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"For the Girls"

shannonRN
February 11th, 2006, 11:19 AM
Okay, I tend to think of this sort of stuff as spam in my mailbox, so this one sat around for a good long time before I read it--but then I did, and thought it was pretty funny. Had to edit it a bit to make it okay to put here.

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that
drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what
happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene
products. Veteran females have already concocted their own
recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that we've already was purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget
that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to
cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to
your products or the packaging.

Put the stuff in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts
discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing
more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine
state to everyone in the store.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your @$$.

Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS

shannonRN
February 11th, 2006, 11:20 AM
Just wanted to add--exercise really does help though! Takes a whole lot more motivation to get started, but does help!

Prin
February 11th, 2006, 01:03 PM
LOL Sounds like tips from a man in a lab coat.:rolleyes: Like David Suzuki's suggestion to avoid a bad menopause? Anybody hear it? It's to have babies one after the other after the other with very little time in between. I've never had menopause or a kid, but I highly doubt any woman would trade menopause for giving birth 30 times.:rolleyes:

Bearsmom
February 11th, 2006, 01:12 PM
Oh my God, thanks for the best laugh of the day!!!!

I truly find that the advertising and tv commercials leave a lot to be desired. During "that time" do I EVER feel like: Riding a white horse; frolicking on the beach in my white swimsuit; and vaulting fire hydrants. What I DO feel like doing is plopping my fatass on the sofa, wearing my comfiest sweats while popping Advil liquigels, and stuffing my face with Ruffles and dip and crying at the drop of a hat.

Now THAT'S real. :p

joeysmama
February 11th, 2006, 02:00 PM
Having kids close together prevents a difficult menopause? Well I have a friend who had 5 kids close together and she avoided menopause entirely ----because her insides practically fell out of her body !! :eek: She was hemoraghing and had to have a hysterectomy in her early thirties.

Yeah -- give me the brown paper wrapper and spare me the advice. I don't trust advice from anyone giving it because they want my money. That's what we have girlfriends for.

I was in the store with my daughter and we had "feminine products" in our cart and they called us into the next lane and the cashier ws my daughter's friend--the son of one of my best friends. It's just embarassing.

Frenchy
February 11th, 2006, 02:25 PM
Thanks for the laugh Shannon!Me too;I really don't care about the little flower and stuff on the package,instead why not make those products tax deductible and second of all,give me some days off from work while I'm in my pms please.

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2006, 02:37 PM
Oh my God, thanks for the best laugh of the day!!!!

I truly find that the advertising and tv commercials leave a lot to be desired. During "that time" do I EVER feel like: Riding a white horse; frolicking on the beach in my white swimsuit; and vaulting fire hydrants. What I DO feel like doing is plopping my fatass on the sofa, wearing my comfiest sweats while popping Advil liquigels, and stuffing my face with Ruffles and dip and crying at the drop of a hat.

Now THAT'S real. :p

THANK YOU!!!

jawert1
February 11th, 2006, 03:02 PM
Given I just attacked the double chocolate poptarts with a chaser of hot cocoa and marshmallows (it's snowing in VA!), I'm sooooooo laughing my butt off on the couch whilst in my sweats. Amen ladies, amen! teehee!

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2006, 06:28 PM
I'm right there with you. I've been trying to eat healthy so I have no sweets in the house and am too tired and worn out to go get any, but I'm dying for something and getting more cranky as the day goes on! Poor Jim is just "taking my abuse"!! Sometimes they are saints, but other times when he ask the question "Is it that time?", I could kill him!!! The worst is when he asks the question and he's right, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right!!!

mona_b
February 11th, 2006, 07:16 PM
OMG,now that is just to funny considering I am going through this RIGHT NOW....:evil: :evil: :evil:

And the pain is umbelievable...Lets just say the pain has eased with 2 Tylonal 3's.And a bag of Vanilla Clodhoppers....:D ..Yes ladies,that's how bad it gets.

And let me tell you,it got this bad when I was taken off the pill and got my tubes burnt...So I have been going through this pain for 4 YEARS...:mad: :mad: :evil:

As for keeping active to help the cramps,not even close...If anything this makes it worse for me....

I tell yah,it's a good thing I'm off this weekend..:D

Prin
February 11th, 2006, 07:33 PM
Yey for women! :D My man knows to "hug the bear" or he'll just get chewed up and spit out.:D

The best is when you have a midterm with essay questions that you're supposed to have memorized and you have complete ADD because of the PMS. Ever try to focus really hard during PMS? Doesn't happen. They say that a woman's chance of having a car accident increases during PMS for that reason.


As for embarrassing, I buy my "stuff" in bulk so I only have to go through that once every 4 or 5 months... I had to buy a National Enquirer for a class a couple of weeks ago- now THAT was embarrassing!:o

mona_b
February 11th, 2006, 07:46 PM
I have you beat on this one Prin.

What's difficult for me not to do is pull out my gun when one of the guys make stupid comments or egg me on when I am PMSing......:evil: :evil:

They have now learned to keep their mouth SHUT.......;)

mummummum
February 11th, 2006, 07:47 PM
Whaaadyaaa mean men don't know what they're talking about ?!? ;)

14522

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2006, 08:02 PM
What's difficult for me not to do is pull out my gun when one of the guys make stupid comments or egg me on when I am PMSing......:evil: :evil:

They have now learned to keep their mouth SHUT.......;)

He just doesn't learn! You would think after 4 1/2 years he would learn to keep his mouth shut!!! We just got in an arguement. He triggered a touchy subject to me and I went off. You see, Jim is a very sarcastic person in general. A lot of people don't know how to take him and a lot of times he does step over the line and I usually have to pull him back because he's too stupid to realize it. Anyway, I tell him if he is going to be sarcastic he needs to be tactful and choose the right subjects to be sarcastic about. I tell him never make comments on physical traits. No weight jokes to people. No jokes of the mentally challenged and no jokes about my sisters lazy eye! I tell him do not make jokes about any physical deformities because a lot of people have overcome the prejudices in this world and we should be supportive about their strength. Afterall, people are people right? Maybe I am naive, but that's the way I feel. I treat everyone the same. OK off that rant. My sister has milked a neck injury for about five years now and the whole world gives her a pity party. Basically if she were to just follow doctors instructions and get on with her life she would be a lot further along. But she has decided she likes being waited on hand and foot and just does nothing and has her husband be her little servant. So as far as I'm concerned, this subject is open season. I have comments fly out of my mouth all the time because I've had surgeries on my knee to where I could've lost my leg if my body didn't accept a donor, but I got on with my life and I don't even talk about it any longer. It's just part of life. Now, the lazy eye is something I don't think he should make fun of because I was there to see my sister come home from school crying because people would call her Popeye. He doesn't understand this and guess who pushed my buttons and started on the lazy eye??? Anyway, long story short, we just got in a huge arguement about it (probably bigger than necessary because of the PMS), but we are not talking at the moment. I'm waiting for an apology and I won't give in until he gives me one because after 4 1/2 years, he should know!!! :evil:

OK end rant. Thanks for letting me vent!

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2006, 08:02 PM
By the way, the comic is very funny! :D

cpietra16
February 11th, 2006, 08:11 PM
LOL Sounds like tips from a man in a lab coat.:rolleyes: Like David Suzuki's suggestion to avoid a bad menopause? Anybody hear it? It's to have babies one after the other after the other with very little time in between. I've never had menopause or a kid, but I highly doubt any woman would trade menopause for giving birth 30 times.:rolleyes:


It's a man's world.....When I was researching invitro fertilization, I quickly realized that it was not covered by medicare. during my research, however I did discovered that penile enlargement is covered....:mad: So if a woman wants a baby it will cost her mega bucks, out of her own pocket,however if a man wants to look "better" (being diplomatic:angel: )the taxpayer picks up the tab!!!!!!

jesse's mommy
February 11th, 2006, 08:16 PM
That's so not right!!!

jawert1
February 11th, 2006, 08:21 PM
No but somehow a pint of Ben N Jerry's Chubby Hubby seems to make that lopsided logic a tad more bearable. Anyone wanna please talk me down from this junk food ledge LOL

glasslass
February 11th, 2006, 08:30 PM
Yey for women! :D My man knows to "hug the bear" or he'll just get chewed up and spit out.:D

The best is when you have a midterm with essay questions that you're supposed to have memorized and you have complete ADD because of the PMS. Ever try to focus really hard during PMS? Doesn't happen. They say that a woman's chance of having a car accident increases during PMS for that reason.


As for embarrassing, I buy my "stuff" in bulk so I only have to go through that once every 4 or 5 months... I had to buy a National Enquirer for a class a couple of weeks ago- now THAT was embarrassing!:o

Right now I'm in that blessed interval between buying feminine products and needing Depends. I did buy some for my mom a few times and THAT's embarrassing! If one of my friends saw a box of tampax in my grocery cart, she'd probably say "Who are you kidding?!" One of the first things hubby learned after we got married was not to ask if I needed a Midol when I got cranky. He thought he was just being "sensitive" to my moods! As for having complete ADD because of PMS, now I have "Brain Farts"! I refuse to call them "Senior Moments"!

mona_b
February 11th, 2006, 08:30 PM
He just doesn't learn!

They NEVER do.:mad: :mad:

Mine seems to have come from the same mold as yours....:rolleyes:

Lets just say that my hubby has to go through the PMS from TWO women...;)

My dughter was lastweek and me now...And he just doesn't let up with his mouth..Even with her...And he makes the stupid comments...BUT she will put him in his place...I taught her well.....She is her mothers daughter....:D


cpietra16,that's is definately soooo wrong....

My friend went through invetro..And yes she paid the big bucks.She had twins...A boy and a girl(6 now)

It's just can't belive it's covered for a man to look "better"..:evil:

Prin
February 11th, 2006, 08:55 PM
I'm so glad I don't have a man who tries to be nice by offering me pills...:D Mine does it by picking up the puppies' crep and taking Jemma and Boo out. Much smarter, I'd say. He grew up with women, so he knows better.

mummummum
February 11th, 2006, 11:49 PM
Practice this one in the mirror for the next time someone gets on your LAST*&^%$ NERVE...
14536

meggie1425
February 12th, 2006, 12:56 PM
mummummum cute pic!:D yep... the only thing that makes pms worse if when guys point it out:mad: and then anytime THEY do something stupid and you get mad at them, they blame your anger on pms!:eek:

lol, i bet any guys who read this threat will be scared off from women for a while;)

Stacer
February 12th, 2006, 08:56 PM
This is a little gross, but has anyone seen that Kotex(I think) commercial where there are two ladies standing in a feminine hygiene aisle and one lady asks the other if her pad ever feels wet and sticky? Every time I see that commercial I cringe, I can't believe that they would be so verbally "graphic". I'm no prude by any means but I think they crossed a seriously gross line there. Definitely not a commercial I would want to come on while I'm watching TV with my Dad.

Prin
February 12th, 2006, 10:11 PM
THANK YOU Stacer! Every time it plays, I cringe and complain to my man about how disgusting it is. That ad agency needs to be FIRED.:sick:

jesse's mommy
February 13th, 2006, 05:25 AM
Are we talking about the same one I'm about to refer to?? How about the one where the woman is doing a "sample" of the "absorbancy" of the pad? She pours the blue liquid on it, touches it, makes the other woman touch it and them wipe it on her own blouse to show it's dry. I have real issues with this one. It's just not right. I get extremely nauseous when I see it.

phoenix
February 13th, 2006, 07:08 AM
Hello,
Just want to share something constructive that has made my life and my sister's life SO MUCH better. Both of us suffered through intensely painful periods (Her more so than I, but we have both fainted in public places from it... VERY embarrassing.) There is an American over the counter pill, ALEVE that is incredible and we are never without it now. It is not the same pain reliever as Canadian Aleve. If you are in pain, I really recommend that you look into it.

Hope this helps someone!

shannonRN
February 13th, 2006, 07:57 AM
Aleve isn't naproxen in Canada? What the heck is it then? Anyhoo, Aleve does nothing for me--I guess everyone is different. I gotta have ibuprofen (and maybe some chocolate and a glass of wine--LOL). If I lived in Canada, or near it, I would probably go get me some rinky dink OTC narcotics like codeine or hydrocodone and zonk myself out a little, but alas, I live in a land where benedryl is practically a controlled substance....(kidding, not true).

In defense of men everywhere, or at least in defense of my husband, he knows to tread lightly for a few days every month, and he knows when to do so because he's very observant of my rapidly shortening fuse...I have a theory though, or more of an analogy, I guess. If he does something that would normally be mildly annoying but that I would normally just let slide...and that same annoying act prompts WWIII just because "it's that time of the month," well, then I take primary responsibility for that. It's the case of the cat who gets on the table on a daily basis that you scream at because he got on the table when company was over.

It has never much phased me to buy feminine products, until one day I was standing in line at the drug store buying some greeting cards and the gigantic sampler pack from Tampax...and these young guys were cracking up behind me. I told them to grow up, but I really wanted to rant at them that they should try having one of their organs develop a big charley horse for several days each month...

AliSam
February 13th, 2006, 11:40 AM
My biggest rant. Why the heck are feminine products so friggen expensive?

cpietra16
February 13th, 2006, 11:42 AM
BECAUSE MEN DON'T NEED THEM. If men had to use them I would gaurantee that they would not be taxed:evil:

Prin
February 13th, 2006, 12:16 PM
When I was younger and they had just introduced the GST, there was no GST on adult diapers, but there was "feminine products". Everybody said Mulroney made the exception because he needed them...

jessi76
February 13th, 2006, 12:49 PM
There is an American over the counter pill, ALEVE that is incredible and we are never without it now. It is not the same pain reliever as Canadian Aleve. If you are in pain, I really recommend that you look into it.

believe it or not, my bf & I purposely took a vacation to Canada a few years back, so I could buy Tylenol 3's. I don't just get "painful periods" - the cramping I experience requires narcotics to ease the pain - this is what my life is like - every month - for the past 12 years. when you have endometriosis AND adenomyosis, a little PMS would be a godsend.

while most men are asking "is it that time of month?" my bf is asking "what can I do to help?" sure, he has his faults, but at THAT time, he is the only thing that gets me through.

I LOVED the letter though - very funny!

Rick C
February 13th, 2006, 02:41 PM
Memo To Self :

. . . . Next . . . . Time . . . . .Do . . . . Not . . . . .Ignore . . . . .The . . . ."For The Girls" . . . . . Headline. :yuck: :clown:

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

Prin
February 13th, 2006, 02:59 PM
Why, Rick? You could learn some good tips. Like "HUG THE BEAR".;)

phoenix
February 13th, 2006, 03:53 PM
Aleve isn't naproxen in Canada? What the heck is it then? Anyhoo, Aleve does nothing for me--I guess everyone is different. ...

No, Naproxen is by prescription only here as far as I know. It's so funny because I get people on trips to bring Aleve back from the US for me!! I guess everyone is different tho I can't for the life of me tell why. And, I don't think you can get T-3 s etc without prescription here, either. Could be wrong.

Jackie467
February 13th, 2006, 03:57 PM
That was funny. I know when it's my time of the month the last thing I need is to be reminded. I just want to change and forget about it until I have to change again.

chico2
February 13th, 2006, 04:00 PM
Girls,girls that was a funny read:D Just wait,after childbearing,periods etc..comes menopause,lots of fun stuff!!!:evil:

Stacer
February 13th, 2006, 05:27 PM
jesse's mommy, i think it is the same commercial. Blech.

jesse's mommy
February 13th, 2006, 07:59 PM
Hello,
ALEVE that is incredible and we are never without it now. It is not the same pain reliever as Canadian Aleve. If you are in pain, I really recommend that you look into it.

Hope this helps someone!

Just tell me where to mail it and I'll send it up to you!!! :D

cpietra16
February 13th, 2006, 08:05 PM
Girls,girls that was a funny read:D Just wait,after childbearing,periods etc..comes menopause,lots of fun stuff!!!:evil:


Don't forget that after giving birth every time you sneeze you pee:D From napkins and tampons to depends:D I LOVE BEING A WOMAN

jawert1
February 13th, 2006, 09:51 PM
I'm volunteering along with jesse's mom, if anyone wants better pain management through LEGAL chemistry (not advocating anything out of sorts here), I'd be happy to send north :)

Bushfire2000
February 13th, 2006, 10:13 PM
Ah Prin, I love the "hug the Bear" imagry.

When we were first married My husband ,bless his heart, didn't have a clue. He grew up with one sister and seven brothers, she was out of the house before he could even know about periods or PMS.
To clue him in one day I put a sign on our outside door "caution PMS zone" It worked well, but I forgot to take it down. His brother came over and I found him standing on the doorstep unsure wether he should knock or run. It was so funny! I'd totally forgot about the sign and couldn't figure out what the "look" on his face was about.

There are still days that that sign would come in handy.

As for commurcials I just don't get it. Why would you need to see that kind of display. I also hate the one with the "pearl" tampon and the leaky boat. Who's that aimed at? I don't want to be compared to a leaky boat thank-you. And I hardly think my boys need to be given that image.

Prin
February 13th, 2006, 10:16 PM
The only half decent commercials are the Kotex ones. At least they're discreet.

mona_b
February 13th, 2006, 10:21 PM
I also hate the one with the "pearl" tampon and the leaky boat. Who's that aimed at?

Me......:(


OMG...I'M A LEAKY BOAT.........Or should that be a cruise ship.





:D

Prin
February 13th, 2006, 10:27 PM
A leaky cruise ship that you can throw some men off of?:evil:

I think that commercial is supposed to seem flattering to us- makes us seem resourceful. Whatever the trouble, we've got a tamponny solution! Woohoo!

Luvmypit
February 14th, 2006, 12:30 PM
This thread is hilarious!

I know Im PMSing when I start crying at Dove commercials... I can see your true colours, shining.......

My hubby is good and never says is it that time of the month. I usually get real PMS (premenstrual sydrome) a good week before.

Its weird how you are acting abnormally but you just can't see that untill PMS is gone and in hindsight you realize you were PMSing and you feeling sorry for that telemarketer on the phone, the fast food lady screwing up your order, The bank teller and your kids you just chewed out. Does anyone else find that or I am just out of tune with my body? I just don't realize that I am being overly sensitive, abnoxious, angry, sad and so on until its all said and done.

Writing4Fun
February 14th, 2006, 12:44 PM
Don't forget that after giving birth every time you sneeze you pee:D
You said it, sistah! That's one of those things people conveniently "forget" to tell you before you get pregnant.:rolleyes:

I have to warn hubby before I actually start PMSing. Otherwise, he wouldn't stand a chance in h-e-double-hockey-sticks. :evil: I become downright, head-spinning nasty. Not much pain, other than the slight twinge when the dreaded egg leaves its happy home and starts heading south, and a dull ache for the first day. No, I'm not the one feeling much pain ... but everyone around me sure as heck does. :crazy:

I've never seen the commercial Stacer is referring to. :confused: When/what channel is it usually on? Seems I miss all the "good" stuff, being stuck up in Teletoon/YTV land with the kids. :(

shannonRN
February 14th, 2006, 12:52 PM
It's only after coming to realize that I do that, luvmypit, that I am able to see it BEFORE I do it. Once I start crying at the dove commercials, I know the hormonal tides are changing and it's time to do a little yoga, chill out, and try to focus on being rational. I try to get some extra sleep and avoid alcohol, caffeine, and chocolate...LOL kidding about that part. There are still times that I'm not too pleasant but once I was able to see that my hormones play a big role in how I react to things, I was able to do "mind over matter". But I was in my late 20's before this whole thing started to dawn on me and I felt VERY out of touch with my body at that point.

Luvmypit
February 14th, 2006, 01:29 PM
I am just starting to get it now. I would never even notice a difference until now, like you when I start weeping at dove commercials or something I am now noticing it. Im 25 so your right about the age thing.

jesse's mommy
February 14th, 2006, 02:49 PM
One of the worst things about PMS is when you are cranky and don't care about anything and you know it, but can't do anything about it. I was like that today. I just didn't care and I knew it was because of the PMS and it didn't bother me one bit, I just kept not caring. But now I'm really good because Jim brought me home CHOCOLATE!!!

Prin
February 14th, 2006, 08:19 PM
I've never seen the commercial Stacer is referring to. :confused: When/what channel is it usually on? Seems I miss all the "good" stuff, being stuck up in Teletoon/YTV land with the kids. :(I don't have too many channels, so it's either CTV or CityTv...

I notice pms before now. When I lash out at my well-meaning man for cooking me dinner wrong, I know it's not him.:D

Stacer
February 14th, 2006, 09:12 PM
yeah it's either on CTV or CBC or CityTV, we don' thave cable either, so it's narrowed down to those 3. BTW, that commercial was actually for Stayfree. I thought of another bad commercial, the one where there is a surprise party and everyone jumps out and startles the birthday girl who is on her period, thankfully she's wearing ________(blank) pads/tampons or she could've had a serious mess to take care of. Blech.