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Really Really bad week.

June 20th, 2006, 01:05 PM
I haven't been on all last week because my family had a tragidy. Sunday of last week the 11th my father was in a motorcycle accident. I got the call from the hospital and went in, I was the first person to get there. It was bad, real bad. A car had stopped to turn on a small two way street and my father was comming the other direction, a man test driving an SUV came up behind the car that was stopped to turn and said he couldn't stop in time so he swerved into the opposing lane and hit my father head on. My father was thrown pretty far, he didn't have his helmet on (it is not a law in Texas to wear a helmet). He broke both his arms, both his legs, both sides of his face, a foot, a wrist, and a few ribs, but the worst of his injuries was his head. He had massive brain damage. On Monday the 12th my grandmother got here and we decided to let him go. There was no hope of suvival let alone recovery. Because I am his only child and was the first to the hospital I am his legal next of kin meaning I had to make all of the decisions. We had them stop the machiens and he passed away june 12th at 6:44 pm central time. We had the funeral on saturday. He always wanted to be creamated so we went ahead with that, I will be keeping part of his ashes and the rest will be burried with my grandfather. He was only 50 years old.
I have never been through something so hard in my life. It was so unexpected and violent, and when I saw him in the hospital he was swollen it didn't even kind of look like my father. Now I have to go through all his debt and estate. It has been really hard. I beg that everyone that rides a motocycle please wear a helmet, the unthinkable can happen.

I miss my daddy and to make it worst it was right before father's day and I had already got him a card and everything.

June 20th, 2006, 01:11 PM
oh jackie i am so, so very sorry... :sorry:

my deepest sympathies to you and your family, had tears in my eyes reading your words. you are a very brave soul to go through all of this and still take the time to share with your online friends... take the time to grieve, we will always be here for you.

June 20th, 2006, 01:14 PM
Oh man...:sorry: :sorry: . I know how it feels to lose a parent, and it sucks. The only piece of advice I can give you is to keep your chin up, look forward, and try to stay busy for the next little while. My sympathies to you and your family as well.

June 20th, 2006, 01:14 PM
My condolences to you and you loved ones. :sad:

June 20th, 2006, 01:14 PM
OOOh my goodness I am so sorry for your loss,:grouphug: I'm really sorry I don't know what else to say, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family:grouphug: and everything technodoll said as well, sorry again

June 20th, 2006, 01:20 PM
Oh jackie, I'm so sorry for your loss, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts for a long time to come. :grouphug:

June 20th, 2006, 01:21 PM
Oh jackie I can't say anything. I am so so so so sorry. I feel very impersonable considering the magnitude of the tragedy but words will have to do.

Please accept my utmost, deepest apologies and sympathy. May god bless him and your family.

I am deeply saddened by this and I want to make sure you know we are all here for you because you have just started a rocky ride and if anything can be done whether it be kind words or advice its the LEAST we can do.

Please jackie take care of yourself and stop and allow yourself time to grieve and feel. I wish I could say more. All I can say is Im so very sorry.

June 20th, 2006, 01:27 PM
i'm so sorry Jackie. :grouphug: please make sure you are taking care of yourself.

June 20th, 2006, 01:41 PM
I took this very much to heart, as my dad is also 50 and rides a motorcycle. They are so vulnerable on those bikes, it's a miracle that he's never had a problem. I'm so very sorry about your dad. Please know that things will get better even if it seems hopeless right now. If you ever need to talk, vent, cry, etc. please PM me, I am a good listener.

June 20th, 2006, 03:21 PM
I am so sorry! That must be such a terrible thing to live through. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

My dad used to ride a bike but when he had kids, he stopped because it was too big of a risk and he had lost all his friends to accidents already. Bikes are so dangerous.:sad: :sad: I don't know anybody who hasn't been touched by a death on a motorcycle or at the very least a horrible accident- it's just terrible.

Aw, that's just so sad for you.:sad: :grouphug:

June 20th, 2006, 03:46 PM
Oh,Jackie, I am just so sorry to read of the tragic loss you've suffered.:grouphug:

To lose any loved one brings intense grief and sorrow.. but when its a unexpected death of one in the prime of their life.. the pain is greatly magnified, shock and trauma are added to your emotional overload.

My heart aches for you and all you are going through.:grouphug: I hope that you have a network of family and friends to help you through this most difficut time, and you may also find that grief counselling can be of assistance.. when you feel ready.

I send my deepest and sincere condolences to you and your family on the loss of your dearest father, and commend you for posting this heartwrenching reminder of the tragedy that can result when safety precautions are not present.

Take gentle care of yourself.. and let others around you know what they can do to help. You'll need much support.. dont be afraid to ask for it.

June 20th, 2006, 04:35 PM
Wow, that is the most heartwrenching thing. I'm very sorry for your loss. :sorry: :grouphug: :grouphug:

June 20th, 2006, 06:04 PM
Jackie I am so sorry. We are here for you and your are in my prayers.
:grouphug: :grouphug:

June 20th, 2006, 06:19 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that...:( take care of yourself....


June 20th, 2006, 06:23 PM
:grouphug: :grouphug: Jackie I am so sorry. I am crying as I write this. I can not imagine the pain you are feeling in having lost your father. I hope that you can find the help that you need.:grouphug: :grouphug:

June 20th, 2006, 06:44 PM
Jackie, I'm so very sorry for your loss.:sad: My deepest condolences to you and your family. Take the time to grieve because without it, you can't begin the healing process.:grouphug: I'm so very sorry.:sad:

June 20th, 2006, 07:01 PM
Jackie, I am so very sorry to hear of your sad loss!!! :grouphug: I hope all the wonderful times you shared with your dad will help to sustain you through such a difficult time!! Take care!!!!

June 20th, 2006, 07:20 PM
Oh Jackie, I am soo soo sorry !! It's a terrible thing to lose your father, and he was so young.

I wish there was something I could say to you to make it better. I'll be praying for you. I know it's very very hard. I miss my daddy very much and wish he could have stayed with me forever. :sad:

June 20th, 2006, 08:19 PM
I'm soo sorry Jackie,I wish I could say something to make you feel better,but can't find the words.Please take care of yourself and come back here if you feel the need :grouphug:

June 20th, 2006, 08:29 PM
Oh Jackie, I am so sorry. It is so hard to lose a loved one and harder when it is so unexpected...I'm really sorry for your loss

June 20th, 2006, 08:39 PM
Oh Jackie I am so sorry - just trying to imagine how painful that is brings tears to my eye - thoughts are with you and your family right now.

Jackie (my name is Jackie too)

June 21st, 2006, 12:48 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss Jackie. :sad: Words cannot express the grieving your going through. Please take care of yourself.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

June 21st, 2006, 06:32 AM
So sorry Jackie. This is a very difficult time for you and yours. :grouphug:

June 21st, 2006, 06:36 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jackie. Please take care of yourself.

June 21st, 2006, 07:00 AM
Jackie,I join the sentiments of all the others,I am at loss for my own words.
I wish I could be there to give you a big comforting hug:love:that's really all I can sorry:sad:

June 21st, 2006, 09:26 AM
Jackie, I am very, very sorry for your loss. Please take very good care of yourself. :grouphug:

June 21st, 2006, 11:35 AM I'm so sorry...

June 21st, 2006, 02:09 PM
thanks everyone. It's been really hard, especially since my grandmother and my uncle are trying to take the little bit of money my dad had left me. They also went though all his stuff (leagly mine) and just took things without asking, like a $800 air compresor. They barely left me a single belonging to remember him by, but they certainly didn't offer to help me with the funeral or anything and a funeral costs a lot for a 21 year old student who only works part time.:mad:

June 22nd, 2006, 07:12 AM
thanks everyone. It's been really hard, especially since my grandmother and my uncle are trying to take the little bit of money my dad had left me. They also went though all his stuff (leagly mine) and just took things without asking, like a $800 air compresor. They barely left me a single belonging to remember him by, but they certainly didn't offer to help me with the funeral or anything and a funeral costs a lot for a 21 year old student who only works part time.:mad:

Firstly, Jackie, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, what a horrific thing to cope with.

Regarding the money/belongings, isn't it true that a death in the family brings out the ugliest side of some people???? My grandmother just passed away last month, (a very wealthy woman), and family members (including my brother, whom we haven't heard from in 5 years) are suddenly popping up outta the woodwork looking for "their share". Well, grandma ain't no idiot, she changed her will last year and there was NOTHING for those who didn't even call or visit her. Some people.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

June 22nd, 2006, 02:36 PM
Oh my gosh Jackie. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank God your father has such a strong daughter to make such a difficult decision. I pray for your peace of mind and healing. My father was in a similar morotcycle incident and was thrown as well. The difference is (as you said) he was wearing his helmet. He will be permanently in pain and will never be the same, but he is alive. I am in tears for you. Your family sounds like a real gem. They obviously have not a thought for you in your time of sadness and grief. If it were me I would seriously consider leaving this toxic relationship in the dust. Please seek out more nurturing friends to help you through this. And remember, if you need a shoulder we are always here.:grouphug:

June 22nd, 2006, 03:04 PM
I am so sorry, Jackie. I know that there really isn't much that can be said at a time like this. Just remember, no matter what they take, they can't take away the memories. I wish I could say something profound that will make you feel better, but I know we can't. Just know you are in all of our thoughts.

doggy lover
June 22nd, 2006, 03:38 PM
Jackie so sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts are with you. My sister lost a boyfriend to a motorcycle accident he was wearing a helmet but he hit a light pole. I have many friends that ride bikes one was in an accident 2 years ago and broke his let, someone turned infront of him. It can be a dangerous thing to ride, as other people don't watch for them.

I know what families are like too, when my granmother died some of ours got greedy too. I never did get anything from her estate, but I still had small things that she had given me when she was alive. She gave me a gold bracelet the year before she died and some of them wanted me to return it.

I had a really bad day at work today and after reading your post, I know why they say don't sweat the small stuff. Take care of yourself:grouphug:

June 22nd, 2006, 08:48 PM
Jackie, having recently lost my mom unexpectedly, I'm aware of how hard things are for you right now. Even harder because he was so young. All I can advise is for you to just take one day at a time. Try to accomplish just one thing each day. There are so many details to take care of. Don't try to do everything at once. It's too overwhelming. I'd like to give you a hug too. I can't imagine going through all this at your age. Life isn't fair. Something I've discovered is the benefit of having a short cry when something hits particularly hard. A memory will be triggered by anything and everything. I never thought crying was a release because I used to cry for long periods and feel awful afterwards. But now I find that I can cry and then a few minutes later laugh at something else. If relatives say something irritating or insensitive, speak up and ask them why they would say something like that. If they take an item, say to them that you would like to keep that because it reminds you of your father. Don't just be silent; let THEM be uncomfortable. Remember, we're all here for you.

June 23rd, 2006, 11:21 AM
Thanks so much. Your words mean a lot to me. I actully caught my grandmother sneeking through our house at 2 in the morning looking for my father's finacial papers. She thinks that his estate should be hers and my uncles and I shouldn't get anything. Some how they are under the impression that my father was rich, believe me he was not. by the time all his debt is taken out of the estate there won't be much left, not that I really care. She was promptly asked to leave and got on a flight home the next day. She just kept going on and on about how my poor uncle must feel and that I should stop crying and be doing everything for him, not once did she say to anyone that I must be having a hard time. It's hard to believe that family would treat you that way.

Dog Dancer
June 23rd, 2006, 12:11 PM
Jackie, I am so very sorry for your loss. Words do not cover how I feel for you. I also lost my father when he was very young, but he was ill so we had time to prepare, there really isn't any comparison in that. Death and the thought of an inheritance does seem to bring out the worst in people. How very sad when you really need your family they're turned out to be that way.:sad:

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Schwinn is right, they can take everything but your memories and that's where you'll find comfort. Take care of yourself, it's easy to get lost in the process.:grouphug:

June 23rd, 2006, 12:53 PM
Jackie, I am so terribly sorry for your loss:sad: and I'm horrified at the way your family is treating you during this very painful time. Toxic relationships indeed! Do what you need to do for YOURSELF and hold on to whatever you can!
I know how it feels to lose a parent in a very violent manner so you have my deepest sympathies.:grouphug: I know it hurts like hell now, but as time goes by, it gets better, trust me.

June 23rd, 2006, 03:00 PM
OMG Jackie, words cannot express how sorry I am! I wish there was something that I could do to ease your pain!

Money does evil things to people. I am so very sorry you've been treated so badly. I've been through a similar thing with money and family, it's never nice, but in your situation it's down right evil.

Once again, I am so very sorry.

June 23rd, 2006, 04:06 PM
Jackie,I would think,you as the only child is the sole heir,grandmothers,uncles should have no say in the matter.
It's sickening how people turn in to vultures in a very tragic situation like this one:sad:
Unless they are there to help you with your grief,like they should be,don't let anybody touch anything.
I wish we could all be there and help you,I would have a few words for these vultures,a disgrace to humanity.

June 23rd, 2006, 06:05 PM
Oh, Jackie, my heart goes out to you. :sad: Greed is a very ugly thing. We had to deal with similar (albeit on a smaller scale) issues when my FIL passed away recently. Your best bet is to distance yourself from them, settle the estate matters as quickly and cleanly as you can, and put them completely out of your mind and out of your life. No one needs that kind of poison hanging around, family or not. Take care. :grouphug:

June 26th, 2006, 12:50 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. :( And I'm sorry your grandmother and uncle are making this horrible burden of dealing with his estate even more difficult for you . . . the last thing you need right now is more stress. :(


June 26th, 2006, 02:27 PM
Jackie... I am so sorry that your family is adding to your pain:grouphug:
How unbelievably sad they have focused in on their perceived financial gains, and are not there to offer you support.

It's truly disheartening when one is needing compassion, and is met with greed. My heart goes out to you, take gentle care of yourself..:grouphug:

July 12th, 2006, 04:45 PM
Well it's been a month today. Things don't seem to be getting easier, if anything they seem to be getting worst. I cry over it for no reason. Nothing triggers it I just start crying. And to top it off I still haven't gotten all his affairs in order yet. I need to go back to the lawyer and have her help me with it all, but of course that is $200 an hour.

July 12th, 2006, 07:15 PM
I'm so sorry.Have you any vacation time you can get like NOW.You need to take care of yourself and rest.I hope you do.:grouphug:

July 12th, 2006, 07:35 PM
yes.... all anyone can do is one day at a time... let the tears flow if that is what you need to do, there is no time limit on grieving. i hope your friends are there for you, since your family did so poorly. and hug the furkids... they are the best... :grouphug:

July 12th, 2006, 08:04 PM
Words are not enough, I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I too lost my dad earlier this year on Valentine's Day. He was two weeks shy of his 66th birthday. Everything has been tough especially for my brother who was very close to my dad and lived not enough a half mile from him. My sister and I were not as close in the last year.

Everything has been a real mess as the will was redone years ago without our knowledge and conditions were placed in it to just make the grieving process linger for us. We cannot do anything for a year with the house as he left a condition that his girlfriend that he had been seeing could have use of the house if she wanted for a year after he passed away. The lawyer's fees have been incredible and the paperwork unimaginable. I can really sympathize with what you've been going through. Message me if you want to talk anytime.

Your dad was too young and we never ever stop thinking about them. I lost my mom 11 years ago when she was 55. Now I'm the oldest child and trying to keep the rest of us (brother and sister) close even though we're all 2-3 hours apart.

Take all of the time you need and don't let anyone pressure you into anything you feel is wrong. You know what he would have wanted, so stick to your gut instincts.

Take care of yourself. Jo

July 13th, 2006, 05:46 AM
Oh Jackie, I am so sorry. and I'm sorry I missed your original post.
My father in law passed away June 9th, so I understand your pain, and frustration at your family (we had similar experiences).
Please take the time to greave, and take good care of yourself, you don't want to end up sick.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you:grouphug: