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lack of affection - wife is complaining

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 07:31 AM
Hi all,
Are some dogs just not affectionate ? My wife has been complaining lately that Dani is very independent. I think she is disappointed that Dani is NOT a lap dog and licking/kisser dog.

I explained to her that we do not know Dani's history as she was abanded BUT I said "Myra look how she follows us everywhere we go" .

For example if I am watching tv in the basement she will either sit at the end of the couch or on the floor right next to me. If I leave to go to my computer room she will follow me and go under my desk and sit with me.

I told Myra this is her way of showing love and affection. I also told her when you or me walk into the house look at the way her tail and bum shakes. I told her she is just not a kissing/licking dog like Muffin (our late male cockapoo was)

We only have her a month so this might change as I still remember 2 weeks ago she would NEVER jump up on the couch now she does it without hesitation .

She still prefers to sleep in the basement on the couch and not with us but I told Myra this also might change with time.

Has anyone ever had there partner complain about anything like this as I just keep telling Myra I love her , we love her and accept her for the beautiful calm dog that she is .

Again any thoughts if I am handling the situation correctly with my wife ?

btw from another thread I posted a question about her wanting to adopt another puppy it now clicks why my wife suggested we get a puppy and I now know it;s not for Dani but for her as she is jealous her sisters family just bought a 7 week old Bishon Frise that is very kissy wissy .

Hey just realized these long posts always happen around the same time when I get to my office and I'm sipping my coffee . Man this Couche-Tard coffee must be spiked :)

Have a wonderful Wed everyone.
Lewis

badger
July 5th, 2006, 07:50 AM
Female inter-species rivalry is not unheard of :) Some flowers and a hot date might help.

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 07:58 AM
Female inter-species rivalry is not unheard of :) Some flowers and a hot date might help.
Badger,

She's complaining cause Dani is not showing her any affection :) I give the Mrs. PLENTY of that ;)

Skryker
July 5th, 2006, 08:17 AM
lewis, dogs are are individual as people are. My two are brother and sister-and totally different in the ways they show affection.
Bronwyn is a kisser and a velcro dog. She gets right into your lap as soon as you sit down on the couch and tries to push her way into whatever you are doing to shower you with sloppy kisses. She usually sleeps with her head resting on my hip or knee.
Fingal is not so sloppy with his affection. He's more apt to sleep on the floor at my feet than on the couch or bed with me. He's my computer room buddy, crashing on the floor beside my chair for hours. But he shows his affection by leaning rather than kissing.
Since you don't know Dani's history, she may have been reprimanded for kissing. That's a possibility, too.

catsnatcher-CDN
July 5th, 2006, 08:29 AM
I adopted Max from the SPCA when he was 6 months old. He was returned a few times from other adopters. He wasn't house broken and wasn't affectionate. He followed us around and sat next to us and kept barking at us every night at 10 pm until about 11:30 pm. I still don't know what he wanted.

Training a puppy or a dog who isn't house broken is not as easy as it sounds and very stressfull. I'm not too fond of urine and s***t on my dining room floor every day. EVERY DAY! Tell your wife that she did a smart thing adopting an older dog.

I don't know how long it took for Max to become affectionate but he's now a 90 pound lapdog who can't keep his slimy tongue in his mouth where it belongs!

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 08:34 AM
I adopted Max from the SPCA when he was 6 months old. He was returned a few times from other adopters. He wasn't house broken and wasn't affectionate. He followed us around and sat next to us and kept barking at us every night at 10 pm until about 11:30 pm. I still don't know what he wanted.

Training a puppy or a dog who isn't house broken is not as easy as it sounds and very stressfull. I'm not too fond of urine and s***t on my dining room floor every day. EVERY DAY! Tell your wife that she did a smart thing adopting an older dog.

I don't know how long it took for Max to become affectionate but he's now a 90 pound lapdog who can't keep his slimy tongue in his mouth where it belongs!

That is a great way to look at it as my Sister in law is dealing with what you just said with her 7 week old puppy.

Btw I adopted Dani and I love her to pieces for who she is. Since I guess I am the alpha male I do get a few kisses from her when I say Dani Walk :)
So maybe I wioll just tell her say walk and then say kisses and she willg et her kisses.

Maybe one day instead of just being content to lie at the edge of our couch she will end up being a cuddle buddy to her :)

doggy lover
July 5th, 2006, 08:59 AM
Tucker loves my kids more than me, especially my son. I'm like on the bottom of the totem pole in this house for affection from him. I get it only when no one else is around, he makes more fuss of strangers and kisses them before me. My last dog Travis was the same he loved my hubby first then his kids, me yep last. I wonder if its because I trained both of them and they always had to listen to me give them orders, everyone else was just fun, mum = boring? Mind you I can't stand dogs that go nuts licking your face and never allowed my dogs to lick at me other than one or two kisses so I guess I'm partly to blame. I think dogs just pick who they like better and I don't think there is much we can do about it, if you get another dog it could pass up your wife for you too, its just life:(

doggy lover
July 5th, 2006, 09:49 AM
Hey Lewis check out "five year old golden needs new family" she gives lots of kisses.

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 10:08 AM
Hey Lewis check out "five year old golden needs new family" she gives lots of kisses.
I saw it this morning. BUT Since we only have Dani one month I would not adopt a second dog before about a year to make sure dani knows she is not being replaced.

Lewis

we3beagles
July 5th, 2006, 10:30 AM
Callie was just like that when we got her 2years ago. She wouldn't come up on the furniture and showed no affection. We took the pillow from the little bed she came with (which she was very attached to) and put it on the couch beside us. She started coming up on the couch and sat beside us. Then we put a little peanut butter on our hand and when she licked it we gave her abundant praise and lovings. She now kisses when you stroke her chest and when you first come home and she loses her little head. I think she was in fact reprimanded for showing affection and just needed to learn it was okay.

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 10:49 AM
Callie was just like that when we got her 2years ago. She wouldn't come up on the furniture and showed no affection. We took the pillow from the little bed she came with (which she was very attached to) and put it on the couch beside us. She started coming up on the couch and sat beside us. Then we put a little peanut butter on our hand and when she licked it we gave her abundant praise and lovings. She now kisses when you stroke her chest and when you first come home and she loses her little head. I think she was in fact reprimanded for showing affection and just needed to learn it was okay.

we3beagles,
I'm wonmdering if Dani was also either reprimanded for kissing people OR for all we know maybe she was a farm dog left out with only other dogs. Since she was abandanded or is a stray I have no way of knowing what her history is. I do NOT think she was abused though as she is very trusting to me.

The minute I say Dani who is Daddy's girl in my babyish tone she flips over on her back to have her tummy tickled.

I mean if this is not affection what is ?
http://atozfitness.com/dani/IMGP0009.JPG

HunterXHunter
July 5th, 2006, 11:01 AM
Badger,

She's complaining cause Dani is not showing her any affection :) I give the Mrs. PLENTY of that ;)

Teach Dani to bring the Mrs. some flowers :thumbs up , the hot date part will be left to you :p

Frenchy
July 5th, 2006, 12:21 PM
Lewis,I have 2 males,one female.My males are velcro,one in peticular,follows me everywhere,asking to be pet (that's Sam) Bailey doesn't follow me but as soon I'm settled somewhere in the house,there he comes asking for attention.Daisy on the other hand,is independant.Will ask for attention by growling at me to get off the couch and go pet her WHEN she feels like it!She is the :queen:

joeysmama
July 5th, 2006, 12:39 PM
Joey was exactly like Dani. He would not come and sit on our laps, rarely gave a kiss, and when he did it was more of a curious lick, not affection. If I put him on my lap he would move away immediately. He owuld sit on the sofa next to me and never ever was in a different room. If I went in the kitchen he went in the kitchen. If I was watching tv he was in there. At night he would follow me from the bedroom to the office and back again. He needed me for security.

Cooper is a lover ! He will lick you up until your skin is raw. Evenings he has to play. He's a lunatic then. But in the morning if you put him on your lap he'll stay there and cuddle for hours !! Literally.

But....I miss the way Joey loved me. Not that I don't love Cooper to pieces too. But Joey was needy and that made him a little pathetic, the way he had to know where I was all the time you know? I know he was abused prior to coming to us so I always looked at his neediness as his way of showing his love !

jawert1
July 5th, 2006, 12:48 PM
To this day, Peaches is not a lap dog EXCEPT with my father (who all manner of animals glue themselves to). She gives plenty of kisses, but will not sit on my lap, and rarely will hop on the couch when I'm there. It's taken Simon almost 3 years to come close to sitting on my lap, he more prefers to be right next to you than on you (again, unless you're my father) and gets VERY confused when asked for kisses (tho he gets confused easily and is more of a special needs dog period). He also will very rarely give them on his own, usually only if I've had something tasty on my hand (like peanut butter or salt from chips). My old pup Max was abused badly by a man, but ended up in the space of 6 months becoming my father's beagle sized shadow, and velcro once you were on the couch. Dani may simply need more time, I've often found bribery works wonders when you're dealing with 2 of the same gender - Peaches and my former bf's mom didn't get on until she started bringing treats for Peach (Simon never warmed up to her at all) but it took a good 3 months of visits until Peach truly accepted her and got comfy.

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 01:00 PM
Joey was exactly like Dani. He would not come and sit on our laps, rarely gave a kiss, and when he did it was more of a curious lick, not affection. If I put him on my lap he would move away immediately. He owuld sit on the sofa next to me and never ever was in a different room. If I went in the kitchen he went in the kitchen. If I was watching tv he was in there. At night he would follow me from the bedroom to the office and back again. He needed me for security.

Cooper is a lover ! He will lick you up until your skin is raw. Evenings he has to play. He's a lunatic then. But in the morning if you put him on your lap he'll stay there and cuddle for hours !! Literally.

But....I miss the way Joey loved me. Not that I don't love Cooper to pieces too. But Joey was needy and that made him a little pathetic, the way he had to know where I was all the time you know? I know he was abused prior to coming to us so I always looked at his neediness as his way of showing his love !

WoW Dani is like Joey re-incarnated.
I even made an up tap on my bed lasty night and Dani came up lay down for a couple of minutes then jumped down and went to the basement to go to sleep. She used to sleep in my computer room downstairs but after finding that she was chewing on anything left on the floor and pulling my socks out of my drawers we decided to close the computer room when no one is in there.

Don't get me wrong Dani is VERY playful with me but in the mouthing way . She LOVES to get rough with me and I adore her attention . But she is great if I feel she is getting to rough and I look at her and say Dani Gentle she totaly plays exactly that way right after kissing my hand.

She loves to play catch and I have whats left of a footbal to prove it. She actualy peeled a tennis ball. I guess Green is not her color so she peeled the entire skin off of the tennis ball. What a mess But I laughed my head off.

Best,
Lewis

Dog Dancer
July 5th, 2006, 02:55 PM
Lewis, Dani sounds so great. I have two dogs. The older Shadow is a total love dog, bum waggles all over the place when you come home, but she's not a kisser. She will give you a full frontal face sniff, but very very rare to get kisses from her. Boyfriend gets kisses from her because she's more submissive to him and I think she feels she needs to show him she's submissive and affectionate. Me, sniff and maybe, just maybe a lick - and I raised this girl for the past 9 years.

Halo the lab is a total kissing slut, but only if you ask for it. She doesn't hunt you down to give kisses but if you ask for one look out!

So you see, all of the dogs are different and show their love differently to different people in each household. I admit I get jealous too sometimes when the BF gets the good kisses from Shadow and I get a sniff/snort in the face:rolleyes:

Oh yes, Halo peels all tennis balls - every time - then pops them. Their sticky and gross inside, and watch that Dani isn't eating too much of the fuzz, it sticks to their tongues and gets swallowed.

lewisw
July 5th, 2006, 03:30 PM
Lewis, Dani sounds so great. I have two dogs. The older Shadow is a total love dog, bum waggles all over the place when you come home, but she's not a kisser. She will give you a full frontal face sniff, but very very rare to get kisses from her. Boyfriend gets kisses from her because she's more submissive to him and I think she feels she needs to show him she's submissive and affectionate. Me, sniff and maybe, just maybe a lick - and I raised this girl for the past 9 years.

Halo the lab is a total kissing slut, but only if you ask for it. She doesn't hunt you down to give kisses but if you ask for one look out!

So you see, all of the dogs are different and show their love differently to different people in each household. I admit I get jealous too sometimes when the BF gets the good kisses from Shadow and I get a sniff/snort in the face:rolleyes:

Oh yes, Halo peels all tennis balls - every time - then pops them. Their sticky and gross inside, and watch that Dani isn't eating too much of the fuzz, it sticks to their tongues and gets swallowed.

I know when Dani had upset tummi and we did poo tests they found trace of plastic in her poo .... Dani is so fast and can eat anything not tied down :)
Me I accept Dani for who she is and how she wants to show her affection. My wife just called me and said if and when we get a second dog she wants a puppy. Oh well I told her minimal not before a year or maybe one day I might just go back to Sasha's and see how Dani reacts to puppys if she has any at the time :)

all the best
Lewis

OntarioGreys
July 5th, 2006, 04:02 PM
As everyone said dogs come in all personalities, I know you asked in another post about whether or not to get her a buddy, and for some dogs actually many it gives them confidence when they are lacking it. I adopted Callie 4 months after getting Sunny and he was thrilled having a buddy that he could run with, and it gave him more confidence., Sunny had adopted from a kennel and had no prior home experience. I did have Nikki at the time, but greyhounds have never been around other breeds, so he had a harder time time connecting with her as a dog, Adding Callie helped out that department as well and soon he start enjoy her and learned other dogs had great playstyles and at the dogpark started preferring their rough and rowdy play. So was picking out labs, rotti dogs and bullies to play with instead of other greyhounds only.

When I later fostered greyhounds off the track, I noticed how much faster they integrated into pet life having the support of other greyhounds to teach them the ropes and just to provide moral support, they were much more confident, they learned in 3 weeks what it took Sunny 4 to 5 months to learn and become comfortable with. Seeing how my greyhounds interacted with my eskie, made them realize she is just another dog pretty much within a couple of days, though it was comical to see their reactions the first time they were introduced to her, one was totally petrified by her but in 2 weeks Nikki became her favorite playmate.

Now Callie had been in a home prior to mine as a single dog for over 3 years , she was an extremely fearful dog, and in that home she never came around, never learned to walk confidently on leash everything terrified her, and she was terrified of strangers and would run and hide, Sunny became her morale support and vice versa but in 2 months she was bouncing up and down in excitement to go for a walk, a lot of her confidence came from watching how Sunny reacted to things if he got excited then it must be something good, so his happy behaviour starting easing her fears, by the time 16 months rolled around she had totally lost her fear of people and would actually get exciting when she saw somebody approaching on the street and wanted to go see them wiggling in happiness with a tail going a mile a minute.

So my suggestion is contact the rescue and let them know that you and your wife would like a young super cuddly dog and the character traits you would like, consider the grooming needs, energy level and size etc. And have them let you know when one comes available then you and Dani can go for an introduction, to see if she likes the new potential buddy.

By setting a time frame to adopt like 6 months or a year in which to look instead could end up creating a lost opportunity for the perfect match that would give you everything you are looking for, that perfect match could end up getting adopted to someone else a month before while you are still waiting for a calendar date to roll around.

I did basically similiar after Callie passed away, I alerted people to what personality of dog I wanted, in my case I wanted another spooky greyhound(not just shy, these are considered special needs dogs and there is not a huge number around, although those that are tend to wait in adoption kennel often 2 or 3 years as they are very hard to handle due to the extreme levels of their fears) the dog had to be cat safe and get along with other dogs, so the search was on, one was in Michigan it turned out she was just shy, another in Michigan but not cat safe, another in New Hampshire, again the same thing, finally came up in Florida and she was the perfect match and there was a greyhound haul being planned from Florida to Buffalo so the timing was perfect, and she arrived on Valentines Day 2 and a half years ago, 2 months after my search began. For me this was even more special because I know Florida has the most race tracks and I know that in this area many of the greyhounds never get adopted as there is just too many in that area, also she was black, which is the least desirable colour so the hardest to place, My adopting a greyhound which could have sat around for 2 years waitng for somebody to adopt her, created an opening at the adoption group possibly helping to save the lives of a dozen or more easier to adopt greyhounds in a very hard pressed area.

So planned adoptions knowing what so want and need is a great thing and it allows the rescue to find good fits into your home, they may not have one right away in their care but it allows the group to be on the lookout for possible good matches for you, then they can bring it in and foster and see if it does prove while in foster care to be a good match. Being they know it is not urgent, they can take their time to be able find that good match, and in a way it is fun too, as the phone call can come when you least expect it and when they tell you they found a match it has the same excitement as winning the lottery. ;)

Prin
July 5th, 2006, 04:30 PM
I have found that male doggies bond better with female humans and female doggies bond better with male humans... That said, Dani is still new and still learning what is acceptable and what isn't. Jemma took nearly a year before she gave us any hugs and now she's a total lap dog. She ALWAYS wants hugs.

You just have to give her time. Oh, and if your wifey isn't as available to Dani, Dani will love her more. They always do that. :rolleyes: The one who is home and devoted gets nuthin' and the one who pops in and doesn't give them the time of day is worshipped.

OntarioGreys
July 5th, 2006, 05:16 PM
Have your wife read the personality on this breed, since she want a dog that is affectionate, they are totally unlike their big cousins the greyhounds especially is terms of personality, they are 7 to 15 lbs but seem bigger because of height of 13 to 19 inches, they are big time cuddlers and frisky and playful imps with loads of personality, and are the clowns of the dog world, they are not yappy like many of the toy breeds, they get along well with other breeds and love to curl and sleep with other dogs or their humans, because don't like the cold or the rain they can be difficult to house train but instead many letter train the dogs instead. They do need to be kept on leash when not in a fence enclosure.

They are not the breed for everyone, as they are mischevious and catlike in their behaviour especially with darting around and getting onto furniture and very needy of attention and affection wanting to cuddle a lot of the time, which some people find overwhelming.


Sometimes they do come up for adoption, probably more so in Quebec as there is puppymill there that does breed them, as with most puppymills dogs regardless of breed they may have more health problems than dog that come thru a responsible breeder and many may be quite timid because they lack the socialization, often disposed of due to the difficulties in housetraining, which can be common in the toy breeds.

This here site gives an unbiased description of the breed noting possible problems and the attributes of the breed.
http://www.italian-greyhound.net/FRAMEABOUT.HTM

Inverness
July 6th, 2006, 12:31 AM
we3beagles,
I'm wonmdering if Dani was also either reprimanded for kissing people OR for all we know maybe she was a farm dog left out with only other dogs. Since she was abandanded or is a stray I have no way of knowing what her history is. I do NOT think she was abused though as she is very trusting to me.

The minute I say Dani who is Daddy's girl in my babyish tone she flips over on her back to have her tummy tickled.

I mean if this is not affection what is ?

Remember Lewis, Dani was found running behind a school bus and picked up in the school yard. She must have been a family dog at some point. She was certainly looking for "her" kids that day...:(

lewisw
July 6th, 2006, 05:22 AM
Remember Lewis, Dani was found running behind a school bus and picked up in the school yard. She must have been a family dog at some point. She was certainly looking for "her" kids that day...:(
Your absolutly right Inverness..... Geeez I totaly forgot that fact.
Well I have to tell you Dani is very attached to Moi ..... Maybe the Mrs is just jealous :evil:

All the best,
Lewis

glasslass
July 6th, 2006, 11:24 PM
When it comes to wanting to cuddle, puppies can be frustrating. All my poodles wanted to play instead of cuddling. Until about 2yrs of age and they settled down and turned into little love-bugs. They were affectionate and gave kisses, etc. But when you gave them your full attention, it was PLAY PLAY PLAY! But they did snuggle in the morning when they first woke up.