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Liar Freind

Britishvixen21
June 6th, 2005, 10:23 AM
So im a little bit of a dilemma here and don't really know what to do, Last year we were living in an apartment in a big house that was shared and we became very friendly with our neighbors, one girl inpeticular who had recently come out of an abusive relationship. We heard that her ex bf had beaten her on several occasions, was a big drinker and according to her a physco. So anyways we also worked in the house and on several occasions she claimed that her ex who was on the run from police relating to charges she had made had got into the building and left presents on her door for her.
Another time when she was walking the dog she claimed a big black car had followed her around the walk, but she did not report it to the police.
When we decided to move we showed her our place and asked if she would like us to recommend her to the superintendent as she claimed she was being harassed and stalked by the ex.
When we moved her she was so scared of him following her that we moved all her stuff and even backed up into the garage and she laid in the back with a blanket over her.
A couple of weeks later she claimed that the ex had sent her and our ex neighbor back at the house threatening letters containing cut outs from the yellow pages funeral home section. When I asked to see the letters she said that they had been handed over to the police. A couple of months later I asked her about the letters again she said that she had never handed them over to the police.
I asked her how it was possible for him to know her address. She claimed that she had received a phone call from the police asking her new contact details and she had given them to them. Not knowing that it was the ex acting like the police.
A couple of months later we had a huge car accident outside our apartment so big that CTV turned up. She went all weird and ran in saying that she couldn't be caught on film in case the ex saw where she was. (Even though she said that he had the address previously because of the letters)
A lot more happened in-between then and now, just silly little things that she said that did not add up. For instance she had NO furniture I mean like a bed and TV and that was it. She kept saying that she was saving and saving for furniture and then she decided to rent a washer dryer from Easy home. Which is cool whatever, and then she said that she had BOUGHT outright a sofa set and chairs at a little furniture shop in thornhill. However when it came I looked on the easy home website and it looks just like one in there. Now why lie? I don't really care where you got your furniture. Another time I was raving about a new face soap that I had got and was telling her how great it had worked blah blah blah, in the set that I had bought there was a voucher. Well about a week later I went down there and there was the same voucher and I said to her oh I see you got the face cream its great isn't it? And she's like no I didn't get it they were giving out the vouchers. I didn't think anymore of it and sat down. After about five minutes I felt something digging in my back, I put my hand under the cushion and there was the face cream?
Now skip forward to this weekend around 2am Sunday morning, im fast asleep when hb wakes me up and says that she's at the door. So I jump up and she's there looking all scared and holding her face, im like what's wrong.
She claimed that she had gone out to get a paper at 2am!!! And had been grabbed from behind by a man (who fits the description of a known friend of her ex who we have seen previously as he came to pick up the exs stuff from the old house) so he grabs her, claims that he lost money because of her and him and slaps her across the face. She also said that he got out of and back into the big black car that she claims she saw last year and now claims was around the area the last couple of days. The guy also said that the ex had told her where she was.

So I called the police they came out, she asked for an ambulance which was a complete waste of time and quite frankly I was embarrassed to open the door to them.

So I listened to what she was saying to the police and it didn't make sense. After they left I asked her to show me where it had happened and she showed me literally outside her window, which is one level below me. I then asked her where the car was and she couldn't show me. Started saying she was confused because of her head!!

Now my beef is this, our lights were on our balcony door was open we hear everything that goes on outside as were only one level up from the street, now ive heard people drop there keys on the ground. Why didn't my hb hear anything? HB had the tv real low too as I was sleeping and he said if anything happened he would have heard it. Secondly if she could see the door open and lights on why didn't she shout up?? Call for help? And why suddenly was she going on about this car and then when I asked her she couldn't answer me.

I don't really know why im posting here really, I don't want to get in the middle of it, but now I don't really want anything to do with her and how can I not she lives below me. I also think that she's making half of this **** up and I wouldn't want to see a man go to prison for something he didn't do. This man has lost his business and his home and is now AWOL from police and there is a Canada wide warrant out for his arrest. Now I know that he's no angel and some of the claims she is making are substantiated however I know from the bottom of my heart that they are bull****.

So my question is what do I do? To me she's mentally ill. The way she lies and I don't want to be a part of that. I also worry if I cut off the friendship that she start a campaign against me?

iRONKNiGHT
June 6th, 2005, 10:35 AM
So my question is what do I do?
You call that a Friend?... Say goodbye to her! dishonest people always get what's comming to them..
she needs the guillotine..
http://www.metaphor.dk/guillotine/Media/Murdoc3.jpg

raingirl
June 6th, 2005, 10:36 AM
Do you know for sure that he ex is wanted by the police? Canada wide warrants are posted on their website for the public to see.

I would just stop supporting her concerns. If she is worried her ex is following her, tell her to change her name and move far away and then drop it, get her to talk about something else.

I think she is mentally ill too, but unless she is a danger to herself, no one can do anything. Have you gone down and spoken to the police yourself? Maybe consider that. Explain that you are concerned about your neighbour and want to know if the aligations she is making are true, and see if they could force her to get help.

Britishvixen21
June 6th, 2005, 10:46 AM
Firstly Ironknight I tottally agree and in the end the truth has to come out - if theres one thing i cant stand its a liar. however I cant just cut her off as much as i would like to Im a little scared of what she would start against me.
And raingirl I have considered this however I am still awaiting permanent residence in this country and dont want any trouble really with my application. and I really dont want to have anything to do with the authorities.
Im just going to try to avoid her and only see her when I have too.

raingirl
June 6th, 2005, 10:48 AM
SOunds like to be she doesn't realize she is lying..so don't blame her as she probably isn't doing it on purpose. She probably suffered years of abuse and doesn't know how to act normal with a person. She feels the need to be desperate and needy to gain acceptance.

Eleni
June 6th, 2005, 11:24 AM
Id say keep your distance, you really dont know how the situation will turn out and its obviously got the potential to be a volitile situation


Eleni

Cactus Flower
June 6th, 2005, 11:49 AM
I understand that you are awaiting residency status, and therefore do not want any involvement with the police that will reflect negatively upon your application. However, this will probably not be a matter of record, and wouldn't be considered "negative", anyway (if you like, I can put you in touch with a friend of mine in Immigration, and perhaps he can set your mind at ease, off the record- just pm me).
I think that it is really important that an innocent man not be put in prison over this. She has mental problems, obviously, but a man's life is being destroyed because of it. I've seen this happen once, and his entire family suffered. Please consider just going to the police to have a talk with them about her- tell them about your immigration status, and ask that it be off the record. I wager that they will be very grateful, and this will only show you in a positive light to them.
Maybe they can also advise you regarding what to do personally to avoid her. The police have dealt with every "type" there is, and I believe that they are an invaluable resource.
Another thing you can do is tell her that, given everything she has told you about her ex, you feel you need to create a distance from her- for your own safety. Pretend you believe all that she's told you about him, and say you don't want him coming after you for helping her, and you hope she understands. Maybe you've been getting some worrisome hang-up calls....something that made you suspect he's "on" to you......

happycats
June 6th, 2005, 12:41 PM
I have a relative (by marriage) who sounds exactly like your friend! Her own mother has given her the name "pity whore" . she will do and say anything to get sympathy!! SHe accused her HB of beating her all the time (It was actually the opposite, she beat him all the time!) SHe even went for abuse counceling!!
She lies all the time about everything! Every boss she has ever had sexually abused her (so she says) every time she goes out at night, some strange mans tries to rape her (so she says) .
I believe she is a very sick person, and actually enjoys getting "help", she loves an audience.
My advice, STAY AWAY. could cause you big headaches and problems if you keep in contact!

Bearsmom
June 6th, 2005, 12:55 PM
Looks like she needs attention. Serious attention. She gets attention from you and hubby. Then she gets attention from police/ems WHOMEVER. Next time this happens, suggest to her that she CAN and WILL be charged for making false reports.

Unfortunately, some people suffer from serious insecurities, and behaviour like this draws attention to them.

Sounds like she needs a hobby.

Britishvixen21
June 6th, 2005, 01:43 PM
I seriously believe that she is mentally ill in some shape or capacity. she has obviously suffered abuse in her life and has made her the way she is. she has been estranged from her family for over 3 years. and when i asked her once about her past she was very cagey.
My freind who studied a degree in pyschology said instantly that she was not quite right and that I should stay away. and everytime he comes around he warns me to stay away from her.
Im going to take cactus's advice and very gently say to her that i dont really want to be in the middle of it and im scared for my own safety (which I am as if the ex is as bad as she says then he wouldnt think twice about shooting someones door in)
Im suprised that I let her fool me as im usually very astute about who i let into my circle of freinds and i am usually very picky. I only have a handful of freinds and they are the kind that you can rely on for anything and have sound mind and judgement.
We are even considering moving, but we love where we live and i dont want to move because of her. I think cactus's advice was the best thing I can do.

Cactus Flower
June 6th, 2005, 03:34 PM
I hope it helps, and will keep my fingers crossed for you :fingerscr .

You should not have to move out of a place you love so much. That is your Home.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

iRONKNiGHT
June 6th, 2005, 03:38 PM
I seriously believe that she is mentally ill in some shape or capacity. she has obviously suffered abuse in her life and has made her the way she is. she has been estranged from her family for over 3 years. and when i asked her once about her past she was very cagey.
My freind who studied a degree in pyschology said instantly that she was not quite right and that I should stay away. and everytime he comes around he warns me to stay away from her.
Im going to take cactus's advice and very gently say to her that i dont really want to be in the middle of it and im scared for my own safety (which I am as if the ex is as bad as she says then he wouldnt think twice about shooting someones door in)
Im suprised that I let her fool me as im usually very astute about who i let into my circle of freinds and i am usually very picky. I only have a handful of freinds and they are the kind that you can rely on for anything and have sound mind and judgement.
We are even considering moving, but we love where we live and i dont want to move because of her. I think cactus's advice was the best thing I can do.

And if all fails move on to Plan B..... it involves a cattle prod..
you get the idea.. :D

Britishvixen21
June 7th, 2005, 11:15 AM
LOL @ cattleprod! good idea! i might dress up like an old lady in a grey wig and dress with a biddy buggy and follow her around the supermarket bashing her legs with my cart?? LMFAO

kandy
June 7th, 2005, 01:18 PM
I had a friend once who was a habitual liar. We met in high school, and I never really noticed it then, but as we got older she would lie more and more and about things that weren't any big deal. My husband always tried to get me to stay away from her, and occasionaly we would have a fight over her. I finally broke off our friendship when I found out that she had been lying over the father of one of her illegimate kids. Someone had told her that she could get major child support from the dad because he made really good money. She went after the child support but really balked when she found out that she would have to have paternity tests done. She had the test done, and when it came back that he wasn't the dad, she told everyone (including the kid) that the tests were wrong, that the lab had screwed up the samples and that she was going to have them done again (which she never did). I felt really bad that we had all treated this guy like ***** for all those years for nothing. I even called the lab that did her tests to find out how they handled the samples, and how they tested them. I really started to analyze the things she was saying, and admit to myself how often she had lied about so many things and realized that she was a habitual liar. I cut off the relationship by just avoiding her whenever I could but when she kept trying to rekindle the friendship, I told her that I couldn't be friends with her anymore and I told her why. She could be very vindictive (I know that she busted the windshield of a girl she was mad at once) but I figured that if she really wanted to go that route then I could just call the cops. She never tried to get back at me or anything, and I haven't seen or heard from her for years now.

If you are really worried about what this girl will do for retaliation, you could just keep your relationship with her superficial - or do what CactusFlower suggested by making her think you are worried about your own safety if you stay friends with her. Good Luck!

Britishvixen21
June 7th, 2005, 03:18 PM
I spoke to her yesterday, and said exactly what cactus said and told her I was worried about her and my safety and that I thought we should cool off the freindship for a bit, i tottally played up to the victim bit for her, and said that she should consider taking the witness protection program they had offered her blah blah blah, but said at the end of the hb was frightened for me, and I because of my situation could not get involved anymore. she said that she was thinking about moving. So well see how it goes. thanks everyone for the advice. :D

CyberKitten
June 7th, 2005, 08:18 PM
I have to admit I got lost at "For instance she had NO furniture I mean like a bed and TV and that was it. She kept saying that she was saving and saving for furniture and then she decided to rent a washer dryer from Easy home. Which is cool whatever, and then she said that she had BOUGHT outright a sofa set and chairs at a little furniture shop in thornhill." I am guessing one or both are furniture stores in Ont??

Seriously, this woman sounds like a pathological liar. I know very little about the Witness Protection Program but I think the whole point is to place people in it who need serious protection so even if anyone - and it would have to be federal I think unless the OPP has one??? - from say the RCMP had recommended it to her, there is no way she would be telling you. I think anyway - the sum total of my knowledge of it comes from TV programs, lol
So that is probably another lie.

I have encountered people who lie in my practice - and it is NEVER children. Not big lies anyway. Kids will make up stuff sometimes but it is never anything I worry about and does not hurt them or others,

On a few occasions, a parent has gone overboard with claims that made no sense. In one case, I finally confronted the individual and pointed out I could understand how much stress they must be under but that the falsehoods only served to impede their child's health. That stopped it for awhile but she seemed incapable of ending her fantasy life. Later, family members told me she had been like that since she'd been a teenager.

Pathological liars simply lie b/c they can - and almost display sociopathic tendences. They lie so much that after awhile, they believe themselves and do not realize the stress they cause others and even the damage to their own life and credibility.

I do not know enough about the situation to know whether she is a danger to herself or others. That is usually the key question in assessing whether someone needs to be held for a set period to determine their mental health status. But if you feel threatened by her and she is upsetting you to the point where you are contemplating a move, then you need to spend less time around her and give her less attention. If you do think she is not violent, you might consider questioning her about the claims she makes that you do not believe.

Britishvixen21
June 8th, 2005, 01:58 PM
Thanks for the insight Cyber, I was trying to put my finger on what she was like and pathological liar seems to fit the bill.
I dont really want to confront her, She is such an unknown quantity that I dont trust that she wont do something. and to be honest I have enough on my plate without a weirdo on my back too.
To clarify about the furniture, easy home is a place that rents furniture to people with no credit, she claimed that she had got a washer / dryer, and a freezer from there. and bought outright a sofa and dining table from another shop. (like she wasnt renting it) however when I looked on the website for easyhome it looked like she had rented the sofa and table also. She lies about the most stupid thing!
As you can see from my other posts I have told her i want to cool the freindship down. she called me today and I asked if I could call her back, and I havent im not going to bother.
Thanks for the advice everyone its been very helpful

Eleni
June 8th, 2005, 02:05 PM
I hope it goes well for you, its a tough spot for you im sure


Eleni