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Questions couples should ask before marrying

Rick C
January 5th, 2007, 12:04 PM
This has been on the New York Times most e-mailed story list for about three weeks so I assume people are finding some relevance in it . . . . questions the two of you should ask before marrying.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?em&ex=1168146000&en=986ff8450dcc0d90&ei=5087%0A

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

meb999
January 5th, 2007, 05:02 PM
good to know...thanks for posting Rick....I guess I'll be having a discussion with my groom-to-be http://foolstown.com/sm/mar.gif

Byrd
January 5th, 2007, 05:13 PM
We have discussed most of that. The religion one (kids and religion) was a really big issue.... so far the only one though.

Prin
January 5th, 2007, 05:21 PM
There's a tiny (but pretty disproportionately expensive) book called "The Hard Questions". It's about 100 pages of questions, divided into different topics, meant to bring everything out in the open. I bought it a while ago, thinking I might not know everything I "had" to know, but I could pretty well answer everything for my man and he could for me... :o

Shamrock
January 5th, 2007, 05:33 PM
Very interesting Rick. Sound questions of real relevance, I'd say.:thumbs up

Sometimes people just assume they know the stance of their loved one on important issues.
I've seen a couple of instances personally where this proved to be a HUGE stumbling block to young couples - after the fact.:(

Prin
January 5th, 2007, 05:46 PM
Ok, married couples, I'm wondering, won't these three cause problems later?

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each otherís financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

"Honey, it says here in the book, we wrote it down. YOU do the dishes, not me."
or
"Honey, I don't care if you're sick. You said you would be the primary caregiver."
or
"Honey, why haven't you been saving $1000 a month like you said you would? So what if you're working a minimum wage job!?"

You know? Of course that's exaggerated, but seems to me, those three alternate depending on ability and stresses, etc. Not something you plan ahead.:o (Having kids or not, yes, but not who does the caregiving...)

Ah, well, I'm doomed anyway because I don't like a lot of my man's friends and definitely don't get along with his family well at all.:eek: :o

joeysmama
January 6th, 2007, 03:36 PM
I don't like a lot of my man's friends and definitely don't get along with his family well at all.

Wow ! Welcome to my world ! My husband had one friend who would just make my skin crawl.:yuck: (To be fair, there were one or two that I liked ok but never really "clicked" with their wives so spending time together felt like a big sacrifice for me.) And I could tell in-law stories that you wouldn't even believe ! (And to be fair again, so could he !)


But at the end of the day, they're not here and he is--and I like him just fine. (Most days;) )

Prin
January 6th, 2007, 03:57 PM
Phew then! My man has a couple that make my skin crawl. Just creepy. Sooo creepy. They don't know where we live though (at my request).

erykah1310
January 6th, 2007, 06:05 PM
Creapy friends.... wow, we have our hands full of them here.:frustrated: his and mine. ( yup i think some of MY own friends can be creapy lol)

TMac
January 6th, 2007, 10:55 PM
Ok, married couples, I'm wondering, won't these three cause problems later?

You know? Of course that's exaggerated, but seems to me, those three alternate depending on ability and stresses, etc. Not something you plan ahead.:o (Having kids or not, yes, but not who does the caregiving...)


I have been married for 6.5 years now and yes - the answers to these questions CAN change. However, it is still VERY good to talk about them before you get married in case one of you says something that is waaaaaay too off-base for the other person! (e.g. There is no way in h-ll I will do X)

By the way, the question about kids can change too! We both agreed that we'd "probably end up having kids" but now we don't know for sure and we're having a tough time deciding!! So - even that one can change!!