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Tough going for Soft Hearts

twinmommy
June 24th, 2005, 12:59 PM
just a mini rant, have read this in a few threads now, about how the boyfriend/hubby/SO is always "ready to walk" or "fed up" or something of the like, when we attempt to get involved and naturally become a little overextended, for want of a better word, with rescue.

I've had my battles with hubby and, hell yeah, I'd be doing more were it not to keep the peace. I respect his opinion and have a lot on my plate as it is, but what is the deal with this?

Are those of you who are "knee deep" in it, always in a position of compromise? Does anyone have a hubby who lets ALL the critters in that they want? (or wife? don't mean to be gendre specific... :)

anyways, just noticed that this goes on alot.....hmmmmm.

Eleni
June 24th, 2005, 01:03 PM
my husband isnt an animal lover, but I am

we have as many pets as we do because he realises i would not be as happy without them.

the understanding is they are my responsibility and my time, wich is fair

on the same note he will take them to the vet if need be, money is no object with ther health,

he does walk and love them when im not around.


it works alright for us, he wont dream of making me give up my babies


Eleni

Writing4Fun
June 24th, 2005, 01:21 PM
There's a reason I don't offer my assistance with the rescues on this board, and that reason is "DH". ;) He's a sweet guy, but he just doesn't feel the same way about animals as I do. He loved our first dog to pieces - she was our "first child". :D He likes Phoebe, but she doesn't hold the same place in his heart that Murphy did. I try to talk to him about the things I read on this board, he just rolls his eyes. He can't fathom why I find this stuff interesting or how I can know so much "trivial information" about animals. I explain that it's the same as him being able to tell what year that car is because of the placement of the turn signals. :p As patient as he is with a lot of the stuff I do around here, he just couldn't handle a steady stream of animals coming in and out on a regular basis - he just doesn't have the "composition" for it. :D

Having said that, I have a great respect for the people who do rescue, and for the spouses that put up with it. :thumbs up

Eleni, the more I read about you, the more I think that you and I were separated at birth! :D

Dogastrophe
June 24th, 2005, 01:26 PM
My wife and I were both (actively) involved in adopting our three (though when one is getting on one of our nerves we always refer to the offender as "you dog is driving me nuts" :crazy: ) as well we both volunteer at the SPCA on a regular basis. We keep telling ourselves that we are glad that we don't have a bigger house or larger paycheques otherwise the neighbours would be signing petitions to have us removed from the area.

Prin
June 24th, 2005, 01:33 PM
My man is allergic to dogs, but in being with me he has been forced to accept that there will always be at least a few animals around. He was dead-set against getting a second dog... And one time, he dared to ask me who I loved more. I told him never to ask me a question like that because he wouldn't like the answer. Truth is I know I can live without a man, but I don't know if I really can live without a dog. I've spend around 20 years without a man and 36 days total without a dog. :)


See? He was dead set against a second dog, so here's Boo. Alone. :)

Dogastrophe
June 24th, 2005, 01:38 PM
After we adopted Lucy (she was a 9-mos old basket case at the time) we said that if we had adopted her first we would likely have never adopted a second dog so soon - I believe there was 4 mos between adopting Monty and her. 5 mos later we adopted an unhousetrained 5 - 6 mos old pup. 95% aggrevation for 5% enjoyment, and all we remember is that 5% and wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Rita
June 24th, 2005, 01:39 PM
Oh Prin you're too funny!!! :crazy: I take it your man in the photo is passed out because of his allergies to the dogs?!?!?!?!?!? ;)
When we had our first cat (RIP) she was definitely "my" cat ... always on my lap, followed me everywhere, etc. When she was gone, hubby agreed that this time we could get 2 cats (that way one could be his ;) ). When I found the 3 Boyz on the Kingston HS website it took a wee bit of convincing that 3 really wasn't much more than 2 :) and in the end he agreed to getting the 3 Boyz . Now he's continually saying that he couldn't imagine not having the Boyz in our lives :thumbs up

Eleni
June 24th, 2005, 01:43 PM
Eleni, the more I read about you, the more I think that you and I were separated at birth! :D


perhaps we need to start questioning our moms :P

Beaglemom
June 24th, 2005, 03:06 PM
I was watching a program once a while back that discussed marital problems and reasons for divorce. Fighting over pets caused friction amongst partners. Apparently, couples fight over the care and discipline of their pets just like if the pets were their children. Also, there is a bit of jealousy between partners. Some get a little jealous of the attention that the other partner pays the family pet, leaving them feeling left out or that the pet is loved more than they are. And this is just regular couples and not people partnered with rescue workers!

CyberKitten
June 24th, 2005, 03:26 PM
I think especially today when so many people have pets and may not have children, the pets are so integral to the life of a family or a couple, it is only natural that tensions can exist. One of the most common issues couples fight over is money and couple (pun intended) that with pets and it can be volatile. And the jealousy thing exists too. My bf is not as much an animal advocate as I am but he did grow up with a Dalmation and accepts my cats. He has to, lol

Prin
June 24th, 2005, 06:17 PM
Studies show that if there is a dog in the house, marriages tend to last longer. Dogs are great to talk to, great stress relief, great companions when a spouse sometimes isn't. :)

Joey.E.CockersMommy
June 24th, 2005, 08:37 PM
Actually when I first became interested in English Cockers my husband wasn't that keen on them. When he is set on not liking something it is really hard to convince him otherwise. I was pretty happy to come home one day and find him on the phone with the head of the english cocker rescue club. Now he is as excited as I am about getting one. I know I will probably be the main caregiver and get up with the pup in the night etc. HE did say he wanted to take the dog to obedience training so he can do that in the day while I am at work.

lilith_rizel
June 25th, 2005, 11:36 AM
I don't have an issue with pets and James. He loves them just as much as I do. When he gets out of the military, we are going to get us a nice huge chunk of land, and start ourselves a little hobby farm. Get us a gelding horse, a few chickens, and maybe a goat...... We are actually looking at some land in Minnesota. Can't remember where at and how many acres, but it is a large lot and only 8K.......

LavenderRott
June 25th, 2005, 12:16 PM
HA! My husband grew up with an outdoor dog that was allowed in only when the weather dipped below 0. That would be fahrenheit. And that dogs name was Suzy. Now, depending on which story you believe, there was either one dog named Suzy and she was a girl or there were a couple of dogs named Suzy and they weren't all girls.

When DH moved in with me many, many years ago I had two dogs, 3 cats (and a litter of kittens) 5 birds, a pair of hamsters and a 25 gallon aquarium.

He once told me that if I didn't get rid of Chase, my rottweiler, that he was going to leave me. I offered to help him pack.

The apartment now holds one dog, one cat and a frog. My mammal limit is 3. Two dogs and a cat. My non mammal limit hasn't been discussed but I am sure that two would probably be a good compromise.

Yes, I have rehomed animals to keep my DH happy. I recently rehomed an animal to keep the animal happy.

IMHO, marriage is not a one way street and both parties need to do their part. If compromising on the number of animals in the house is something that needs to be done, well so be it.

My next battle will probably be a bit tougher. DH has told me that when we buy a new house - the animals will have to live outside. We all know that is not going to happen, so I guess the next compromise is going to be which section of the house the animals are or are not allowed into.

heeler's rock!
June 25th, 2005, 12:17 PM
Hubby loves animals too, but I don't think he was expecting everything when we got married. At first we faught a lot, but over the year it's gotten better. When we moved into our house, we had Red, Kia, our bunny Kiwi, and 2 toads. Now, we have Red, Kia, Helix, our bunny Kiwi, our bunny Onyx, our cats Jacob and Elliot, and still the 2 toads. :p It's not easy, but we manage. Now with the baby coming, his family wants all the pets gone. :rolleyes: They say we won't have time to spend with the baby! Yeah right! The animals take time, but won't take up so much time the baby suffers! Yeesh!

Hubby would never give me an ultimatum as he loves them as much as I do. I read the post about the lady who gave her dog to the SPCA due to "extreme" ditructiveness and her hubby making her. Well, when we got Helix, he chewed up our window sills, about 6 different holes in our walls, our curtains, baseboards, my couch, chair, ottman, and cusions, and tore out a really good chunk of insulation from the basement. That's extreme distructiveness! We love him though, and we've worked hard to stop that behaviour. He's not an angel, but he won't chew up things anymore! Even then, hubby didn't say anything about Helix going. He said that we had to fix it, so we did! :)

chico2
June 25th, 2005, 04:32 PM
My husband loves our cats and to be perfectly honest,since my life evolves so much around animals,birds etc...he has no choice but to love them too :D
I catch him having long conversations with the cats all the time!!
He even listens patiently as I tell him about certain animals on the Forum :D ...he could not be with me,unless he cared about animals and we've been married 40 years this dec.

Prin
June 25th, 2005, 09:31 PM
IMHO, marriage is not a one way street and both parties need to do their part. If compromising on the number of animals in the house is something that needs to be done, well so be it. The thing is, it depends on what is important to whom. There is no compromise with my animals. I need animals in my life to be happy. It's about weighing who is most affected by the decision either way. Things I compromise on are the color of bath towels, or what type of wax to buy for our cars... Not dogs.

If my man gave me an ultimatum, I would chose the dogs, honestly, because I don't want to be with anybody who gives me an ultimatum about anything. Nobody can decide they have so much power over my life. I am strong alone, and if I choose to be in a relationship, I deserve far more respect than condescending ultimatums.

twinmommy
June 25th, 2005, 09:39 PM
I think that all of us who are in good relationships have someone that at least LIKES animals. I know that I am raely around people who don't--they make me nervous. I always think--how could you not like animals??...and I'm not talking about fears--that's something different.

My hubby is very loving when it somes to the animals--when I met him he was shelling out one paycheck out of two for Jake and his probs at that time.

I know tht that is part of his "ceiling" for his love of animals. Logically, we can't afford them all. I just always try to find a way to squeeze in one more.... :D

kandy
June 27th, 2005, 04:38 PM
My husband loves dogs - not all animals, just dogs - and not all dogs. He is definitely not the animal lover I am. He teases me all the time that I can watch a movie where people get slaughtered all over the place, but have one animal get lost or go hungry (let alone hurt) and I'm bawling for the next hour. Over the past few years, he has decided that he doesn't like my iguanas and we have fought quite a bit over that (I've had them for almost 15 years). I finally told him that if my iguanas go out the door for whatever reason, I will be right behind them. He doesn't understand why I would want to argue with someone over them having their dog in the back of a truck, or why I buy our dog's food over the internet (in fact he thinks that one is downright stupid). He doesn't object to me buying the food, which is good since I am the only one who brings a paycheck home! He just doesn't get as involved as me. He avoids conflict at all costs, so he would never think of telling someone what he thought about how they treated their animals - even if he was totally against whatever they were doing and he doesn't like me interefering in other people's business. If I had my choice, I would be a foster home for all sorts of animals - but I know that he would have a fit, so I've never even told him that I would like to do that. We are definitely not on the same page when it comes to animals.