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Crystal Meth Got Me Again

November 16th, 2005, 10:37 AM
Hey!!Its me,well i ruined everything once again in my life,10 yrs ago i had a meth problem,sniffing it,well someone came back into my life and i started sniffing it again,but the real descent into hell happend when i took my first hit of the pipe,i started smoking it,i lost my job,i just was up for 4 days,my face has sores alll over it,i am at my friends house now,she is worried my face my get infectyed,i tried a rehab yesterda,state funded rehab,they were of no help.I am gonna get a sponsor from n/a to talk to.n/a came to my house the other night to bring me food,i should have died sundat night,i started smokng meth at 3:00 in teh afternoon,smoked nonstop til 8:00 am monday,had to break the pipe to stop.Will try to start my life over again,but i feel so behind and hopeless that i think it is just easier to give in to the meth,but i will try and rebiuld again.

November 16th, 2005, 10:43 AM
OMG Heidi, I had no idea!! I feel so bad for you, please please try and get help, and anytime you need someone to talk to or support, you know that you can come here anytime and we are all here for you!!:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: .
Please go see a doctor for your sores, .
And please put yourself first! You are a great person, who deserves a good life, you need to love yourself, and believe that you are great and deserve a great life.
PLEASE get help, you are worth it!!

November 16th, 2005, 10:54 AM
I could cry,thank u,yeah ten years i ago i was addiceted for about 4 years,BUT, sniffing it is NOTHING compared to smokig it,I can honestly say even as bad as i look and feel right now,that this will be sooooooooooooo hard to overcome,I love the high of smoking it,there is nohing like it.Until i sat with a guy yesyerday coming off heroin,he is only 22,going through the shakes,he treid to commit suicide,his writs have scars all over them,he was in real bad shape.Then there was a lady laying doen she had to be in her 50's,she was coming of heroin,glass and methadone,it was soo sad...The people freom n/a and the rehab place sayi dont love myself and do it because i hate myself,i am not sure what they mean because i dont say i hate myself so i am gonna get hi,i love love how it makes me feel when i first do it,not because i hate myself i dont know..

November 16th, 2005, 10:55 AM
Heido Ho I had no idea, Your a good person, the drug is bad. Surround yourself with positive things and people and you can beat it again. I have never experienced Meth so I can't imagine how brutal and addictive it can be. It will be worth it to you to beat it again. Like we said we support you in getting through this. :grouphug:

November 16th, 2005, 11:12 AM
Heidi, Please LOVE yourself more then you love the meth!
I don't know nor can I say I understand, because I have never has a meth addiction, but please look deep into your self, love yourself and strive to get better, do whatever it takes to get better!!

I have seen addictions, and know how they ruin lives and families, so please please get help, this is stronger then you think and you can't do it alone!!
There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

November 16th, 2005, 11:14 AM
I am so sorry Hiedi. I can't imagine what you are going through. You have a good heart, and you deserve so much more than a life with meth will give you. Your health the sores, I have seen them before. It will be really hard, but surrond yourself with the right people and you can clean up. It might be the hardest thing in the world, but it will be worth it.


November 16th, 2005, 11:20 AM
You nailed it,it is stronger than i know,because lookin in the mirror at myself right now,and seeing how destroyed my face is which will take awhile to heal,i know once i look and feel good again i will want to do it again,actually i could honestly say if it was in front of me now i would probably do it,Sunday when i got it,it was a test i told myself ok see if you can take the bag home only do a couple of hits and put it away for the night,well all night it was ok just one more hit,ok just one more hit.After about 12 hours i had to take a deep brath to do another hit.It is the mose evil,powerful thing i have ever experienced.What i want an answer to,is WHY this isnt enough for me to say ok i am donehow can it be that i was up for days thought i was gonna die,have sores that burn all over my face lost my job,wont go in publice etc etc,but YET still love it???????????????/Why dont i hate it................................................ ................

November 16th, 2005, 11:27 AM
This is probably gonna sound sick but i remember sitting on my bathroom counter lookin at my forehead and any blackhead or whtaever i thought i saw i would just sqeeze or pick at and i would se it getting redder and redder or bleed and my mind said heidi stop ,but i couldnt stop,then i layed in mbed and remember right where the hairline starts on my forehead thinking something was there,it looks like a burn now ,as well as my chin,i cannot touch my face it hurts so bad /////////////

November 16th, 2005, 11:38 AM
Why is Crystal Methamphetamine Addictive?
All addictive drugs have two things in common. They produce an initial pleasurable effect, followed by a rebound unpleasant effect. An amphetamine, through its stimulant effects, produces a positive feeling, but when it wears off it leaves a person with the opposite feelings. This is because of the suppression by the drug of the normal production of adrenaline. Now, a chemical imbalance is created and the result is irritability that physically demands more of the drug to go back to normal and feel good again. This pleasure/tension cycle leads to loss of control over amphetamines - and addiction.

The Brainís reward system consists of various drives and needs of the body; sex, hunger, thirst and friendship. When these drives are satisfied, or when pain is relieved, a signal is sent to certain brain cells which manufacture a chemical substance that signals reward. When these monitor cells have been stimulated, a signal is sent to the tip where a small amount of this reward chemical is released. The chemical or neurotransmitter then reaches and stimulates the reward center, causing a feeling of well-being. Amphetamines produce an artificial feeling of pleasure. Most addictive drugs are able to produce pleasurable effects by chemically mimicking certain normal brain messenger chemicals which produce positive feelings in response to signals from the brain. An example of this is the narcotic drug which mimics endorphin (nature's natural pain reliever). This is like having counterfeit money which will fit into the slot machine. When the drug comes in, its stimulates the reward center. This short circuits the survival mechanism, because the reward center cell can't tell the difference between the drug and the natural chemical messenger. The result is a dependence on the immediate, fast, predictable drug which, at the same time, short circuits interests in and the motivation to make life's normal rewards work. When the amphetamine molecule comes in through the blood stream, it bypasses the natural nerve cells and causes the artificial release of normal, chemical messengers for positive feelings. What happens as a result of this is a feeling of satisfaction, well-being and relief. Then, automatically the system sends a signal of positive rewards back to the memory of this activity. The first of many pleasure hooks has been implanted into the memory. The amphetamine drug lies to both the Reward Center and to the Monitor Cell. The cell adapts to the excess stimulating effect of amphetamine by shutting down production of the natural stimulatory chemistry, to try to keep a balance.

Where Does the High Go?
The FIRST association with amphetamine has been locked in your subconscious memory. The subconscious learns through IMMEDIATE ASSOCIATION i.e. using amphetamine gives almost immediate pleasure. Your subconscious remembers that first initial "high" and actually forces you to want to recapture it. Usually a person using amphetamine never gets as big a "high" as she or he did on the FIRST dose. This is a result of the drug's ability to suppress and deplete the brain's production of the normal chemical messenger on which the brain relies to generate positive feelings. The brain adapts to the presence of amphetamine by decreasing production of the normal chemical messenger. The user then begins to use more - he has to work harder to get less and less pleasurable effect. Ultimately he crashes. As tolerance develops to the euphoric effects, higher and higher doses of amphetamine are needed to get pleasurable effects. Then, the more you use, the greater risk from toxic effects of amphetamine. People who use amphetamines often lose weight because the drug turns off the drive to eat. The drug produces a feeling of satisfaction with regard to food, even though no food was eaten. Tolerance to this effect develops. When the person stops using the amphetamine, there is usually a rebound increase in appetite as the body discovers it has been literally feeding off itself and wasting tissue.

Repetition Strengthens Memory
The memory works like a cassette recorder and stores all that the body experiences. At some time later, when "signaled," physical experiences stored in the memory can be played back. Repetition strengthens memory. Through repetition, the pleasant effects of amphetamine and the relief of painful withdrawal, become strongly programmed into the survival mechanism.

Why Does Crystal Methamphetamine Take Over Your Life?
Methamphetamine, like other addictive drugs, is able to short-circuit your survival system by artificially stimulating the reward center, or pleasure areas in your brain, WITHOUT ANYTHING BENEFICIAL HAPPENING TO YOUR BODY. As this happens, it leads to increased confidence in methamphetamine, and LESS confidence in the normal rewards of life. This first happens on a physical level. Then, it affects you psychologically. The big methamphetamine lie results in decreased interest in other aspects of life, as you increase your reliance and interest in methamphetamine. People, places and activities involved with using methamphetamine become MORE IMPORTANT. People, places and activities or lifestyles that worked through your normal reward system, before using methamphetamine, become LESS important to you. In fact, after awhile, a heavy methamphetamine user will actually RESENT people, places and activities not able to fit in with methamphetamine use. In certain studies, animals would press levers to release methamphetamine into their blood stream, no longer concerned about eating, mating or other natural drives. They will, in fact, die of starvation in the process of giving themselves methamphetamine even though food is available.


November 16th, 2005, 12:07 PM
Oh dear God, Heidi PLEASE stay away from that stuff! If it was your new man who got you back into it, I could kill him! Oh this is very bad! Think about how you feel, right now. Do you like how you feel and how you look?? I highly doubt it. So why do you want to keep doing this to yourself??? There are many other ways to make yourself feel good other than drugs! Jump off a cliff(attached to a bungee cord of course!!) if you want an exhilarating high.
I promise you, if you keep doing that stuff, you will lose EVERYTHING and as you know, you could lose your life as well. You will lose posessions, friends, family, your car, the place you live in, your dignity, self respect - absolutely EVERYTHING!!
Please seek professional help. Don't be embarassed by it. People will not look down on you, but instead will look up to you for having the courage to reach out for help. Help yourself, I'm begging you!:grouphug: We all don't want to sit here wondering, what happened to HeidiHo???
Be strong girl. We care about what happens to you.:grouphug:

November 16th, 2005, 12:24 PM
Thank u,it is the guy with the pit bull..Unless u have money there are no rehab places to go.I dont understand this addiction myself,if you go to ask jeeves and type in pictures of meth users that is what my face looks like right now.This should be enough to make me stop,but i know when i look better and get enough sleep it is gonna be a tough fight.I always think i can control it and i know i cant...

November 16th, 2005, 12:27 PM
He does not have a clue that i am out of control with the meth,he thinks i still have my job and everything.

November 16th, 2005, 12:34 PM
Did he know you had a problem with it before???

You really can't get any treatment anywhere without having to pay??? Do your parents have any money to help out??

November 16th, 2005, 02:08 PM
I never told him i did..And your right there is no FREE treatment,no my parents live paycheck to paycheck,and i do not want them to know they would be devastated,they helped me 10 years ago,and would die if they knew i was now smoking it and am addicted even worse now..I would give anything to just do away for 28 days to a rehab center,but looks like that is not an option i am on my own

November 16th, 2005, 02:13 PM
Well i have eaten all my friends food and haev alot more sleep to catch up with thanks everyone will be back when i wake up.:grouphug:

November 16th, 2005, 02:18 PM
Heidi, you can only stop if YOU want to stop. Do you want to stop using? Think long and hard about this. Your parents would die for you if they had to. It would hurt them far worse, if you die before they do. Maybe try state rehab again. What are you going to lose?

November 16th, 2005, 02:36 PM
Heidi you need a good supportive atmosphere in order to stop and you need counselling and therapy in order to get you into that space.

First things first, you're gonna make it through this. Next you must realize and you do that every time you do the meth it's destroying your brain so the sooner you can get a grip on making a decision to stop the better.

Avoid rapid detox centres Heidi, they'll set you back to step one again.

You need a very structured environment and you need to avoid contact with the people and person providing this to you. At all costs, this is your LIFE!!!

Do you belong to a support group right now? Did you before?
CALL THEM!!! Call them NOW!!

Don't do it alone or you'll likely rebound as you have done right now.

Do you have family, relatives that you can trust? Can you stay with someone to remove yourself from your current environment?

Do you have other dependancies or abuse other drugs? Whether they are prescribed or not? Alcohol, antidepressants, benzo's, antipsychotics, anything???

November 16th, 2005, 03:03 PM

AZ - Phoenix Area
ARIZONA Meeting Lists PDF


8:30 pm "CMA ROCKS" - 4301 W Glendale Ave, Glendale, AZ

9:30pm "Principles before Personalities" - 2935 E Van Buren St., Phoenix, AZ 85008


10:30 A.M. Sunday Meditation
4210 N. Longview, Phoenix, Az

3:00 P.M. NO MORE (NS)

7:OO P.M. What's Cookin' in your Neighborhood?
5315 N. 30th. Drive

7:OO P.M. Backyard Tweekers
4012 S. Central Ave.


8:00 P.M. Crafty Rascals
2130 W. Clarendon Ave. Phoenix, AZ
Campfire meeting, smoking allowed, Kids welcome

12313 NW Grand Ave. Surprise, Az


7:00 P.M. Godspeed
2421 W. Montebello, Phoenix, AZ 85006

7:00 P.M. Monday Hope
316 N 11th Way., Phoenix, AZ 85006


7:30 P.M. "Spun-n-Done"
7523 N. 35th. Ave. Phoenix, Az


8:00 P.M. "Monday at a Time"
2622 N. 16th. Street, Phoenix, Az


10:00 A.M. "Reaching Out"
5315 N. 30th. Drive, Phoenix, Az


206 N 4th St., Buckeye, AZ


1331 E. SIXTH AVE, MESA AZ. 85204




7:00 P.M. - Show me the Way
2432 E Danbury Rd, Phoenix, Az


7:30 P.M. Serenity Sisters (Women Only)
1445 W. Northern, Rm#5., Phoenix, Az

7:30 P.M. NEW HOPE


10:00 A.M. Everyone knows U R Tweeking!!!
5315 N. 30th. Drive, Phoenix, Az

6:00 P.M. Coming Together
2421 W. Montebello, Phoenix, AZ 85006


8:45 P.M. NO MORE SPEED (S) (K)
4700 N. 12th. Street, Ste.#100, Phoenix, AZ


5:00 PM "CRANK IT UP" - (12 X 12) (S) FELLOWSHIP HALL RM 3

6:00 PM "Meth Exodos"
2432 E Danbury Rd, Phoenix, Az

6:30 PM "Misfits' Solution"
4210 N. Longview, Phoenix, Az

7:00 PM "The Real Purpose Group"
9424 N. 9th. Ave, Phoenix, Az

7:00 PM "Methology"
54 W Southern Ave, Mesa, AZ 85210

7:00 PM "Godspeed"
2421 W. Montebello, Phoenix, AZ 85006



8:00 PM "We're on our way!"
6348 W Myrtle Ave, Glendale, AZ 85301


9:30 A.M. There is a way Out
4301 W Glendale Ave, Glendale, AZ



9:30 P.M. Misfits' Fiend Club
1828 W Peoria Ave, Phoenix, AZ 85029

ARIZONA Meeting Lists PDF

Public Outreach & Information
Dave H.
4201 W. Muriel Drive
Glendale, Az 85308

Dog Dancer
November 16th, 2005, 04:04 PM
Heidi, I'm so sorry for the problems you are facing right now. But you can and must be strong and get clean again. Luba's post seems very extensive. Print it out and go to one or several of these places. You have to make the effort - you're worth it and we're all pulling for you. I haven't looked at your profile, but I'll bet you have furbabies who are counting on you too! Good luck and stay in touch with us. We're here for you.

Rick C
November 16th, 2005, 04:12 PM
Hey!!Its me,well i ruined everything once again in my life,10 yrs ago i had a meth problem,sniffing it,well someone came back into my life and i started sniffing it again,but the real descent into hell happend when i took my first hit of the pipe,i started smoking it,i lost my job,i just was up for 4 days,my face has sores alll over it,i am at my friends house now,she is worried my face my get infectyed,i tried a rehab yesterda,state funded rehab,they were of no help.I am gonna get a sponsor from n/a to talk to.n/a came to my house the other night to bring me food,i should have died sundat night,i started smokng meth at 3:00 in teh afternoon,smoked nonstop til 8:00 am monday,had to break the pipe to stop.Will try to start my life over again,but i feel so behind and hopeless that i think it is just easier to give in to the meth,but i will try and rebiuld again.

Wow. . . . . no suggestions or anything, just a hug from a billion miles away and hope you beat the devil.

Good luck with it.

Rick C

November 16th, 2005, 04:22 PM
Heidi, I am terribly sorry to hear of this awful struggle you face.

Please seek help from one of the agencies that Luba has listed for you!

Also, please reconsider telling your parents, Heidi.
Even if they cant help financially - they love you, and can offer you moral support and encouragement. You need to enlist ALL the help you can get on your side. Relapses happen - but can be overcome.

I send you a big hug and my sincere positive thoughts for you.
Please let us know how you are doing.

November 16th, 2005, 04:47 PM
Also try this.

November 16th, 2005, 05:02 PM
Heidi I am sorry but you know how this drug can destroy your life you have been there before and I hope you beat this devil again. I have been through this with a few friends. I hope some of the places Luba suggested help you need to follow up with these places. Then you need to get involved in somethings that will keep your mind off the drug and keep you focused on something you like. Maybe once you get this to the point where you feel more in control you could spend sometime at the humane society doing some dog walking because I know you love dogs. This would make you feel more useful and would be able to realize that you are a loving and compassionate person and people and the dogs depend on you to be there for them. You are a good person so step back and look at your life since you had been drug free I think you will want to go back to being clean. I am here if you want to talk and I wish you good luck in this hard battle you face, but you did it before and I know you can do it again. Big Hugs from me and Buddy

November 16th, 2005, 05:12 PM
One thing Heidi that you said and you should and do know better...

this 'guy' doesn't know you are out of control with the meth

Come on now lets be straight with one another one time with meth is outta control isn't it!!

So you and he both know but been avoiding it huh!

Now you have lots of access and I see you went to a rehab and n/a but dont know when that was, 10 yrs ago or recently?

So, there is a place listed in my information above that is avail to you every day of the week....GO!!!

Doesn't matter if you feel or look like poop either just GO!!!

Go and ask for help, ask for someone to guide you and get you to where you want to be and for God's sake STOP socializing with the people giving it to you!!! Just tell them you're in treatment and to stop coming around but you HAVE to go to treatment you can't do this yourself.

The more you think you can handle this on your own the worse you are going to get. Meth is hell and you need lots of guidance.

IF you blew all your money on meth and need food go to a food bank.

November 16th, 2005, 05:16 PM
WAsn't letting me edit the above post

Food bank info:

Phoenix Food Bank & Food Plus Center

4211 N. 43rd Avenue

Phoenix, Arizona 85031

(602) 272-6326 (Telephone)

(602) 272-9734 (FAX)

8am - 4pm Monday thru Friday

November 16th, 2005, 05:33 PM
OMG. I didnít read this thread sooner because I thought it was a prank\joke.

You have typed the fact that you realize that you have a problem into a public forum. Therefore you know that you have to beat this. Thanks Luba for finding all those sources of assistance.

Heidi please contact them and get the help that you need. I wish you all the best in this struggle. Keep us updated or if you rather just PM to those select individuals you may be close to.

I donít say this too often and I am not overly religious but believe me that I am praying that you find the strength you need to beat this. I think many others are too.

November 16th, 2005, 05:38 PM
Aww Heidi,our beautiful troubled were so excited over your new job:sad:and I was sooo happy for had so many plans..
I really have no advice to give,don't know enough about meth,but just know we are all rooting for you and care,please,please help yourself,you are too good to become another victim to this horror.
I know in the US everything costs money,but there must be a place for you...please get help:love::love:

November 16th, 2005, 05:46 PM
Heidi, I really don't know what to say. Meth is absolutely evil, and you need to kick this at all costs. It WILL destroy if you don't.

I could tell you to find something to keep you the web, play video games, go for a walk, go for a bike ride...anything. But the only thing I know for sure is that you need to get away from anyone who will give it to you. That may sound harsh, but this is that serious. If you have to, call your local police station for resources for meth users. Most police stations offer help to meth addicts who can't find it for themselves. I know you said you feel ashamed and embarassed, but if you don't do something, this is definitly one of those times where you could die of embarassment!

:grouphug: Please take care of yourself!! For our sake!

November 16th, 2005, 05:50 PM
I wish you were closer Heidi - I would know where to tell you to go to get help but I feel frustrated when I cannot help you. Of course, not one iota as much as you must be feeling. Are there no programs available at all - can you not go to an ER and at least spend time in a state funded detox unit. It is usually easier to get into a detox unit than a rehab - which typically involves much more time.

Do you have friends or family who can help?

Are there no social service organizations who can help you get into a program? I think Luba is right in recommending a NA group of one of those Church sponsored groups that meet. They may not have medical help but they have volunteers who have usually been through some of the same things you have and can understand better than azny hralth care professional. Please visit one of those groups she listed. I do know someone who heads a nursing program in Arizona - if you want to PM me where you are, I could contact her to see whether she could help you find help. I do not know of she is close to you - she teaches at a universty nursing school there and has many contacts.

You are bigger than this Heidi and you can beat it and get your life back on track again!! :grouphug:

November 16th, 2005, 10:21 PM

You have tonnes of support here girl!! And I know you can access tonnes more where you are.

So tomorrow is Thursday:


8:30 pm "CMA ROCKS" - 4301 W Glendale Ave, Glendale, AZ

9:30pm "Principles before Personalities" - 2935 E Van Buren St., Phoenix, AZ 85008


10:00 A.M. Everyone knows U R Tweeking!!!
5315 N. 30th. Drive, Phoenix, Az

6:00 P.M. Coming Together
2421 W. Montebello, Phoenix, AZ 85006


8:45 P.M. NO MORE SPEED (S) (K)
4700 N. 12th. Street, Ste.#100, Phoenix, AZ

November 16th, 2005, 10:34 PM
More info for you:

If they can't help you directly ask them to direct you to some counselling that can!! will give you a quick response to your request on finding a drug treatment center that suits your needs. You can select the state in which you would like to inquire about treatment to the right and complete the simple form and we will contact you via phone or email, or you can call us toll free at 800.722.5570.
We recognize that not all drug treatment centers are equal, and we have established a way to match people to safe, reliable treatment services. Through this website addicts wishing to recover are able to connect to a treatment professional immediately

Arizona Drug Rehab and Alcohol Addiction Treatment Information
To find out if there are any drug rehab treatment or counseling facilities serving people in Arizona that are suitable for your needs, please call 1-800-468-6933.

November 17th, 2005, 12:14 AM
I"m far too behind in threads and don't know everyone well enough yet here but here I go.

We have lit a candle in honour of your fight for yourself tonight. Be brave, take those hard steps to recovery and remember that you are loved, by family, by members, by friends.. You will beat this addiction. You are the bravest person we know right now, you are upfront, you are honest, you are committed to beating this evil.

You will conquer, and all of us here will be better people for knowing your struggles and your triumphs. You are not weak for admitting your addiction, you are strong. Believe in yourself. We believe in you.


November 17th, 2005, 12:39 AM
Lots of support here, stay strong, you beat this once you can do it again, we're all here for you.

November 17th, 2005, 08:44 AM
Heidi, my thoughts are with you. I have not stopped thinking about this, or worrying about you since I read your post. Please please seek help from one of the places that Luba listed, and please please come to us for support whenever you want/need. :love: :grouphug:

November 17th, 2005, 09:28 AM
If anything you should be proud of yourself, it takes alot of courage to admit to an addiction. But i think you know here you will get nothing but positive responses and encouragment. Your important to us at and to many more people including your firends and family, your animals.
You need to tell yourself and realize how strong you really are. How you beat it last time. How it was worth it. Remember that 1st year anniversary of being sober, how proud you felt, how free you felt. Well that feeling is just around the corner but you can't see it so it seems impossible.
Unfortunantly I hate to break it to you whether or not he knew you had a problem with meth before its not exactly a one time thing for anybody and he should know this. Whether this is your first time or 10th someone who provides you with meth is not a friend, hes not even a friend to himself.

That little voice in your head that tells you just one more just one more..... that there is the devil himself and you need to tell him to shut up and get the hell on. When you hear yourself saying I can do one more hit, this is the last one, you need to condition yourself for those moments and repeat to yourself that you don't want anymore, you are better then this and even this one hit will take away so much from me and I know its not worth it. Nothing is worth this hit. When you feel the urging and your starting to convince yourself you must take yourself away from what ever situation your in and do something, walk the dog, go for a run, go to the mall. Find something that you really enjoy and use that activity when ever you feel the urge.

Ofocurse I am no addiction specialist but these are things that you can do by yourself for yourself until you get the care you needed.
Please consider lubas suggestion and Cyberkittens reference. You have nothing to lose but everything so take the risk not in using meth but in getting yourself help.

I hope you know how much we are all rooting for you. When I read this I could not stop thinking about you.
My utmost thoughts and prayers are focused on you today.

Oh Heidi please get help!

doggy lover
November 17th, 2005, 09:55 AM
Heidi, Please stop! You are reaching out for help, we are here for you but you need someone closer, find some. Luba being herself is giving you names and places get some help now. We will be here to cheer you along. Please take that step, you are loved and we would miss you if something happened to you.

I watched a program on Meth the other day and it was very sad, you don't know what the stuff is cut with or anything you could get some bad stuff and die. None of us want to see something bad happen to you PLEASE, PLEASE get some help now.

November 17th, 2005, 10:16 AM
Hey!!Just woke up..Thanks to everyone for the support and Luba for all the info,i did call the N/A hotline again last night to talk cause i have never have felt this way before.Smoking it is beyond anything i have ever felt.I knew 10 years ago when i hit bottom i could overcome it,but this time i can honestly say i have been ti hell..This is how my mind is thinking and i told the girl on the phone,maybe next time i can control it like that guy does,he works,sleeps,eats,and functions why cant I.It is always like that,okay next time i can control it,i know i cant,but that is what it does to you..I did go to the state funded rehab tuesday,it was bad,i was talking to a girl there and she said if i have made it there i am now one step closer to hell....And that place was hell they walk u in and there about 20 beds in a concrete room and say there u go .I said wait this is why i left my house because i am spun and cant sleep and all u are gonna do for me is put me in a bed,i sat there for 8 hours seeing things,crying ,and called my frined to get me out of there....I will be going to Narcotcis Anonoymous meetings and call when i need to talk..This is the devil i did know that 10 years ago and dont know why i started again,my biggest regret is taking the first hit of the pipe it is soooo powerful..This should be enough lookin in the mirror and seeing what i look like,but i do know in about a week when i look and feel better it is gonna be the hardest battle of my life,

November 17th, 2005, 10:39 AM
Wanted to correct myself,it is not just crystal meth,what i have been doing is Glass or Ice i guess u would call it,which is meth,but is not in a powder form,when i get it it comes in chunks of what would look like glass.

November 17th, 2005, 10:46 AM
There must be more resources that you can contact in your area.
I think you need to make your full time job looking for a rehab place that suits you in your community or area. The first 1 or 2 may not have suite dyou but I am sure you can find a place that you will at least feel more comfortable.

The good thing is your trying. You havent given up nor should you. Just rememebr you have done this before and how great it felt to overcome. This time will be better.


November 17th, 2005, 10:53 AM
I have called about 7 places and wound up in the state one.....I tis hard because i think it would be so much easier to just give in to it,because to pull myself up from this and get my life back together is gonna be so hard..I was told to by a recovering addict that is because addicts need instant gratification and that is so true,it seems like it will take forever to get to where i want ot be,but the drug i can get anytime and have my instant gratification now..Dog,house,good job that is gonna take me a long time to get all that and i feel just tired,worn out and dont know how i can be strong again..

November 17th, 2005, 11:23 AM
Ofocurse its easier to just take a hit. But that is not you talking thats the drug.

Yes you will need to be strong but its important that you set small goals for youself that you can accomplish and feel good about.

Don't stand there and look at the long road ahead, you need to look at the immediate goals. For one you are looking for help. That in itself is a goal. Admitting youhave a problem is a goal. Staying sober for one day is a goal. 2 days a goal. Ecetera.

If you worry about getting your job, and life back that seems overwhelming and you can get easily discouraged. Take one step at a time and be proud of every step you make.

Were all pulling for you. but you have to pull for yourself to.

You can do it Heidi. You may not believe it but you have to believe it.
Believe in yourself.

November 17th, 2005, 11:45 AM
I have called about 7 places and wound up in the state one.....I tis hard because i think it would be so much easier to just give in to it,because to pull myself up from this and get my life back together is gonna be so hard..I was told to by a recovering addict that is because addicts need instant gratification and that is so true,it seems like it will take forever to get to where i want ot be,but the drug i can get anytime and have my instant gratification now..Dog,house,good job that is gonna take me a long time to get all that and i feel just tired,worn out and dont know how i can be strong again..

Heidi, no one ever said life was easy. Everyone struggles in everyday life in one way or another. There are many, many days where we just want to give up on our business because it seems we almost get caught up in finances and then CRASH - something always sets us back. And it is so very hard. We know we could have it easier if we just gave up and depended on someone else for a paycheck. But if it wasn't for the support of people rooting for us(because we don't want to disappoint them and ourselves) we probably would have thrown in the towel.

You have 2 choices, give in to Meth - be a nobody and have nothing OR you can pull yourself together and work towards a house, a good job and the best friend you could possibly have - a dog. If it weren't for my strong love of my pets, I probably would have committed suicide in my teenage years. The only thing that stopped me was my cat, no one would love her like I did and she needed me as much as I needed her. If you still had Damien, would you do this to him?? He'd be so neglected.

Heidi, get the help you need. Do it for YOURSELF! You only be looked down on by others if you continue to use. If you try to get help, everyone will help you.

November 17th, 2005, 12:54 PM
I think about Damien everyday,hell no i would give anything to have never had lost him,na told me to writ down my thoughts when i was hi on monday and damine was at the top of the list of my downward spiral i miss just as much as i did a year ago,getting a dog is the first thing i am gonna do when i get it together,i miss that in my life more than anything....

November 17th, 2005, 01:08 PM
Why don't you carry a picture of him with you everywhere you go? When you have an urge, look at the picture and see if it helps you in any way. It's just a thought:rolleyes:

November 17th, 2005, 01:49 PM
...but the drug i can get anytime and have my instant gratification now..

Yeah, and this instant gratification worked so well for you in the past......

...because to pull myself up from this and get my life back together is gonna be so hard..

Just worry about TODAY. don't do any drugs TODAY.

...getting a dog is the first thing i am gonna do when i get it together.

I recommend starting with a plant.

I'm just trying to be realistic. so get yourself a sponsor, and sever any and ALL ties to meth. this means move if you must, remove people from your life (if they are using - even occassionally), and start being open and honest with your family. You want to change (or you wouldn't have started this thread), but you may have to change your environment and your relationships in order to start the change within yourself. I really do wish you the best.

November 17th, 2005, 02:12 PM

Go to a meeting a day, this is what you need right now to keep you occupied and be around people who can support you.

If your parents are loving nurturing people you owe it to yourself and to them to contact them and ask for help. Not just financial help EMOTIONAL help, because they are your mom and dad.

Where do they live?? Near you??

You need to get to those meetings and you need to get support NOW!

I'm glad you're taking the first couple little steps but you can't look back as it will be a battle from here on in.

A battle that you will win.

I'll respond about rapid detox
Rapid detox done in an unsafe way will cause you to have so many rebound withdrawals and protracted withdrawals that will carry on for months and months...then you feel sick and tired of being sick and tired and resort back to the meth/ice whatever again.

You need to find a treatment program that will help you get off of this and give you something to help you get off it and stabilize your central nervous system so you won't feel such horrible withdrawals.

Lucky Rescue
November 17th, 2005, 06:24 PM
Ohhh.....I know how powerful addictions can be. I wish you strength.:(

November 17th, 2005, 09:11 PM
Heidi how is your day today?

Did you get to a meeting? Keep trying to push yourself :D thats the only way to do it!!

November 17th, 2005, 09:17 PM
Hey Heidi,

I can't give you the right answers to beat this demon, but I was thinking of you today. This may be the hardest thing you have to do, but it is something you need to do, for yourself and the doggie that is waiting out there somewhere for you.

November 21st, 2005, 11:15 PM
I wish you all the power in the world to beat this Heidi! I pray that you're able to get past this and start you rlife over again... Luba has offered some great advice. I am praying for you Heidi.

November 22nd, 2005, 12:55 PM
Heidi you are in my prayers daily. How are you?

I missed the part about how you lost Damien. Where is he now? Is there any chance that one of us could foster him until you are back on your feet? Wish I was not half a continent away from you


mom of rotties
November 22nd, 2005, 01:45 PM
I have read this post so many times its like my own life 20 years ago. I wish you well as the road ahead is long and hard. Life is never easy and taking drugs is the easy way. You must find a support system friends I have been clean along time but reading your story has be back to the day when hi was the only way . Love yourself Heidi. The journal will help you as your mind becomes clear. My thoughts go out to you as I know what you are going through. I wish I was closer as I know how hard being alone can be. You can beat this one day at a time. Rid yourself of all the guilt and get on with recovering.I wish there was more i could do but just remember that talking to people helps and I am sure that everyone here is willing to be your sounding board. Good luck Heidi my thoughts are with you.:grouphug:

doggy lover
November 22nd, 2005, 02:01 PM
Heidi are you out there, let us know that you are ok it has been a few days since you last wrote.

November 23rd, 2005, 07:31 AM
We have not heard from Heidi for a while,hopefully she is getting help and that is the reason she cannot get back to us.
Goldengirl,Heidi gave Damien up a long time ago,to someone who had several GSD's,it was heartbreaking for her,but the best for Damien.

November 23rd, 2005, 08:13 AM
I hope Heidi's okay too. I hope she knows we are here for her no matter what. Only those like Heidi and mom of Rotties probably only know the true evils of CM.

November 23rd, 2005, 03:22 PM
Heidi, I think of you daily, and praying you're in rehab and that's why we've not heard from you. If not, please as you read this, pick up the phone, call someone for help, or go to the police or hospital, but find help at least for today, one day at a time :grouphug:

mom of rotties
November 23rd, 2005, 03:33 PM
Heidi Seems you have a true family here, we are all worried about you. If you are getting help I am so glad. Its so hard but hopefully you will find the road home. Please let us know how you are.

November 23rd, 2005, 10:52 PM
Oh, Heidiho! I am just sick reading through this post. My troubles seem so minimal knowing what you are going through. I visualize the pictures I've seen of you - slim, willowy, beautiful blonde. I know you must be feeling so much pain and that the meth makes you feel good for awhile. But meth is insidious. It'll end up killing you. You said this guy came back into your life. You had everything going so well, a good job, happy. Is this why he came back into your life again? Because you were doing well and making money? I fear he's just using you. Meth makes people steal from their loved ones or do things you'd never dream of doing. Don't let it destroy you! Realize, it won't stop there. It'll also destroy everyone you love and then it'll make you not even care. You can't allow this! Please! For your own sake and for everyone you love, find the courage to leave this guy. Find the courage to get help. Others are right; you need to be in a supportive environment with people who love you and know how to help you beat this demon. We're all here for you.

November 24th, 2005, 09:12 AM
The only way (it seems) to get into a good (30 or more day) rehab in the USA is to commit some type of crime. I know I shouldn't be recommending anyone break the law......but..... I guess committing some kind of minor crime, is better then ending up DEAD!!!

Usually the sentence for a minor crime, is being sent to a rehab program (immediately, no waiting list).

I don't know what to tell you, but you need to do something NOW, TODAY before it's to late!!! Do it for yourself, for your Mom and Dad, who LOVE you very much! Do it for the animals! (we need more animal lovers in the world, not less!!) Do it for reason..... find a reason and just do it!!!

November 24th, 2005, 09:46 AM
My feeling is this: You may only have one chance at this life, so why waste it being controlled by a drug or another person? Live your life, enjoy it and don't let a foreign substance control you.

Addictions are about self-control and self-worth. I'm not a physician or an addictions specialist, but what I gather is that you need to find something in your life that makes you want to wake up each day...something other than a drug.

You want a dog right? Well what someone else said was right. Why not have a picture of your previous dog with you at all times. When you are weak, look at his picture and remind yourself that crystal meth will only take you one, two or three steps backwards on your path to happiness.

Ultimately, you need to decide that you are bigger, better and stronger than a drug. As cheesy as it may sound, you need to just say no to drugs. Live for something else....goodness knows there are a billion wonderful things in this world that are worth living for....

November 25th, 2005, 09:49 PM
Heidi, just wanted to say that along with so many others here, I am thinking of you and praying for you every day.:grouphug:

November 28th, 2005, 03:57 PM
Heidi if you can please check in with us. Just to let us know you are ok. You don't have to say anything but Hi.

November 30th, 2005, 11:20 AM
Hi!! Thanks for all your words.I dont have a computer,i am at my frineds house,well i started going ot n/a got 3 sponsors,was doing good,til friday,you are not gonna believe what i have done to myself,i thought there was something on the back of my head so i scrathed at it so much when i took a shower my hair fell out in that spot,i had to go to the er because it turned green the pain right now is unbearable they gave me antibiotics for it...I was told i need about a 7 month program they gave me a bunch of papers of where i can go.This stuff is like nothing i could have ever imagined,the power of it is to much,death is what is gonna happen because each time i do it i have been getting suicidal thoughts cause i dont see how i will win this addiction..

November 30th, 2005, 11:37 AM
Hi Heidi,
I'm glad to see you're back...
Have you started trying to get into the 7 month program yet? Are you ready to try?
You have to know that the suicide is a hallucination, your mind looking for the easiest way to get out quickly. It's not going to be quick or easy no matter what.
Stay strong, please.

November 30th, 2005, 11:48 AM
Heidi honey, hold on. I know we are all scattered across the continent and not physically with you, but you are in all our thoughts and prayers daily. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to. As for suicide, if you think this is bad now, multiply it by eternity!!!!!

I can't really know what you are going through, I can only relate it to my own personal hell of the last couple of years. I have gone to bed hoping that I would not wake up in the morning and have to face things all over again. But I did wake up each morning, and with time and help, I am dealing with life again.

It is silly, but I relate you to my own Heidi Ho Ho; my semi paralized dachshund. She is such a fighter. She does not know she is handicapped. If she gets left behind downstairs, she starts to drag herself up the stairs to join us. She skitters, crab-like, across the floor to try to beat the healthy dog to the toys. Heidi was found abandonned at the side of a country road in South Carolina. Today, she is in a warm home in Montreal Canada, well loved and spoiled. Who would have thought????

I see you with the same great heart of courage. As long as you breathe, there are infinate possiblities out there for you. Hold on girl, I do pray for you morning and night, every day.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

November 30th, 2005, 12:09 PM
I could have never imagined an addiction this strong to take over my life like this,and never could have imagined chunks of my hair falling out,u should see the sore it is unbelieveabley painful

November 30th, 2005, 12:18 PM
Heidi, have you talked to your parents yet??? You say you don't want to hurt them again, but don't you think it will hurt them more if you are gone from this earth?? Hun, it's not easy what you are going through. Get rid of that man in your life because he'll just keep helping you feed your addiction. Your friend that you are staying with is trying to help you right? Than accept her help, go to rehab do anything BUT the drug. It will be a fight every single day, it won't be easy. You should celebrate every day that you haven't touched the stuff. There is a good start - the days you haven't touched it.

November 30th, 2005, 12:50 PM
She is trying to help me,she cant understand how bad this is,but dies what she can..My parents have so many of there own problems i just dont want them to worry about me,not ready to tell them

November 30th, 2005, 01:03 PM
Heidi, are you able to get into one of these programs.

November 30th, 2005, 01:46 PM
Heidi,I am really glad to hear from you again and reading that you have taken a few steps.
I don't know much about this drug,but taking it obviously has some horrific effects and will destroy you...
If you were my daughter,I know for sure I would want to know,suicide is never a solution and I know would it ever happen to one of my sons,no matter what they had done in the past,they are my children,I love them and life without them would break my heart.
Also,you are not giving your parents even a chance to help out,they might be struggling,living paycheck to paycheck,but I would imagine losing you would be more painful than anything else.
Do you really wish to cause your parents that much pain???
I am not blaming your"boyfriend",after all you were not forced,but please stay away from him,he'll only further destroy you.
It goes without saying,you have a great support-system here,all of us who have known you for a while and others who have not,we all care about you.One day at a time,or even one hour at a time,is the way to go..:fingerscr

November 30th, 2005, 02:27 PM
Heidi - I just wanted you to know that I've been following along on the thread and I'm out here pulling for you too. You really can beat this thing. You can beat this thing. Just remember.. the harder it gets.. the more impossible it seems.. the closer you are to actually beating this thing. Hang in there. You can do this. This drug is not stronger than you. Hugs.

November 30th, 2005, 05:06 PM
Heidi dear, it is very good to hear from you with an update.
I have to tell you, your post brought me to tears.
I hope that you will enter this program Heidi, and the sooner the better.
You really need to de-associate yourself with the bf, and enlist the help of
ALL those who can help you tackle and BEAT this. And it CAN be done, Heidi..

PLEASE stay strong, just hang on.. and you will be back on track again.
I strongly urge you to tell your parents Heidi! Please allow them to help you and support you in this battle.
They may have their own issues, but you are their child, they love you. Dont feel you must "spare" them from this, or that it wil "burden" them. A parent wants to help their child.. and the more they need help.. the more they want to be there for them. Dont shut them out.

I admit I dont know anything about the this drug, but I can see that it is powerful to the extreme, and the effects are horrific. My heart goes out to you for all that you are going through.

I do know this though.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Though the personal issues vary, depression and feelings of hopelessness are the two big common factors that lead to such thoughts.
In many cases, the person feels they are "unburdening" those around them.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
The pain and heartache of those left behind is indescribable, the sorrow for what "could have been" lasts a lifetime. If only. If only they had reached out to those who loved them ,and would have moved the earth to try to help.

Life is precious, Heidi. YOUR life is precious. You are young, you are beautiful, you have your whole future in front of you.. and it can be a wonderful one. I know you are going through an awful time.. but remember - its ONE small chapter of the big picture.
You are held close in my thought and prayers Heidi, I know can through this, but you will need lots of postive emotional support. Get away from those who only bring you down, get in the program, and get EVERY avenue of support you need from those who love and care for you, and will encourage you every step of the way.
I send you big hugs, please check back with us:grouphug: .

If you are in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK

November 30th, 2005, 08:17 PM
You guys are making me cry...I am really concerned about the infection on my neck,the pain is not going away and is like no pain i have ever felt in my life,it is still green and has a white circle around it any doctors out there might know what that is??????????????/,i am taking anibiotics,and am supposed to call in three days for the test results...My friend shaved the hair off that is around it....I just keep thinking i can kick this habit so no need to let me parents know..But i have a pattern know get hi,recover and a weeklater get hi again.

November 30th, 2005, 08:54 PM
Hi Heidi, I know you dont know me very well, but I remember you when you used to post on the BSL thread when I first came on line, I know from your posts what a great lover of animals that you are and from that I am assured that you are also a great person, I have been reading your thread and really wondering if I had anything to add. I dont know what to say to you except that I certainly empathise. I have only been addicted to cigarettes and will never forget how hard that was to kick. I lost my husband to meth and whatever else was going at the time. That was about eighteen years ago and I have heard that the stuff thats out there now is even more addictive. Im so sorry for what you are going through. I wasn't around my husband when he was in the worst of it, he did me a favour by leaving me with our young daughter. The odd time that we did see him he suffered from delusions and I definately remeber the kiind of sores that yor describing, try not to touch them! The antibiotics will work in time and if you are still worried maybe you should see a dr. for reassurance, Heidi, please do go to the treatment centre, you have soooo much to live for, so much potential, I know it seems insurmountable now but it is not. You have to keep trying, you just have to. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, maybe even a few minutes at a time, break it up into whatever little bit you can handle. just please handle it. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Debbie

November 30th, 2005, 09:40 PM
I am sorry to hear what you are going thru Heidi. It is hard to tell what the skin infection is without looking at it and it would border on malpractice for me to try to ascertain without seeing it what it is. You should see a doctor and have it treated because it doesnot sound good - sounds like a fungal infection and you should be on medication for that.

Glad to hear you found a n/a group!

Are there are any drop in centers or places you can go to talk to someone about your suicidal thoughts? Anyone close that you trust? It wll get better, that much I know - you have taken an important first step and are very brave to have accepted your addiction and wanting help!

Take care!!! :grouphug:

December 1st, 2005, 09:33 AM
That is what my freiend said it is a fungus but how???? Is it because my fingers were dirty or something??

December 1st, 2005, 09:52 AM
:fingerscr :fingerscr WEll gotta go back to my house and get to a meeting.I will be back at my friends saturday with update,thanks for all the encouragement,this will be the hardest thing i will ever go through.....

December 1st, 2005, 06:30 PM
A fungus can be contracted thru a variety of ways - does not mean dirt was involved. :) Athlete's foot or ringworm for ex are fungi. But pls see a doc or go to an ER or a clinic asap because untreated, it can get worse!!

Are you going to the n/a meetings? Do you need names of specialists in Arizona? My friend - and my ex - are in the Tuscon area and my ex has much experience in treating addictions. (He is not in that field at the moment tho...but one always has connections) So let me know....

Take care!!! :grouphug: :grouphug:

December 1st, 2005, 07:39 PM

1. This addiction is going to kill you
2. You cannot do this alone, PLEASE GET INTO REHAB
3. You're trying to spare your parents feelings of knowing you're using again, how do you think they will take it when there's a knock at the door that you're dead?
4. Suicide IS NOT the answer, it's you're easy way out, but will cause never ending guilt, and sorrow for your parents, you don't want to put them through that, take it from someone who's been through survivors guilt

Sorry to be soooo blunt, but it's the truth, you have to hear it, this addiction WILL KILL YOU, YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND A FUTURE FUR BABY DESERVE BETTER, PLEASE GET TO A REHAB, YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE:grouphug

doggy lover
December 1st, 2005, 08:05 PM
Heidi, please take care of yourself, I'm glad to hear that you are getting help. Stay with it, and stay clean, take each day as it comes. Never think about ending your life, it is too precious of a thing to waste. A friend of mine died of cancer the other week he was 32. A couple of years ago he tried to kill himself when his girlfriend left him, with the cancer he fought till the end to survive. It is funny how things changed for him he had gotten back with the girlfriend and she was there until the end. Please don't waste your life. My prayers are with you:angel:

December 2nd, 2005, 10:49 PM

Crystal Methamphetamine
Crystal Methamphetamine. Also called jib, crank, meth, crystal, ice, speed.

Commonly used in today’s club and rave scene for the high-energy rush it produces.

An artificial stimulant closely related to amphetamines.

Often distributed as a capsule, powder, or in chunks resembling pieces of ice.

Difficult to know the exact strength of the drug or what dangerous chemicals it has been cut with, even when buying from a familiar supplier.

Taken with other drugs, including alcohol, greatly increases the risk of overdose and death. Boosting (taking more while already high) is even riskier.

Highly addictive, produces extreme cravings, and can have very negative effects.

Long-term effects include problems with thinking, memory, and movement.


Small doses can make you feel alert and energetic
Acne-like sores
Racing heart beat, high blood pressure, chest pain, heart failure, death
Damage to blood vessels in the brain or stroke
Sleeping problems, exhaustion, restlessness
Weight loss
Confusion, paranoia, irritability, and anxiety
Shakiness, sweating, blurred vision, dizziness
Depression, violent, aggressive, and suicidal behaviour
Stomach pain / extreme hunger
Out-of-control rages (Tweaking)
Overdose can cause delusions, hallucinations, seizures, stroke, heart failure, coma, and death
Risks and staying safe

The only way to stay completely safe is not to take crystal meth at all.

Every batch of crystal meth is tainted with toxic chemicals.
Injection drug use is very risky. Sharing needles can spread HIV, hepatitis B, or hepatitis C. Used needles must be disposed of properly. Call a local needle exchange program.
Railing (snorting) increases chances of damaging the inside of the nose, or infection.
Smoking can cause lung damage.
Driving a vehicle when taking crystal meth is always dangerous.
Crystal meth is addictive. Withdrawal symptoms can be severe.
Crystal meth is illegal and possession can result in criminal charges.
Counselling/support services: AADAC Youth Services
Toll-Free Help Line 1-866-33AADAC

Adapted with permission from the Designer Drug Harm Reduction Action Group, Hamilton, Ontario.

December 3rd, 2005, 11:24 AM
Hey!!! I am at my moms to do some cleaning for her,went to doctor toget results,i have a staph infection..She said it is not contagoius,but when i read about it online it looks like it is,i dont know,,,It will be a week today that i havent done any glass,neck still hurts a little but lookin at it is more painful..Thanks for all the nice sweet things you have wrtoe..Cant believe it is x -mas time,doesnt feel like it maybe next year will be better,So funny at n/a there saying is ONE DAY AT A TIME,so true each day i dont get hi is like i won a lottery..

December 3rd, 2005, 11:43 AM
Congrats on a whole week! Keep it up, So true, one day at a time, just remember, everyday is a like a gift!

December 3rd, 2005, 11:51 AM
Thank u,and it is like a major accomplishment every day i dont do it,they tell me dont think about tomorrow just get throught oday..Well gotta go,i will check in thanksssssssssssssssssssssssss

December 4th, 2005, 11:34 AM
A whole week is an awesome accomplishment!!! WAY TO GO GIRL !!!! :thumbs up

You are still in my prayers morning and night.

I read some works of John Donne when I was younger (He died in the 1400's I think)

He is the one who wrote "No one is an island, entire of themselves. Any man's death dimishes me, because I am involved in mankind".

Those words really affected me and still do. YOUR death Heidi would diminish me because you are part of the world I live in. You have so much to contribute to live. Who knows what ripple effects there are of what you do in AZ that transmits to all of us from this board (and the rest of mankind)

Hang in there girl, you have so much to give to youself and all of us

:grouphug: :grouphug:

December 4th, 2005, 03:53 PM
Heidi...congratulations to you for getting through a week! That is excellent news! My continued postive thoughts and prayers to you - you can do this!

The only addiction I've had to face personally was the smoking one. Though a powerful addiction of its own, I realize its not nearly the same thing.
However - I found that what helped me was to divide the day into three parts...and just stay focused on each segment of it. Got through the morning.. focus on the afternoon, evening.. and now its time for bed. Another day under my belt.
Even a whole day stretched out in front of you can seem overwhelming, and so I would suggest this to you.. as it helped me in the beginning.

And Heidi, as some personal events caused me to relapse back to smoking after almost two years, you are inspiring me to stop smoking again.
Your challenge is much much greater, and you are doing it! Stay strong, Heidi.. and take good and gentle care of yourself:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: .

doggy lover
December 4th, 2005, 09:20 PM
:thumbs up Way to go girl, great job. That is it take each day as it comes.

December 5th, 2005, 06:00 PM
One thing about using any drug is that it turns us into big liars!!

Be truthful with yourself and your accomplishments and your shortfalls. Dont lie if you're using and don't lie if you're not :D Not saying that you are or aren't just saying that keep aware that the fear is what makes us do things we otherwise wouldn't.

So why don't you go move in with your mom for awhile? What would be so hard about that. You could help eachother and I'm sure it would be better for you?

What is your diet like? Staph infections can be nasty. Antibiotics, okay start eating yogurt every day heidi and keep that staph area clean.

I sent you a pm maybe you should check it out and read some suggestion there that I gave you.

I understand your pain an what you're going through, you'll get through this it's just a matter of self love , time and patience and learning what the triggers are that set you down this road.

You have lots of support here, keep going to your na meetings go daily or more then once daily. call your sponsors when you feel the urge to use!!

Above all, nourish your body. Start eating well, lots of fish, salmon and white fish and eat white meat, stay away from beef. Sorry if u r a vegetarian.
Get fresh foods wholesome foods in you. Stay away from processed foods, sugars, soda pop, candy, potato chips, junkfood, especially fast food places.

It's easy to make simple meals that will help nourish your body. It will be easier to get through this if you keep nourishing yourself.

STAY AWAY from vitamins and supplements, they are mostly all of them from the drugstores all synthetic chemicals and will pollute your brain and body more. If you eat well there is no need for them.


December 6th, 2005, 03:46 PM
1 week is awesome!!!!! Congrats, Im so proud of you. Knowing what an addiction Meth is one week is great! Do as Shamrock said, one day at a time or one morning at a time.

This drug may have you but it doesn't own you. And your such a smart girl and that certainly helps in the fact that you are at least able to realize this isn't a joke and nothing to take lightly. You realize this is something that needs to stop now and that is the first step.

Congrats again Heidi! Be proud of yourself, nothing to be ashamed of.

Happy one week Meth free!!!!!!!

Keep at girl we are all routing for you@@@@!!!!!!:grouphug:

December 25th, 2005, 10:27 AM
Hey!! Been trying to log on since wed,marco fixed it for me.Well i have been staying at my parents since the 21,my sister told them adn good thing i guess,i messed with the crap again and really did it this time,i have had staph infection covering my whole face,today will be the first day i can go in public,i had my mom take some pics i will show you when she gets them developed..I cant describe what is has been like but i felt like bugs were ttrying to get out of my face,i called a hotline that has a nurse she said it was the meth making me feel that not the staph infection..My dad hasnt said much i think my face was to much for him to handle.I ma on 2000 millagrams of keflex.This stuff is gonna be the death of me if i dont stop.I have an appt on the 28 for the substance abuse then after that they will set me up with a shrink.My parents covered the bills i had for december,but i do not know how i will cover my rent.I have called every # i have been given,does anyone have any ideas???

December 25th, 2005, 10:50 AM
Heidi I think of you lots. Addictions are so hard to beat, since I started my job back in April I started smoking again just at work, because everyone else does and I caved in one day. I keep thinking I have to stop this, and then I think of you and what you are going through, and how much harder it is for you to stop then me. Sometimes it takes several tries to beat any kind of substance addiction, but you can do it.

Actually I just had a thought if anyone has anything they feel like they are addicted too. Be it chocolate, booze, smoking anything maybe we can join Heidi-ho and quit together. For me its obviously the 3 or 4 smokes I have a day at work.

Merry xmas heidi-ho hang in there you can beat it. :grouphug:

December 25th, 2005, 12:03 PM
Baby steps Heidi. One week will turn into two weeks and then a month and then a year. Someday you will be free of this and the past will be the past.

Wishing you Happy Holidays and all the strength and courage you need in the New Year.

December 25th, 2005, 12:13 PM
I was reading on the arizonas govererners website and it was saying yeas meth addicts will most likeley relapse,meht is one of the hardest addictions to kick.I WILL TRY AND FIND IT,BE RIGHT BACK.

December 25th, 2005, 12:19 PM
What is the medical impact of meth?
Meth modifies the brain's pleasure receptors by producing excess levels of dopamine, a natural chemical found in the brain. The excess dopamine produced by meth usually allows users to experience a fairly rapid but brief rush, followed by a longer period of euphoria. Following the period of euphoric sensation is the crash - a longer period of lethargy, depression, paranoia, and even violent or aggressive behavior. With prolonged use, a meth user's ability to experience normal levels of pleasure declines and is replaced by extreme boredom with normal day-to-day activities. It is this scenario that makes meth a highly addictive drug that creates powerful cravings in the user.

Signs that someone may be using meth include:

December 26th, 2005, 01:47 AM
Heidiho, I haven't been on in almost a month. I have thought of you so many times. I scanned through the posts looking for this one and I'm sooo glad to read that you're fighting it. I'm sooo relieved to know that and am sooo proud of you! You have so many friends here who are rooting for you. I hope you know that and never, never doubt it. I hope your Christmas today was filled with peace and love. Soon the new year will start and this has always been a time for new beginnings. You have a huge cheering section here.

December 26th, 2005, 10:16 AM
Thank u,i am going home today,scared yes,i dont understand after what i just went through with my face how i could even think that i might ever do it again,but i guess that is addiction,my sister is the one who told my parents and they have taken care of me so good,i needed this..My mom is going with me to this new program i am gonna start.I had her take pics of my face when she develops i will send them privatley if u want to see them,yesterday was the first day i could go in public went to see King kONG BUY THAT WAS A TEAR JERKER..Gonna try and get access for ins,i just dont kno where to go to get help with janurarys rent,my parents covererd all my other bills but cannnot afford to cover my rent..THis stuff is just gonnabe the death of me if i dont stop.I remember last tuesday under my eyes were turning green then the infection just took over my face,fire dept came and told me to get to er.I am on 2000 milligrams of keflex and wow what a difference will probably have a few scars but i NEVER thought it would clear up this fast...THis METH CRAP IS THE DEVIL I HAVE NO DOUBTS AT ALLLL

December 26th, 2005, 11:06 AM
Hey Heidi, sorry to hear that the infection got so much worse. I'm glad that you can accept help from your parents now that they know. I'm glad your parents know, even if it wasn't exactly how you wanted them to find out, it is for the best, sister told them because she cares.
I wish I knew how to help with your rent. I hate to suggest it, but maybe the welfare system where you are has emergency funding to help you in this situation. Even if you don't go onto the welf program, maybe they have emergency funding. Or there might be other agencies that can help.
In Canada, my girl friend had to move in an emergency, and an agency was able to give her a loan. i hope everything works out.
I'm glad your mum will be going to a program with you, that's a lot of support right there.
Good luck, Happy New Year.

December 26th, 2005, 11:35 AM
I am very happy my parents know,i needed to just come here and have them take care of me,yeah my face was pretty friggin shockin,just picture a staph infection,if you have ever seen it and that is what my face was covered with,looks really good today,i am going home in about an hour.SCARED YOU BET YOUR AS**...But i dotn want to be a junkie on the street i want everything i dreamed of,and that will be my goal for o6.They say meth users have a high chance of relapsing ..I am just excited at the fact i can actually go to the grocery store or go get gas..You dont apprecite the very small thigns in life til u dont have them.MY dad was disappointed he told me,and i dont want to disappoint him,he could not even look at me when i first got here,the shock of what i had done to my face was a little to much for him..I will keeep everyone posted as much as i can.Gonna see what i can do about rent assistance//

December 26th, 2005, 12:15 PM
I am glad to hear you atre going home!! Please take care of the staph infection - it is noting to fool around with and take one day at a time. Take care of yourself!! :grouphug:

December 26th, 2005, 08:27 PM
Heidiho, is there any chance you could move in with your parents temporarily until you are back on your feet? I know it's hard to give up your independence but it would really be worth it if it helps you get past the dependence on other stuff.

January 7th, 2006, 10:15 AM
Hey!! I had a bankruptcty 2 years ago,and i only have 2 more months on my lease,i am in classes 4 days a week,they have me on vistrail,clonidine& disparmine,not sure if i spelled any of those right..I am gonna try to post the pictures of what happend to my face,my mom got them ona disk for me,lets see if i can figure it out..They are pretty brutal to look at.Be right back

January 7th, 2006, 10:37 AM
Well i cant figure it out,have to get going to class.I will try form another computer.Thanks for all the encourgement,

January 7th, 2006, 02:11 PM
Heidi,it's a relief to hear you are on your way back and are being treated,everything will be ok again,it will just take some time.
You are a young beautiful girl,your future is ahead,so please stay away from anybody that can destroy it,I can imagine you do not want to go through this again.:thumbs up :love:

January 7th, 2006, 06:12 PM
Heidi, its wonderful to hear this encouraging news! For every day, every week, that you succeed.. momentum will be added to your resolve, and your confidence and self-esteem will grow. Focus only on the promise of the future as this new year gets underway.

My continued thoughts and prayers are with you.:grouphug:

January 14th, 2006, 12:20 PM
Hey sorry it is hard to update with no computer and the library i go to is closed til jan 23..So iam doing laundry at my parents.I did have a relapse wed.I go to the pharmacy tomorrow to start a medication for the meth cravings,it is an anti-depressant also.I dont know how to spell it but it sounds like amitrypaline...I am hanging in there,go to my drug rehab classes 4 days a week..It is so nice to hear i am not the only one ,because i just dont get how something that has caused so mych damage in mylife keeps my coming back for more,5 minutes of pleasure for life of hell.I just dont get it.But i am finally getting what addiction is all about and how many people have it.Meth is SOOOOOOOO bad here in Arizona ,most of the people in my class are there because of meth..Well i e mailed the pictures to Coppers mom,she is gonna download them for me.I warned her they are really brutal not sure if i should put them here unless people really want to see what meht can do to you,so i will see what she thinks when she sees them...Thanks for all the nice things fROM ALL OF YOU......ADDICTION is a horrible horrible thing............................................. ....................Ps. i dont know if you guys have heard of the book A Million Little Pieces ,by James Frey,he was just on Oprah,it is the best book i ahve ever read.What he has going on in his head with his addiction is exactlly how i feel.I highly recommend the book,you will Not be able to put it down after you start reading............

January 14th, 2006, 01:09 PM
I just found a website that says it all,i dont know how to put the link here,and i hope maybe if anyone knows anyone with this problem that soem of this helps.The webiste is

January 14th, 2006, 01:10 PM
I guess it did work..

January 14th, 2006, 03:27 PM
Heidiho, please know that I think of you every day. There are people who think of you and send you strength every day. I only wish I could do more, but as you well know, this is something only you can do for yourself. The antidepressant I think is Amytriptaline, hopefully it can help.

Sending healing prayers and strength:grouphug: I wish I could put a face to my prayers for you, and I hope you know that you can pm me, for support, no lectures, but try to do all you can to beat this demon :grouphug

January 15th, 2006, 04:19 PM
I had the wrong pill name i started raking Amantidine 3 x a day..

January 15th, 2006, 04:26 PM
Heidi, good luck with this new med.. I hope it helps you along with all you are coping with.
Stay strong dear, and know that we are all thinking of you and for your success in this challenge.:grouphug:

January 15th, 2006, 04:35 PM
Heidi,although I know there is not much we can do for you,I hope our support still helps,you are one of us and you know we all wish you well and hope you can rid yourself of this demon.
So far,it looks like you are having great progress and I for one am really proud of you:thumbs up

January 15th, 2006, 06:23 PM
Count me in as another of the group that is rooting and praying for you. Fighting this addiction takes a lot of courage and I'm proud of you. If our support can help you beat this monster, you're sure to win because we're behind you.

January 15th, 2006, 09:03 PM
It's great to hear about your progress Heidi, I'm glad your new year is starting off better than the last ended.

Take care.:o

January 15th, 2006, 09:40 PM
Thanks,i have to say this is the hardest battle i have ever been through..Thought addiction just was an excuse for being weak,it is sooo much more than that....From bad choices with men and alot of other things,i have alot of soul searching to do for MYSELF..I have to stop and take it day by day ,and not think about a month fromnow or whatever...Evrything i have been learning in my classes so far and in n/a meetings say the same thing,Just For Today.........................And today was one more clean day and i cant worry about tomorrrow.Take it day by day,i am trying to learn how to live with that way of thinking,instead of I have to have everything and i have to have it now....

January 15th, 2006, 11:22 PM
i have alot of soul searching to do for MYSELF..I have to stop and take it day by day ,and not think about a month fromnow or whatever...Evrything i have been learning in my classes so far and in n/a meetings say the same thing,Just For Today.........................And today was one more clean day and i cant worry about tomorrrow.Take it day by day,i am trying to learn how to live with that way of thinking,instead of I have to have everything and i have to have it now....

This is good to hear Heidi - one day at a time. You CAN do it.:grouphug:
Here's the pics you sent me. I didn't think they were to graphic to post. If you want them removed at anytime, let me know.

Here's the before pic. I have to make a new post to put up the after meth pics.

January 16th, 2006, 05:50 AM
Dear Heidiho

I haven't been on this site in some time so catching up has been a chore, but by far easier than what you are going through right now I hope you beat this addiction of yours! I still have a pic of you that you posted some time ago of you and your shepherd so I could show my son how beautiful you are. I mentioned this thread to him and he told me all about crystal meth and what it does and asked if you were smoking it as that is apparently the easiest way to become addicted. I realize you know this already I just hope you have the strength within you to beat this horrible addiction that must haunt you every minute of each day. And I also hope your parents stand behind you in your fight against this nasty drug. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, just remember that, and you are strong and you can beat this we here at believe in you and your strength to overcome strong girlfriend, you CAN DO IT, with a little help from your friends:pawprint: :)

January 16th, 2006, 10:07 AM
As sick as it sounds and all the bad things it has done to me,once the craving kicks in to do it.It is a hard thing to try and ignore.Well gotta go home ,will be back sat...

January 16th, 2006, 10:25 AM
It must be very difficult to avoid triggers, but I know you can kick it, just like you said, one day at a time.

You can do it!:thumbs up

January 22nd, 2006, 05:49 PM
After meth pics.

January 22nd, 2006, 09:24 PM
Oh Heidiho! Those pictures say so much about how powerful the addiction is. One day at a time! Your skin will heal and the scars will fade. Just hang in there and fight it! I worry that you're not eating enough and not getting the nutrition you need for your body to heal. Please, love yourself. I know you're a good, decent person. You need to care for yourself and believe in yourself. Someday you will be able to look back on this and feel a terrific sense of accomplishment. Right now, each day is a terrific accomplishment. We're here to encourage you!

January 23rd, 2006, 01:56 AM
I hope you keep your strength Heidi. You have a bright future ahead of you.:) One day at a time.;) I miss you around here- there are pregnant dogs left and right here and there's nobody to start a thread asking anybody if they've noticed the trend and pointing out repeating grammar errors and typing styles... I hope you come through this a stronger, happier, healthier person. :grouphug: :grouphug:

January 23rd, 2006, 08:23 AM
Heidi you are so pretty... this is so hard I just read some articles about meth addiction in the latest addition of glamour. One girl was 11 when her own mother got her addicted. I hope you come back soon too. This must be by far the hardest thing you have had to do.

January 23rd, 2006, 08:35 AM
I was watching a program on CNN,about the"epidemic"of meth addiction in some parts of the US(forgot where)and how it is one of the most dangerous drugs, scary stuff..
However I have great hopes for you,you will beat this,not that it can compare,but I remember when you decided to give up Damien,a very difficult desicion,you did what was right for Damien.
Or how concerned you were for your ailing fish,you are a good person,meth is evil and I know you can fight it,one day at a time:love:

January 24th, 2006, 06:24 AM
Hello Heidiho,
I hope you are being strong and doing well, altho I don't know you well I find myself at work thinking of how you are doing today.
Like they say one day at a time or one hour at a time.
Anyhow my thoughts are with you hope you are keeping well
PS when did you get your hair cut?

January 24th, 2006, 11:47 AM
Heidi I have not been on much but have been thinking of you and am glad you are getting help. Just try and remain strong and one day at a time. Try and keep your days full it gives you less time to think about it. My thoughts and prayer are with you. Be strong we are rooting for yor.

January 26th, 2006, 12:17 PM
I have no problem with them here,for anyone ever thinking about tyring meth,maybe it would change there mind.It has been about 2 weeks,doing ok on the AMantidine,cravings arent as bad.Put an application at a no kill animal shelter,dont think i could survive on the pay,but id i get the job i will figure out a way..Alot of dogs from Katrina are sweet..Those pics are 3 days after the initial staph infection,it was a hell of alot worse before that,Coppers mom i thought i sent one taken 3 days after the ones posted???Was gonna put that here to show i do look alot better now.And no i didnt cut my hair,it has gotten really long now,i just had it pulled up..Well i will let u know the status of the job,thanks

doggy lover
January 26th, 2006, 12:46 PM
Heidiho, good luck on the job. I'm glad to hear that you are doing better. Take care of yourself and stay clean.

January 26th, 2006, 02:22 PM
Heidi,I hope you get that job,pay as you say,not great..but it's a huge start for you:thumbs up
Also you'll probably be thinking more about those animals than meth,which is a good thing. Good Luck!

January 26th, 2006, 04:05 PM
Hey heidi,

Just letting you know Im thinking of you. Like Ignette I found myself wondering how you are doing. I know you know we all care and are routing for you!

As Prin said we need you here. I miss your one liner comments, always a classic!

Stay strong and live long! You beat it once you can do it again. One thing I hope people who are struggling with any addiction learn from you is that you are never addiction free, that you can't just have one hit, one drink, place one bet ect... Once an addiction always an addiction and you will struggle for ever with the cravings but forever is better then being dead for giving into a craving.

Just consider us your little fan group. Go heidi go! Go heidi go!

God bless:grouphug:

January 27th, 2006, 09:19 AM
Go Heidi Go, Go Heidi Go, Go Heidi Go !!!!

Always thinking of you and you are always in my prayers. You can beat this Heidi. The job with the animal shelter sounds good. As you said, the pay isn't great, but I think being in contact with the animals would help your own healing too.

Take extra good care of yourself :grouphug:

January 27th, 2006, 10:20 AM
I agree Heidi I think that the job at the shelter would make you happy and proud of yourself. Yeah I am sure the money sucks but what is most important is you and staying clean the rest will come. Be strong, I am pulling for you. Big slobbery kisses from Buddy

February 12th, 2006, 01:58 AM
Just wondering how you are doing, Heidiho? I think of you so often?

February 12th, 2006, 03:08 PM
I so hope you get the job Heidi!! One day at a time and all that - do take care of yourself and you seem to be doing so well, do glad to hear that!!!! Be well!! :grouphug: Oh the med you could not drug you were usnure of (spelling wise) is this one: I hope it helps to quell the cravings!!! (Remember it takes awhile to work - hope the doc told you that, about 2-3 weeks, it is not one of those meds you take and you feel the effects immediately, common with that class of meds) Take care - we are rooting for you!

February 17th, 2006, 08:18 AM
Amitriptoline sp? Hey I'm on that for my back muscle spasms it does many things a friend at work is on it for chronic headaches.

Hope you are doing well Hiediho still have my thoughts with you and sending vibes your way my son also asks how you are (since he is the one who explained all about meth to me) he also said to say He hopes you beat this thing its a hard path but that blond beauty looks like a strong woman:thumbs up

March 13th, 2006, 10:44 PM
A friend forwarded this to me in an email today and I immediately thought of Heidi. It just seems appropriate to put it in this thread.

A Meth Addict's Poem

This was written by a young Native American` girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail! , but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm.

My Name: "Is Meth"

I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms,
your lungs your nose.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take! kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

If you care enough, please forward this profound poem and share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our young people & even our old.

April 16th, 2006, 04:11 PM