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What is with people?!

Mackoroni
July 21st, 2005, 03:06 PM
ARG!

In a nut shell hereís the deal, Iím 28 and live at home, I spend my weekends at my boyfriendís place, about a 10-minute drive from where I live. Iím looking into getting a dog this fall. Boyfriend and his family have never owned a dog, but did own cat once for about three years.

This new dog would live at my home, and when I am away on a trip or at his place for the weekend, would be looked after by my mom. So really this dog would be co-owned. Let me state that I am not new to dogs. Growing up we had 2 wonderfully sweet Bullmastiffís (at different times) and many, many cats over the years (Iím looking for something smaller than a bullmastiff now however). Both of grandparents had dogs, everyone of aunts and uncles had dogs! (One of those being an equally wonderfully sweet pit bull, that my boyfriend thinks are evil). Although I was a child when we got our first dog, at this point I am FULLY aware of the needs of a dog, what to expect, and will be required of me etc.

So why then are people asking me if itís a wise idea?!?!? People who have never even owned a dog!??? Are you sure your mom is going to look after? Does she know whatís involved? Uh, yeah sheís owned about 4 dogs over her life! My boyfriend Ė who I do not even live with Ė reminds that he doesnít want a dog, he doesnít want the responsibility of taking care of it in the city, on the weekends, if we go away etc. He basically doesnít want much to do with it. This has all been upsetting to me as the hunt for a puppy was something that I have been really enjoying. :sad:

Anyone else encounter this when they were first considering getting a dog of their own? Maybe itís just because heís never owned one that he doesnít realize how great they are.
:mad:

SarahLynn123
July 21st, 2005, 03:23 PM
ARG!

In a nut shell hereís the deal, Iím 28 and live at home, I spend my weekends at my boyfriendís place, about a 10-minute drive from where I live. Iím looking into getting a dog this fall. Boyfriend and his family have never owned a dog, but did own cat once for about three years.

This new dog would live at my home, and when I am away on a trip or at his place for the weekend, would be looked after by my mom. So really this dog would be co-owned. Let me state that I am not new to dogs. Growing up we had 2 wonderfully sweet Bullmastiffís (at different times) and many, many cats over the years (Iím looking for something smaller than a bullmastiff now however). Both of grandparents had dogs, everyone of aunts and uncles had dogs! (One of those being an equally wonderfully sweet pit bull, that my boyfriend thinks are evil). Although I was a child when we got our first dog, at this point I am FULLY aware of the needs of a dog, what to expect, and will be required of me etc.

So why then are people asking me if itís a wise idea?!?!? People who have never even owned a dog!??? Are you sure your mom is going to look after? Does she know whatís involved? Uh, yeah sheís owned about 4 dogs over her life! My boyfriend Ė who I do not even live with Ė reminds that he doesnít want a dog, he doesnít want the responsibility of taking care of it in the city, on the weekends, if we go away etc. He basically doesnít want much to do with it. This has all been upsetting to me as the hunt for a puppy was something that I have been really enjoying. :sad:

Anyone else encounter this when they were first considering getting a dog of their own? Maybe itís just because heís never owned one that he doesnít realize how great they are.
:mad:

I completly understand what you are going through, It wont stop when you have a dog either. I get it constantly "you sure have alot of dogs" "I would never look after my kids animals, your lucky your parents are nice" "how much do you spend on dog food a month" " you must have more money then me" blah blah blah

One thing I am concerned about is if you see yourself and your boyfriend having a future together. If he doesn't want a dog right now and you get your puppy, will you and your boyfriend live separatly forever? What will happen to your dog if you and your boyfriend decide to get a place together?

Just some stuff to think about! Animals can cause huge fights in relationships, we have seen it on this board many times and I dont want to see you have to go through it.

Mackoroni
July 21st, 2005, 03:36 PM
Yes, I do see myself with this person in the long-term future. But this has shaken things up a bit, I really didnít expect such a strong response and such clear ďno dogs at my place or cared for by meĒ boundaries. Iíve been thinking about the issues you mentioned as well. I also talked it over with my mom as she had the same questions. The dog would most likely stay on with my mom when I move out. Unless my boyfriend has a change of heart and begs me to bring it along.

What is so surprising is that he loves animals, more of a cat person, but loves all animals. Iíve being trying to explain to him that cats and dogs are both equally rewarding in different ways, thatís how I feel anyway. He wonít even get a cat as he lives in an apartment and thinks itís cruel to not let it outside. All my cats were indoor cats during childhood, but we lived close to a very busy street, it wouldnít have been safe for them out side with all the cars and busesÖwhich is probably how his cat met his demise, but he doesnít like to admit that.

Iíll have to think about it some more, damn I may never have a dog again! :mad:

Trinitie
July 21st, 2005, 03:44 PM
I do have to wonder, though, how your mother is with the idea that when you do move out, that you'll be leaving your dog with her, for the duration of the dog's life.

Depending on the size of the dog, you mom will have your dog around for 10 - 16+ years. Quite a bit to ask of any parent, unless they are the ones asking for the pet.

SarahLynn123
July 21st, 2005, 03:49 PM
I was thinking hte same as Trinitie as well.

Mackoroni, have you ever thought of fostering!!!! Its not a long term commitment and you will be doing a world of good for a puppy/dog in need AND you dont have to compromise your relationship with your boyfriend!

You and your mother sound perfect, especially with all your experience with dogs!

pags
July 21st, 2005, 03:51 PM
Oh yeah so true! Do be sure to think really hard about this now.. Now.. before you make a really long term commitment with your boyfriend. Just think of it in terms of never having a dog... If you're really okay with that then all's well. If not.. then think seriously about what other things you may clash about later! It's amazing how something like a pet question can bring out a lot of truths in a relationship!! So take the opportunity now to clear things up -- before you're in a position where decisions are not so black and white.

All that aside -- I can relate. Every time I have ever acquired an animal... My mother won't let up. She always seems to disapprove. When we got our puppy I didn't tell her. She just came over one day and he was here. And you know what? I dreaded her visit... (I'm 34 and married and have three (and then some) kids of my own... But still my mother can make me feel like a 12 year old. I think that's the norm. :p) Sure enough I got a 45 minute lecture about how I was acting like a 'kid' running out and getting a dog. You know like there's something horribly irresponsible about having a pet. To top it off - my mother hates animals in the house... So she was completely freaked out by the baby gates in the kitchen, etc.

Don't get me wrong -- it's like you said with your boyfriend. She loves animals. She's very good with them... they all seem to be attracted to her as well.. But she's just plain weird about this. She lives alone and people tell her all the time she should get a dog and she responds with utter disgust: "Are you out of your MIND? A dog?? What would I do with a dog??" *shrug* Who knows what goes on in those minds! :D

Mackoroni
July 21st, 2005, 03:53 PM
Trinitie - My mom and I discussed this too. She is actually fine with looking after the dog shoud I move out and not be able to take the it with me. She looked forlorn at the prospect of it leaving with me to be honest! It wouldn't technically be 'my' dog, this would be a our dog (as in my mother and I). I won't get into this in detail but my mother could use the companionship as she does very little socializing outside of my brother and I.

I've never considered fostering, I would love to, but I have a specific breed in mind for specific reasons.

Like Pags I'm just surpised at people's responses - she hit the nail on the head - it's like it's irresponsible to get a dog?!

SarahLynn123
July 21st, 2005, 04:02 PM
My mom and I discussed this too. She is actually fine with looking after the dog shoud I move out and not be able to take the it with me. She looked forlorn at the prospect of it leaving with me to be honest! It wouldn't technically be 'my' dog, this would be a our dog (as in my mother and I). I won't get into this in detail but my mother could use the companionship as she does very little socializing outside of my brother and I.

Well thats wonderful news! Are you dead set on a pup or would you consider rescuing an older dog? Reason I ask is if you move out with your boyfriend would your mother beable to keep up with a rambunctious pup/teenager? Im partial to adopting older dogs!! They make wonderful companians!

Good for you for figuring out everything before hand.

Trinitie
July 21st, 2005, 04:03 PM
Well then, that's wonderful news. So, combining all that's been said here, the best possible solution, as far as I can see, is taking your mom with you to a shelter and looking for a rescue dog. The rescued dog will be more than happy to have people love it, your mom will have the satisfaction of having an adoring pet, and you'll have a dog when you're at home.

In this type of situation, everybody wins.

I do think, though, that I would seriously think of a future with this man, and where it would lead to. If he's adament that NO dog will be part of his life, and you love dogs, what does that really say of his personality? I would be leery of giving in to his "demand" (and that's what it really is) that his way be followed. He may be the nicest person in the world, I have no idea, but, from what you've said, I would seriously rethink your future together. You're only 28, not 98. Lot's of time left to find a dog lover.

Beaglemom
July 21st, 2005, 04:10 PM
I think that it is great that your mom would be willing to keep the dog should you not be able to take it. Your mom sounds a lot like my parents. I don't think my parents would have wanted me to take any of our pets! They would miss them terribly.

About your boyfriend though. I think that you need to have a serious talk with him. He needs to know that you love animals and would like to have them in your life. If he loves and respects you, he will understand and accept them into your life. Could you really picture yourself not ever owning another dog for the rest of your life? I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I know that you love your boyfriend, but if this isn't resolved now you could grow to resent him and it will cause friction in your relationship together.

jessi76
July 21st, 2005, 04:23 PM
(One of those being an equally wonderfully sweet pit bull, that my boyfriend thinks are evil).

What is so surprising is that he loves animals, more of a cat person, but loves all animals.

I'm confused and I may be the only one, but he loves all animals and thinks pit bulls are evil?! (maybe I misunderstood?)

Anyways, I applaud you for considering fostering, but I urge you to heed Beaglemom's advice, and have a serious discussion with this man if you do intend to have a future together.

Prin
July 21st, 2005, 04:43 PM
If he's adament that NO dog will be part of his life, and you love dogs, what does that really say of his personality? I never trust a guy my dogs don't like nor a guy who doesn't like dogs. :D

Mackoroni
July 21st, 2005, 07:20 PM
I'm confused and I may be the only one, but he loves all animals and thinks pit bulls are evil?! (maybe I misunderstood?)

Well he's never had a dog and has never been exposed to pit bulls, all he knows is what he see on the news, which I am trying to re-educate him on. I'm sure there are many people who enjoy animals but also fear pit bulls (perhaps not amongst most dogs owners granted), it's just a matter of proper exposure to the breed and education.

Cookie's Mom
July 21st, 2005, 07:45 PM
ARG!

In a nut shell hereís the deal, Iím 28 and live at home, I spend my weekends at my boyfriendís place, about a 10-minute drive from where I live. Iím looking into getting a dog this fall. Boyfriend and his family have never owned a dog, but did own cat once for about three years.

This new dog would live at my home, and when I am away on a trip or at his place for the weekend, would be looked after by my mom. So really this dog would be co-owned. Let me state that I am not new to dogs. Growing up we had 2 wonderfully sweet Bullmastiffís (at different times) and many, many cats over the years (Iím looking for something smaller than a bullmastiff now however). Both of grandparents had dogs, everyone of aunts and uncles had dogs! (One of those being an equally wonderfully sweet pit bull, that my boyfriend thinks are evil). Although I was a child when we got our first dog, at this point I am FULLY aware of the needs of a dog, what to expect, and will be required of me etc.

So why then are people asking me if itís a wise idea?!?!? People who have never even owned a dog!??? Are you sure your mom is going to look after? Does she know whatís involved? Uh, yeah sheís owned about 4 dogs over her life! My boyfriend Ė who I do not even live with Ė reminds that he doesnít want a dog, he doesnít want the responsibility of taking care of it in the city, on the weekends, if we go away etc. He basically doesnít want much to do with it. This has all been upsetting to me as the hunt for a puppy was something that I have been really enjoying. :sad:

Anyone else encounter this when they were first considering getting a dog of their own? Maybe itís just because heís never owned one that he doesnít realize how great they are.
:mad:

Mackaroni.......if you want my honest advice......ditch the boyfriend and get the dog. Any man who does not have room in his heart for a dog is not much of a man. Please don't be offended by this statement, but you can learn so much about people by what they think is important in life. If you want a dog and are willing to devote the time and effort and love necessary to have that dog in your life, who is he to tell you that you should deprive yourself and the dog of unconditional love.Your boyfriend sounds like a very selfish person. Honest, but selfish. Yep......ditch the guy......get the pup. CM

SnowDancer
July 21st, 2005, 07:49 PM
I think that you and your mother should choose the dog together due to the very real chance that he/she will become her pet.

Mackoroni
July 21st, 2005, 08:26 PM
Well itís not as simple as him just disliking or not wanting dogs. He feels at this point itís a responsibility that he does not want to take on due where heís at right now, which in itself is understandable. Itís how adamant he was about it that shocked me. I asked him tonight if he ever foresaw wanting to own a dog and he said he couldnít predict that but probably would if he were Ďin a different placeí life wise. I can respect that people must be ready for the care of a dog. I think he just felt that he might have been responsible for a large part of its care, which he was not intended to be (i.e. me bringing doggy over on weekends when I go to his place). Anyway, Thank you everyone for your thoughts and input. It has all been welcomed. :)

Lizzie
July 21st, 2005, 08:56 PM
I disagree with the notion that just because someone doesn't want a pet in his/her life means that they are not an ideal mate. I know a lot of people who aren't animal people or who are animal people but simply don't want to have one in their home. I don't find this problematic or degrading of their personal attributes.

I do however think that if you want pets in your life and your mate doesnt that this certainly poses some logistical problems that you need to discuss.

Anyways, my comment isn't really on topic here. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't judge people based simply on their desire to house a pet for life. An animal is a lifetime committment--I'd rather a person be upfront about it and say no rather than mull about and then decide after the pet moves in that it should go. I respect his decision to be above board!

Cookie's Mom
July 21st, 2005, 09:38 PM
I disagree with the notion that just because someone doesn't want a pet in his/her life means that they are not an ideal mate. I know a lot of people who aren't animal people or who are animal people but simply don't want to have one in their home. I don't find this problematic or degrading of their personal attributes.

I do however think that if you want pets in your life and your mate doesnt that this certainly poses some logistical problems that you need to discuss.

Anyways, my comment isn't really on topic here. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't judge people based simply on their desire to house a pet for life. An animal is a lifetime committment--I'd rather a person be upfront about it and say no rather than mull about and then decide after the pet moves in that it should go. I respect his decision to be above board!

Lizzie, maybe I was a little strong in my wording, and the ultimate decision has to be up to Makaroni. But I look at it like this.....if her boyfriend REALLY loves her, and he knows how important it is to HER to have a dog, and she is going to be primarily responsible for its care, it seems very selfish to me that he would be so adamantly against her getting a dog. But I do agree that an animal is a lifelong commitment, and there lies the rub. So many people get an animal with "good intentions", then when the animal becomes "too much" or they become "too busy" or they get tired of caring for the animal, they abandon it or turn it out on the streets or give it to a shelter.......... and that's how we ended up with our three cats and our beloved, and now deceased, dog. Unfortunately, we live in a "throwaway " society....where people are more concerned with "things" than with people and LIVING beings, like animals. Personally, I would be very suspicious of any person who has never had an animal in their life. From what I have seen, just from my observations in life, people who have never allowed or WANTED an animal in their life tend to be more selfish, more self-absorbed and less demonstrative people. Just my opinion, mind you, not meant to offend any one on here. While Macaroni's boyfriend may have been "upfront" with her, I still think, and this is just my opinion, that he seems to be a selfish person, only thinking of himself, and not of her or her happiness. It's almost as though he's asking her to choose between her wish to get a dog and her wish to continue their relationship. What happens if down the road, she wants to have kids and he does not..........is he the only person who has a say-so in the relationship? Relationships are all about compromise, and giving, so think it over carefully, Macaroni, and good luck.

Prin
July 21st, 2005, 10:08 PM
Well itís not as simple as him just disliking or not wanting dogs. He feels at this point itís a responsibility that he does not want to take on due where heís at right now, which in itself is understandable. I don't know if you'll totally disagree, but I feel that a relationship is FAR more work than a dog. I have had dogs all my life and some days, I just want to take them and run away. Being a couple is hard work, and if he thinks a dog is responsibility...

if her boyfriend REALLY loves her, and he knows how important it is to HER to have a dog, and she is going to be primarily responsible for its care, it seems very selfish to me that he would be so adamantly against her getting a dog. I agree with this. I am living it. My man is so allergic to dogs, but he knew how important it was to me to have dogs in my life. So we have two. He sneezes a lot and gets fed up sometimes, but he loves them just as much as I do know. I wouldn't have my man any other way. :)

twinmommy
July 21st, 2005, 10:20 PM
Weelll, at first I refrained from posting, but I'm back. ;)

I tend to agree with both sides, but more with Lizzie. I think that if someone is being straight with you from the get-go then that should say something positive about them.

I find this kind of thing to be a very relative situation. This is a pets board, so of course we all want her to have her dog. (Me too! :) ) But I'm sure relationship boards have similar posts and she'd probably be flamed for opting for her furry friend. No, not by me, but you get the gist. The person who doesn't adore animals is hard for us to comprehend, and even harder to live with.

Somewhere in there is a happy medium, let's hope she's got it. :fingerscr :) :grouphug:

Mackoroni
July 21st, 2005, 11:01 PM
Yep, I do appreciate his honesty, I just I didn't expect this reaction form him. I really think much of this stems from the fact he's never had a dog so he does not realize that the love you provide to a dog is nothing compared to what you receive in return! The time put in is a very small sacrifice for those of us that know this. But for those who don't know this through experience, I would imagine especially people who work longer hours and enjoy going out a lot and being involved in sports leagues, a dog would look like a commitment that detracts from ones ability to enjoy doing those things without worrying about providing it with proper care. While it may seem selfish, he also has said several times that to get a dog he feels you should have the time to adequately care for it, which at this point he feels he does not. But I do and so does my mom! :D When or if he is ready I've always said to him he would do well with an active dog that he can jog with, play Frisbee and catch at the park with as he too loves that stuff.

Anyhow, I'm trying not to make excuses for his him, but he's not as selfish as he seems. ;) It's not that easy to just ditch him, we've been together three and half years, love each other and he has helped me through things ealry on our relationship that other guys would have surely said bye-bye to!

I'm sure it will all work out in the end. :grouphug:

Lissa
July 22nd, 2005, 08:10 AM
One thing that I find a little odd is that you seem willing to leave the dog with your Mum when you move out. Now is this because you are anticipating that your boyfriend will not change his mind? Or are you thinking that the dog will be more your Mum's dog anyway??
If I wanted a dog and was its primary care taker, I couldn't leave it in 1, 4, or 8 years later! Are you sure you would be able to do this???
My cat and dog have become like family pets, instead of just "mine" and as much as the rest of my family woud miss them, they will come with me when I move out. I could never be separated from them!

Cookie's Mom
July 22nd, 2005, 09:00 AM
One thing that I find a little odd is that you seem willing to leave the dog with your Mum when you move out. Now is this because you are anticipating that your boyfriend will not change his mind? Or are you thinking that the dog will be more your Mum's dog anyway??
If I wanted a dog and was its primary care taker, I couldn't leave it in 1, 4, or 8 years later! Are you sure you would be able to do this???
My cat and dog have become like family pets, instead of just "mine" and as much as the rest of my family woud miss them, they will come with me when I move out. I could never be separated from them!


Good questions, Lissa. Mackaroni, maybe you need to do some soul searching, too. If you're getting a dog just so your Mom can have companionship, what happens to the dog if your Mom moves to another place and can't or won't take the dog...or if your Mom becomes ill and can not care for the dog? What happens to the poor animal then? What if you are the only hope for the dog and your boyfriend still does not want the dog? Will it be one of those who ends up at the pound at the age of five or ten? How traumatic would that be for the dog? How could it ever trust another human being? (unlike humans, dogs DO forgive and trust, even when they have been given no reason to in the past......they are the eternal optimists.) You have lots of things to consider, but MOST of all.........consider the dog's welfare BEFORE you get it. CM

Mackoroni
July 22nd, 2005, 10:14 AM
Yes there are things to be considered, which is why I wanted to get a dog in the fall. I am taking the time to think things through. The dog however would be both my mothers and my dog, we would be equal partners in providing care for it. So if I could not take it with me, it would still be with one of it's primary care givers. But I understand the concerns everyone has raised. Rest assured if the dog is gotten, it will ALWAYS have a home, should my mother move, she would ensure she could take the dog, she has said this. If, god forbid, she fell ill, the dog WOULD come with me. Period.

But more thought will be given to the matter! Don't worry! I will take into account all variables.

Thanks again for your comments and advice.

mona_b
July 22nd, 2005, 11:18 AM
Mackoroni,all I can see is please reconsider on what you want to do.I would definately hold off on getting a dog right now.

See with me,I was living at home with my dad.I got my previous GSD whom my dad loved and adored.He was with us for 13 years.When Cujo was gone,he said no more dogs.Yeh right..LOL..I ended up getting 2-3month old GSD's.One I was keeping and doing basic training for my brother.Well dad fell in love with them.I had Tron for 18 months before he went to my brother.So I only had Yukon.Well then I met my hubby.He loved dogs.When I was spending time with him,he knew Yukon would be coming with me.No problem.Then later on we talked about me and my daughter moving in together.He was forewarnd that I was getting Tron back,so that meant 2 big dogs.He had no problem with that.I hated the fact that I was taking them away from my dad.BUT,these were MY dogs.And I was not going to leave them behind.I did leave my Calico with my dad.The only reason was because I didn't want to leave my dad totaly alone.And he is a senior.I do take her for her vet visits.I do pay him for her food.

Now if hubby didn't like dogs.And no matter how hard I tried to get him to like them,there is NO way I would have moved in with him.

Hubby wants a Boxer.He loves this breed.Always has.But I just lost Yukon in Sept,and I am just not ready for another dog right now.And he understands this.He said when I am ready.

My 18 year old is dying for a Beagle.My answer to that is "when you move out"...She is more out then home.She is barely home on the weekends.Sorry,but there is no way I am going to be responsible for "her" dog.She goes to Collage,who will be looking after it?Me...She meets a guy who doesn't like dogs,who is going to end up with the dog?Me....Ummmmmm,no.
Don't get me wrong,I LOVE dogs.We have a 9 year old GSD now..But I will not let my daughter get one so that I will end up being the sole caregiver.It's called responsibility.YOU want the dog,then YOU take care of it.If you move out,then you better be sure YOUR dog goes with you...... :)

Mackoroni
July 22nd, 2005, 12:16 PM
Hi Mona,

I think there has been a misunderstanding and it's probably my fault in how I have presented things. This is not just my dog, that will live with me at mom's place. My mother is as equally interested in getting this dog as I am. And as mentioned before, would be as responsible for its care and happiness I. I know that animals tend to bond more with one person, and growing up it was always mom the cats and dogs loved best for some reason! Even though she didn't feed them, clean their boxes or even walk the dog that much herself! (My brother I walked the dog and it spent work hours with my dad). She was actually allergic to cats and so really didn't pat them all the much, but they followed her around none the less!! Not to say that this would be the case this time around should I get a dog.

Anyhoo, I've still got a lot of thinking to do on the whole matter and the way things are looking now it's just not a solid idea at this time.

nymph
July 22nd, 2005, 01:11 PM
I haven't read all the replies yet so just bear with me here. I'm only going to speak of my own experience.

I too had lots of doubt before getting a puppy of my own, spent almost 2 years debatting this with hubby. A puppy sure looks cute, but I wasn't sure if I could deal with all that added responsibilities. What I did was to babysit someone else's dog for about 4 months while they went on vacation. Had I known better at the time, I would have fostered a puppy.

That was 4 months in SUMMER, so I think I still didn't get the full gist of owning a puppy. However with a lot of more researches and studies, and a whole lot of more talking with friends, we'd decided to finally get a puppy. AND he still suprised us in many ways we had not anticipated.

I would certainly equate owning a puppy to having a child, literally. Only when you are ready to take that kind of responsiblity you would be ready to own a puppy of your own, JMO.

doggy lover
July 22nd, 2005, 04:46 PM
Why not get a dog for your mom and you be co-parent as you say. What type of dog do you have in mind pet finders has all ages and all breeds take a look. I can see this being a problem between you and your BF, maybe talk about it alot more. I personally wouldn't be with someone that didn't like animals, next he will be telling you no kids. But then when we lost my last dog due to cancer, my husband said that he would never love another dog, yeah right, he loves my new dog Tucker like crazy. Maybe once you got the dog your BF would warm up to it, but its not worth taking that chance for the dogs sake.

Sneaky
July 22nd, 2005, 04:47 PM
Hi there,
this whole thing made me think about me and my boyfriends
issue with dogs. Heres what our issue is,
I grew up with big dogs, GSD's, Newfies, Labs, etc. I have
always wanted to have a large dog, and have decided it will
be either 1: a Bouvier 2: A standard Poodle 3: an Australian Cattle dog
or 4: A Kimiq dog
He however, always grew up with little dogs as his mom
is terribly afraid of big dogs. When we first talked about
getting a pup in the future, his ideas were dog max size 10 lbs
and he would prefer a 2-3 lb toy poodle.
After much discussion, 3 years actually, and our experience
with our Chi - so strong willed, stubborn,emotional, and independent,
he reviewed his decision on big dog little dog. Now he has decided
that no matter what dog it is, it has to be opposite of our Chi, loving,
cuddly, and calm. He has decided after much research that our best
choice is probably a Bouvier.
I think perhaps, maybe all this talk that our partners do about the no's and yes'es of pet ownership are not as set in stone as we think.
He didnt want fish, now we have 5 fish tanks, 3 in use, and he has chosen
half the fish himself. He also does maintenance, and enjoys it!!
So dont write your boyfriend off entirely, perhaps his decision is
not as concrete as it may seem. I think perhaps now is not the right
time for him to own a dog, but give him time, he may just come around.
Perhaps some trips to friends/family who have sweet loving dogs may help in the process!

Dag Sabot
July 22nd, 2005, 04:57 PM
Anyone else encounter this when they were first considering getting a dog of their own? Maybe itís just because heís never owned one that he doesnít realize how great they are.
:mad:
I personally enjoy the responsibility of owning a dog. Im up much earlier, i excercise more often, i meet different people (and dogs). I have been told by absolutely EVERYONE i know that adopting an animal shelter dog (especially a pit-bull) is a bad idea. I have my mom calling me long distance asking me to return him daily. LOL. Besides that, I live alone in a bachelor suite i work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. He doesnt mind it one bit, The dog is simply happy to have a home, and im enjoying spending my time and money on him. Theres all kinds of excuses for not getting a dog, theyre not for everyone but you cant live in fear of the future (what if i have to move, get a new job, dog gets sick etc.)
Im much happier now that i have my dog,(for however long) even though he can be challenging at times, and no matter what i never regret adopting him. Besides all that i (personally) would never trust anyone who doesn't like dogs. Dogs are social they love being around humans and have been living with us since the beginning. How could someone who cant commit to a dog possibly commit to a relationship and/or kids in the future??

Prin
July 22nd, 2005, 05:17 PM
I personally enjoy the responsibility of owning a dog. Im up much earlier, i excercise more often, i meet different people (and dogs). I have been told by absolutely EVERYONE i know that adopting an animal shelter dog (especially a pit-bull) is a bad idea. I have my mom calling me long distance asking me to return him daily. LOL.

Im much happier now that i have my dog,(for however long) even though he can be challenging at times, and no matter what i never regret adopting him. Besides all that i (personally) would never trust anyone who doesn't like dogs. Dogs are social they love being around humans and have been living with us since the beginning. How could someone who cant commit to a dog possibly commit to a relationship and/or kids in the future??
I agree with all this-- I wasn't living with my dad for a couple of years, and when I told him I was getting a doggy, he freaked. He told me in no way was I responsible enough. But I have taken care of all the family dogs my whole life. Growing up with a single dad, everybody has to be more independent. So we got Boo. And then he threw up for 3 or 4 months and cost me a couple thousand dollars. I'm just so grateful that I got Boo. Not too many people would have given Boo a chance. Who would want to be up all night every night with a new dog? He picked us, so we promised him the world. And I wouldn't change that for a second.

Some of you might not feel like loving and wanting dogs a necessary quality in a spouse, but when my dogs are so devoted to him, and strangers' dogs are so open to him, I know he is a great person. Dogs see people for who they are, and a person who doesn't want a dog (other than for health reasons) makes me wonder if he does not want to be seen.

doggy lover
July 22nd, 2005, 05:46 PM
I agree Prin, even though mine is standing here annoying me with a squeeky ball that he wants me to throw for the 100th time, to me anyone that doesn't like animals has something wrong with them.

twinmommy
July 22nd, 2005, 10:13 PM
How could someone who cant commit to a dog possibly commit to a relationship and/or kids in the future??

Maybe I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but many kind, generous people commit to lifelong relationships and don't want pets.

I wouldn't care to be with someone who didn't want/like animals either, but I think they are seperate issues that don't go hand in hand as much as some people think.

In my opinion, I don't think you should get a dog if you are thinking of moving out without her/him in the mext few years. Let your mom get the dog. Nothing stops you from loving it and caring for it. :)

On another tangent, have you ever addressed why your BF doesn't like dogs?
This may be easy to tackle, especially if it is based on fear (not phobic, just afraid) ...??

Mackoroni
July 23rd, 2005, 01:05 AM
I agree that many people can be loving and generous in long term relationships while not wanting a pet, there are many people who do not have animals in their home. Boyfriend likes dogs, likes them a lot, but does not want the responsibility of caring for an animal at this point in his life. It is surely something we will have to discuss and discuss and discuss again, I have always loved dogs (and cats) and have always imagined they would be part of my family. I agree with Sneakypete, given time I do feel he will come around because he does like animals, just doesn't want one now, in the future I will test the waters, and if they are right he will only take some gentle persuading . ;) But I won't force the issue at this time. And yes, Twinmommy perhaps it is best if mom gets the dog and I help care for it at this point!

We were thinking of a miniature poodle, we live in a pretty spacious 2 bedroom apartment, but still would not have the room for a larger dog. We also wanted a smart, loving dog that didn't shed much (bullmastiff's aren't supposed to be heavy shedders, but ours seemed to shed a lot even with frequent brushing).

Prin
July 23rd, 2005, 01:12 AM
Greyhounds don't shed too much and roll up in a little ball when you're home... Don't totally rule out big dogs. They can be so quiet at home that you barely notice they are there. :)

twinmommy
July 23rd, 2005, 11:32 PM
I was just going to suggest a Grey!!! They are GREAT appartment dogs!!

gmessori
July 24th, 2005, 09:01 AM
When me and my wife met, she knew I had two cats even though she did not like cats. When we moved in together, she accepted my cats. To this day she teases Warner by saying "dont you know I do not like cats?"

But at the same time, she was in tears when they were sick, one had major surgery after swallowing a almond, after spending a grand, the other decided to get sick, 800 dollars later we had zip for christmas, but she never complained.

When Sam disapeared, she blamed herself for leaving a door open and was heart broke.

Why I bring this up, in any relationship there is give and take. If your boyfriend can not accept a dog in his life knowing your love for dogs, what else will he not be able to accept?

Copper'sMom
July 25th, 2005, 10:29 AM
When I wanted to get my own dog, I was driving tow truck at the time and I was on call 24 hrs. I never knew when I'd have to go out on a call or when I'd return. But I WANTED a dog SOOOO bad. My boss told me to get one!! Him and his wife told me Copper could spend the days at their house when I was on the road. Copper was with me in the truck until he started getting too big that passengers couldn't fit in the truck. then he stayed with my boss's wife. She holds a very special place in my heart to this day because of her unselfishness to care for Copper.

When I moved out of my mom's house and was by myself, what I could do and where I could go was limited - I had a major responsibility now - Copper. I could have done many things with my life(I was 24 when I got Copper) to make it better for myself and the future. But I didn't because of my dog(responsibility) - and I don't regret any of it!!

When I met my b/f, he had a hard time accepting that my dog came first in my life, he was my main priority every single day. He has now bonded with my dog and loves him as his own and Copper loves him very much too! :p

Anyway, my point is......................I would ditch the man before I ever thought about getting rid of my dog. You have to decide what's more important, you and your b/f OR having unconditional, non-judgemental love from a dog. A dog will love you no matter what you do!

Mackoroni
July 25th, 2005, 10:43 AM
Well I've decided not to get a dog. It's just not fair for it to have the upheaval of me leaving it in a couple of years, or me taking it away from its other owner (my mom) should I take it with me. And it is NOT because of my boyfriend. But you have given me food for thought, one day I will have a dog and if we're still together and he isn't willing to comrpomise, well then it would be time to re-evaluate 'us'. I could be wrong, but I don't think it would come to that, as I mentioned he loves dogs, just doesn't want one right now. Until then I will continue to pat all the dogs I see waiting for the parents outside store fronts (well the friendly looking ones anyway! Like the beautiful black great dane I saw yesterday!).

Thanks again to everyone. :grouphug:

shannon1233A
July 25th, 2005, 11:01 AM
Well I've decided not to get a dog. It's just not fair for it to have the upheaval of me leaving it in a couple of years, or me taking it away from its other owner (my mom) should I take it with me. And it is NOT because of my boyfriend. But you have given me food for thought, one day I will have a dog and if we're still together and he isn't willing to comrpomise, well then it would be time to re-evaluate 'us'. I could be wrong, but I don't think it would come to that, as I mentioned he loves dogs, just doesn't want one right now. Until then I will continue to pat all the dogs I see waiting for the parents outside store fronts (well the friendly looking ones anyway! Like the beautiful black great dane I saw yesterday!).

Thanks again to everyone. :grouphug:

Congratulations to you for making a rational, well though out decision, and on being a responsible, loving pet lover. You will make a GREAT doggie mommy one day when the time is right! Good for you! :grouphug:

Copper'sMom
July 25th, 2005, 11:19 AM
When the time is right, you will know!! For some people, owning a pet isn't a big deal. But to us(on this board) it is a huge deal!! Pet ownership requires alot of responsibility and sacrafices. And yes, it wouldn't be fair to the dog, taking it away from your Mom! You and your Mom would probably have a custody battle when you move out!! LOL :grouphug:

twinmommy
July 25th, 2005, 01:03 PM
awwww. Good for you!! You made the BEST choice!! You will be a great furmommy when the right time comes.

(((((hugs)))))) :grouphug:

Lissa
July 25th, 2005, 02:03 PM
I think you made the right choice! And I am very hopeful that your boyfriend will come around on this issue in the future!

Not very many people end up making the wisest choice but in this situation you truly did make the best choice.

You have handled this situation very well and I know that when the time is right you will make a fabulous dog owner! :)

Prin
July 25th, 2005, 06:42 PM
Wow! SO few people come here and tell us news like that! That's great. It's a good indication that you will think this through completely before jumping in the doggy pool. Yey! :) :highfive: