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Giving Pets Pills

technodoll
October 5th, 2006, 09:02 PM
(i like the ending!) :D

CATS:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to partner's forearm and immediately remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot and drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy-duty pruning loves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to pick out new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat. Call local pet shop to see if they have hamsters.

DOGS:

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

russte
October 5th, 2006, 09:10 PM
AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH!:yuck: :crazy: RUSSTE

jiorji
October 5th, 2006, 09:10 PM
hahahah why do jokes always pick on cats??:sad:


I don't bother with too many steps.i usually just sit on the cat so she's strapped and then i open the mouth.Trick is to throw it in as far as possible without making her gag. None of that cradling nonesense. :cool:

technodoll
October 5th, 2006, 09:14 PM
he he he! :cat:

Prin
October 6th, 2006, 01:49 AM
I'm lucky. Even if I miss getting Jemma's weekly estrogen into her throat, she's kind enough to pretend I didn't and swallow it anyway, just to get an extra cookie. She'll do anything for a cookie. :love:

nansel
October 6th, 2006, 02:02 AM
My 18lbs of muscle, Chuck, :cat: (may he rest in peace) was a pro at avoiding pills. I would pin him down and grab his scruff and throw it so far back into his throat that he couldn't avoid downing it. No way, nuh uh. He'd swallow and everything. Two minutes later I'd find it on the kitchen floor.

One day our vet's had a new guy in, and he was quite condescending when I told him that Chuck wasn't good at taking pills. He said he'd show me how to do it correctly. He tucked Chuck under his arm, pulled his head back and threw the pill in. "There" he said and let Chuck go. Chuck sat down and literally spat the pill out on the table. "Wow, he's good" the vet said. :crazy:

I love giving my dog Maggie her estrogen pills - get some peanut butter on finger, stick pill in the middle, let her lick it off. Done!

BMDLuver
October 6th, 2006, 07:34 AM
Our vet has this tool, that I've yet to see for giving pills. Apparently it's amazing. So he's ordering one for me as about 2 weeks ago, our one cat needed meds and let's just say that I was glad to have an active tetanus shot. I'll post a pic of it when it arrives and let you know the success rate with it.

vfrohloff
October 6th, 2006, 08:20 AM
I have one of those gadgets, I think it's called a pet piller. It works really well since a few of my girls put up a pretty big stink when it comes to pills. This thing makes sure the pill goes to the back of the throat which in turn triggers their reflex to swallow.

badger
October 6th, 2006, 08:55 AM
Here's my technique, for what it's worth. I have one of those gadgets mentioned above, it has a little plunger which releases the pill - if everything goes well - past the 'gag point'.
I come up behind the sitting cat, forming a V with my feet so he can't back out, lean down, place one hand on the cat's chest - containing him - then with the same hand pulling his head back and opening his mouth with my fingers, putting the point of the gadget - which is rubber, so less chance of doing damage - as far back in his mouth as possible and hit the plunger. You have to be fast!
I find cradling too risky, and have the scars to prove it.

technodoll
October 6th, 2006, 09:54 AM
so you all got together and wrote this funny How-To manual, right? LOL! :D

Stacer
October 6th, 2006, 06:12 PM
Here's my technique, for what it's worth. I have one of those gadgets mentioned above, it has a little plunger which releases the pill - if everything goes well - past the 'gag point'.
I come up behind the sitting cat, forming a V with my feet so he can't back out, lean down, place one hand on the cat's chest - containing him - then with the same hand pulling his head back and opening his mouth with my fingers, putting the point of the gadget - which is rubber, so less chance of doing damage - as far back in his mouth as possible and hit the plunger. You have to be fast!
I find cradling too risky, and have the scars to prove it.


LOL, that's exactly my technique, but the piller doesn't work for Finn, I don't think I'm quick enough, and I find it hard to get it in far enough, maybe I'm not opening her mouth wide enough. It's just easier to jam it in with my finger:thumbs up. Those pill pockets work awesome if your cat gobbles them. Angus doesn't even chew his pill pocket treat, but Finn is a dainty girl and nibbles her treats, so she just nibbles around the pill until it's soggy and sitting on the floor then she walks away:frustrated:

erykah1310
October 6th, 2006, 09:08 PM
How true that is!!!! :crazy:

Cats are insane to give pills to ( well some anyway)

Dogs, like kids. Just hide it in something yummy

mummummum
October 6th, 2006, 10:18 PM
That was hilarious :crazy: Technodoll !!!! (but this all seems to be terribly serious bizness to the cat-people ~ I don't think they "get" it.)

Stacer
October 7th, 2006, 08:01 AM
Hey! I get it! Poor kitties getting a bad rap for being difficult to medicate. Highly exagerated!!:D :D :D