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Funny, Funny ha ha

December 9th, 2005, 07:32 AM
Are you ready to split your sides. Dont read this if youve recently had your appendix out, or have done 5000 situps. These were sent to me in an email this morning

1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual,"
replied the doc.

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "
I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The
shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm

12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-
eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's
have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

15. I went to a seafood restaurant last week.... and pulled a mussel.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A fsh

17. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess stops them and says "Sorry sir, only one carrion per

18. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

19. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to
Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never
amounted to much. Naturally he became known as the lesser of two

20. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which
sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat
it too.

21. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar
and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

22. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused
to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

23. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the
lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess
tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and
asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open

24. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal". The other is sent to a Spanish
family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan ! sends his birth mother a
picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband replies,
"They're twins for Pete sake! If you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!"

December 9th, 2005, 07:51 AM
I love it.

December 9th, 2005, 11:44 AM
Yey! Punny jokes! Very clever...

Did you hear the doggy one? It's something like this... I don't have the exact joke on hand... sorry...:o

A lab, a dobie and the taco bell chihuahua are hitting on a bit--.. uhh.. female dog. The female says to them "Who ever can come up with the best pick-up line using liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the lab steps up, wags excitedly and says, "Want to go out for liver and cheese? Huh? Huh?"
The female replies, "That's not good enough."
The dobie steps up and says all suave, "Liver and cheese? Heck no, you're a steak kind of woman.reer"
The female replies "That's not good enough.
The chihuahua walks up to her, turns to the other two males and says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

December 9th, 2005, 02:57 PM

December 9th, 2005, 05:46 PM
A man walks into a psychiatrists office and says doctor I am so confused one minute I am a tepee and the next minute I am a wigwam. What should I do.

Doctor: Relax your just two tents.

Did you hear about the agnostic guy with dyslexia, he layed awake at night wondering if there was a Dog.

December 9th, 2005, 07:55 PM
Three ropes walk into a bar and sit at a table. The first rope says to the others, "I'm going to get us some beers." He walks to the bar and says, "Bartender, three beers." The bartender asks, "Are you a rope?" The rope says yes and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." All rejected, the rope goes back to his table.

The second rope, outraged, stands up and heads to the bar. "Bartender, three beers!" The bartender asks again, "Are you a rope?" The rope says yes and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." Rejected, the rope goes back to his table.

The third rope stands up, and says, "I'll handle this," and heads to the bar. On his way, he pulls and rips his body apart and ties himself in a knot.
"Bartender, three beers." The bartender replies, "Are you a rope?"
The rope says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

December 9th, 2005, 09:46 PM
Why was 6 afraid of 7..........because 7, 8, 9.

December 9th, 2005, 11:22 PM
Why was 6 afraid of 7..........because 7, 8, 9.
That's a kids' one... Like when is a snot not a snot? When it's not.