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Dating in the real world.. *sort of rant*

mafiaprincess
September 26th, 2005, 02:32 AM
So my boyfriend of 2 years walked away, ignored me, treated me like dirt. While with him, I pushed the rest of the world away..

So now that I've finsihed school and moved home.. I could use new friends at least..

So I ask you ladies and gentlemen.. where do you locate new people to make friends with, and possibly eventually find nice people to date in this modern world?

I am so out of touch.. I don't want drunken bar trash... No one wants to do more than grunt at my gym.. So I joined a dating site. One with the option of searching for friends.

I have gotten the worst trash on the planet I think thus far.. Before you can say I don't think so..

Future leaders of the KKK - literally so racist that every sentance is littered with hate.
Articulate sweet gentlemen, that in real time, can't hold a conversation, and become not so sweet.
Guys wanting a**, guys actually demanding a**..
Guys wanting to swap 'goods' for 'services' *yuck*
Guys wanting to discuss sexual fantasies and talk at me..

I've had maybe 5 sweet guys to add to my msn to make potential friends with.. and a good 50 or so scary people..

I've edited my profile to death to try to weed some of it out, but wow, there is a lot of scary people.
/rant

Soooo... pretty please.. anyone have suggestions for where I might find a stable guy, who hopefully loves pets?
There have to be decent suggestions that I simply havent thought of..

Bearsmom
September 26th, 2005, 08:26 AM
My suggestion is to NOT LOOK. That's how I met my husband. After dating a complete moron for three years who ruined my credit, drained the bank acounts, and still wanted to marry/date his mommy, I swore off men.

So I was single for 7 years, and wound up meeting my husband playing baseball. He's totally not my usual muscle bound goof I was used to dating, so I thought, what the heck, we'll date. We started dating 6 years ago, got married after a year, and we're still goofy like it's our first date.

Be very very careful with online dating, it's not a bad thing, but just make sure that you don't give out a lot of information about yourself, have your first meeting in a neutral place (coffee shop, etc). Make sure a friend has your cell phone number, that way if it's not going well, they can call you halfway through the date, and you can get out.

Good luck.

jiorji
September 26th, 2005, 08:40 AM
.....uhhh...when you figure this out let me know!

I've given up on finding people online. Most aren;t sincere and just play with you. People i met at work or at school have proven to be the same....so I too ask...what else is there? LOL

and no, bars aren't good to meet people, as much as their advertised on tv, it;s a BAD idea.

Hmm guy who likes pets, again when you meet him can we share?? lol
try going to spca related events, go to dog parks, pet stores, go to a park and spark up a conversation with the guy whose dog is sniffing your dog's butt lol

oh and the guys at the gym who grunt...sweetie lol, guys go to the gym(90% of them) to meet girls. and when they grunt , you're supposed to go over and giggle and say "oh my, you're so strong!!" and flip your hair back *shrug*

too bad you don't live in my town, cos I'd be your new friend :)
I'm a terrible socialite otherwise. I wish ebay sold friends lol

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy:


sigh....

Rottielover
September 26th, 2005, 10:05 AM
I am in the same boat as you, being a single mom, with not alot of time to spare, and having a dog...very time consuming....No computer, and moving soon.....Let me know if you ever get the answer

BoxerRescueMTL
September 26th, 2005, 10:56 AM
if i was single, i'd bank on the dog park. 2 of my dog loving friends have met people at the dog park. :love:

jjgeonerd
September 26th, 2005, 12:59 PM
My wife and I met thru Match.com. We were both new to the San Francisco area (moved there for school and job) and neither of us were interested in meeting people in bars. Worked out well for us. :)

Rick C
September 26th, 2005, 01:09 PM
My wife and I met in the workplace . . . . and she was the one who did the asking. Good thing too as nothing would have gotten done waiting for me.

Twenty years later . . . . .

A divorced lady in this workplace, early 40's and attractive/vivacious, is not shy about talking about her various men-meeting methods which have included on-line as well as various community "meet and greets" for singles. She also plays softball on several teams, etc, etc.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

Prin
September 26th, 2005, 01:16 PM
I agree with not looking (too hard). I also think the dog park is a great way to screen new people- you see how they interact with their pet(s) and you can decide a little before approaching. There are a ton of single people at my dog park. It's funny, one "couple" were brother and sister, and when they found out people thought they were married, they stopped coming together... :D

All I can say about how I met my men... Through friends, mostly, some at work (back when I still had fun jobs), and last, but not least, in my dad's building.... Heh heh, I stole their best security guard... :D :evil:

I think it's about confidence and independence. Some people say that guys don't like independent women, but that's not true. In the beginning guys love the hunt, and who is harder to hunt than an independent woman? After that, you have to lower the walls a bit, but if he's worth it, he's worth it. ;)

StaceyB
September 26th, 2005, 01:19 PM
I swear if I ever became single, which is not in the plans(12 yrs now) I would remain single for the rest of my life. I am paranoid of catching some deadly disease. I would much rather surround myself with good friends.

Roxy's_MA
September 26th, 2005, 01:21 PM
I'd say any clubs or classes that interest you. At least you know the guy will have something in common with you. I have never tried the online thing. I think work is a great place to meet people. I have so many good friends that I have met through work. How I met my BF was through a mutal friend. It is tough, the dating scene, I found my BF as soon as I stopped caring whether or not I had a man or not.

jiorji
September 26th, 2005, 01:22 PM
make it sound so easy lol

since i don't have a dog yet I should take my guinea pig for a walk in the park. That'll spark up a conversation for sure!! Unless nobody's around and we get attacke dby squirrels. lol

StaceyB
September 26th, 2005, 01:24 PM
Take a friends dog, or go with them.

Rick C
September 26th, 2005, 01:33 PM
make it sound so easy lol

since i don't have a dog yet I should take my guinea pig for a walk in the park. That'll spark up a conversation for sure!! Unless nobody's around and we get attacke dby squirrels. lol

Just don't take your guinea pig to a dog park!!!

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

Prin
September 26th, 2005, 01:38 PM
I swear if I ever became single, which is not in the plans(12 yrs now) I would remain single for the rest of my life. I am paranoid of catching some deadly disease. I would much rather surround myself with good friends.
Oh I know- I had a test and my gyno called me "The Chosen One" because it came out negative. Apparently pretty well everybody under 30 who has ever had sex has some strain (there are like 120 strains) of HPV. :rolleyes: C'mon people! Protection already!

jiori, it is easy, you just have to put yourself out there in the right way. And to do that, IMO, you have to get on with your life, trying to have as full a life as possible without including a man. Focus on YOU and what makes YOU happy and DO IT. THEN the man will come. When it's as inconvenient for you as it could ever be, there he will be. :)

mafiaprincess
September 26th, 2005, 02:40 PM
I hear you all.. I'm trying not to LOOK. Hell, Someone sent me a pic of the chick my boy after 2 years left me for. Really is a face only mom could love wearing an outfit the salivation army wouldn't sell. So at least I can spend my day laughing..

jiorji, you have no idea.. I wish ebay sold friends and lives.. I was stupid, and had a boy and a roomie. A companion whenever needed, and that was good enough for me.

So while I meet awesome ladies online I'd actually love to be friends with, often they are in amazingly far away staes and such...

*takes a deep breath* need to just step back and chill.

My Mom suggested Royal ontario museum events.. might attract a different type of crowd.. But this season worth of stuff was nothing I wanted to attend..

BoxerRescueMTL
September 26th, 2005, 02:53 PM
mafiaprincess, what about volunteering for a rescue group? that way you can meet friends and be around animals at the same time? if it's a bigger group, maybe they have fundraising events and fun stuff to attend and keep you busy?

Prin
September 26th, 2005, 03:02 PM
Are you still a student? What about school? If you take classes you really love, at least your classmates (well, some of them) will share your interests...

shannonRN
September 26th, 2005, 03:02 PM
First, focus on meeting people, rather than meeting a man.
Second, making a girlfriend usually opens up the door to about a dozen different men that she has pre-screened for creepiness and has weeded out the rejects.

How to meet people?
Volunteer. Doing charitable work at a local shelter is a good way to meet animal lovers, but don't rule out other organizations either. I don't know if CA has a Salvation Army type of organization, but in the US the SA uses volunteer 'bell ringers' to stand outside businesses to collect donations for needy people during the holiday season, starting before Thanksgiving. I do this every year and have found that when you turn on the friendliness and charm, greeet everyone, smile, etc, people give a ton of money and also respond socially--I have met so many people and made so many connections this way.

Take a class in something. All three of the universities near me offer classes for adults covering a variety of topics (in addition to the usual college credit courses); the adult classes are cheaper and require less work too. Pick something you are interested in--computers, sign language, auto mechanics, basket weaving, yoga--whatever--and meet other people with the same interests. If you pick something related to your area of work, you may be able to get your employer to pay for it and better your chances of promotion as well.

Good luck :)

Rottielover
September 26th, 2005, 03:06 PM
That's a great guide to meet new people if you are not stuck. I have an 18 month old daughter, can not bring her with me to volunteer, although I would hve loved to get into that again. I am in a same boat, as mafia. Looking to meet new people with same interests....
Anyone from montreal interested ?????

mafiaprincess
September 26th, 2005, 03:14 PM
I have an honours BA in theatre. My life fell apart after I graduated in June, and I've been spending my time trying to start over.. Not sure if another degree is in the works, or if I want to go work yet..

I was looking into classes at Durham college.. like public intrests one for september, but the few I wanted I couldn't do.. Like their 5 classes of American Sign Language was 2 semesters of ASL at university.. that I already have :( Couldn't find anything else quickly I liked.

Volunteering could be a good direction though.. thank you. Hmmm now where to volunteer :)

CyberKitten
September 26th, 2005, 04:08 PM
I agree with Shannon and also with the notion of the dog park in the sense that you need someone who likes pets. :) NOT to take your g pig to the park. NOT a good idea, as Rick has already noted.

I think volunteer work, classes, activities you like is where you will meet someone. And don't actively look - through doing the things you enjoy, you will meet someone who shares those same interests and thus someone already with some pluses. I am dvorced so maybe I should not be giving advice, lol (I was married to a Peter Pan type, wonderful man, just never grew up) My current bf is a lawyer who I met through politics - call it a volunteer activity, lol But I DO think serving on Boards, volunteer work and classes really are wonderful ways to meet all kinds of great people.

melanie
September 26th, 2005, 05:51 PM
quote 'The Chosen One" because it came out negative. Apparently pretty well everybody under 30 who has ever had sex has some strain (there are like 120 strains) of HPV. C'mon people! Protection already!'

well a friend of mine got hpv, she had been with the one man for ages and had never dated anyone else, her man was a good man who had enver strayed on her. she was devestated. he was pretty upset, and worried she had cheated.

well she came to me for help so we got investigating, and after a bit of investigation and i even poped down to see her nurse about general stuff (of course not specificalyl her) we foudn out that a good portion of HPV cases contract it form their health care worker, this is totally true, apparently they can have it on their hands, and tests in aussie hopsitals have shown a high number of carriers in our hospital services, so at least my friend now knows where she got it, of her nurse. (no one sees that nurse anymore).

jsut thought i would share that story, as i have heard of men leaving or throwing woman on the streets who get HPV yet the woman did nothing wrong. it can be contracted through STD, but also through your health care worker.... just so you all know for future reference, hey your new friends may need help :D

as far as dating, i say get interests and focus on them, i find most ppl find others when they are happy, contented and not looking, and there is nothing more attractive than a person with interests. not to mention you may meet new ppl this way....

come to australia, i will be your friend for sure, well have a great time :D

Byrd
September 26th, 2005, 06:14 PM
I am in the same boat.... broke up with my b/f of four years just three months ago. I'm not really looking to date right yet, but perhaps someday....

However, I have found that the NOT LOOKING is the best bet. Don't look, and you will find.

jiorji
September 26th, 2005, 07:24 PM
jiorji, you have no idea.. I wish ebay sold friends and lives.. I was stupid, and had a boy and a roomie. A companion whenever needed, and that was good enough for me.
.

well yeah i need a life too ..i just moved to a new town for school now and i have no friends!!*runs off crying* lol
yeha i have no life. It's hard to make friends when a) you're shy and b) nobody really talks in class and c) you pretty much have no money to go to cafes and/or events. sigh...sucks to be me

and winter's coming up ...i guess i'll just hybernate lol

but what i'm thinking is that we've both made some pretty big changes in our lives so I hope it levels out. I'm sure it'll be ok. it just sucks at first.


[note to self: cancel dog park day out with guinea pig..lol]

Prin
September 26th, 2005, 09:33 PM
jsut thought i would share that story, as i have heard of men leaving or throwing woman on the streets who get HPV yet the woman did nothing wrong. it can be contracted through STD, but also through your health care worker.... just so you all know for future reference, hey your new friends may need help :D What? They don't wear gloves? Or they don't change their gloves? What? What?! That's insane! That would certainly not be common over here! Seriously, that's messed up!!!!


I am dvorced so maybe I should not be giving advice
Nah, that's like saying "I have broken up with a guy so I shouldn't be giving advice..." As long as you learn, and keep learning, you'll always have something to teach, IMO.

Mafiaprincess, what does that degree get you? I mean are you on the acting side or the technical side?

What is holding you to where you are now? What stops you from moving? Why not go live a little? Travel a bit- even if it costs money. As my x used to say, "It's for the cause"- the cause being your happiness. Most of my men were from elsewhere or were going somewhere. And it would be really fun too!

melanie
September 26th, 2005, 09:36 PM
but prin my love, if you dont have good hygene in the first place, gloves dont remove the whole problem, its on their skin and such. bluckkkkkkk..... im never goin to that public nurse or half the health care system, gosh its all going to the humans (cant say going tothe dogs, thats jsut plain rude :D and insulting) :D

Prin
September 26th, 2005, 09:40 PM
What do you mean? It's on their skin? The skin they touch you with is supposed to be gloved!

mafiaprincess
September 26th, 2005, 11:30 PM
jiorji where are you living now?

Prin, depends, I'm torn.. I went for theatre tech.. I took acting too.. I still miss acting.. And part of me wants to study my butt off and take the LSATs....
And part of me wants to get a menial part time job so I can look after my puppy, and just chill and rebuild myself..

Careful Mel.. I've always wanted to visit.. :)

I think anyone should be offering advice.. It's all valid.

Though to go back to Prin's train of thought.. I had a pap last week.. Got a call today to slot me in for tomorrow.. so now I can wonder all night if he passed something like hpv from the skank to me cause he was with her for a while and I didn't know.. Or if something abnoraml is going on..

Prin
September 26th, 2005, 11:36 PM
It's hard to see it on a pap, unless you have consistently irregular paps... You have to go for a blood test. I would ask for the ENTIRE std panel if I was you... You can get it free if you wait, or go privately and pay, but have it now.

I asked about the theatre because my brother and his girly both did theatre tech. It takes a lonnnng time to move up in that business. You have to really love it.

StaceyB
September 26th, 2005, 11:37 PM
That has to be an awful feeling.

wjranch
September 26th, 2005, 11:40 PM
Seems we're all pretty much in the same boat here. I was recently pushed out of a 9 year relationship. It took me some time, but, I posted a profile on Lavalife. I admit there are some doozies out there, but, I did get a message from a really nice guy. We chatted awhile (about a month or so), then agreed to a 'live' meeting in a 'safe' place. From there, we've pretty much spent all of our free time (that we can manage anyway) together. Him and his kids and me and mine. It's been great and I hope it continues to be.
I really don't know what the future holds for me, but, I'm learning to live in the present... the future seems so far away :) lol

Best of luck to you... and remember, expect nothing less then you can provide yourself. Holding someone to a standard you yourself can not meet is unrealistic as well as unfair. Keep an open mind, but, most of all Be Safe!

mafiaprincess
September 27th, 2005, 12:00 AM
Well, that's good to know for a start.. so it could be a million other horrible things.. *sigh* I wish they'd just tell you on the phone..

Yeah I've been thinking about going for std testing. But I don't like the insides of my arm being touched I literally panic and flail.... so a needle equals a nightmare for me..

I'm hoping to make it through whatever they have to tell me tomorrow and try to work myself up from there..

Well, I'm glad someone has had good net dating experiences. So far even the normal ones seem to 'go bad' after so many convos..

ADD: too worked up to think coherently..
Prin in watchign peers and other I know.. It seems to depend what in theatre you want to do, dreams, goals and experience.

People are dragged out of ryerson in second year with the luer of money..
And rarely ever go back for a degree.. though with hollywood north being not so busy, it isn't so much now.. but they were desparate in past for minor players who got street credit and would move up.

But, I'm picky on what I want to do with my life.. To be able to keep up with my dreams and such.. so I'm not sure where the next step is as of yet..

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 12:09 AM
One needle is better than a whole bunch of pills and losing pieces of your uterus bit by bit... Right?

Joey.E.CockersMommy
September 27th, 2005, 12:27 AM
I think the dog park is a great place..people are so friendly and youve already got a connection already.

I met my husband on a blind date I was sick of men at the time and was determined to remain single. Until my friend begged me to go out this friend of hers from work. He called a few days later I told him we could go out in a group of people, he then said he wanted to go just with me.. I said okay coffee thats it....he then persuaded me to have dinner with him. When the day came he picked me up I didnt want to go in his car because I was nervous and didnt really know him.....but I did anyways (I know I could have been murdered) we went for dinner I had about 5 beers...we then went back to his place and talked until 5am. He asked me what I thought about marriage I told him if someone asked me to marry them I would let them know in a month. So he said if I asked you right now you would tell me in a month.

The rest is history.

StaceyB
September 27th, 2005, 12:27 AM
Is this online dating really that popular with everyone?

mona_b
September 27th, 2005, 12:50 AM
I met my hubby 4 years ago on one. ;)

Actually it was a site that you rank pics.It was called RankMe.com... :D

mafia,try not to worry.It could be nothing.

I must say,you got your results pretty quick.One week after you had it done?That's quick.

I did have have an irregular Pap test.But it was months before I got a call to go back in.Unfortunately with me,it wasn't good.But we won't get into it.... :)

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 12:54 AM
No we don't have to.. I just hope you're ok. :)

mona_b
September 27th, 2005, 12:59 AM
Thanks Prin.

So far so good.Knock on wood(Knocks on head) :D

wjranch
September 27th, 2005, 02:12 PM
I just thought I'd add my little bit to this HPV thing. Now I really dont want to scare anyone.... However this is important.
I had HPV show up in a pap along time ago. Had all the various treatments... LEEP, Cone biopsys, Cryotherapy... blah blah blah..... this went on for a period of years.
In 1999 I insisted to my doc they 'take it' (partial hysterectomy), as i was only 29 at the time, doc refused...
So, I told him... "i'm walking out of this office now and won't be back for 6 months (i was stage 3 by this time) maybe then you'll consider doing what I want done with this"
He called me back to his office a month later and said "you can't wait, come back on **** date for the surgery"
So, long story short ?? I had a partial hysterectomy at the age of 29 due to the irregular cells and 3rd stage displasia...

My advice to you? Go to doc, get tested. Take care of yourself!

mafiaprincess
September 27th, 2005, 02:57 PM
Back from the doctor. Pap was completely normal, but the ex passed me bacterial vaginosis. I feel nasty. So I have my antibiotics, and I'm havign to go in for another pap in 3 weeks.. where I am getting all the swabs for stds done for starters..
Happy this is curable.. Really not amused that he was cheating on me all those months ago and kept living a lie with me..

So my next question. Some of my femme friends think I need to warn him.. For fear of him accusing me from contaminating him later on. I think it would look like the catty scorned ex wanting revenge..

Plus, I was looking it up online to gather more knoledge, and most guys don't have symptoms, or need treatment.. they just can keep passing it along.

Thoughts, or anyone else who's had std issues and has anything helpful to share maybe?

Thank you for everyone's imput, advice, personal stories and help thus far.. I was a little afraid to post something so personal.. but this has been a huge help.

StaceyB
September 27th, 2005, 05:34 PM
This is exactly what my fear of being single is. I really don't know how you guys do it.

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 05:38 PM
Glad I could... uhhh.. help?

melanie
September 27th, 2005, 05:46 PM
darlin if the jerk was cheating on you, then no dont tell him, i sure wouldnt, i would silently hope his penis dropped of instead :D :D

oh mafiaprincess, good helath is your best friend right now, keep healthy and you many jsut come out fine, eat lots of veg and fruit please, it will assit you no end. and hey dont get run down due to a stupid, arse, nasty, selfcentred soon to be penisless man. ok, chin up and excersise and food will help alot.

dont be shamed or afraid of sharing, we all can learn so much from each other, and this stuff is really important. and many ppl here hasve daughters too, so your supplying them with heaps of info for their girls... :angel:

quote ' I met a guy who was wonderful. He changed my life in so many ways, and I will love him forever for it. I still really love him.'

and that there is the prob, my sister says so and so is a nice man, he would not have STD, kills me. STDs dont discriminate, good girl, bad girl, handsome loving man, it does not matter anyone can get one if their not careful...


i personally think these days, stds are so bad and rampant that anyone entering into a long term relationship should both betested before unprotected sex....

STDs are on a sharp rise in aus, the numbers of syphilis paients (can yo ubelieve its still around) have dounbled in australia last year, as did aids cases. i worry that ppl are becoming lax about the issue, in that many young ppl are reported to believe 'it wont happen to them' but they forgetit can happen to all fo us if were not on the ball.

man sometimes, i think about my single days and lal the worries and risks, and then i think of cloistered nuns, and hey, it dont seem that bad at all, ehy at least youd really get to know yoruself :D


not to mention ppl who deliberatly spread stds, recently a man in sydney was sentenced for inflicting his aids disease on other woman, he was charged with something like trying to cause harm. he know he had full blown aids, but he deliberatly went out and picked up nieve type woman, convinced them he was a virgin, and they had unprotected sex with him. so far 4 woman have come foreward with aids form this man.... and he looked nice and normal.....

its time to be careful, beyond careful in to paranoid i think is fitting....


and prin my lovely, dont you worry your pretty head, yo ujsut keep healthy too so it cant effect you much, or relapse, nothing to be shamed about, hey a good majority of the world have had STDs. and maybe if were more open we will stop other ppl from making the same mistakes as us.....that may be the problem, ppl are too embarassed to talk about it, so alot of ppl end up being in the dark..which is sooooo dangerous and wont help us fix the situation rouphug:

StaceyB
September 27th, 2005, 05:47 PM
Sorry, I am not single. I have been married 12 yrs and don't plan on changing this. I had mentioned in an earlier post that if anything were to change and I did become single for whatever reason, death, break up. I think I would remain single for the rest of my life. I am scared to death that I would catch some disease. I am not sure I would take that chance.

melanie
September 27th, 2005, 05:48 PM
quote 'This is exactly what my fear of being single is. I really don't know how you guys do it.'

stacey honey, mafia was not single when she contracted her illness, it came directly from her man. so single or not, i think its a topic for al l to be aware of and for some woman being with a man is no guarantee. lots of blokes bring home nasties to the missus, not all men are well behaved... she was probably better off single :eek: poor love......

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 05:49 PM
I tell my baby sister to worry... It's funny... When she calls, she says, "Hi. So what do you want to talk about now? Warts? HIV?" :D She's almost 15... :eek:

melanie
September 27th, 2005, 05:52 PM
prin thats so funny, my big sister who is 32yo get s the same rant from me. i always collect articles on statistics of aussie woman and aids and such and post them to her :D :D

poor sisters, how do they cope :D :angel:

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 05:53 PM
If only we had sisters like us, eh? Definitely no awkward silences... They're all full up with awkward speeches. :D

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 05:54 PM
Seriously, though, who would have put me on the "list"? You guys all know me pretty well by now... I mean I say enough... I think I don't fit into the "usual" category. That's why I'm seriously thinking of becoming a sex ed teacher. I would scare those little punks. :evil:

StaceyB
September 27th, 2005, 05:56 PM
Prin, I have to commend you for actually thinking to have the tests done. It is more than most people do.
My kids will now be grounded til they are 30.

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 05:59 PM
LOL My parents don't even know what tests are... Just shows how much it affects our generation as compared to the boomers. :rolleyes:

melanie
September 27th, 2005, 06:02 PM
oh stacey, your poor kids, but i would say its a feasible plan, i might let my sister know, see if we can lock hers down for 20yrs or so, it would make me feel better :D

prin thats a great idea, scare those little buggers with normal looking ppl, not your sterotypical tart that every one assumes gets the STDS.

and oh yeah, too many awkward speeches in this house, about any topic that i feel at the time deserves attention :D :angel:

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 06:05 PM
One day I'll have an Aussie guest speaker who will come in and scare the pants off them... :evil:

I think that this subject is like birth control methods. If you don't talk about it and not everybody is getting the same info from their doctors, we're all screwed. You know? No more taboos! :)

mafiaprincess
September 27th, 2005, 07:26 PM
Well, I'm glad people are willing to share.. It's nice to know you aren't alone.

Single or not.. I told my Mom he'd been cheating on me.. I broke down almost worse cause I thought I was 'safe' and my Mom was like.. safe? Look how many married people are adulters.

He was clean when I met him.. I was clean when I met him. I try to take good care of myself.. I was still clean 6 months ago, when I went in for routine stuff. So it's since then, and the last time I was with him was July..

Yeah it isn't worth the pain of contacting him. He can continue to spread BV around. And I'm going to be far more careful in future, as soon as I get back negatives on all my tests to be as sure as possible I am okay again.

I feel so dirty.. between him, and this, and that she looks like a 10 dollar hooker.. that he was attracted to me, and left me for that.. after coming back to me again first. Ewwww..

I've always been everyone's piercing and sex encyclopedia. Known all the facts people didn't. Been the one to drag friends off for STD tests, the mornign after pill, birth control. So I was more than informed enough.. and know the risks of varying stds. Yet I didn't feel this.. but after contemplating it for a while.. I had symptoms and didn't even realize it. And I've been like this for a few months. That makes me feel awful.

It's just nice people want to be open.. I mean it's annoymus to a point.. but you don't always want to share with strangers.. even though we all post all the time. Especially about something embarassing.

I know this isn't my fault.. but it makes me feel stupid for all the bs in 2 years I delt with, to be passed off this present too.

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 08:33 PM
How come people can talk about athletes' foot and not this? You think this is embarrassing- have you seen feet with athlete's foot? ewwww. :D

Try not to feel dirty. You were taken for a ride. You are a good person to whom bad things have happened. It's not your fault. It's certainly not your fault. People don't reveal all the blackness of their character, and it's not our fault for not always seeing it. Let's just hope your tests come out alright.

To be honest, yes, we have a bit of anonymity, but if you were here in person, I would hold even less back. I can talk about anything. The stuff that happened to me is not ME. Why should I not yell it from the roof tops? Why should I not try to protect anybody- somebody from going through what I have been through? You know what I mean? Who the hey drilled it into us that the most life changing, most important, most damaging things are things to be kept secret? Why are they things to hide and be embarrassed about? We don't ask for these things to happen to us and they happen anyway. They happen ALL the time to so many people. Why does everybody have to feel alone?

mona_b
September 27th, 2005, 10:47 PM
One thing I need to say.Doctors are making it out to sound like the hpv is a sexual thing.That is farthest from the truth.And I am talking about Cervical Cancer.Yes I had it.Yes I went through hell.But so did my mother.My parents are VERY European.Neither of my parents screwed around.So how did my mom get it?A friend of mine who"s daughter waited till she got married before sex ended up in the first stage of it.Hmmmm,and how did she get it?

I had a very good gyno who I had been seeing for almost 20 years.She recently retired... :mad: ...She explained alot to me about it.And not once did she say anything about it being a sexual thing.

Now lets see if I remember.

Women have 32 different types of "warts"...Yes,that's what they are called...LOL....Now many of them mean nothing.Then there are the ones that do.And this one wart becomes the start of the cervical cancer.She also explained to me that it takes 5-8 years before it become the onset of cancer.

God I hope that all made sense.

Prin
September 27th, 2005, 11:54 PM
Hmmm. I don't know about that. I was told there are over a 100 strains, and all can cause cervical cancer to a certain degree. Some are much quicker than others. Originally they thought it was just a reaction with sperm that caused cervical cancer, but then research showed that HPV was the cause of 99% of them. The most common way to get HPV is through sexual contact. But from one site, I read this: It is a virus that includes more than 100 types, over 30 of which are sexually transmitted.

Here's a site from the cdc: http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
Here's the site the quote came from: http://womenshealth.gov/faq/stdhpv.htm
And here's a really good site:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/hpv.html

mona_b
September 28th, 2005, 12:24 AM
But how do you explain someone getting it if 1,they never had sex and 2,neither spouse screwed around,3,condoms where used????

Ummmmm,are we allowed to say all this?

Prin
September 28th, 2005, 12:27 AM
Condoms are not 100% effective. :eek:
But like I posted, only 30 out of 100 strains are sexually transmitted. They're just more common than the others. Could you have been born with it?

mona_b
September 28th, 2005, 12:36 AM
That could be a possibility.And my mom did have it also.This was after she had me.

As I have been told that we are ALL born with cancer cells.And this I have to believe.The reason being is that a close friend of the family had a friend who had a baby.The baby was born with cancer in one of her eyes.Needless to say,nothing could be done and Courtney lost her left eye.

Prin
September 28th, 2005, 12:40 AM
Wow, bad genes? That must be scary. All the diseases so far in my family were caused by meds and environmental factors... We have pretty good genes (except for thyroid stuff, which, if I was a dog, would stop me from breeding anyway). I had a great great uncle that lived to 108 and my great grandmother lived till 104. My grandmother was headed there but ended up getting ovarian cancer from the HRT... :rolleyes:

Bad genes in your family history means you have to breed with awesome genes...

mona_b
September 28th, 2005, 12:49 AM
Bad genes is right....We got our migraines from my mom,her depression,and I got her epilepsy from her.Thank god not the seizures.

Unfortunately I have passed my bad genes to my daughter. :( ....She gets migraines.She suffers from depression.

Prin
September 28th, 2005, 12:51 AM
Aww... That's no fun. All the more reason to ground her for life and prevent her from getting an std.. :D Good genes don't mean a happy life though.. Right? The happiest, most inspiring person I know is a lady with cystic fibrosis.

Bearsmom
September 28th, 2005, 08:13 AM
[QUOTE=mona_b]One thing I need to say.Doctors are making it out to sound like the hpv is a sexual thing.That is farthest from the truth.And I am talking about Cervical Cancer.Yes I had it.Yes I went through hell.But so did my mother.My parents are VERY European.Neither of my parents screwed around.So how did my mom get it?A friend of mine who"s daughter waited till she got married before sex ended up in the first stage of it.Hmmmm,and how did she get it?

I had a very good gyno who I had been seeing for almost 20 years.She recently retired... :mad: ...She explained alot to me about it.And not once did she say anything about it being a sexual thing.

QUOTE]


My parents are the same as yours, mona-b, my mom was diagnosed at stage 3. They did a complete hysterectomy, but it's too late, she's terminal, it's in her lungs now.

PEOPLE, GET CHECKED BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!! You are the ONLY ones responsible for your own health!

mafiaprincess
September 28th, 2005, 03:17 PM
I'm with everyone for getting checked often, and for more than you assume you should get checked for..

Out of my femme friends, I think out of the real life one's no one goes for paps, let alone std testing. Out of the net one's I just haven't been that nosy..

But the only reason I started going yearly in the first place was birth control.. no pap, no prescription.. Kept you in a cycle of going on schedule.. And now, I don't think the majority of my friends are even using BC.. let alone worrying about nasty stuff that could be out there..

mona_b
September 28th, 2005, 09:24 PM
My parents are the same as yours, mona-b, my mom was diagnosed at stage 3. They did a complete hysterectomy, but it's too late, she's terminal, it's in her lungs now.

PEOPLE, GET CHECKED BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!! You are the ONLY ones responsible for your own health!

I'm so sorry to hear that. :grouphug:

My mother also had breast cancer.She lost both of her breasts.She also has cancer throughout her body.Nothing on the bones though.Thank god.Her doc says she has one foot in the grave and the other on the dance floor.My mother is a strong woman.And she refuses chymo.Which I think is what has kept her alive.I have my boobies checked.But I have it done by ultrasound.The reason being is that the Mamograms are not 100% effective.A friend of mine had the Mams done.The results came out negitive.This after she found the lump.So they gave her the ultrasound.Sure enough they found it.In the end,she lost her one breast.

PLEASE have your boobies checked ladies.

Prin
September 28th, 2005, 10:21 PM
I don't know how to do that... I mean, I go to the gyno like 3 times a year almost and she never says anything about sending me for a mammogram- I think I'm young but people who are my age still get breast cancer... Although I have nothing in my family history.

It's really sad about both your moms. Bearsmom and Mona. I have no idea what that feels like. Since I was little, I have always been waiting for my mom to get cancer, as has everybody close to her (my grandmother died of lung cancer and my mom started smoking at around 10...). I know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's just reality over here and frankly, I'm not that close.

One more thing about the HPV- like I said before, they have a DNA test now. If you want to be sure ask for the dna test. ;)

mona_b
September 28th, 2005, 11:55 PM
I don't know how to do that... I mean, I go to the gyno like 3 times a year almost and she never says anything about sending me for a mammogram- I think I'm young but people who are my age still get breast cancer... Although I have nothing in my family history.

Does your gyno check.You know,when you get examined?...Mine does.Or should I say did....Now I have to find a new one....... :mad:

Prin,you are not to young.The youngest one that I know of to get it was 22.

As for now history of it.There doesn't have to be any.The friend of mine who lost her on breast didn't have it in her family.The only thing in her family was Diabetes.

My sister and I get it done because it is in the family.

My Mom is a tough cookie....She was also just diagnosed with Ahlzimers...And she's still young at the age of 68.

Prin
September 29th, 2005, 12:02 AM
ya ya, I get felt up. I have a pretty big cyst and ever since I found that, I've been checking pretty often... :o (Also since I got this huge rack, it's a lot more fun to check... :D :cool: )

mona_b
September 29th, 2005, 12:08 AM
ya ya, I get felt up. I have a pretty big cyst and ever since I found that, I've been checking pretty often... :o (Also since I got this huge rack, it's a lot more fun to check... :D :cool: )

ROTFLMFAO @ felt up and huge rack.

Yeah fun for hubby too I bet........... :D :p

Are they not going to do anything about the cyst?...Maybe drain it or remove it?

Also,it's better to be safe than sorrry....Have the Mamm done.Better yet,the ultrasound.

Prin
September 29th, 2005, 12:11 AM
No, she didn't do anything for the cyst. It's not growing or anything and she said because it moves, it's not harmful... I'll ask next time I'm in there...

As for the rack- you'd be surprised- I went on the patch and went from a 34B to 32D and now, apparently thyroid drugs also affect the growth... I tell all the young girls that are wishing for chests that I only got mine at 24 and they get all sad... :evil:

mona_b
September 29th, 2005, 12:19 AM
I would definately talk to her about it.


Oh WOW.....Hmmmmmm the patch eh????

I'm 39 and still in a training bra. :( ..And if I am wearing something strapless,I just throw on a couple of bandaids........ :D


OMG,I better go to bed.I'm starting to loose it...LOL

Prin
September 29th, 2005, 12:24 AM
LOL Wasn't there a pic going around all the guys' emails with a woman whose strapless gown fell and she had bandaids?

mona_b
September 29th, 2005, 12:44 AM
That was me........... :eek:



KIDDING.................LOL

I'm going to bed.LOL

Prin
September 29th, 2005, 12:50 AM
Gnite. Sleep does the body good.. ;)

mafiaprincess
September 29th, 2005, 01:39 AM
LMAO, wow this thread veered in many directions.. but they were all good.

Good to know that's how I get boobage. I need the patch.. lol.

Still want to kick his a**, but at least I feel after 4 pills, a lil less dirty than yesterday.

Prin
September 29th, 2005, 01:45 AM
LOL "a few pills a day makes the dirty go away..." :D

What a scumbag. :rolleyes: Hey twithead! Look over here! http://bestsmileys.com/beatup/1.gif
:D :D :D

mafiaprincess
September 29th, 2005, 06:07 PM
Nice.. good call eh. 5 pills and I think I'm feeling more normal..

Man I so want to be petty and find revenge.. Just it's so petty.. Damn karma takes too long.