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Monday humor... growing old

June 26th, 2006, 09:55 AM
You're the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.

You're smiling all the time because you can't hear a thing anyone is saying.

You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.

You're aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as yours.

You're very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).

You're not grouchy; you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.

You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.

You're a walking storeroom of facts - you've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

You realize that aging is not for wimps.

You enjoy watching the news.

The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.

The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.

People ask what color your hair USED to be.

You're proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.

You start singing along with the elevator music.

You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.

Your car has four doors.

You routinely check the oil in your car.

You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into style - TWICE.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".

You don't remember when you got that mole or the one next to it.

You write thank you notes without being told.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"

Others ask for your recipes.

You start Christmas shopping in August.

You don't like to drive after dark.

You say the words, "Turn that music down!"

You wear black socks with sandals.

You can live without sex but not without your glasses.

You point out what buildings used to be where.

You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

You rake the yard without being told to.

You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.