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the "don't" list!!!

technodoll
January 8th, 2007, 07:58 PM
(crossposted...)

Does it seem like every time you try and post a question or comment to a dog list, you get yourself into trouble? If so, then this list is for you. If you religiously follow all of the rules on this Official DON'T list, you'll never get in trouble again...

DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will cause aggression problems down the road.

DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is just another word for small cage.

DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to sleep outside, he would have covered their body with hair to keep them warm.

DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing with him all the time.

DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual dog requires considerable time and energy, and it is impossible for a responsible dog owner to spend quality time with more than two dogs.

DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack animals, and five dogs is the minimum number for proper socialization.

DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists who want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog sawdust.

DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the nutrients.

DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other harmful bacteria.

DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink.

DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the head for thinking that someone else cares about your silly little opinions.

DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule nonetheless.

DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth.

DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief will cut off the tattooed ear.

DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a tripod before you can say Ginsu.

DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on something and choke.

DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away without any identification.

DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow sufficient air flow.

DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire crate transforms into a doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate.

DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in many states.

DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.

DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B."

DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints.

DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send their beloved pet with a complete stranger.

DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a great dog, and he deserves a much better handler than you will ever be.

DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with temperament and health problems.

DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact, if you're thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead.

DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a log or something, which is quite painful.

DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that are needed for proper functioning of the kidneys.

AND, the #1 DON'T ....

DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new hat.

One more Don't: Don't give money to organizations that are fully capable of making all of the above absurdities Law!! Nothing worse than a government idiot forcing their ideas down your throat...... . No right is too small to fight for... Don't lose yours! :thumbs up

Rottielover
January 8th, 2007, 08:00 PM
I do alot of those things, guess I am bad

Frenchy
January 8th, 2007, 08:05 PM
DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed.


nooooooooo , but , but, where will they sleep :(

heidiho
January 8th, 2007, 08:10 PM
I am confused is this list for real??I mean who can really afford or have the space for 5 dogs???That means pretty much everyone shoudlnt have their dog.

mafiaprincess
January 8th, 2007, 08:17 PM
No it's not real.. It's a joke...
Lot of lines say the opposite in the next don't.. you can't do both of them...

heidiho
January 8th, 2007, 08:28 PM
oops blonde moment

technodoll
January 8th, 2007, 08:44 PM
DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule nonetheless.

DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth.


:D if you get to these bits, you'll definitely know if it's a joke :D

hazelrunpack
January 8th, 2007, 09:18 PM
LOL TD! :laughing: Thanks ...sigh... I feel much better now! :thumbs up I really needed a good laugh!

OntarioGreys
January 8th, 2007, 09:40 PM
LOL no wonder I am always in trouble :p

brandynva
January 8th, 2007, 10:46 PM
That was cute! I thought I was in trouble reading the first couple, then I realized what it was. Made me laugh. :laughing:

Mocha's mum
January 8th, 2007, 11:22 PM
Hey, sounds like a list the army would send out with their routine orders!!! :laughing: Thanks for the laugh, I sure needed that one. :thumbs up

technodoll
January 8th, 2007, 11:52 PM
kinda makes you go hmmmmmm, doesn't it? :D

Peepmouse
January 9th, 2007, 12:14 AM
:laughing: :laughing: ROTFLMAO!! I was a little worried at first until I noticed that the next rule always contradicts the one above it:D That's a good one!:highfive:

Tommysmom
January 9th, 2007, 12:15 AM
LOL. Good laugh, I love it!

joeysmama
January 9th, 2007, 12:34 AM
Too cute. I liked the "don't poke yourself in the eye" bit the best, but they were all funny !

erykah1310
January 9th, 2007, 12:48 PM
Its cute and funny thats for sure , but its so true in a sense. It seems that no matter what you post about on a forum there is someone out there who is gonna have a problem with the way you're doing things. :laughing:
Oh well thats just the way she be... if we all agreed these places would be BORING (just like conformation :rolleyes: :laughing: )

rainbow
January 9th, 2007, 07:02 PM
Tee hee....I thought it was cute. :D

Byrd
January 9th, 2007, 07:18 PM
OMG The microchip one almost made me pee my pants!!!! :D

technodoll
January 9th, 2007, 11:41 PM
DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new hat.

:D don't tell my dogs that... neither of them have any whiskers :D

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j129/technodoll/P1010013-2.jpg

Prin
January 10th, 2007, 02:13 AM
But some are true and have no contradictions...:shrug:

DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink.
(bowls made of some plastics)

technodoll
January 10th, 2007, 10:05 AM
sure there is a contradiction!

"don't let your dog drink out of the toilet, it puts drool on the seat!"

"don't let your dog drink out of a metal bowl, in the winter outside it can freeze and your dog's tongue will stick to the bowl"

"don't let your dog drink, or he will pee"

:D :D

Prin
January 10th, 2007, 06:09 PM
Ahh, but drinking out of a metal bowl indoors is ok.:D



(but then if the dog kicks the bowl, the noise will scare him/her away from drinking forever! :D)