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Miracle Spring Water from God

September 5th, 2005, 01:49 PM
Has anyone seen this informercial for "Miracle Spring Water from God"?

I couldn't believe it when I saw it on Global Television the other night. Absolutely shocking. I kept waiting for the Geico guy to say it was all a joke and he got a great deal on his insurance. But alas, it's real.

How can this be??

September 5th, 2005, 04:48 PM
hey if you want miricle spring water i can pull it from a dozen places, and depending on your religion will determine how i lable it for you.... :D

hey i can do spring water from budda, ala, jesus, satan, any of a number of dark underlords, my dog, you name it i can make it... any buyers????? :angel: :D

September 6th, 2005, 11:31 AM
This is most likely water from the tap. That he blesses bottles and sells himself. I am catholic (sort of) I know thats where holy water comes from. Its not from some holy mountain somewhere.

September 6th, 2005, 04:13 PM
I have no idea where it comes from but he doesn't sell it, as far as i know. He will send you a some for free, but then he'll keep sending you weird things in the mail (pieces of fabric, yarn, pennies, seeds that all have some meaning) and ask you to send it back, with a donation of course.

Crock I say.

September 8th, 2005, 10:31 PM
I shall go forth into my house and gather thy materials, yarn, seeds, burrs from Joeys hair, pieces from Mcdonalds toys and lasts week PB & J sandwich that is underneath the couch cushions.

With my miracle powers I will bless these and send them all to you. All of your problems will be solved, you will become the most desired person in the universe.

You will have everlasting luck your entire life.

God has asked me to ask you to send him a small cash donation. $10.00 for every small miracles. If you want to win a lottery thats gonna cost you big time $10,000 and 40% of the profits. Of course I will Fedex all profits directly to the big guy upstairs minus a small administration fee of course.

Go forth my people and spread the word.

Amen :angel:

September 9th, 2005, 01:19 PM
<moved by the spirit to shout>

September 9th, 2005, 10:37 PM
I was going to say that but I couldn't remember how to spell it. :angel:

September 10th, 2005, 01:51 AM
<moved by the spirit to shout>
*falls to the floor in total belief*

Have ya seen him do that?

September 12th, 2005, 10:32 AM
:D ha ha...reminds me of the Blues Brothers

Elwood: "We're on a mission from god". :D

Rick C
September 12th, 2005, 11:23 AM
"There's a sucker born every minute . . . " - credited to PT Barnum but now no one really knows who said it.

Nevertheless, appropriate in this thread.

Rick C

September 13th, 2005, 09:43 AM
Do you drink it? Can you mix it with Kool-Aid?? What if you mix that with the evil mud-puddle water I bought from the Church of Satan? Do they cancle each other out and it just becomes ordinary water? If you drink half of it, then re-fill the bottle with regular water and shake it really well, then, instead of miracles, will stuff happen that makes you say, "Well, it wasn't a miracle, but it was kind of cool". And if I make it into ice, can I use it to make Miracle Daquari's?

September 13th, 2005, 10:27 AM
Yesterday I was eating my pizza at work and after I took a sip of my miracle springs water mixed with the Satan water that I got from Schwinn I saw a vision in my pizza of a guy on a mountain bike. :angel: :o

September 13th, 2005, 10:41 AM
What would you expect to spend on a bottle of Miracle Spring Water?

The fancy department stores sell a bottle for $10. We have secured a special supply deal with God and if you agree to tell just two friends about Miracle Spring Water, we will sell a bottle to you for the never before seen price of not $8, not $7, but $6.99. Yes, for only $6.99 you too can benefit from Miracle Spring Water.

But that's not all, if you call in the next 15 mins, we will double your order. That's right, you will receive two - count 'em, two - bottles of Miracle Spring Water for only $6.99. As an added bonus, send your soul in a self addressed stamped envelope along with $25 and proof of purchase of Miracle Spring Water from this TV offer and we will get your soul blessed by the big guy and return it to you.

Don't wait, act now. We guarantee that after using our product you can turn water into wine, walk on water, and perform any and all mircles.(not a guarantee)

DISCLAIMER: This product is meant for educational purposes only. Do not take internally. If a rash occurs, discontinue use. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.)

September 13th, 2005, 11:46 AM
LOL Dogastrophe- nice fine print. :)

September 13th, 2005, 12:33 PM
:crazy: I stole the bulk of the disclaimer list from the net and made a few additions to it.

Do you suppose that Miracle Spring Water is a Ronco product? Will he soon be selling it alongside the new ginzu knives and the Ronco Rotisseri oven.

September 13th, 2005, 12:39 PM
Ron Popiel? :D I haven't seen his infomercials in AGES! What memories. I loved the potato stand the most... It was a tree-like thing you put your potatoes on for storage. That was the funniest.

September 13th, 2005, 01:14 PM
Yeah, that's the guy. I couldn't remember his last name. In his 'set it and forget it' rotisseri oven commercial he pulls on what looks to be industrial strength rubber gloves to handle the food coming out of the oven.

September 13th, 2005, 08:27 PM

I am working on my testimonial for his show. I'm planning to be discovered.

<practicing my hallelujahs>