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Handle another Christmas Newsletter?

December 13th, 2005, 04:42 PM
Here's a great little time-saver that I came across:D

Sending a Christmas letter? Just fill in the blanks

If you like to include a letter in your Christmas cards telling all your friends and relatives every single boring detail of what's happened to your family since last year, but don't have time to pull one together, we're here to help!
Just, fill in the blanks and circle the correct word in the bracketed sections, and you're done! Simply copy as many times as you need, and start mailing!
Let's get started:

"Dear _____:
"Can it really be that time of year again? Where does the time go? Ha ha! What a year it has been here in the _____ household! There's so much to tell!
"First of all, it's been quite the year for Father! He has been so busy at (work / home / finishing his two years less a day / finding his way out of the jungle). We hardly (see / miss / know / love / give a rat's ass about) him any more!

"Our adorable little _____ is coming along (great / okay / not so bad since the exorcism). We are so (proud / ashamed / fed up) with (him / her). We were all so (excited / repulsed) when (he, she) managed to (win the Governor-General's Award for Fiction / take a first step / curb the projectile vomiting).

"And you won't believe what's up with our (son / daughter) _____. (He / she) went out for (hockey / gymnastics / football / baseball / basketball / coffee) and (made the team / bet on the other side / came back with tea / never returned). We couldn't (be happier / be more obnoxious / care less).

"My (sister / brother / niece / nephew) _____, you know the one, came to visit and stayed (a couple days / a month / till the fridge was empty). We also went away (to the cottage / to Europe / while the house was fumigated) and had a good time until (we had to come home / there were no whiffs of skunk left / we ran out of money / a bear ate _____ ).

"I have kept all my community activities, especially (volunteering at the school / charity fundraising / working the `bank inspector' scam on little old ladies). Also, I saved up to have a bit of work done on (the kitchen / that old Buick we still have / my lips). You would not believe the difference! Especially when I (cook / drive / play the trumpet).

"Our neighbours, the _____, have been such a (pleasure / source of amusement / pain in the ass) this year. This has a lot to do with the fact that they've made their home into a (welcoming environment / theme park / crack house).

"Here it is, nearly Christmas, and every day at the door we have (carollers / folks raising money for the disadvantaged / politicians handing out campaign leaflets) and how we love to (sing along / pretend we're not home / sic the dogs on them ).

"Oh look how I've rattled on! It's time for me to (pick up the kids at school / get the groceries / down a bottle of scotch and make my troubles go away, if only for awhile).
"Love, _____."

And there you have it, the all-purpose Christmas letter. With all the time you've saved, you can (wrap presents / watch A Charlie Brown Christmas / sic the dogs on campaigning politicians ).

December 13th, 2005, 05:27 PM
hee hee hee.. Good one..:)

December 13th, 2005, 05:32 PM
Too funny. I might actually send something like that out to some friends, as a joke.

December 13th, 2005, 06:28 PM
I actually sent that to my family and friends, even the ones that send xmas letters. Maybe they will get the hint.

December 13th, 2005, 08:51 PM
I received something like that once. It was a riot I particularly like the part about the politicians handing out campaign leaflets priceless.

December 13th, 2005, 09:21 PM
Except now I hope the people I emailed it too are not offended because it says "every boring detail of your life" in the first paragraph. Because those that actually sent the letters of course have really exciting lifes, so I may have offended them by leaving in the boring part, and others for that matter. Anyways its to late now I didnt realise until after I emailed it too about 25 people or so. Anyways it is funny so hopefully they wont be mad at me. :D :evil:

December 13th, 2005, 09:52 PM
Do they all have a good sense of humour?

If you feel there are any that might not be amused at the "boring life" could send them another e-mail - clarifying you were merely forwarding this joke letter in its entirety , including the opening paragraph of "directions". Nothing in there is written by "you" after all, and I cant really imagine anyone taking it seriously.

December 13th, 2005, 09:58 PM
I think I will wait for the replies and if they are offended I will just say oops of course your life is not boring its fabulous, and I will apologise profusely and beg not to be taken of their xmas letter list.