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How to cope?

MissAmi
August 26th, 2006, 09:51 PM
I pride myself on being a strong person but am having a horrible time coping with putting my beloved dog to sleep. She was bleeding alot from her nose with a suspected tumor and suffering from cushings disease. I did the right thing for her but am really suffering without her. I am a single Mom with two great young boys and the whole family hasn't been quite the same. She was my friend and companion as well as the kids. We only had her for less than two years. She was a rescue dog who had a rough past but was the most gentle dog, loving 20-30 kindergarteners rubbing her belly. She would have made the best therapy dog. I put her down June 29th. It seems like yesterday. I am sorry to go on about her so much but am hoping people here can lend some support and understand. I feel as though I have lost a child. I am starting to look for another dog but am not sure how soon to start again.
Thanks for listening...Miss Ami

cpietra16
August 26th, 2006, 09:59 PM
MissAmi, I understand how you feel. I have been down that path many many times. It's always the hardest part of loving a furbaby.As far a another dog, you'll know when its time. In my case, the next little guy just chose me. There are so many dogs and cats out there that would love to be rescued...it'll come. Your baby is over the rainbow and in peace without pain.

Prin
August 26th, 2006, 10:04 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: The loss of a pet is so hard to recover from. It's like losing a best friend or a family member. Also, what I have found is that my doggies are the ones I turn to for support in really hard times, and without having a dog there to help me cope, it's even harder.

I agree with cpietra- you'll know when it's time and you know when it's the right dog too.:grouphug:

technodoll
August 26th, 2006, 10:07 PM
missami, i am so sorry for your loss. i know what you are going through, believe me... :sad: here is some good reading which, i hope, will help you cope with your grief... :candle: sweet one.

http://www.pet-loss.net/

http://www.petloss.com/dealing.htm

Dealing with the Guilt.

Guilt. It's a word that can invoke in us the deepest, most terrible feelings of loss, horror, anger, and helplessness. Why did I do what I did? Why couldn't I have done more? Did I kill my beloved pet? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I put him/her down too soon? Did I wait too long? If only I had closed the gate. If only I had noticed sooner. If only I had waited longer. If only I had more money. If only I had rushed to the vet sooner. If only I had known more at the time. If only I had listened to my gut feelings. If only I had gone to a better vet.

And we beat ourselves up for all these questions and "if-onlys". Why do we do this? Because we loved our pets. Because we wish we could have done more, or wish we had not done what we did.

But we cannot bring them back. We cannot change what we did or did not do.

What we can do is stop hurting ourselves over the guilt. Each of us, in our own way, did what we thought was right at the time, using what we knew and felt. Each of us tried to do the best we could, and did it with the intention of love.

We are human beings, with frailties and faults. We don't know everything. We make mistakes. But we make them with the best of intentions.

To hurt ourselves with the terrible additional pain of guilt is to do disservice to the love we felt for our pets. With very, very few exceptions, we did the best we knew to do at the time. Even if we feel that we didn't do what we should have, or did what we should not have, we have learned, and everyone will benefit from that knowledge now.

Our beloved pets are gone, and out of pain. We still torture ourselves with the pain of guilt and doubt. It's human to do that, too, but are we being fair to ourselves?

We loved, deeply, and that says that we have a deep capacity for love that many do not. We are basically good people. Should we not recognize that goodness, instead of inflicting pain on ourselves for what we could, or should, or should not have done?

We took in a beloved creature, and gave him or her everything we could. We petted, we walked, we fed, we changed litterboxes, we played, we stroked, we sat sleepless on difficult nights. We cared, and did everything we knew to do at the time. And we looked in their eyes, and knew they understood that we loved them, and knew that they loved us.

If we didn't know enough, or made an innocent mistake, do we believe that they did not understand, and love and forgive us in spite of it? I believe they did, and that they do.

We need to forgive ourselves. If we can, we can increase our knowledge, reach out to help others, and use our pain to make things better for our pets, for others' pets, and for those animals out there who are alone and lost. We can make a difference. But only if we quit hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, for being human.

Let the guilt go. Know that your furbabies don't blame you; they understand, because they know your heart. Let yourself forgive yourself, and allow all the love you have to be there for another. There are so many who need it.

Learn, and then teach. Keep learning, and don't stop. Every pebble of knowledge and caring you send out will ripple throughout the world, and keep growing. And perhaps in time, every animal will be loved, and well-cared for, and there will be a great golden age for the animals, and for those of us who love them.

Ginger-lyn Summer
September 10, 1999

Golden Girls
August 26th, 2006, 10:08 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss MissAmi. I'm sure you did what was best for her ... it will take time. But you rescued her and I'm sure you gave her the best life ever. It's only been two months - I had to put down my 2 yr old Golden 4 years ago and still ... I'm sure when the time is right for you and your family you might want to again recue. In the meantime we can try and give you some comfort and understanding :candle:

MissAmi
August 26th, 2006, 10:22 PM
Thanks for the quick posts! I appreciate the article as well. There seems to be alot of guilt to putting her down - doesn't seem right but I have to say it was so peaceful. The vet even cried as I was a bit hysterical. I do know that she was family and had a wonderful couple of years. She was loyal and I believe was eternally grateful being rescued. Yes, thanks for the tips about I will know when the time is right. I think it would be unfair to a new pet to rush in too soon.

glasslass
August 26th, 2006, 10:26 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. For me, because I don't have children, the loss of a beloved pet IS like the loss of a child. My pets are my children. A dog is a perpetual child, never "growing up". You feel responsible for their safety and happiness their entire lives. Perhaps that's why we feel such guilt and sorrow. We want to keep them safe forever and we just can't. Find comfort that you were there til the end for your fur-baby. You did what was right for her and didn't let her down. I'm glad you're considering another dog. I've found that the antics of another dog brings back the happy memories of the one I've lost. Instead of the sad memories of the last weeks, I can remember the good times and the day-to-day little things that you don't even realize you miss. The new pet will be different and should be, but you'll see so many things that will remind you too. You'll know when you're ready and it's the right one.:grouphug:

rainbow
August 26th, 2006, 11:07 PM
MissAmi, I am so sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

I have two boys now but still mourn the loss of my last two huskies (04/04 and 01/05) that both diesd from cancer. I agree with glasslass, though, because my newest additions have certainly helped me. :dog: :pawprint:

joerose
August 27th, 2006, 01:59 AM
missami, I am glad you came here for support. I am so sorry for your loss of your dog. I lost my gsd/gldn mix , Peaches on Nov. 20 to renal failure. He was 14 1/2 and couldn't walk the last 6 months of his life due to arthritis, but he was on herbs for his pain and he had a good quality of life even though he couldn't walk. I carried him from room to room and outside and he wore male doggie diapers with batman on them.. He was such a good boy and he and I were like one. I really do miss him and always will but I know he is running and playing in Heaven with your dog and all the other animals that have passed on. It has been 9 months for me now and it is beginning to not be so devastating all the time. In the early days as you are in, it is completely devastating. I am so sorry you are going through this, and I am sorry your dog got sick. You did what you had to do, and there is always guilt when our babies die, whether we have them pts or if they just die. You loved your dog and did everything you possibly could but no matter how hard you tried you could not heal her or make the disease go away. It is a terrible position to be in and when you had her pts it was because the only other option you had was to let her/him suffer and you could not let that happen. The guilt and all the other things you are feeling are normal. I felt and feel them all too, it will get easier in time, but it does take time and you have to remember you will be with your dog again someday forever. What was his/her name? I am so very sorry for your heartbreaking and tragic loss. On the internet type in petloss.com you will find some more support there that is great just as this forum is. God Bless:pray:

MissAmi
August 27th, 2006, 02:09 PM
Yes, time will help. I think the first few weeks are what I call in "survival mode". To cope I think people just coast through but not really live. Hope this makes sense. It is hitting me hard this last week, almost 2 months later. I am thinking of adopting again, as I think the life of a young dog / puppy will perk things up. Trying not to get too down. I loved her. Her name was Ami. A picture - hopefully the link works.
http://members.shaw.ca/JASdesign/MissAmi.jpg

rainbow
August 27th, 2006, 02:29 PM
Awww, such a happy looking girl and I love the expressive eyes. She will always have a special place in your heart. :love:

chico2
August 27th, 2006, 03:00 PM
MissAmi,Ami was a wonderful dog and lucky to have known happiness and love:love:
I too have been in your shoes several times and it never gets easier,but you give a suffering animal relief from pain and misery and yes,it is a peaceful,painless way to go for someone you love.
The heartache will pass with time,you will be able to look at her picture without crying,remembering her for the lovely dog she was and all the fun you had together.
:rip: sweet Ami