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Gotta Love the Irish

December 4th, 2006, 03:44 AM
Only the Irish have Jokes Like These Oldies ......

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

************************************************** ************************************************** *******

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

************************************************** ************************************************** ********

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

December 4th, 2006, 01:28 PM
Hmmm... interesting and kinda cute but while we Irish do laugh at ourselves and have a great sense of humour, for some reason, I find it important to point out that Ireland has the lowest per capita amt of alcoholism in the world. Amazing how the US stereotype of the plastic paddy - think of the "paddy" wagon, that's where that came from and my grandmother, who adored Irish jokes, considered that name "an ethnic slur". Then again, she was the Galway - the western Irish can be a tad more serious - they had it much rougher during the Great Hunger. Few of us really believe it was a famine - given that food was being exported out of the country by England like crazy. I would not as far as some and term it genocide but some of my relatives do. (My ex husband did too but that's a whole other story, lol)

That said, I have to add two she particularly liked and keep in mind she was very republican (small r and = nationalist, not to be confused with the party of the same name in the US):

An English man and an Irish man are driving head on at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, who toasts, "May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, who replies: ''No thanks, I'll just wait till the Garda get here!''

Murphy sat in a Belfast confessional. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I've blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!" "All right, my son," admonished the priest. "For penance, do the stations!"

At my grandfather's funeral, the Priest - an Irishman himself (my grandfather was born in Dublin) - uttered several jokes, the best one about the inability of some poor soul to find a Mr. Murphy's tombstone in a certain cemetery. He finally did find one that said "Bridget Murphy" and queried the man's widow. about the stone. That's it"s, she replied, "everything's in my name!" (and even tho my grandfather was a Judge, most of the assets were in my grandmother's name, herself being quite the Irish matriarch and we all roared with laughter. We also had fiddlers and Danny Boy with the Derry air of course sung at the funeral. But I digress!

People still talk bout that funeral, best time they had in years!! (Tho admittedly - I still have a tough time passing greeting cards for grandparents without welling up in tears. I was extremely close to them.)

We are already getting ready for St. Patrick's Day, of course, :)

December 4th, 2006, 05:07 PM
LOL Rainbow. I love the second one, I'll have to pass it on to my friend who loves Guiness.

December 5th, 2006, 12:51 AM
Hmmm... interesting and kinda cute but while we Irish do laugh at ourselves and have a great sense of humour, for some reason, I find it important to point out that Ireland has the lowest per capita amt of alcoholism in the world. Uhh... not to start a debate or anything, but while I was living in Ireland, I found the alcoholism sickening. Every night, in every doorway, there was a passed out drunk. People who admit they're alcoholics are shunned and have to go to AA super secretly. The rule there (at least in the south where I was) is as long as you drink in public, you're not an alcoholic. :sad:

December 5th, 2006, 03:16 PM
I too was in Ireland for a bit and one of the things I noticed was the amount of drinking that took place, an exorbitant amount. I could never live there, I'd never keep up. All social life revolves around a pint.

December 5th, 2006, 03:21 PM
That was definately cute Rainbow, I liked the second one as well....

December 5th, 2006, 03:32 PM
I liked them all and I'm a taddybasher through and through. I think the sign of an evolved and mature civilization is the ability to both laugh at and reflect upon the stereotypes others have of us. So, for the other bogtrotters on the board who are up for a good crack and would think it the height of poor manners to say no to a lick ~ keep 'em coming...:thumbs up