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Neighbours Why can't the just be normal

Joey.E.CockersMommy
January 23rd, 2006, 11:52 PM
I have another neighbour rant. on one side of me is the Stepford family that is absolutely perfect. They would be horrified if one of Joeys hairs blew in their yard.

Then on the other side is a whole other story. My son has made friends with the son (same age) which is great, except I really do not want to let him go to their house. First reason something happened about 2 years ago and the dad ended up in a pscyhiatric hospital for 6 weeks. He also gives me the creeps if I am outside he will come right up behind me and try and start a conversation which is fine, but hes like a foot away and always has this wierd laugh and smile on his face. We welcome their son over but I am just not comfortable with my kids at their house.We invited him to our sons b-day party too. The mom also doesnt speaks very little english.

Now for the past week there has been a cop car waiting outside their house.
Why I am not sure. We tried to go ask the cop but each time he drives away.

I definatley dont want my kids there right now. Maybe it sounds un-neighbourly but obviously something is going on if the cops are waiting outside everyday.

Do you think its okay to let their son play at our house. At least I know my kids are safe at home.

StaceyB
January 24th, 2006, 07:54 AM
I would call the police station and ask why there is one of their cars parked outside the neighbours home. They will probably say something like it isn't your business so I would go there first. I would say I know it isn't really any of my business but say that your kids go over there to play and you are worried about letting them go over. Maybe they will at least say no problem with letting the kids play or you should keep them away for now. I doubt they would give you the specifics but it doesn't hurt to ask.

mona_b
January 24th, 2006, 08:10 AM
If you don't feel comfortable with your son being over there,then go with your gut.But by all means,you can have the boy over to your place to play with your son.

As for calling or going to the station,they definately don't have to tell you anything..BUT if you if go this route,don't ask what's going on,you won't be told.Just ask for the safety of your children is it ok for them to go over there....They are watching him for a reason.IF it was for anything serious,he would not be in that house.It could be something,it could be nothing.

I will be honest in saying that the one thing most of us cops hate is being asked what's going on when we are sitting in our cruisers...It's one thing if there is a fire and someone comes and asks questions,it's another when we are in front of a someones house watching it.

chico2
January 24th, 2006, 08:53 AM
Mona,I last summer had some detectives sitting in my driveway,in a darkened van doing surveillance(sp?)of a house across the street.They were there every day for about a week.
They asked our permission and also explained why,not in detail,but I already knew about the lady who lived there.
If I,like Joeysmom felt any apprehension about having my son there,I would keep the kids at my house.
Going up to the cruiser is not a good idea,I would call and ask if it's safe.

joeysmama
January 24th, 2006, 09:12 AM
Police car or not I wouldn't allow my son to play there. You are uneasy about the father so that's reason enough. The fact that the police are interested, for whatever reason, should be a red flag.

Go with your instincts and have the children play at your house. You can monitor what goes on in your own home. I once had a child here, playing with my son, and didn't like some of the things the boy said. For a child of 11 or 12 he had some pretty unsavory views about certain ethnic groups. So I knew that he was hearing things that went against our values. So right then and there I determined that my son would not go into that home. But this wasn't a neighbor and it's a lot easier to make excuses when it's someone you just see at school you know?

Anyway, trust your instincts as a mother. Your first responsibility is to your child. You're welcoming the other child into your home. If anyone has a problem with you not allowing your child to go there that's just too bad.

There are diplomatic ways of saying so, for the sake of the other little boys feelings. Just saying "We prefer to have our boys play at home." should be more than enough explanation.

And I'm assuming that the neighbor's boy is well behaved and that you are ok with him being there. If anything about his company makes you uneasy then throw some roadblocks up for that friendship.

Without giving away too much to my kids I just organized their schedules and chores so that it was more conducive to some friendships than others.

I think in time they figured out that I was going to be more nitpicky about their rooms being picked up when some kids came to call than others. If someone was not a good influence then "I'm sorry, Tommy has to finish his homework and straighten his room before he can go out." With others I wanted to encourage I could turn a blind eye to a messy room.

Joey.E.CockersMommy
January 24th, 2006, 10:42 AM
Joeys mama,

And I'm assuming that the neighbor's boy is well behaved and that you are ok with him being there. If anything about his company makes you uneasy then throw some roadblocks up for that friendship

well not really, hes got some odd behavior, when we took him to the b-day party, he kept licking the balls,and generally just being really hyper. A couple of times he threw the ball into the other bowling lane. :eek: Usually after about an hour I send him home because he doesnt really listen. Hes also loud and destructive too. I cant talk to the mom as she doesnt really speak english. His older sister came over one time with him and I caught her going thru my purse. :eek:

It seems to me he doesnt have much direction but doesnt seem like a bad kid. The boys seem to get along well together but honestly I can only handle him for so long.

Prin
January 24th, 2006, 12:04 PM
I'd just get your kids some new friends. There are plenty of fish in the sea and they don't need these creepies.


BTW, I find this sentence pretty funny:D (I hope you don't mind) :
The mom also doesnt speaks very little english.

Joey.E.CockersMommy
January 24th, 2006, 12:15 PM
oops I think I went to edit it mid sentence then forgot. I meant to say



" mom speak no good english" ::D

joeysmama
January 24th, 2006, 03:25 PM
Oh, and while I'm up on my soapbox ;) ..........I agree with Prin about finding new friends. I'm still using my mom status to influence their friendships. My daughter will be the first to tell you that her curfew can vary by up to 2 hours depending on who she is with. And we are much more concerned about the hour and the weather if she's with one boy than we are if she's with another.

My kids are 23 and 19. I remember going through all the same stuff you're dealing with. There's always something to worry about. I really love parenting, but it's not for cissies. :) I think you're doing a great job !!

doggy lover
January 24th, 2006, 03:30 PM
You can never be over protective of your kids,if it doesn't feel right don't let him go there. Take this from someone who was molested at 10 by a neighbour-friend of family.

happycats
January 24th, 2006, 03:32 PM
BTW I found this sentence funny, once I understood what you were talking about (bowling)

Joeys mama,



when we took him to the b-day party, he kept licking the balls,.:eek: :eek:

I always prefer my sons friends come over to our place, It just makes me feel better. It's better to be safe then sorry!

chico2
January 24th, 2006, 04:23 PM
Happycats:D :D :D
I can't help but feel sorry for this boy though,he is obviously not having a great home-life,but that does not mean I feel you should put up with bad behavior.

Shamrock
January 24th, 2006, 04:32 PM
JECM, Following your own instincts, particularly when it comes to your children and their safety, can never steer you wrong.
Erring on the side of caution is preferable, always.

A police surveillance indicates "something".. though they may not wish to divulge the details. I would certainly be wondering too.

The knowledge that a person was in a phsychiatric ward shouldnt automatically instill fear and avoidance - this could be for many reasons.
Sadly, the stigma is ever-present in our society.:sad:

However, whenever anyone gives you uneasy vibes -for whatever reason - it's worth paying attention to, and excersizing caution is prudent. When "alarm bells" go off.. there's a reason.

The fact that the older sister was going through your purse is rather disturbing.
As for the little boy, if he is well-behaved, I 'd say just supervise the time he is there closely. You have concerns, and with that, think I'd just gradually discourage all interaction with this family.

Writing4Fun
January 24th, 2006, 09:22 PM
A woman's instinct should never be ignored. Especially when it concerns her own safety or the well-being of her children.

Also, and I hate to make presumptions like this, but if there's somthing unstable about the father, then chances are the child isn't too stable either. I know people say you can't/shouldn't dictate who your children have as friends, but in this case, I'd give it a college try.

My mother always preferred that we bring our friends over to our house to play. She would rather have a dozen kids underfoot than have us at our friends' houses where parental guidance was questionable at best. :rolleyes: I'm the same way, much to my husband's dismay. He hates the chaos of a house full of screaming children - boy, is he in for a surprise when they join a band and I tell them it's ok to practice in our garage! :evil:

mona_b
January 24th, 2006, 10:17 PM
Mona,I last summer had some detectives sitting in my driveway,in a darkened van doing surveillance(sp?)of a house across the street.They were there every day for about a week.
They asked our permission and also explained why,not in detail,but I already knew about the lady who lived there.

But that's the difference chico....You were "asked" permission about being parked in YOUR driveway.This cruiser is parked infront of Joey.E.'s neighbours house...Big difference there.....:) ..And this being said,this cruiser may not be watching the neighbours house.


The knowledge that a person was in a phsychiatric ward shouldnt automatically instill fear and avoidance - this could be for many reasons.
Sadly, the stigma is ever-present in our society.

I do have to agree with this.And this through experience.

Sounds like this boy "could" have HDAD

If your boys like him,and you can only handle him for an hour,then send him home after that hour.....:D

Bushfire2000
January 24th, 2006, 11:00 PM
Go with your own instincts.

If I have questions about my children's friends I like to have the kids play at our house or meet (in the summer) in town at the school grounds under my supervision ( We live in the country so visiting with anyone involves a drive)

Please please don't label a child with HDAD, ADD, ODD or in any other way from a few sentences in a post.

Lots of children have a misguided sense of proper behavior and what is acceptable in one family can cause a sever reprimand in another.

mona_b
January 24th, 2006, 11:45 PM
Please please don't label a child with HDAD, ADD, ODD or in any other way from a few sentences in a post.

Notice I said "could"......:)

I do have an 18 year old nephew who was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6.So a few things that were mentioned about this childs behaviour brought back flashbacks to my nephew.

And not to get off topic,but do you know how many children there are that do have it and can be tested,but they are being passed off as just being rotten kids when in reality,it's not them just being rotten kids?Trust me,I know alot about this disease and I have seen what it does.:)