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decided to keep mugsy, but problem

northmom
July 19th, 2005, 12:13 AM
i have three children, from 10months to 12 years, and all are well disciplined around animals. i cannot say the same for many other people's children, but i know how my children have been raised by myself, and my dog is almost five years old now and quite used to the children.
but i did spend a lot of time thinking about it.
truth is, Mugsy is a very good dog, too good in fact to let him go to any other home. He loves all the children quite unconditionally, the only time he's ever messed in the house was when i slept in and was late for work and flew out of the house in a hurry, forgetting all about the dog, came home on my coffee break to relieve the dog and he'd pee'd in the sunroom beside the sliding door...
if someone leaves the gate open mistakenly (ie: mailman, gas meter reader, etc), the dog can easily get out, and he does, goes on his little adventures, as far as the front lawn, the front steps to watch the neighbourhood from his throne, and back to the yard again.
he's figured out how to push open the screen door with his nose to get in and out of the house to use the washroom as needed.
On car rides, he sits quite nicely and patiently, and knows that a trip to the local Tim Hortons means coffee for me, and a timbit for him...as soon as he hears that funny wall talk back to me, he's on my lap waiting with a smile for his treat too....
he listens so well, its like he's only ever had to be told one command once and he's got it downpat...
so i decided, okay, fact remains, i will keep the boy, because i'm not going to ever find another dog i can rely on to let himself in and out as he needs in the daytime while we're away, to be gentle with the children, and too small to overpower them, he doesn't shed, he's amazingly patient with the kids, the kids all absolutely love the dog, and the dog curls up with one of them each night at bedtime, taking turns as to who he'll snooze with all night, if not taking turns throughout the night sleeping on his blankee he drags around from room to room...
if he gets out of the yard, its to inspect the driveway and front yard, and head right back to the yard, my flower beds are all over the place,a nd he doesn't even consider digging in them, and he's just simply a good natured dog...
so he's staying.
our activities will not take a backseat to the dog, but i will gladly figure out ways to keep the dog in company of others while we have to be away as a family.
problem now...
my partner has never liked the dog, and because we discussed finding the dog a new home, he was happy, and now that i've said we're keeping the dog, he's cranky, not speaking to me, and keeps saying that the dog is going to a new home, this weekend....
he says he can't live with the dog, and have never really liked the dog, but simply 'tolerated' the dog while the rest of us considered the dog part of the family.
he keeps insisting that he's made the decision, that the dog will be gone to a new home this weekend, and thats that.
i've told him that its not fair and that we're NOT moving the dog to a new home...
he will not back down, and now we're in a situation, where the dog is coming between our relationship, and causing complete family upheaval...
i just do not know what to do, and am feeling as though i've got horrible tummy ulcers worrying about it...
any words of wisdom?

I've decided to keep Mugsy, but my hubby doesn't agree. How would you all handle my situation? What do you do with a husband who is really adamant about not keeping the dog? It is now affecting our relationship :grouphug:

Joey.E.CockersMommy
July 19th, 2005, 12:30 AM
I am happy to hear you are keeping your dog. It sound like your hubby needs to come around. I guess he got used to the idea that Mugsy was going. Perhaps after he gets over his initial anger that you have decided to keep Mugsy he will see how important it is to you, and your kids. You can tell him compared to a lot of other dogs Mugsy is really pretty easy going. I wish you the best of luck with Mugsy and the hubby.

pags
July 19th, 2005, 12:36 AM
You've obviously put a lot of thought into this -- and it's clear that you do really care about Mugsy. I'm so sorry you are in such a difficult position. Considering the very personal nature of this problem (i.e. your relationship with hubby) I'll take the rest of my response to PM. In the meantime - hugs :grouphug:

amber416
July 19th, 2005, 12:38 AM
Why does your husband hate Mugsy so much? Does Mugsy attack him? Bite him? If the dog was a threat to my husband, i don't honestly know what i would do. If the dog was merely an inconvenience to my husband, or my husband disliked dogs and therefore was unable to live with him, i would not be with somebody like that in the first place. Who came first, the dog or the husband? If the dog came first and then came the husband-- a man that hated the dog so much that he was willing to forsake the feelings of his wife and the children, as well as dump the dog, well.....i don't really think i need to say anything else. If the husband came first, then he must like dogs (or he would not have agreed to take one into the family) and there must be something terrible Mugsy is doing to make him dislike him, but i have read through your posts and all i am getting is that he has a hard time keeping up with your families' activities :confused: Maybe i'm just not getting it, or maybe the situation is so simple, there's not much else to get. I can't tell you to dump your husband but i am certainly not going to tell you to dump this poor dog. You would think your feelings and the children's feelings would come into play a little more....i'm sorry you are going through this :(

northmom
July 19th, 2005, 12:56 AM
you see, the dog fell off the six foot high deck years ago, twisting his front legs. he still gets around fine, but isn't as active anymore.
if someone tries to pick him up without being slow and deliberate not to hurt mugsy, he'll snap, and the other day he snapped at my daughter...mugsy was standing 'guard' at the driveway to another dog, and dd tried to pick him up from behind and carry him in the yard, mugsy was frightened, caught off guard, and snapped at dd's arm, didn't break skin, just gave her a fright...
also, if my partner tries to put mugsy out, mugsy will growl and snarl at him if he tries to pick him up to do so.
the only people mugsy will allow to pick him up is myself or my 12 year old son, and then only sometimes...
mugsy is overweight and heavy, so when you pick him up, you have to be gentle and cautious to his tender front legs...
he's a lhasa apso, and i guess too thats just the nature of the breed, they are really little guard dogs...
with truly good natured hearts...
i don't know what to do...maybe mugsy is meant for an older couple or a single person, he seems to really attatch to one person in the household and thats it...he loves everyone just for the attention part of it, but really, 'I'M' his person...

coppperbelle
July 19th, 2005, 06:57 AM
Sounds like you found another excuse to get rid of Mugsy.

badger
July 19th, 2005, 07:30 AM
I realize his problem probably can't be fixed, but do you think he may be arthritic as a result? Scar tissue often pre-supposes for arthritis, I've heard. A bit of medication might make him less snappy. As for your husband, if he doesn't like the dog, the dogs knows it, and reacts accordingly.

toby's tracy
July 19th, 2005, 07:37 AM
As for your husband, if he doesn't like the dog, the dogs knows it, and reacts accordingly.

And boy this will make life miserable! I'm glad to hear you are devoted to Mugsy. I love my little Toby to bits, but if he started to snap at any of my friends' kids...well...I'd have to think about my priorities. It sounds like that is what your husband is doing...

...I may be reading too much into this, but that is my take!

BMDLuver
July 19th, 2005, 08:08 AM
A couple of things that might help Mugsy are the following:

Reduce his weight is number one.
See your vet about Rimadyl or Metcam as he may very well be arthritic due to his injury.

Also, you refer in one breath to your husband then the next breath your partner... has this person been with you always through start to finish with Mugsy? If not, this might be why he's not so friendly with this person. I had a Spaniel that disliked my husband from day 1 as he felt I was all his so that could be part of the problem?

coppperbelle
July 19th, 2005, 08:15 AM
Just so everyone doesn't waste their time check out this post:

http://www.pets.ca/forum/showthread.php?t=17192

chico2
July 19th, 2005, 08:27 AM
My first thought was,if your husband loves you and your kids,he certainly would not rob you of this little dog,whom the kids obviously love...to me(having been married 40yrs)I would never do anything that would make my partner in life miserable and especially about something as important as a little 4-legged family-member.
Your husband is obviously not the main caretaker of this little dog,his hatred for this little life is purely selfish in my book.
Marriage is a lot about compromising and in this case,it's your husband who needs to see what is good for his kids and you,it's not like Mugsy is a chair to be discarded because he does not like it.A family unite is just that,a family and his vote looses IMHO.

Lucky Rescue
July 19th, 2005, 10:41 AM
My first thought was,if your husband loves you and your kids,he certainly would not rob you of this little dog,whom the kids obviously love...to me(having been married 40yrs)I would never do anything that would make my partner in life miserable and especially about something as important as a little 4-legged family-member.
Your husband is obviously not the main caretaker of this little dog,his hatred for this little life is purely selfish in my book.
Marriage is a lot about compromising and in this case,it's your husband who needs to see what is good for his kids and you,it's not like Mugsy is a chair to be discarded because he does not like it.A family unite is just that,a family and his vote looses IMHO.

YES YES! Exactly. A man who makes your life miserable because you won't "get rid" so something you love cares little for your feelings.

My husband used to be this way. He didn't care for animals, thought they were a nuisance, and wanted mine gone. I really think some men get a bit jealous of attention paid to anything other than them, too.

I finally and calmly explained to him that I would not discard my animals ever, for anyone. I told him all he was doing was making me stressed and unhappy, and was that really his goal? Not only that, but also that if I did give them up, then I would hate him, so what's the point?

He never thought of it that way, didn't really realize what he was doing, and didn't want me to be unhappy. He stopped squawking about my pets then and never did it again. Well, not much anyway.:D

the dog fell off the six foot high deck years ago, twisting his front legs
What was the nature of this "twisting"? Any broken bones? What did the vet say about it?

jessi76
July 19th, 2005, 10:57 AM
he says he can't live with the dog, and have never really liked the dog, but simply 'tolerated' the dog while the rest of us considered the dog part of the family. he keeps insisting that he's made the decision, that the dog will be gone to a new home this weekend, and thats that.
i've told him that its not fair and that we're NOT moving the dog to a new home...he will not back down, and now we're in a situation, where the dog is coming between our relationship, and causing complete family upheaval...
i just do not know what to do, and am feeling as though i've got horrible tummy ulcers worrying about it...any words of wisdom?

I've decided to keep Mugsy, but my hubby doesn't agree. How would you all handle my situation? What do you do with a husband who is really adamant about not keeping the dog? It is now affecting our relationship :grouphug:

IF I were in your shoes, I'd forget about the dog problem, and figure out when the communication, comprimise and general respect problems started. Then I'd put Mugsy on a diet, and get him used to being handled by everyone in the family.

by the way, very glad to hear you're keeping Mugsy. :)

Schwinn
July 19th, 2005, 11:57 AM
I confess to not being a cat person (though there are one or two I am very fond of). My wife has two cats who were around before I was, one of which likes to pee in everything I own. The last straw was the day I wiped my face with the back of my glove while mountain biking and found out I hadn't cleaned everything (you could hear the scream for miles). She took the cat to the vet for the umpteenth time, and was in tears because she told the vet if they couldn't find the problem, that she would have to get her put down. Would she actually do it? I don't know. But I do know I called her later that day and told her that we would not be putting the cat down, she loves that cat more than anything (I think I'm a close second :o ). We'd find a way to work around the issues. I still don't care for the cat, and I confess to being less than nice to it at times when I find another stinky gym bag. And we still argue once in a while about it, only because I'm very sensitive to it, and my wife doesn't want to think it's happening (the vet thought it was bladder infections, I'm not sure). My point? That if your husband realizes how much you love the dog, you'll work together to find a way to keep it. I understand his anger at the dog snapping at a child, but there is a reason for it, and it isn't because the dog is mean. The dog is in pain, and doing what dogs do. This means the kids need to learn what is going on, and if the dog did not leave a mark, I'm inclined to think the dog didn't intend to hurt a family member.

Another thing I'll suggest is glucosamine. I take it for the gym, and the stuff works miracles. I had a nagging shoulder injury that flared up (because of my dog, interestingly enough) and I noticed a difference within a week. When Daisy's knee started bothering her, I did some research on the net and found out they have special doggy glucosamine. I gave her some of my stuff, and it helped. I talked to my vet, and he said that was excellent. When I asked if I should by the dog stuff, he said it is 3 times as much for the exact same thing. I paid about $20 for about 3 months supply for me. Weighing 220, I take it three times daily. Daisy is about 65 lbs, and I gave her one a day. I also know my father takes it for athritis and knee issues, and it helps him as well, and it is safe. It may help your dog's pain issues, and therefore, aggression issues.

savannah
July 19th, 2005, 01:13 PM
I am glad to hear that you have had a change of heart re Mugsy. I hope you can continue to give him a happy home.
Regarding your husband: have you ever seen this ad
http://www.dougrusty.com/FunnyPhotos/GoodHome.jpg
I would make one similar, minus the pet, and only include your husband in the ad, and then give it to him to proof read. lol
In the end, could you live with someone so heartless who doesn't like you dog for what reason again? Because Mugsy snarles at him when being picked up? That's not a very good reason.
I also recommend glucosimine. I also give it to my senior who also has a deformed front paw, with arthritis. I was giving him a wellness dog supplement, but then decided that i can get similar (and if not better) ones from my drugstore, for much less! The one he gets also has MSM and Chrondiotin.
What has your vet said about his leg (sorry if you already posted that info, but i have not seen it). Is there anything you can surgically do about it or medicinally for the pain? I give my guy a half to a whole baby aspirin (81mgs i believe) a day for the pain (when i see he is struggling to walk). he is 17lbs (also overweight for his breed, but i am working on that). If you do buy the baby aspirin (if he is in pain) i suggest talking to your vet first, and also make sure it is baby aspirin, not the low dose aspirin (even though they are the same strength) as the low dose you can't cut in half (if needed) since it is slow release.

twinmommy
July 19th, 2005, 01:49 PM
hmm. This is a touchy one, and I see that many of us can relate on various different levels.

Take time to seperate the issues at hand here.

It seems that the dog has become a point of contingency, and whose place in your family is getting "lost in the shuffle" of a bigger, on-going power struggle. If you would lose this battle and get rid of the dog, you'd soon have another battle about something else. Try to find out where the respect boundaries are now lying and why.

Sure it's a no-brainer that your relationship comes first, but those of us who have been there know that at some point you are no longer arguing about a helpless dog. One person always seems to be able to break the commitment made to the animal--or denies ever having made it!! grr.-- I don't have answers for that one--just hugs. :grouphug: :grouphug:

We're here for you no matter what happens.

kandy
July 19th, 2005, 03:15 PM
My hubby and I argue over my lizards. We've been married for over 20 years and I've had the lizards for about 15 of those years. My first lizard was a compromise on hubby's part. I wanted a snake, he didn't want a snake but thought that an iguana would be okay. He even built a cage for them based on what I told him I wanted. I'm not really sure when his attitude changed but over the past 8 years or so, he has repeatedly said that he wants me to 'get rid' of them. It finally got to the point that I told him that if my lizards went out the door - for whatever reason - I would soon follow. I explained that to me, a pet is a lifetime commitment, and not one that I was willing to blow off just because he doesn't like them. I also told him how much it was hurting me to have to defend my lizards at every turn.

I agree that there must be some underlying issue here - as I found there was/is with my hubby. The lizards were something he thought he could use as leverage, although I don't think that he even consciously realized he was using them. I think that because he was frustrated with other areas of our life, he was trying to punish me by attacking my right to have my lizards. Once we figured out the underlying problem, the constant bickering over the lizards has stopped.

I would say that you need to keep to your guns on keeping Mugsy. The dog won't be rehomed easily with the physical problems that you describe and the only one that might benefit from Mugsy being gone is the husband.

northmom
July 19th, 2005, 04:56 PM
Sounds like you found another excuse to get rid of Mugsy.


NO I HAVE NOT! IF YOU READ ENGLISH, YOU'LL UNDERSTAND I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO KEEP HIM, WHILE KEEPING PEACE IN MY FAMILY...
CAN I MAKE IT MORE SIMPLE FOR YOU? IS THAT WHAT YOU NEED?

northmom
July 19th, 2005, 04:58 PM
And boy this will make life miserable! I'm glad to hear you are devoted to Mugsy. I love my little Toby to bits, but if he started to snap at any of my friends' kids...well...I'd have to think about my priorities. It sounds like that is what your husband is doing...

...I may be reading too much into this, but that is my take!


No, I think your are right, so now I am in turmoil over what to do about this situation...what decision do I make...
my partner really does not like the dog, the dog DOES know it, and its causing so much tension...
I am trying to figure out the best means possible to this ordeal, for myself, my relationship, and my family, and the dog...
this is why i've come here, to try to put the puzzle together, to keep it together...

Ford
July 19th, 2005, 05:11 PM
Let's please try to keep this civil and keep the accusations to a minimum.

happycats
July 19th, 2005, 05:13 PM
I would like to start out by saying, I am so happpy you have changed your mind about Mugsy!!! :)

Is there a reason why your partner hates Mugsy so much??
Especially since you say Mugsy is a wonderful, well behaved, loving dog.

coppperbelle
July 19th, 2005, 05:17 PM
Northmom

No need to yell. I read your previous post last week and you had all kinds of excuses for giving up poor Mugsy. He couldn't keep up with your young active family etc.... You also mentioned you wanted to give him up when the kids were away because you didn't want to upset them. You mentioned that you thought getting another dog like a lab would be more appropriate for your young/active family. Am I wrong?
Now all of a sudden you are saying your husband doesn't want the dog and that poor Mugsy is the perfect dog.
If you are looking for validation for giving up your dog you are not going to get it from me.

No need to respond to this post as I will not be posting anymore under this thread.

chico2
July 19th, 2005, 05:25 PM
I seem to recall your husband was more than willing to replace poor Mugsy with a Labrador-puppy,a peeing,pooping,chewing little troublemaker :D what makes you think he would not just as quickly want to get rid of him?
You described Mugsy as a wonderful dog...snapping at the kids?
I thought the kids loved him :eek:
I remember when I got Vinnie(my little odd-eyed wonder!),hubbie did not want a third cat,but never in his wildest dreams would he ask me not to keep him..and he does not regret it for a minute.
I actually cannot understand how someone can hate a little dog,to me that makes him a very little man,but maybe there are some other underlying problems that need to be worked out.
Anyway,I hope for the best for your family and little Mugsy :love:

Ford
July 19th, 2005, 05:31 PM
Again, please do not turn this into another thread which will have to be shut down. Accusations are not going to solve any problems. If you have an issue that you would like to discuss, please PM each other. We would like to avoid locking threads if at all possible.

heeler's rock!
July 19th, 2005, 10:26 PM
I have to say I'm happy that you've come to realize how great little Mugsy really is. :o

I also have to say that I've seen issues like this almost destroy marriages. A client of mine had a small dog who was his best friend for 9 long years. He recently married someone who likes cats, but hates dogs. Nothing against her, she just comes from a background that never saw dogs as pets and didn't like the little pom cross in the house. Well, it almost ruined his marriage, and he reluctantly decided to ship the dog to Ontario to live with relatives. It broke his heart! He actually stood at my door crying his eyes out! Poor thing! :(

Anyways, if your hubby is unwilling to compromise, you need to ask yourself if you will be able to forgive him for forcing you to make your kids unhappy, and you unhappy. I know I would never look at my husband the same way again. I may be able to move past the issue, but I could never forget what he did, and I know that I could never completely forgive him. Him making you get rid of Mugsy may cause greater tensions and problems between you and him, and your kids and him than what would be caused if he learned to accept Mugsy. In this case, he'll lose out big time if he feels that he can just get rid of Mugsy and things will remain the same between you all. If you and your kids love Mugsy as much as you say you do, you won't be able to just forgive him for doing this to you. I really wish you the best in this situation. :o

BMDLuver
July 19th, 2005, 10:31 PM
Anyways, if your hubby is unwilling to compromise, you need to ask yourself if you will be able to forgive him for forcing you to make your kids unhappy, and you unhappy. I know I would never look at my husband the same way again. I may be able to move past the issue, but I could never forget what he did, and I know that I could never completely forgive him. Him making you get rid of Mugsy may cause greater tensions and problems between you and him, and your kids and him than what would be caused if he learned to accept Mugsy. In this case, he'll lose out big time if he feels that he can just get rid of Mugsy and things will remain the same between you all. If you and your kids love Mugsy as much as you say you do, you won't be able to just forgive him for doing this to you. I really wish you the best in this situation. :o
Excellent post HR and very true.

Prin
July 20th, 2005, 02:28 AM
Too bad your hubby doesn't like this doggy. He doesn't like just this one right? Was he agreeing to get the lab?