I'm new and not coping well.....

I am the mommy to 4 cats. One of them died Sunday morning- a horrible painful death and it's just killing me.
I found Louie over 5 years ago. A mess of a thing- so small he fit in my hand and he was so messed up. His back leg was twisted and his eyes crossed and his tail crooked. I put him and his mamma in my garage and that's where they stayed. He got bigger and stronger, but his back leg was so swollen with fluid. I took him to the vet and they drained it. Vet had no idea if he was born that way, or was attacked by another cat. Months went on and the leg got worse, so with the advice of the vet, we had it amputated. He did great. He could hop around the house as fast as any other cat could run. The missing leg did take its toll on him as his other hip was turned out so I know he was starting the arthristis stages. He always stayed in the house.Well, all of my cats do. About 2 weeks ago he seemed different. He seemed to eat alright, but he seemed lethargic. Last Monday I woke up to him foaming at the mouth. Later he vomited white stuff with crystals in it. My husband brought him the vet and we knew it was his kidneys. We told the vet if he was too far gone, we don't want him to suffer and to put him to sleep. He said let me run some test. I called the next monring and they said he improved, but his condition was guarded at best. They had him on a cath and drained his bladder and had an IV in him to replenish his fluids. I called Wednesday and they said he could go home that evening. My husband picked him up. When I got home, I about fell over with the way he looked. But... he was weak and been through hell for 3 days. Thursday morning he even ate a little bit and then I gave him his 1st pill out of 28. That was it. He never ate again that I am aware of. By Saturday night (no emergency # for vet) he was very ill. I touched his belly and sure enough, his bladder was full again. By Sunday morning he was so dehydrated he couldn't even vomit anymore, just dry heaves and foaming at the mouth. By 9:30 am, he died. It was awful and horrible.
I am so upset with my vet. Just livid. I had a plan to call him and tell him off. I called yesterday morning and as soon as the words Louie died yesterday came out of my mouth, I started bawling and hung up.
Am I wrong to write the vet a letter and tell him how wrong he was? We have been using this same vet for 15 years now. I am just shocked that he let him go on. I think it was all a way to make $$$ and he did make more that way then by putting him to sleep.
My cat Peanut is Louies half brother and he misses him dearly. He sits by the patio and waits all day and night. The other cats know too. It's just heartbreaking.
I am so filled with guilt. He was such a good cat. He was my Boo. I feel awful burying him in the cold ground. I am just sick-literally about this. Can't eat and when i do I get sick, can't sleep and my brain is always occupied with this. I know it's only 2 days and it will get better, but geeze- today is my 19th wedding anniversary and I am just too bummed to celebrate.
Am I being a big baby?
Thank you all so much for listening to me. I needed to get this off my chest. The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing he is in heaven now- has all 4 legs and is no longer in pain.

Jodi

I am so sorry for your loss. YOur cat is in a better place and free of any more pain. You gave him a chance when no one would. Talk to the vet and ask him questions..after 15 years you would think he could at least explain what he thought he was trying to do?

Your is truely a heartbreaking post and I am sure everyone here understand your grief and feeling of guilt.
I had a similar experience,many years ago:sad:
I know it's easy to say,don't blame yourself,but you certainly loved and cared for Boo,he was lucky to have spent his life with you and your family.
Once the anger has passed,talk to the vet and explain how you feel.
In my view he was probably wrong by letting Boo come home,Boo could have had an easier passing,but it's all hindsight now.
Take your time grieving and know,if you feel a need for sympathy or understanding,we are all here for you.:love:

I am so sorry for the pain you're feeling.:(

I think you should write a letter to the vet,who surely knows that kidney failure (if that's what it was) is a horrid and painful way to die and that your cat's suffering was unnecessary.

I know how much sorrow you're feeling, but try and think of this: IF you hadn't taken Boo in 5 years ago, he would have died right there and never known the love and happiness he had.

:sorry: for your loss, and I know it must be very hard on you and you probably feel guilty because you saw how he was in the last few days of his life. But consider this...

If you hadn't found Louie 5 years ago and gave him a chance at life (I mean, some people abandon perfectly heathy pets, and you brought him into your home even though you knew how messed up his leg/tail was). If you hadn't done that, Louie's fate could (and probably would) have been far worse. The way I see it you made the past 5 years of Louie's life a living heaven ;) . So cheer up, I'm sure he would've wanted you to remember him as the quickest 3-legged cat ever to have lived.

Oh, and I agree with the others about talking/writing to your vet about this incident.

Oh I feel so aweful. Please except my utmost sympathies.

You did the best you could do, you didn't know better cause if you did you would have done better. I feel so bad for you but Hunter and Lucky are right if you hadn't done what you did years ago your little guy would never have known love, understanding and caring.


If you feel the pain is becoming to much ask your vet or any vet really for information on animal bereavment.

Are you being a big baby? NO your being human and a good human at that!




:sorry: