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An update from this past week....

jesse's mommy
November 11th, 2006, 05:26 PM
Sorry this is long and a bit ranty...

Iíve had one of the toughest weeks Iíve had in a long time. I get a call last Sunday that my Grandfather has been taken to the hospital and has a brain tumor. He is in his 90s and truly has lived a long feisty life. He had a stroke about 26 years ago that was so severe, it should have killed him. The stroke left him paralyzed on his left side, but didnít stop him from smoking, drinking, and chasing girls in thongs on the boardwalk (with my four feet eight inch Grandmother chasing after him). He also has emphysema.

So, here is where things get crazy, well they live here in Florida Ė Ft. Myers to be specific. Well, we are the only family that lives in Florida and apparently my family believes that Florida is not that big of a state and expects us to ďpopĒ over and see how things are going. Well, Florida is not a big state, but is a long state and we find out that they are actually four and a half hours away. Family doesnít really care to hear this and give us a ďlistĒ of things that needed to be done including getting the specifics from the hospital because my grandmother isnít always ďwith itĒ. She too is getting older.

So, I call my boss last Sunday and let him know whatís going on and tell him that I know we are short staffed right now and make arrangements to continue getting everything done. I pull some of my accounts from Tuesday to Monday and a couple of others over to Wednesday. My boss is going to cover a meeting for me on Tuesday afternoon (which he ended up forgetting about) and a coworker is going to swap out a display for me in one store. That leaves about four stops for me on Tuesday morning, which ends up taking about five hours. Honey leaves work early and we drive out to Ft. Myers. We get there, do all the stuff we need to do, then come home. Things went as well as they could go. I honestly wasnít sure he was going to remember who I was because (without sounding cold), my sister and I were never very close to these grandparents. He did remember us and said that he remembered honey, even though heís never met him. He also commented that he canít wait to get home because he has seventeen Busch beers in his fridge and they wonít let him have any at the hospital.

Before I know it, I put in fourteen hours on Monday, Nineteen and a half on Tuesday, Twelve on Wednesday, Thirteen on Thursday, Ten on Friday, and Three today. Iím EXHAUSTED.

So the update on my Grandfather while we were there, they stabilized his heart, but he does have a rhythmic beat that they are watching. The need to do an MRI on the tumor to see how big it has gotten, but they havenít been able to do it yet because of his heart. My grandmother said that he doesnít know he has a tumor because she doesnít want him to give up, but also said that the doctor gave him about two months to live. They did let him go home (I think yesterday) and now my dad is ďfreakingĒ out a bit because my grandmother is now saying that the doctor said that he probably wonít make it through the weekend. So do we believe the nurse that told me that everything is stabilized and heís doing pretty good or do we believe my grandmother Ė again who isnít always with it Ė saying that he isnít going to make it through the weekend.

I know this sounds terrible because Iíll do anything to help them out, but I had to make it clear to my family that just because we live in the same state I canít just ďpopĒ over anytime they are sick and that next time someone needs to fly down here. I feel like Iím being selfish, but I just know how my family is and they will expect it all the time. They have no consideration that itís four and a half hours there and the same to return. Itís just very hard because no one really knows what is going on and I kind of get the feeling that they want me to go out there again this weekend. Itís rather dramatic and I donít deal well with stuff like that. Well, thanks for letting me vent.

November 11th, 2006, 05:46 PM
omg jesses mommy
sorry to hear about your family crisis.....that is very kind of you to make that sacrifice for them......but the rest of your family needs to deal with this also....before it's too late.......and to drive 4 hours each way at the drop of a hat is asking a little much....imo...i know family comes first...but every family member must realize that also...they need to sacrifice a little also.

take care of yourselves and jesse

November 11th, 2006, 06:08 PM
OMG!! I'm sorry you've had a *****ty week JM. Family can sometimes be a real pain in the *ss, but in the end, they're all we have. However, I agree with WD in that the rest of your family does not seem to understand that you cannot make the 4.5 hour trip at the drop of a hat. Your family is probably stressing out because they cannot be there and are vicariously "being there" through you....

The point is that you went, even though you weren't very close to that set of grandparents....and that says a lot about your commitment to family. :) So there is no reason to feel bad.

Take care and good luck. :grouphug: :grouphug:

PS: Byron sends you kissies. :dog: :dog:

November 11th, 2006, 07:28 PM
Jesse'sMommy, so sorry to hear about the family troubles. :grouphug:

You've done as much as can be expected. The rest of the family can probably get there just as fast, if not faster, by plane. They should be thinking of doing that if your grandfather doesn't have much time left.

Sit down and deserve it. :grouphug:

November 11th, 2006, 07:36 PM
:grouphug: Families often don't make any sense when it comes to illness-my Mom's 3 siblings and mother all live in Mom's hometown a 16 hour drive away from my Mom, but when anything happens with my Grandmother, they all expect Mom to drop everything and come home to take care of everything. :confused:

Take some time for you-you've earned it. :grouphug:

November 11th, 2006, 07:39 PM
You were so nice to go... I'm sure that it meant a lot to him. Hopefully the rest of your family makes some trips up (down?) so that they can help as well. Best wishes

November 11th, 2006, 08:03 PM
Sorry Jesse's mommy :grouphug: I think it's time you stand up to your family. It's ok sometimes to be a little :evil:

November 11th, 2006, 08:34 PM
((((hugs)))) :grouphug:

November 11th, 2006, 08:51 PM
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Your grandmother is probably with it enough to know that, by saying he won't make it through the weekend, the family will all rally round and come to visit - one last time. Older people can be pretty wiley. On the other hand, he's in his 90's and will not, in fact, probably live much long. My paternal grandmother insisted she needed the family to come every holiday because it was "going to be her last". for over 15 years. It's not reasonable for your family to expect you to continuously make a 4-1/2 hr trip. Do it when it's possible at reasonable periods. Don't feel guilty when you're not able to. In the meantime, send him cards and short notes to cheer him and let him know you're thinking of him. Call frequently. Hopefully, the rest of your family does the same. They should be making the trip also and not laying their guilt on you. They can arrange a trip, granted not often, but at different intervals, not all at once. They should take turns, but it's better to visit him while he's alive, then for everyone to make the trip for a funeral. Do what's reasonable and don't feel guilty when you can't do it all.

November 11th, 2006, 09:42 PM
You're so nice, Jesse's mommy. :) If I was in your position, I'd probably be screaming. "I'm selfish? I went already. Did you? He's your dad!" :frustrated: (even if I'm home alone and nobody's listening..hee hee)

And I agree with glasslass. If there is a way to get lazy family together, that's it. So if they don't know who to believe, they can come down themselves and see first hand. Until then, they have to make do with news that varies by perception. Too bad. (I think I'd say that a lot if I was in your family... :D)

And yeah, family is important. But if you can't be honest (and yell loudly) with your family, who can you be honest (and yell loudly) with?:shrug: ;)

Anyway :grouphug: for your long, long hours :sad: and :grouphug: for not being born in the right family...

November 11th, 2006, 10:15 PM
And yeah, family is important. But if you can't be honest (and yell loudly) with your family, who can you be honest (and yell loudly) with?:shrug: ;)

Yeah! And that goes for all of us!

Well put Prin! You're so wise!! :thumbs up

November 12th, 2006, 01:05 PM
I'm so sorry you're dealing with family issues yet again :/ Perhaps it would serve a purpose to email the lot of them with the mapquest directions showing it's actually 4.5 hours away and thus not a quick trip. They couldn't argue with that, at least I hope they wouldn't :( I'm sorry this is all falling on you - it's not fair that you have to deal with their guilt over not visiting.:grouphug: :grouphug:

jesse's mommy
November 12th, 2006, 02:03 PM
Everyone, thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate it. I've shut off my phone this weekend so they can't get a hold of me. :evil: I really just needed some time to myself this weekend. It feels good.

November 12th, 2006, 02:11 PM
lol I'm glad you "got away".:D

Just be careful, they might hunt you down and take pics of you in your sleep.:evil:

November 12th, 2006, 02:41 PM
Glad you're getting some well deserved "Me Time". :highfive: :grouphug: