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Funny letter to Bank Manager

Stewart
August 27th, 2005, 03:31 AM
Just thought I would share this with you folk it made me smile! ;)

Letter To The Bank
>
> Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a
> bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager
> thought it amusing enough to have it published in
> the New York Times.
>
>
> Dear Sir:
>
> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
> which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
> By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
> elapsed between his presenting the check and the
> arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor
> it.
>
> I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit
> of my entire income, an arrangement which, I
> admit, has been in place for only eight years. You
> are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30
> by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to
> your bank.
>
> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which
> this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
> financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
> attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I
> try to contact you, I am confronted by the
> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
> entity which your bank has become.
>
> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
> flesh-and-blood person.
>
> My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
> hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive
> at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
> confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you
> must nominate.
>
> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act
> for any other person to open such an envelope.
> Please find attached an Application Contact Status
> which I require your chosen employee to complete. I
> am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that
> I know as much about him or her as your bank knows
> about me, there is no alternative.
>
> Please note that all copies of his or her medical
> history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,
> and the mandatory details of his/her financial
> situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
> must be accompanied by documented proof. In due
> course, I will issue your employee with a PIN
> number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits
> but, again, I have modeled it on the number of
> button presses required of me to access my account
> balance on your phone bank service.
>
> As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of
> flattery. Let me level the playing field even
> further. When you call me, press the buttons as
> follows:
>
> 1. To make an appointment to see me.
> 2. To query a missing payment.
> 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I
> am there.
> 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am
> sleeping.
> 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am
> attending to nature.
> 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am
> not at home.
> 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to
> access my computer is required. Password will be
> communicated to you at a later date to the
> Authorized Contact.
> 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
> options 1 through 7.
> 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The
> contact will then be put on hold, pending the
> attention of my automated answering service. While
> this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
> uplifting music will play for the duration of the
> call.
>
> Regrettably, but again following your example, I
> must also levy an establishment fee to cover the
> setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you
> a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New
> Year.
>
> Your Humble Client

Prin
August 27th, 2005, 02:05 PM
That's one smart lady. :)