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we have to get rid of our cat

L'il Frankie
May 3rd, 2006, 03:06 PM
What is the best option for us and the cat if we need to get rid of her. She has behavioural problems, and we don't have the time and patience to look after her properly.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

May 3rd, 2006, 03:16 PM
If you don't love your cat with behavioural problems, depending upon what they are and how bad they are, it's quite possible no one else wants your cat either. At least you are attatched to her, vs some stranger is not. Many things can be worked on to be fixed.. But since many healthy behaviourly sound cats are sitting in rescues already, It might be more humane to pts than give her up to somewhere where she lacks a chance.

What behavioural problems exactly is your cat having?

May 3rd, 2006, 03:25 PM
most shelters are busting at the seams with unwanted cats. It's a sad fact of life these days, there are more homeless cats and other wonderful pets than there are loving pet-friendly homes.

Perhaps we can help you work though the behavioral problems. There are many knowlegeable cat owners on this board, who have dealt with their own and other's behavioral problems.

how old is this cat? type of cat? has she been spayed? what type of problems are you having?

May 3rd, 2006, 03:26 PM
If you explain what the problems is,maybe we can help.
What to you is a big problem,might be easily solved and might not be such a big problem with an owner who cares.
Killing her should be the absolutely last resort IMO,she has a beating heart and feelings,she does not want to die,I'm sure.
She looks like a beautiful cat:love:
I just hate it when I read"get rid of"it sounds very callous and mean,as if you are talking about a peace of furniture:sad:

May 3rd, 2006, 03:35 PM
So dumping the cat will solve the problems?

Let's just look at the situation, you take cat to say a shelter or rehome.
The so called behaviour you didn't specify goes with the cat.

So the adoptive person takes the cat home, doesn't like the same behaviour and can do any number of the following:

1 abuse the cat physically for punishment
2 return the cat again to the shelter
3 dump the cat 'somewhere' on the road side or elsewhere
4 have the cat PTS

The cycle will repeat itself and each time the cats so called behaviour problems will get worse. Rehoming and shelters are very traumatic on any pet. Imagine how you would feel plucked from your home?

Why not get some cat expert advise on how to deal with the problems. There are many wonderful people here to help. Even if you don't want to keep the cat and end up rehoming. Working on the problems now can help prevent this cat from being PTS.

May 3rd, 2006, 03:50 PM
I love the words "get rid of" :rolleyes: Like a dirty kleenex..

May 3rd, 2006, 03:54 PM
You and me both,a cat is a living being:sad:
If it is the cat in the Avatar,I could see people who understands cats and love them adopting her.
Sometimes what is a BIG problem to others,is not to someone who loves cats and most problems can be worked out.

May 3rd, 2006, 04:00 PM
So whos responsible for the cats behavioural problems??

May 3rd, 2006, 04:03 PM
I've read through some of your other posts. Is this the second cat that you added to your household from a shelter? If so, please contact the shelter. They should be able take her back and find a better suited home.

Lucky Rescue
May 3rd, 2006, 04:25 PM
"Getting rid of" her is not going to be easy. If her behavioral problems are that bad, why would anyone else want her if you're giving her the boot.

It's extremely difficult to find homes for cats who are near perfect, due to the sheer numbers being dumped. No one is out there looking for cats who pee all over the floor.

What is your cat doing that is so bad she must lose her home?

May 3rd, 2006, 04:31 PM
Poor kitty

May 3rd, 2006, 06:20 PM
See if the Mississauga Animal Rescue(MARS) will take the cat, you did not explain the nature of the problems so I have no idea how severe the problem is ,(not making promises that they can, like others said most shelters are bursting at the seams) it is possible taht the cat is not well suited to pet life, if it was once a feral cat, MARS will try to work with cats but some they place as barn cats if they prove unsuitable/ unadaptable as pets

L'il Frankie
May 3rd, 2006, 06:44 PM
She's a himalayan mix, spayed, about 3 years old, very long haired, we got her from Abbey Cats in Toronto about a year and a half ago. Her main problem is fear. Sometimes if you just walk through the room, she'll dart down stairs hunched low, she dosen't clean herself properly (she often smells of pee and usually has crap mixed into her hair on the bum, she tries, but isn't too successful). We've tried bathing her and trimming her hair under her chin and by her rear, but she will pee, poop, howl, scratch, struggle no matter how patient and careful we try to be. When she is feeling secure, she is still a little shy, but will come over to be petted, she gets along great with our younger male cat, she. We would really like to keep her, but it's hard. We figure she was abused as a kitten, she hates being handled, is scared of loud noise (although she'll sit and watch us play guitar). The adoption agency said she was found wandering outside in Collingwood, about a year old, probably because of her cleanliness problem.

If there are ways that we can keep her trimmed and clean, please, let us know.

Thanks, everyone.

L'il Frankie
May 3rd, 2006, 06:50 PM
Also, it is the cat in the avatar(Frankie), the cat we got recently (Lloyd) from the shelter is doing very well, they get along great (they do fight a little, but Frankie also likes to groom him). Believe me, we aren't just giving up on her, I just hope there is something we can do, we've been very patient with her. I've searched all through these forums since we got her, I just hope there are some helpful ideas I've missed.

May 3rd, 2006, 07:08 PM
I've got a cat just like this. He will now accept upper body pats, gives great head butts and flirts like a sailor, but try to pick him up and he disappears for hours. I reckon he'll always be like this, with perhaps small incremental improvements. Semi-feral, I guess. Sometimes you can take the cat out of the alley but you can't completely get the alley out of the cat.

The stinky part - hmmm - what if you shaved her (they only take the top coat - they don't go all the way down to the skin) and over the time it takes for it to grow back, work with her really intensively, to the point where she will allow you to groom her on a regular basis. All that struggling and flailing around has no doubt left its mark and made her doubly cautious, but people here could give you some tips.

Maybe she was taken away from her mother too early and missed the lesson on cleaning herself. Once you get to the point where she is clean more often than not, maybe she'll get the message. Cats hate to be dirty.

I realise this seems like an intractable problem, but don't give up just yet, the others are right, she'll simply be bounced around and in the end someone somewhere will probably put her down.

Lucky Rescue
May 3rd, 2006, 08:42 PM
Her main problem is fear. Sometimes if you just walk through the room, she'll dart down stairs hunched low, she dosen't clean herself properly (she often smells of pee and usually has crap mixed into her hair on the bum, she tries, but isn't too successful).

From my point of view, this is no big deal in any way. I have a feral cat I haven't been able to approach for 3 years, but so what? She's not what I would choose as a pet, but I took her in and will keep her forever. She's happy living her own little life here.

As for the pee etc - this is a problem with all Persian type cats, and anyone who gets one must understand they are high maintenence. This is why they are dumped so often. People want them for their ornamental value, then don't want to do what's necessary to keep them in shape, since the poor cats can't possibly groom themselves..

You can take her to the vet once every few months and have her back end shaved.

will come over to be petted, she gets along great with our younger male cat

Well, that's good! When you said behavioral problems, I thought you meant she peed all over the house, or was terrible aggressive or something else drastic.

This cat may never enjoy being picked up and cuddled, but many cats do not. We have to appreciate them for what they are and not what we want them to be.

I strongly suggest you get some Rescue Remedy and put it in wet food every day. This is a natural calming solution, and it does work if you give it every day. It really helps take the edge off.

May 3rd, 2006, 09:05 PM
I also have a crazy cat in the house who gets along great with the pets but hates humans. I also have to have him shaved and groomed, etc. I won't give up this cat because anywhere else, he will have to fight for his food and for his safety, every single day until he dies.

So I play with the other pets and watch him play with them too and every once in a while try to pet him... This has become his family and his home and his safety zone. I can't take that away from him.

Chances are very slim that a sick cat will be adopted. Your cat will be sleeping in back alleys fighting for his life while you move on and eventually replace him with a more suitable kitty.

I hope you reconsider accepting his faults even though he is not the ideal cat.

May 3rd, 2006, 09:31 PM
There are some groomers who will come to your home who could offer you a rear-end grooming every 2 mos. or so, they are experienced in dealing with shy cats. Perhaps that would eliminate the fight you're enduring to clean her up and one of your reasons for 'getting rid of her'.

May 3rd, 2006, 10:09 PM
ok this is going to be a mini vent....I can't say I think I'm not bothered by this thread, but it\'s your choice. Perhaps in the end, it will result in a better life for the cat, hopefully.

So this is what I think....there's dog people and there's cat people and while I've noticed that the group people are the first to say "owning a dog is more difficult than owning a cat" ....i beg to differ! See dogs can turn out to be misbehaved and whatnot, but you can train them. A cat....good luck trying to train a stubborn cat to behave! hehe point is that this thread reminds me of a " i can't handle the puppy anymore" thread...and it makes me laugh cos it's the first time i've seen such a thread about a CAT.
I too almost gave up my adopted cat for the same reasons, behaviour. My cat is a pain in the a$$ and when I describe my 2 cats that's the first thing I'll tell you about her lol....but I love her to bits and i squish her with hugs and she squirms out of my arms, and attacks my feet at night and tears up my garbage bags at 5 am in the morning....and I love her(did i mention that already??) but i still think that it's much more difficult to train a cat out of behaviour issues, especially if they were abused.

therefore....i say this...why not try to hand it over to someone you know...or a friend of a friend. As someone at work who might want it.

ps. my cat i think was also abused and she HATES being touched. Unless of course it's on her terms and she asks for it.

good luck...i hope things work out for her:)

Ed U KayShawn
May 3rd, 2006, 10:29 PM
For the fear behaviour read up on rescue remedy. You can find it in health food stores. It is a Dr.Bach flower remedy. Those poor long haired kitties and the back end. Hope this helps.

May 4th, 2006, 02:21 AM
We took a cat in as well that was headed to the pound (no doubt would be PTS due to hi fear of humans) he loves my himmy, they have their own room with cat towers, toys, etc. They get the run of the house when the dogs are outside to play and when I clean their room (he hates the vacuum) We have had him over a year and he still doesnt care much for us.....but oh well. He will come and sniff my hand and stand against my leg, but doesnt want touched. Thats ok with us....he's happy, and adorable, and Jake loves the companionship!

May 4th, 2006, 07:51 AM
Thank's for explaining the problem with your himmi...
Just this morning I've been chasing my Vinnie with a bunch of baby-vipes to clean his forever dirty bum,he's not a himmi by a longshot,but has long hair in his bum-area.
As for her fear,I would definetly try rescue-remedy and accept her for what she is,let her hide and come out on her own terms.
Don't shout at her or scold her,it will only increase her anxiety,just try to love her.
Himmies need grooming just about every day,I have a cat who hates grooming(Rocky),he gets matts,but I start grooming him where he likes it,starting at his head and along the back,when he relaxes,I try his other parts,with caution:D
Give her a chance,"getting rid of her"if you care at all about her,will be the end of an already nervous cat and will affect your other cat whom she gets along with.
I would not say she is a dirty cat,it's difficult for them to clean especially long hair and many people with LH cats have the bum-area shaved.
Having cats/dogs is not only cuddly and cute,but also involves some not so pleasant tasks,like cleaning up vomit,litterboxes and yes,bums.
So,please be patient with her,she might never become the cuddly lap-cat you wanted,I once had a female cat like that, you have to accept her for what she is and enjoy the times she comes to you of her own free will.

Jiorji,I guess there is cat-people and dog-people,I love all animals,although cats have been our choice most of the time.
Also,you would be amazed at how you can train cats.
My Rocky is not allowed in the carpeted living-room(he sprays:sad: ),he will stand in the open door-way,but will not go in,because he's been told not to,it's amazing.+many other things they do..

May 4th, 2006, 08:18 AM
there is a pheromene spray/diffuser for both dogs and cats - I believe the cat version is "FAP" - comfort zone is the manufacturer. I have heard of good results from the canine version, so that may be worth a shot.

I would also start systematic desensitization - pairing what she doesn't like (brushing her butt) with what she loves most (an extra-special kitty treat, for example.) The key is to keep things short and just under her comfort level - ie start with ONE very very quick, light stroke, then give the treat and leave.

May 4th, 2006, 08:04 PM
In addition to what kaytris said, there is also a cat pheremone diffuser and spray called Feliway, which I've used and found that it worked quite well. I definitely noticed a difference in both our cats' behaviour, even though we got it originally to help with our male cat's urination problem. Because it's synthetically reproduced cat pheremones, it acts to make an area of your home smell familiar and safe to your cat and naturally calms them. Our cats would hang out all day in our bedroom(which is where we plugged ours in), and they would roll and lounge on our bed, they seemed to be more affectionate and it helped with the urination issue. It's worth a try.

May 8th, 2006, 12:25 PM
Your feelings for her and impatience with her behavior can be affecting how she acts. I wouldn't resort to medicating the cat or using pheremones just yet. If you have to "give" her anything she'll mistrust you more. Pheremones don't always work, sometimes in fact, they have the reverse effect.

We have rescued, adopted, worked with cats with all types of behavior problems..feral and those who have known nothing but shelter lives and homes with people who sent them back after not being able to deal with them. We've only had 2 cats born to us, who we "knew" from birth. Shelter cats remind me of young teens who have been in and out of group and foster homes. It changes who they are and they need stability to be brought back. Shelter cats sometimes also remind me of "inmates". I had this one friend who I met after he'd been in jail for a lonnng time. (Didn't find out about this until we'd known each other for a few years.) I realized there was something "different" about him but couldn't pinpoint what it was. After I learned his history I could make the connection.

Mistrust and fear is how this cat has learned to protect itself. The cat is young so you have a chance of regaining the trust in time. visitors to your home may never be able to. So what. You are the family and trusting you is what matters.

As far as the cleanliness issue, don't do the grooming/shaving yourself. It will make the cat fear you more. As one of the other posters suggested, take the cat to someone experienced in dealing with cats with problems. They may even have to sedate the cat to do the work. We recently had to do the same for a long-haired feral cat we rescued. He was terrified of the cat brush so his loose hair was getting matted. We took him to a veterinary groomer several hours away (as we have nothing like that locally...small town) and she fixed him up for us. As time goes on, I'm sure he will accept the brush.

Still, he will have one issue, I think, for the rest of his life. Depending upon what the movement is around him, he will strike out with a paw. We have young children and they know not to pet Kohla when he is lying down. He is ok standing or sitting. How-ev-er, we noticed lately that when he does strike he is no longer using his claws..just a soft paw. Then he immediately jumps up and comes to us for maybe he's beginning to realize that striking us is bad. He doesn't bite or do anything else really nasty anymore...but this has taken us about 2 and a half years. We don't pressure but we do expose him to "normal cat" routines whenever we can.

Whatever you do, make yourself the "good guy" in the cat's p.o.v. It won't work if you fight him or do things to him that add to his stress or fear.

I agree with the posters who caution about sending the cat back to a shelter. We had one several years ago who was the "inmate" variety. We could handle him but God help anyone else who came around. He would tolerate company but didn't want anyone touching him...unless he specifically came up for a pet, which was rare. Then he'd be gone. If a stranger tried to approach him, he'd hiss and spit and act like the devil. Literally. He was black and totally invoked fear in anyone who saw him in one of his tirades.

One time he developed crystals and a severe blockage, and I had to take him to the vet. In prior visits, the vet would literally wear gloves to protect from bites and scratches. This cat, who we called "Man" didn't bite or scratch me but the vet was fair game, as far as he was concerned. The surprising thing was that when the illness hit, the cat was a calm, cool, customer and never once struck out at anyone at the vet's. It was like he knew he was getting help. The day it was time for him to go home I put him in his crate and he spun around, looked at the vet and hissed. We had to laugh. He was back to his old self.

The point is that the vet agreed that with any other family this cat would have ended up dead. That is not to say that you might not find a home with someone willing to work with your cat and turn things around. You might. What I am saying is that the shelter is a dead end.

Your choices then are, continue to work with the cat...find someone who understands what they are facing and who is willing to try and rehabilitate the cat, or put the cat down.

I totally agree with prior posters that the shelter might be a quick fix for you but it is presents a high possibility of an "abuse" or death sentence for this cat. If you care about the cat and the first two options are not feasible, the kindest thing is putting the cat to sleep.

Good luck:pawprint:

May 8th, 2006, 06:01 PM
You have been given much good advice - but "getting rid" of a living breathing being seems not an option and these probs are manageable. My only comment is to work with your himmi, try Rescue Remedy or Feliway - maybe a cat therapist - and hope she will OK. Some cats have traumatic backgrounds and hide no matter how much you love them - it is who they are and sometimes they come around. You have to love a cat on his or her own terms!!

Good luck!!!!!

And I do not believe there are cat people and dog ppl - I love all animals, cats and rabbits and dogs and tigers, oh my!

May 10th, 2006, 01:18 PM
This topic has been great, it's nice to see others have kitties that have issues and yet you love them for who they are. I have 6 cats, all with different issues, all dumped by their owners or feral. I only have 1 who likes to cuddle and be social. If it wasn't my home it would have been the shelter or death. I take that very seriously when I think about how I ended up with so many non-social cats. I just take a look into those innocent eyes and knowing they are safe and have a forever home is enough for me to know I did the right thing.

I hope you can work through your issues with your Himmi, believe it or not she is happy to have a home with you and you did a great thing bringing her home. There are always frustrating times with pets just as there are with children but you don't give your children away and I believe as many others do here, you don't give your pets away either. It's a life long committment so please re-consider.

Milo_we _miss_U
May 10th, 2006, 08:49 PM
People need to do more research about animals before deciding to get one. It sickens me every I hear someone wanting to get rid of their pet just because they have no patience or the time to train them. In my opinion your poor cat would be better with someone who has the time and patience to take care of him/her. The best thing you can do for your cat is try to find someone caring that is willing to take him/her in. Sometimes when an animal isn't wanted in a home that animal them ends up either being abused or left on a street corner somewhere. If you want at least one blessing do the right thing and find a caring home for your cat.