maya i agree... hence "one day at a time" but with an eye to the future, of course... we didn't get two wonderful dogs AKA KIDS to have them suffer through a seperation and live in stress... we are committed to this family. i'm thinking more longterm... in 20 years? no idea where i'll be or who i'll be with, and this very "mystery" is quite thrilling i must say! :D :p

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 10:59 PM
lol Funny how you side-step all the great success stories straight to Maya's post.:D

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 11:01 PM
you guys are squishing my every hope of a fairytale relationship and a man who says "but jiorji, i've been waiting for you my WHOLE LIFE!!if i don't have you, i have NOTHING:yell: " :laughing: :laughing:

sigh...one can dream :cloud9:

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 11:07 PM
Hey, it can happen! :D Only not quite like that... More of a, "Yeah, I guess you're ok." :D

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 11:08 PM
Funny how you side-step all the great success stories straight to Maya's post

bein non :clown: just agreeing that you never know how things will turn out. just for the record though... i don't *want* to spend the rest of my life with just one man. too boring (for ME). but i find it awesome that others do, it stabilizes this crazy world, ya know? :highfive:

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 11:11 PM
More of a, "Yeah, I guess you're ok." :D

not in my relationship!
we will write poems to each otehr everyday and snuggle every night and everytime my man gets inspired by something,(he'll be a writer or something neat like that) he will stop and tell me what he feels in his heart *tear* :cloud9:

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 11:11 PM
i don't *want* to spend the rest of my life with just one man.

I didn't want to either.. Never even considered it. But then I got me a man who was different and better in so many ways that it's hard to risk all that for potential crap. :o You know? He's not perfect, but he's the most perfect I've had around so far- and no, my ex's quality didn't go up each time either...:D

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 11:14 PM
not in my relationship!
we will write poems to each otehr everyday and snuggle every night and everytime my man gets inspired by something,(he'll be a writer or something neat like that) he will stop and tell me what he feels in his heart *tear* :cloud9:

Sounds like you want my friend's hubby... No comment, but you know what I'm thinking right? (see post 44) ;)

technodoll
January 17th, 2007, 11:15 PM
not in my relationship!
we will write poems to each otehr everyday and snuggle every night and everytime my man gets inspired by something,(he'll be a writer or something neat like that) he will stop and tell me what he feels in his heart *tear*

jiorji.. gay men don't date women! LOL :D

prin i agree you have a GREAT man there... totally great. :lovestruck: and i know i do, too! but my track record so far shows a pattern... my mom is actually taking me for a girl-spa day to talk about it soon :eek: she is concerned about me... says she sees a pattern and i'm not happy... what the?? :confused: and she adores my man!

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 11:21 PM
I know a good shrink, if you want one.:D You just can't let yourself (and your baggage) get in the way of you being happy. My insecurities and doubts should have broken me and my man up a gazillion times already, but against my instincts, I always came back. It's easy to run away and hard to stay sometimes, but I know what I have on a good day, and I'm not about to through that away because some a****** screwed me up a gazillion years ago.

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 11:24 PM
Well, Jiorji, there's hope see? The poll says 19 yes : 4 no... Love wins! :D Ok, maybe not love, but you know... :D

jiorji
January 17th, 2007, 11:36 PM
i don't get what you mean by post 44 :confused:

i would never cheat nor do i want a cheatee. They're too clingy :shrug:
I don't think marriage is the answer to prove commitment. I guess it's just the icing on the cake.



Mind you, one of my aunts when she came to visit from Romania was all over me pestering me asking when i'm getting married and why i don't have a bf. ANd if i don't can she set me up with someone?!?! :shrug: lol

Prin
January 17th, 2007, 11:37 PM
lol No, I meant a guy can only take cheating for so long, right? But since you don't want cheatees... nevermind.:D

Maya
January 17th, 2007, 11:41 PM
Originally Posted by prin
Funny how you side-step all the great success stories straight to Maya's post Hey mine was a success story.:p

I think it should just kind of happen and you sort of know. People kept saying that though and I got confused and kept thinking it was happening. Then I met the "perfect" guy and thought it happened, then "the right one" came along, exhausting really.

chico2
January 18th, 2007, 07:44 AM
Prin,I always thought a common-law relationship,was considered equal to marriage all over Canada.
My son,after a divorce has been with his g/f for several years and even though she did not contribute to their house,but does contribute in other ways,will in a breakup get 50/50.

I must admit,one thing that bothers me today is the trend to party until you are 40+,then decide to have babies,a last little trophy.
I don't recommend having babies too young,like we did,since we really had nothing before the babies happened,but 40+ IMO is risky,both to the mothers and babies. Another debate:stork-baby: ??

Golden Girls
January 18th, 2007, 08:52 AM
Very very interesting posts :) I almost know some of you better ;)

My theory on marriage: you have to like yourself, know who you are and be happy with yourself when your all alone. Knowing what your needs are and what your willing to compromise prior. Otherwise Mr Perfect (if there is such a thing)can be standing right in front of you only you won't see him. No one is responsible for your happiness or sadness but yourself.

Do I believe in marriage, it's not for me to say < -- but the two people getting married or are must believe :) Personally, I have no intention of re-marrying and I have been in the same relationship for 14 years. I just don't see getting a marriage certificate as a bonding security deposit nor will I love him any less or more ... so legally I guess I'm single :)

meb999
January 18th, 2007, 08:52 AM
I guess my answer is very predictable since I'm getting married in october :D

I think if you have the right person, and a strong foundation to build on, then you can make it work and it can be amazing :lovestruck:

Nic and I have been together for 10 years (5 of which we've been living together) Our relationship is strong...we've had our ups and downs, but have worked through them, and we have a very strong loving relationship to build a mariage on.

PRIN -- when he's the one you know. I agree with what you've heard : you just know. I think you should revisit that list you made (must love dogs, must be supportive, etc).

Alot of people have replied that being in a serious relatioship with a house is like mariage. Well legally it really isn't. Mariage has alot more financial and legal implications and obligations, but I won't bore you with those details :o even though family law and matrimonial law are my absolute favs!!:D

Maya
January 19th, 2007, 01:24 PM
My theory on marriage: you have to like yourself, know who you are and be happy with yourself when your all alone. Knowing what your needs are and what your willing to compromise prior. Otherwise Mr Perfect (if there is such a thing)can be standing right in front of you only you won't see him. I agree it's difficult to see "Mr Right" if you don't know yourself very well.

Rottielover
January 19th, 2007, 01:53 PM
I voted no..... I do not, and can never see myself living with one person. I have always been a loner.
There are many things about me I can never sacrifice, and to be honest I love being single. But do have some days where I wish there was someone here to cuddle with. That is what harley is for, lol

trippincherri
January 19th, 2007, 11:06 PM
I myself believe that marriage is definitley right for some people, but just not for me.
I want to be with my man for ever if that's possible, but I do not want to marry him. I think I have deep commitment phobia :laughing: .
He is in every aspect perfect for me, but the thought of being married scares me to death. I think it is too huge of a step and I am not ready for it, not even after 7 years of being together.

What if after 5 years of marriage something goes wrong? Divorce is messy and expensive. We actually broke up 4 years ago and I moved out and just deciding who was going to take what furniture was a disaster, I couldn't imagine fighting over kids and a house!!
I too am not going to have children, due to medical reasons, but even if there were no medical reasons I still wouldn't have kids.
I used to think I did but not anymore, I like my life the way it is, and I am content with just my pets and my man.

I do think you can have true love more than once, and that yes there may be a "soulmate" out there for all of us, but in the end when it really comes down to it, I don't believe marriage is as important as it used to be.
I am just as married as anyone else out there in a relationship, only I am without a ring and I see no problems with that.
If you are happy in this moment RIGHT NOW then don't change, be who you want to be and WITH whom you want to be.

Prin
January 20th, 2007, 11:49 AM
PRIN -- when he's the one you know. I agree with what you've heard : you just know. I think you should revisit that list you made (must love dogs, must be supportive, etc).
lol he does love dogs and he is supportive (when he has to be)... It's hard because there are things that he just wasn't raised to do. I can't fault him for those because he just doesn't know. And as he learns, he does do them. I blame his parents.:D His parents were so forceful and isolated him because of his asthma that you can see it in him. When he was sick, they freaked instead of being comforting, and as a result, he doesn't know how to comfort. So I explain it and he does it.:D I keep telling him his next girlfriend is going to get the best guy ever.:D

Alot of people have replied that being in a serious relatioship with a house is like mariage. Well legally it really isn't. Mariage has alot more financial and legal implications and obligations, but I won't bore you with those details :o even though family law and matrimonial law are my absolute favs!!:DI think you should... I think you should go over the details so somewhere in the world, there is something written by somebody who knows that says you don't get half the house just because you're a conjoint. :D People don't believe me. Maybe here, but not in real life. :D "Nah, it can't be! There are so many people living common-law that there's no way the govt doesn't recognize it!" :rolleyes:

meb999
January 20th, 2007, 05:04 PM
I think you should... I think you should go over the details so somewhere in the world, there is something written by somebody who knows that says you don't get half the house just because you're a conjoint. :D People don't believe me. Maybe here, but not in real life. :D "Nah, it can't be! There are so many people living common-law that there's no way the govt doesn't recognize it!" :rolleyes:

yup...you can live with the guy for 30 years and give him 10 children...if the house is in his name and he kicks you out to move in little miss-new-boobs...you're OUT without a penny!!

Stacer
January 20th, 2007, 05:36 PM
For us, we saw getting married as the last step to making our relationship complete, coming full circle. We were both of the feeling that what is the point of investing so much time and love on a person if you have no intentions of spending the rest of your life with them? It seems like such a waste. We actually have a friend whose GF broke up with him (even though she loved him) because she knew they wouldn't be together forever and she didn't want to keep him from finding the love of his life. He was fine with allowing the relationship to be what it would be, but I think she had guilty feelings because she knew he wasn't "the one" for her. Perfect example of "if you love something, let it go".

wdawson
January 20th, 2007, 05:55 PM
After 17 yrs being married,things are great,would not change anything....and besides it took 17 yrs of training to get here:eek: ........just kidding........honeymoon still going on here.........once a week:D

tully
January 22nd, 2007, 04:54 PM
Yes! I have been married for 18 years and plan on staying that way until one of us goes. The first year was the pits so there was no where to go except up. I have learned marriage is a life long journey! The problem, I think, is that a lot of people think marriage is like your first year of dating. Your first year of dating is all about chemistry! Sooner or later, especially when the kids come, that changes. If you aren't ready for a long haul than no you shouldn't get married. Both parties bring all their baggage with em so it is hard work. Work well worth it though. If you have the steadfast decision that you are in it for the long haul, you won't be disappointed. If you are looking to grow as a person, I can't think of a better way to bring it about than by marriage! I love my husband, my kids and my doggies. I can't imagine my life if they weren't in it. It all started with my man and me so without him I wouldn't be me now!

papillonmama
January 22nd, 2007, 07:14 PM
Wow, that sure was a deep conversation.

My hubby and I are not in a conventional marriage. We have made a committment to each other. Not considered a marriage in Canada, but it is to us. We're in it together, forever.

This man is for me. He's the one. I know because I dont' feel like we always have to be doing something together all the time or talking about everything all the time, we can share silence and be content just to be, and because even when it's just a glance I know that he feels the same love for me. I know because we're the same people, but we're two different people, like we're the same in so many ways and all the ways that we aren't the same make up for what we each lack as a single person. He's my strength when I'm weak, and I am his.:lovestruck:

Wow, I might use that in this years valentine's day card.

But. I used but as a sentance, because I wanted the but to be very very important, because, we are very monogamous people. I never would have trusted any of my ex's with the same type of arrangement that we have, even if they promised that sort of thing I never would have believed them.

So I guess my opinion is, lifelong committment is lifelong committment. Do you really have to be married for it to be a committment? If you want to live the rest of your life with someone then you should, but marriage is just a ceremony where you are showing everyone how committed you are to someone, and really you can have that just between you and your partner, if you really mean it, then it's there already, and whether or not you need everyone to see you both make your vows is really up to you.

tully
January 23rd, 2007, 12:48 PM
:goodvibes: I wanted to add that I think a lot of people get married because they think together they make a whole. You know that line "You complete me"? I think that is where we go wrong in this idea of marriage and or long term relationships. Each person needs to make their own whole. If one is looking for someone else to complete them; I think that person should go off and complete themsevles first. Knowing yourself is the best gift you can give yourself and to those around you! :pawprint:

doggy lover
January 23rd, 2007, 05:57 PM
My 25 anniversary is this summer. I think that marriage is good and not something you jump into easily. If something happened to my hubby I wouldn't do it again. I believed that when I had kids that we should be married, its nice that we all have the same last name and its more stable for them. Mind you I don't believe you should stay in a relationship for the children, that isn't fair on anyone. I worked with a girl who has 5 kids all different relationships all had their fathers last name, I don't know how she kept them straight. How confusing for the children.
My hubby and I come from long lasting marriages, both our parents are going onto their 50th year. So maybe that did have an affect on us and our grandparents were married till death separated them. Believe me it has not always been easy but we started dating at 14 and 17, we have grown up togeather more or less and have always been close friends as well as a couple.

Prin
January 23rd, 2007, 08:39 PM
Wow, eh? 14 and 17! Congrats to you Doggy lover.:)

LynLyn
January 24th, 2007, 08:07 PM
Both my parents had multiple divorces, so I don't have the rosiest view on marriage.

I see so many divorces and separations that it discourages me, but then I hear stories about people that have been together for so many years and love eachother, and even though I have not seen my parents and friends make a marriage work, I want to try.

I want to be the exception, I want to be one of those that last FOREVER. I don't know if I can do it, but I'll never know until I try.

Kristin7
January 24th, 2007, 08:20 PM
I just don't know. Haven't been married and have passed on a few opportunities over the years. It never seemed like the best idea for me. Guess I haven't met the 'right' guy yet. I did used to be opposed to the idea, but it doesn't sound so bad anymore. It could even be kinda nice, I think. I know so many who have gotten divorced though. Three out of the 5 weddings I have been in have ended and didn't last very long. I'm sure they thought it was a good idea at the time. For all those, it wasn't apparent there was much work to even try and stay together, although I was not in the relationship so don't know for sure. Also, over the last few years several married men have hit on me. I try and mind my own business and certainly am not throwing myself at them. Most of them I work with and had to interact with them on some level. It just bothers me. Do their wives know they do this? How do you tell? What brings it on? Maybe that is normal. My parents have been married for 40 years and I can't say that I believe 100% they never cheated or at least thought about it. I think that I do believe in the idea of marriage but do know that it is often a lot of work. At some point maybe it is just too much work and you have to know when to throw in the towel to save yourIselves rather than being miserable. But sometimes if you do get thru the bad times the relationship can be even stronger for it. My longest relationship was 7 years so it did seem like we were married really. However, there is a difference, maybe not mentally, but certainly legally, at least here in the States. If you want full legal rights as a married partner, then it seems like a good idea. People get sick, die, split up, etc. In some circumnstances I would imagine that it is better to be married, although I understand what people are saying about how you can be fully committed w/o that piece of paper. Ok, long enough...