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My First Rotti

xixvnajlavxix
January 28th, 2006, 05:15 AM
I had a Rotti pass away recently. And though the initial pain and hurt has gone away, there's some nights I sit and think about things. Her name was Tara Tashina Von Wolfgang. It was a name she got the moment at birth, and like her overly large paws, it was something she had to grow into.
She was 4 when she died, it was a horrible age for her to go. She was young, but she had cancer since she was one. The first vet had wanted to put her down right away, telling us that it wasn't cancer Tara had, that it was a bad leg and that it needed to be amputated. Rottis are too big of dogs to live on three legs. We knew that last line wasn't true, so we quickly decided to take her to another vet.
He said she had arthritis in her leg, and with plenty of pain killers and no place to take her for optional treatment, we took her home. Eventually she got better...we thought. When she was 4 though her pain started up again. We took her to yet another vet, this one said she had cancer, she probably had it her whole life. He wanted to amputate the leg right away, but when he did further tests, it had spread to her chest and her lungs. We decided to put her down humanely after the vet told us she had probably lived in pain for her whole life, even without the pain killers.
It kills me to know we probably caused all of her pain, and there was things we could have done to of made her feel better. It hurts worse to know that after they put her to sleep, the vets office once again called us, asking what we wanted to do with her body even though we had numerous requests for her ashes returned to us for us to sprinkle around her tree. She had sat in a freezer for two weeks while people ignored our calls and our pain.
Eventually though, pain went away. We never received her ashes, though for years I've tried to convince myself we did and they're under her tree with her Frisbee. It doesn't work. We have a shrine for her. Statues of likenesses of her, pictures of her and her enormously large feet that she never grew into...
I miss her a lot, but I know that for that Tara's sake its why I try to take care and love every thing that crosses my path. I miss her dearly, and still love her, and though we have gotten pets after her, nothing can fill that hole that she left in my heart.

Frenchy
January 28th, 2006, 03:19 PM
Like I tell anyone in your situation;don't blame yourself.We are not vets,and dogs can't talk.It's really hard to figure out their health problems sometimes and we have to trust our vet.You did good by asking for another vet.You did everything you could to help her and dogs knows that stuff.Even if you never did get the ashes,she is in your heart and that's what's important.

Cool Surfer
January 29th, 2006, 12:17 PM
Sorry to hear bout roti friend. Like Frenchy said, I think you took good care
of her and did the best in your ability.

I know it takes some time to recover from the sorrow. And sometimes the
memories come back. I think it's totally natural to feel.

I am sure all will be fine.

have you thought about a new pet ? :)

kobirot
February 5th, 2006, 04:26 PM
I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. We, too, lost our first rotti (Kobi) to cancer (bone)- last March. She was only six years old, and we had no idea that she had cancer; we had been told that it was a recurrent soft tissue injury from when she was younger. We made the excruitiating decision put her down within days after being told that it was cancer. It was the hardest decision we ever had to make, and the healing process can be a slow one. Just reading your story brings memories back and, as Cool Surfer said, that pain is very natural.

Try to remember that you made that final decision out of love for her. I very much believe that we carry "bits" of our loved ones with us, even after they're gone, and after we get other pets. Hold on to the memories that you have of her; they are very special.

meb999
February 6th, 2006, 02:31 PM
I'm so sorry....:sad: