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weird question for you all

June 2nd, 2006, 06:46 PM
Sorry...this is long.

I have a friend. I have known him since we were in probably since...summer of 1993 (he was a friend of my friend's older brother, and they mooned us through a window at their house....nice way to meet someone eh?)

We always kept in touch through university and after, even when he moved to europe and then israel for a while. We had a "fling" once, just before he moved to israel, and we became even closer friends after, as we knew a relationship was kinda impossible with him in Israel.

He went to law school in Halifax about...4 years ago. He worked in Northern Ontario two summers ago (co-op) and we were going to have a coffee on his way back through Toronto on his way to Halifax in August before school started again. The day we were going to meet I found out that my late bus home (to Brampton) was cancelled, so we couldn't meet. I left a message at his house (where he just moved out of) on voicemail, since he didn't have a cellphone, asking one of his roomies to PLEASE call him at work and let him know I couldn't meet him and to not wait for me. I had no other way to contact him so it was my only option.

I have not heard from him since. I emailed him once the next day at his university email, so he would get it when he got to school, and apologized, hoping he got the message and that he didn't wait for me. I never received a response. He also used to do a lot of "group" emails, updating on his life, etc, but I stopped getting those as well.

It seems like a stupid thing to stop talking to someone about, really, but I guess he must not have got the message and waited around for me. He had my cell # so he could have called me. Through a mutual friend this summer, she met up with him and he asked how I was doing, and he didn't seem to be upset with me then.

So...this is the reason I am writing this. I saw him. Monday. Waiting at a bus stop a block from my house. I was driving by on my way to work. I was can't be him. He lives in Halifax. I get to work and run a 411 online for his last name in brampton, and sure enough, a listing in his first and last name in Brampton, around the corner from me.

I have no idea what his email is, but I wasn't just going to call him. So I remembered his brother worked at UofT, so I emailed him and asked him if he was living in Brampton, as I thought I saw him. He emailed me back and confirmed that he does live in brampton, and he forwarded my email on to him.

I haven't received a response yet either. Then again, I am not sure if he has a computer at home, or checks his email much either. I know where he lives, I walked past the building yesterday, because my bank is across the street and I deposited a cheque.

I feel so stupid and childish worrying about this all...but I have no idea what to think. What if we meet on the street and he brushes me off? If he lives where the 411 address is that I found, that means he lives above a store right in downtown brampton, right where they close the street for the Farmer's Market each Saturday morning all summer. I go to the market each saturday, so I am sure I would run into him. The market starts in 2 weeks.

Grr...I wish he would just email me and tell me what is on his freaking mind! It's making me insane. when I am walking around or driving, I feel like I keep seeing him everywhere!!

On top of all this bf doesn't like him. That's just his stupid childish jealousy thing he has because he knows we were very close. He doesn't know yet about all this, and I know it will be super weird if we meet on the street, so I am hoping he emails me first!

Should I just take the dog for a walk and knock on the door. Say hello? Try calling him? I don't know his email, so I can't go that route.

June 2nd, 2006, 07:20 PM
That's a weird situation. It does seem like a rather odd reason to not contact someone, especially if you emailed him when he arrived in Halifax to explain why you didn't meet him. It sounds like he has cut you out. But I probably would call him since you found his number, maybe there's a logical explanation for his odd behaviour. He's already not talking to you so if you call and he rejects you, then nothing is lost and at least you'll know the reasons why he's cut you out.

June 2nd, 2006, 08:04 PM
Given you've already asked his brother I don't think walking by and knocking onteh door would be rude or weird. You have a dog, it needs to be walked, you went by his place, sounds ok to me. If he didn't want to be found he wouldn't have listed his name, never mind his address in the phone book, right?

June 2nd, 2006, 08:09 PM
raingirl,this is just my opinion and I know I'm a little too drastic.I wouldn't do anything and if I would see him on the street,I would say Hi and wait for him to do something.If nothing happens,move on.When I bought my first house and moved to another city,there a lot of people that I didn't give my new phone number just because I didn't want to hear from them again!Friends (girls) who would only call me when they had problems with their bf or got dumped.One of them called me at work today,after 3 years,didn't even ask how I was doing,just wanted to know if she got ripped off buying her car (at another dealer than where I work!!!) and your bf doesn't like the guy...

June 2nd, 2006, 08:22 PM
from a guys prospective....ask the brother if he is dating/living with anyone and if not, then dress nice but casual , leave dog home take a small house warming present(a bottle of wine,or something small enough to hide in a bag)and knock on that door.....we love that foreward take charge type of thing...more so if there is past history that was posative.

that is kinda how my wife and i reconnected

June 2nd, 2006, 10:04 PM
I'd call. :D But then I'm a phone person. Rather than making up stories, I'd get down to the bottom of it as soon as I could.

A friend from high school was getting married and we were supposed to have dinner and he dropped off the face of the earth. I guessed his lady didn't want him around me and changed phone numbers and moved away (big drama). In the end, two years later, just by chance, I found his number and I called. She answered shocked that I had found them, but my friend was relieved. She did cut him off from me :eek: but he was so glad that I fought my way back in. :) No regrets. Honestly, it's the guy that I lost contact with that I never called that bugs me.

Seize the moment! Grab some courage and do something... That's what I say. It'll be more awkward if you let it be for months and months and his bro knows what is going on all along... JMO.

June 2nd, 2006, 10:45 PM
Just my opinion, but I'd drop it. You've made several overtures. He knows how to get in touch with you. If he is cutting you out, he has his reasons. Why chase someone just for the heck of it? Your boyfriend doesn't like the guy. I wouldn't jeapordize a good relationship just because someone won't return my e-mail. If you happen to run into him at the market, casually say, "Hey! Long time no see. I tried to get in touch with you a few times. What have you been up to?" If he brings something up, then you can talk about it. Most likely, though, he has other things on his mind and just isn't thinking about you at all. I know I tend to overanalyze things a lot, put a lot of thought into what I think it going on inside someone else's head and let my imagination run away with me until I've worked myself into a tizzy while the other person doesn't even realize I'm upset. It's a very female thing to do. ;)

June 2nd, 2006, 11:06 PM
I'm with W4F on this one, you've made multiple attempts, including going through the brother to contact him. He has your info, at this point if he wants to have contact with you, he will initiate it. Overanalyzing this may end up being detrimental to your current relationship, which I don't think you want to do, regardless of the entanglement of the past. Let it go, if he calls, great, if not, you need to move on and not give it another thought.

June 2nd, 2006, 11:25 PM
After we moved, apparently we dropped off the face of the earth to the bulk of our friends. After always being the one to initiate contact, I gave it up. Yes, I miss certain people, but I don't miss the hassle and annoyance of chasing them to communicate. If you have made all the efforts so far and he can't be bothered, why waste any more energy on him? Especially if it will cause problems with your bf-not that I advocate letting your SO chose your friends, but in this situation, I don't see what you have to gain.

June 3rd, 2006, 04:53 PM
I also agree with writing4fun.

June 3rd, 2006, 07:06 PM
I think I am just going to wait it out and see if I run into him, which will likely happen at the market. I'm not a phone person. If he emails me in the meantime, that's also cool.