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Am I Wrong To Feel This Way?need Opinions

heidiho
June 2nd, 2006, 05:55 PM
I Sold All My Furniture To My Girlfriend When I Moved To Maui,she Gave Me Half The Money And Owed Me 484.00 When I Left I Told Her To Take Her Time And Send When She Can...she Has A Good Job And A Rich Boyfriend,she Has Not Sent Me Any Of The Money Yet,but Keeps Asking Me When Would Be A Good Time For Her To Come Visit(her Boyfriend Is Gonna Pay For The Whole Trip) We Have Been Best Friends For 16 Years,but I Am Kind Of Pissed She Would Even Ask Abotu Coming While She Still Owes Me Money,talked Today She Just Got Her Hair Done,was Eating New York Strip Steak Last Time We Talked,i Am Wrong To Be Pissed,she Keeps Saying Her Man Will Be Giving Her Money To Shop ,but That Is Always The Last I Hear About It........................would U Be Madddddddddd????????????????????????????????????

Skryker
June 2nd, 2006, 07:11 PM
Without a doubt, yeah, I would be more than a little mad. I would probably say something like "Well, when you come, you can bring the rest of the money for me and then I can afford to have fun with you...." ;) or "Hmmm, if I had some cash, I could manage to get a bed for you to sleep on. Otherwise, it'll be a sleeping bag on the floor." See if she can take a broad hint.

Good luck! :fingerscr

meb999
June 2nd, 2006, 08:33 PM
I'd be pissed too. I'd tell her to bring the money she owes me. Just casual, like 'Hey, I'm kinda broke right, do you think you'd be able to bring the $ you owe me with you when you visit?' I hate when people take advantage like that...you should ask her for your money, it's yours and you need it, right? What if I borrowed your car, then never gave it back, you'd ask for it right? Well, it's the same thing.

badger
June 2nd, 2006, 09:25 PM
I'd get the debt out of the way before you settle on a date for her visit. To have that hanging over your heads - maybe a confrontation - could really poison things. You can do all of this skilfully, without getting mad. Hey, I really could use that money you owe me....if she stonewalls, there's a problem.

heidiho
June 2nd, 2006, 10:01 PM
Thank u, i thought i shouldnt feel like i am wrong for being mad,i dont get why it is when someone owes YOU money you feel funny asking for it..I do have a problem bringing it up,but sh** she got a killer deal not only did she get all my furniture but also kitchen stuff,phones ,small tv...When i told her to take her time,i didnt think she would take it as go ahead and take months.I was floored when she aksed me when i thought it would be a good financial time for her to come,knowing all the hard times we have been having,she even suggested july 4 to come visit,i was speechless..I just had to go with it cause my car was in her driveway,but now it is on its way here,so i dont have to kiss a** anymore,if anything i guess it will just be a loss for me and a great score for her,we have been friends forever i think she will pay something i just dont know when....

Prin
June 2nd, 2006, 10:06 PM
I'd be pissed too. I'd tell her to bring the money she owes me. Just casual, like 'Hey, I'm kinda broke right, do you think you'd be able to bring the $ you owe me with you when you visit?' I
I'd say that. And I'd be pissed.;) You have to say something before it gets awkward.

heidiho
June 2nd, 2006, 10:16 PM
I know ,i jsut dotn know what i am gonna say if she says When can i come out to visit??How do i say it nicely that i think it is wrong of ehr to expect to come and visit but yet cant pay me

Prin
June 2nd, 2006, 10:20 PM
Just say "Yeah, when you come, bring the check- it'll save you a stamp.";)

heidiho
June 2nd, 2006, 10:27 PM
Hee hee , that is good..

Skryker
June 2nd, 2006, 11:20 PM
Just say "Yeah, when you come, bring the check- it'll save you a stamp.";)

LOL-that was actually my first thought-exactly that!-but I thought I'd be a little less sarcastic. ;)

rainbow
June 3rd, 2006, 04:56 PM
Just say "Yeah, when you come, bring the check- it'll save you a stamp.";)


LOL.... Love it !!! :thumbs up

heidiho
July 7th, 2006, 04:41 PM
Well i have had enough,over three weeks ago i asked her to send pictures i took when i first came to maui to visit,was gonna send them the next day she did not,I HAVE E MAILED HER LEFT MESSAGES,NOTHING,I FINANALLY GOT A HOLD OF HER AND SHE SAID SHE HAS BEEN BUSY,SO WHEN I HUNG UP RAGE JSUT OVER TOOK ALL OF ME,SENT HER AN EMAIL TELLING HER HOW ****TY IT IS THAT SHE COUDL NOT JUST GRAB MY STUFF TAKE IT TO HER WORK AND SHIP IT,THEN LET HER HAVE IT ABOUT THE MONEY AND HOW SHE COULD NOT HAVE EVEN SENT 20.00 IN THE LAST 4 MONTHS OR ANYTHING,MY BLOOD IS BOILING RIGHT NOW,I TOLD HER I WILL NOT HOLD MY BREATH FOR THE PICTURES AND HOPE SHE IS HAPPY ON THE GREAT DEAL SHE GOT ON A HOW HOUSE FULL OF NEW FURNITURE,WE AHVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR 17 YEARS AND AT THIS POINT I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO HER AGAIN,SHE HAS A RICH BOYFRIEND WHO SUPPOSEDLY NOW THINGS ARE SO BAD WITH THEM,IT IS ALL BULL**** AND I GET CANT OVER HOW PISSED I REALLY AM..

dogmelissa
July 7th, 2006, 05:52 PM
I wish I had something to tell you to make you feel better... I'm sorry, I don't. I can relate a story for you, though.
I bought my first car from a really awesome friend of mine (been friends with him since I was 10). At the time that I bought the car, I was 23. I was getting out of a long-term relationship, just starting out on my own and just finishing school, so I pretty much had zero income. He graciously told me to pay him when I could. He said if he sold it to anyone else, all he could get was $500, so that was our agreed-on price (deep down, I'm sure it was worth more, but I needed a car and didn't have any money, so I didn't argue!).
I picked up the car in May. Got a job in June but had to pay rent on my apartment + get everything I needed for an independent life, so I didn't have a lot of money. I paid him at Christmas the same year. Because I felt bad about making him wait that long, I skimped on my Xmas presents to pay him an extra $100. That was in 2003. He helped me move in 2004. This morning he was at my house installing paving stones (he owns a landscaping company), and even though I had to wait almost 2 months for him to find the time (and me to get the stones after he told me how many I needed), I wouldn't have called anyone else to do it.
What's my point? Long-time friendships don't come around every day. I understand that you're pissed off, but you don't really know what's going on in her life. Her supposed rich boyfriend is probably made-up. Or if he's a real guy, his wealth is probably made-up (lots of men like to impress women by pretending to have money). When they split up (which it sounds like they're about to do), just be supportive. Don't pressure her on the money. If you really want to remain friends with her, don't pressure her about the money. If you're desperate for cash, tell her so, but don't expect all of it. I know it seems like a difficult thing to think about, but you need to decide which one is more important, money or your friendship. If she's worth giving away $500 for, then try to forget about the money. If you don't think she's worth $500, then I'd say cut your losses and walk away from her completely, and don't expect either the money or the friendship.

Not sure if that helped or not...

Good luck,
Melissa

heidiho
July 7th, 2006, 06:44 PM
I do understand what you are saying,but here is the deal,her rich married boyfriend is really rich i know him,they have been having an affair for 7 years,i talked to her 3 weeks ago and she just got her hair done,she also said she wanted to come out here for the 4 th of july.I am not asking for all the money i told her 4 months ago to do what she can,20.00 anything justt to show good faith.WEll we just talked and it was ugly,she was doing me a favor when i left and bought my furniture for 884. she gave me 400 when i left,now she is throwing that back in my face how she did me a favor,i understand that but a deal is a deal,now she is telling me she has been trying to sell it in a yard sale,well that wasnt the deal that it had to sell in a yard sale...I think it is wrong for her to bring up the whole favor thing,call it what she wants it was a favor she decided to do for me.

Frenchy
July 7th, 2006, 08:16 PM
I would be :mad: I think you really need this money and she is suppose to be your friend.I wouldn't leave her alone until she paid me back and then bye bye.I'm not very forgiving,friends are suppose to be there to help when needed.I"m always there for my friends and expect the same from them.Anyway,try to calm down,it's not good for your heart!Good luck,hope everything works out.

glasslass
July 7th, 2006, 09:47 PM
He may be rich, but that doesn't necessarily mean he gives her access to it. Obviously the money was his before, and not community property. Most people have just a few really close friends and a whole lot of acquaintances. Most of the time you've learned over the years who you can depend on and who will be flakey. When money is involved, people show their true colors. I would say it's a good thing you've let her know how you feel instead of just holding it all inside and simmering. That would just eat you up. Now the ball is in her court. If she values the friendship at all she'll make some kind of effort, if nothing else, an apology and hopefully an explanation. When some people feel guilty, they get defensive and end up resenting and avoiding the person. That's why the expression about losing a friend when you loan money. Ideally, a true friend will give the money as an outright gift in order to not jeopardize the friendship and a true friend would do everything to pay it back even though it wasn't required. Ideally

heidiho
July 7th, 2006, 09:51 PM
Glasslass that was dead on correct,he gives it to her when he wants to it is a power and control thing but she ahs never gone 4 months without getting something even sending me 20.00 would make me feel better and you are also right it has been eating at me for awhile now and it jsut all came out to her today...It is the same ole story oh heidi i will see him this week and get money and then i dont hear from her and when i finanlly do the story is oh now we are fighting,like jsut five minutes ago she said oh i was gonna ask him for money for my b day and send it to you,and now laying a guilt trip on me making me feel like sh**

Mahealani770
July 8th, 2006, 07:28 AM
That really sucks Heidi. I know just how you feel. I've been best friends with someone for 18-19 years and I go through this s*it with her all the time! We hardly talk now and Im fine with that. I can't stand to be lied to, especially from somone who is supposed to be my "best friend". She is almost completely out of my life now because I feel like, if you aren't a positive force in my life, I don't need you.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through but maybe I can get your mind off of it for a minute by asking you how it is living in Maui? lol
I'm from Waianae and always wondered if it's very expensive living on Maui? Sorry for the slight thread jack...:cool:

CyberKitten
July 8th, 2006, 12:58 PM
I would ignore the guilt trip - what is it Eleanor Roosevelt said about not giving in to other people trying to make feel a certain way about yourself - I can't recall it at the moment! Ohh--- just remembered it - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The same goes for guilt.

I had a similar problem and I did not handle it well either. A friend in need - she was moving into an apt and needed the rent plus the deposit and I gave her the money. She has never paid me back and we are no longer friends - she lives "away" so it is prob just as well but it was a good lesson for me. I rarely make loans now - I do donate to worthy causes but am cautious about "lending" money. I should have listened to Shakespeare. "Neither a borrower or lender be" or something to that effect.

I would do it asap (That is what I did not do - I gave my friend the benefit of the doubt and I was wrong). Demand the money back and tell her you need it. Every bit as much as she needed it when you lent it to her!

Good luck!!!

heidiho
July 11th, 2006, 02:39 PM
It is really really expensive i live in lahaina,trying to get a condo in Napili,but just found out since we are trying to go in with no money down we need to have 5000.00 showing in our bank acct,so pretty upset now,because neither one of us has family with money we could borrow jsut to put in there while we get approved..