Will the guilt I feel ever go away?

Eleven years ago, I bought a beutiful blonde and white, or should I say sable collie. I brought her home, and named her Lady.
No matter how old Lady became, she always acted like a puppy, she loved affection! I remember when my husband had brokin his leg, Lady had just givin birth to puppies which were premature, we were able to save one. Anyway, Lady would follow my husband from the frontroom to the bedroom carrying her puppy with her. I believe she was watching out for both her baby and my husband. She would always watch out for our cats kittin's. She was a mother to everything helpless and small!
Three months ago Lady got to where she wasn't walking as good as she use to. I had thought it was some form of arthritis due to her getting old.I noticed to that she was not hearing as well as she use to, and it seemed her eyesight was failing her. Again, I thought this was all due to perhaps old age.
Two days before Thanksgiving, Lady was in heat, every dog in the neighborhood was after her, so in the house she stayed! She started bleeding, so I figured this was just her cycle, and it would be over in a week or so! Two days after thanksgiving I noticed she wasn't eating, and seemed to be getting very weak! I thought it was because she was loosing iron through her blood.My thought was, that after her cycle, she would get her strength back, and be herself again! Well, the third night after Thanksgiving, I had just got done going downstairs to check on her, other then being tired, she seemed fine. I went on to bed. I woke to the sound of her barking like alittle puppy. I ran downstairs! Lady seemed to be in pain! I checked her over, and noticed, that she had started bleeding from her rectum! I was so upset! I called my vet, who's emergency answering service told me to leave a number, and that they would page the vet! It was 1:30 am. The woman vet called me back, I told her what was going on with Lady. I told her that Lady had begain to loose alot of blood, and was in severe pain!I told her I thought she may be dieing! The vet told me that, Lady could have a tumor, she asked me if her blood was clotting, and I told her it was alittle. The vet was talking to me like she was very much alert, but at the same time she just kept yawning. she told me to bring Lady to the office first thing in the morning!
The next seven hours were too painful to bare! Lady kept crying out to me! I would run warm water on towels, and place them between her legs, hoping to releave some of her pain! Lady would look at me with her sad eye's while I stroked her hair, and tried to comfort her. She seemed to be having convultions, or seizors every now and then! She would try to get up because of the pain, but her legs wouldn't move! I would pace back and forth asking God to please take her! Rather then her being in the pain she was in, I wanted God to take her!
Seeing this beutiful animal in soo much pain was horrible! The guilt I felt, and still feel for feeling powerless to be able to help her just tore me apart! She didn't deserve to spend the last hours of her life in soo much pain! Lady passed away the next morning before the vet's office opened!
I called my vet's office and asked them if there were any vet's in town who were willing to go to their office in the middle of the night to help a sick animal? The secretary told me they do! I couldn't beleive what I was hearing! I asked her" You do"? She said "yes"! I explain to her, that I had called their emergency contact number lastnight, and told the vet, that I thought my dog may be dieing, and all she did was try and make diagnoses over the phone in between yawns, and said to bring my dog in in the morning!The secretary told me she was sorry, and gave me acouple of number's to call during the night for future problem's. I told her," it's alittle late for that, my dog suffered for seven hours before deing"! I would have rather her been put to sleep then for her to have went through all the pain!
I now know, that if any of my animals are showing sign's of illness associated with old age, I will have them put to sleep, rather then seeing them suffer! I never thought, that I could have an animal just put to sleep, but after this, I can!
I doubt the pain and guilt I feel from this will ever go away!

What a terrible ordeal for you, and especially for Lady. Seeing our pets suffer is unbearable. She is at peace now. Thank you for posting your story, it could help others.

But you too can learn from this. When she whelped prematurely, it was a signal that something was seriously wrong and that her breeding days were over. I don't understand why you didn't have her spayed at that point. Was she even seen by a vet? If not, then (I'm sorry) you indeed failed her.

This is why breeding is such a perilous enterprise and should only be undertaken by people who are knowledgeable and are looking to improve the breed, rather than add more cute puppies to the thousands who can't find homes. Also, unspayed females are at risk for a number of terrible diseases, including cancer. This may be what happened to poor Lady.

I pray that if you are considering getting another dog, you will waste no time in getting it spayed or neutered. You are too inexperienced to try this again.

Bleeding is always extremely serious. If you suspect your dog is sick (and if delivering dead puppies isn't a shout for help, I don't know what is), go to the vet IMMEDIATELY. Don't play guessing games or attribute changes to 'old age'. Our pets are like our children, they depend on us completely. Letting them suffer unnecessarily is cruel.

Spay and neuter your pets, PLEASE. The number of dogs euthanized each year for want of a home or from preventable diseases would shock you. Add to that those who die outside, unloved and afraid, it is in the millions. If you love animals (not only your own, but all animals), is the most loving thing you can do by far.

I once spent 18 hours sitting in a field, holding a big goat's head in my lap, to let him know he wasn't alone. He struggled and faught, but had to give in to the microscopic attack of some germ, and I cried over him. This was not a house pet. "Bikou" had only been with us for a couple of months. Yet I couldn't just leave him to fight and face this alone. The vet had been out to see him a couple of times, the other goats were vaccinated (only one of the 5 made it, he was the last to go).

Even if you do all you can, all you know how, call a vet or just believe it's ok, it's hard when it goes wrong.

We were just at the vet's with Sheba because of the wound on her bum (big scab) and her amputated tail. It cost us just over $ 17.- but we know she's ok, that there's no undelying problem that might cause a blood-poisoning or something. The vet said she wished more of her clients were like us and paid a little to be safe rather than sorry.

What happened to Lady's puppy? Will you be able to keep it?

What a terrible ordeal for you, and especially for Lady. Seeing our pets suffer is unbearable. She is at peace now. Thank you for posting your story, it could help others.

But you too can learn from this. When she whelped prematurely, it was a signal that something was seriously wrong and that her breeding days were over. I don't understand why you didn't have her spayed at that point. Was she even seen by a vet? If not, then (I'm sorry) you indeed failed her.

This is why breeding is such a perilous enterprise and should only be undertaken by people who are knowledgeable and are looking to improve the breed, rather than add more cute puppies to the thousands who can't find homes. Also, unspayed females are at risk for a number of terrible diseases, including cancer. This may be what happened to poor Lady.

I pray that if you are considering getting another dog, you will waste no time in getting it spayed or neutered. You are too inexperienced to try this again.

Bleeding is always extremely serious. If you suspect your dog is sick (and if delivering dead puppies isn't a shout for help, I don't know what is), go to the vet IMMEDIATELY. Don't play guessing games or attribute changes to 'old age'. Our pets are like our children, they depend on us completely. Letting them suffer unnecessarily is cruel.

Spay and neuter your pets, PLEASE. The number of dogs euthanized each year for want of a home or from preventable diseases would shock you. Add to that those who die outside, unloved and afraid, it is in the millions. If you love animals (not only your own, but all animals), is the most loving thing you can do by far.
Lady had her last litter of pups when she was four, which was several years ago. They were all premature, they lived for a hew hours. I was able to save one puppy. Yes, we did take her to the vet afterwards, and he really had no reason as to why she could have delevered premature pups! Lady had never had puppies since.The vet did tell us that he didn't think she would become pregnet again, and she never did. I was told by her vet a year ago,when I noticed changes in her,that she was getting very old, so I assumed, that her illnesses were due to old age!
When we bought Lady, we were wanting to raise and breed collies. My husband and I had grown up around collies.
I do feel like I failed her!

I once spent 18 hours sitting in a field, holding a big goat's head in my lap, to let him know he wasn't alone. He struggled and faught, but had to give in to the microscopic attack of some germ, and I cried over him. This was not a house pet. "Bikou" had only been with us for a couple of months. Yet I couldn't just leave him to fight and face this alone. The vet had been out to see him a couple of times, the other goats were vaccinated (only one of the 5 made it, he was the last to go).

Even if you do all you can, all you know how, call a vet or just believe it's ok, it's hard when it goes wrong.

We were just at the vet's with Sheba because of the wound on her bum (big scab) and her amputated tail. It cost us just over $ 17.- but we know she's ok, that there's no undelying problem that might cause a blood-poisoning or something. The vet said she wished more of her clients were like us and paid a little to be safe rather than sorry.

What happened to Lady's puppy? Will you be able to keep it?

Hi, thank you for telling me your story!
Yes, I still have Lady's last puppy, she is seven years old now, and much like her mother!

What a terrible ordeal for you, and especially for Lady. Seeing our pets suffer is unbearable. She is at peace now. Thank you for posting your story, it could help others.

But you too can learn from this. When she whelped prematurely, it was a signal that something was seriously wrong and that her breeding days were over. I don't understand why you didn't have her spayed at that point. Was she even seen by a vet? If not, then (I'm sorry) you indeed failed her.

This is why breeding is such a perilous enterprise and should only be undertaken by people who are knowledgeable and are looking to improve the breed, rather than add more cute puppies to the thousands who can't find homes. Also, unspayed females are at risk for a number of terrible diseases, including cancer. This may be what happened to poor Lady.

I pray that if you are considering getting another dog, you will waste no time in getting it spayed or neutered. You are too inexperienced to try this again.

Bleeding is always extremely serious. If you suspect your dog is sick (and if delivering dead puppies isn't a shout for help, I don't know what is), go to the vet IMMEDIATELY. Don't play guessing games or attribute changes to 'old age'. Our pets are like our children, they depend on us completely. Letting them suffer unnecessarily is cruel.

Spay and neuter your pets, PLEASE. The number of dogs euthanized each year for want of a home or from preventable diseases would shock you. Add to that those who die outside, unloved and afraid, it is in the millions. If you love animals (not only your own, but all animals), is the most loving thing you can do by far.
Lady had her last litter of pups when she was four, which was several years ago. They were all premature, they lived for a hew hours. I was able to save one puppy. Yes, we did take her to the vet afterwards, and he really had no reason as to why she could have delevered premature pups! Lady had never had puppies since.The vet did tell us that he didn't think she would become pregnet again, and she never did.
When we bought Lady, we were wanting to raise and breed collies. My husband and I had grown up around collies.
I do feel like I failed her!

Sorry, I tried to delete one of the post's but wasn't able to!

I'm pretty flabberghasted that the vet told you she probably wouldn't become pregnant again . . . He should've told you to spay her to MAKE SURE she wouldn't become pregnant.

Anyway, my condolences. It sounds like Lady was a great dog. Poor Lady, the vet should've told you to come in or directed you to an emergency vet. :(

What made your vet think that she wouldn't have more pups, without being spayed? Very strange! I don't know how common premature pups are, but wouldn't that indicate a problem? It's just a very sad story and everyone had to suffer because of a lack of information.
I'm sorry to have added to your pain, but the vet is key.
The part about unspayed dogs being susceptible to nasty diseases is still true. I hope you will let idea of breeding go and when the time is right, just enjoy the companionship of a healthy, loving dog, in honour of Lady.

Thanks everyone for your comments! I'm hoping that people will learn something from my mistake's. It's always best to get a second opinion, even when it's dealing with vets and your animal's wellbeing.There are good and bad vets just the same as with doctor's!
I wish I had of called every vet in the phone book that night, to see if one would have let us bring her in! The second one I did call wouldn't help because we weren't a regular customer of their's!