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Advertisement Potpourri

January 2nd, 2007, 09:19 PM
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning: this spray is harmful to bees."

A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals."

On an ocean buoy for determining the position of submarines: "Protect from seawater."

On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."

For Sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.

For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

January 3rd, 2007, 02:16 AM
You forgot the one for the fruit arrangement- "do not let passenger hold arrangement while the car is in motion.." :eek:

January 3rd, 2007, 07:43 AM
TD,thank's that's hilarious

January 3rd, 2007, 10:05 AM
he he! prin you should submit that one to the "master list"! :D