June 5th, 2005, 06:33 PM
I was having this discussion with my two sisters last night, about women and their married names. .
But, I am especially interested in the views of younger people today.
This seems a good place to ask for a good cross-section of ages.
Are you in favour of amalagamated last names for married couples? (Brown-Smith)
Or do you think that that both names should be retained seperately (Jim Brown and Sally Smith.)
Or.. do you think the traditional way of the woman assuming the husbands name is still the best way for couples?
June 5th, 2005, 06:37 PM
do you think the traditional way of the woman assuming the husbands name is still the best way for couples?
Geez women... they sure like to make men's life more complicated than it already is.. LOL..
yeah i vote for the Traditional way.. :thumbs up
June 5th, 2005, 06:38 PM
I am 21, and took my husband's name. Wouldn't want to combine his and mine. His last name is long enough. Gold-Jacobson. My maiden name is Gohman. So to combine them would be way too long.
His last name was aquired by his parents, he is the last male to carry on the name on both sides of that family, and although his mom took his dad's name, James ended up with both names. His sister only has the one.....
June 5th, 2005, 06:40 PM
I really don't have a pref for other people, to each their own.
For me..I want to take my husbands name when I get married only because I HATE my last name (it's Cotter....you know how many times I get the "welcome back kotter joke?? I HATE IT!)
June 5th, 2005, 06:41 PM
In Quebec, it's up to the parents what name the child has. The wife remains with her maiden name unless she wishes to pay the government a fee for name change.
June 5th, 2005, 06:49 PM
i do not use hubbies name unless its for casual purposes, i use my name for all professional dealings and publishing. i did lots of work before marriage and was afraid of loosing the connection if i changed my name also i am ho i am, i cnat change that..
but also i dont believe in taking a mans name. it is based on an old patriachal system where a woman takes his name when she becomes his possession. i aint no mans possession.... my mum and daddy named me the day i was born, that is what i am called. its like calling a fork a fork then saying its a spoon, doesnt work for me. io am an individual, not my hubbies possession. it took a while for him to accept this, but he now does andi s happy with it.
most ppl dont respect my decision, esp his family, it rally bothers me as anyone who lvoes and respects me would understand, and this is me where talking about, what did they expect???
when we have children i have made it clear they will have both names, they will not be encouraged to live by a patriachal society, i want them to be strong individuals, not societies pawns and mans door mats.
hubby said no one would accept this, well thats their problem not mine.....
i want my children to choose who they are, not have their lives or roles defined by gender or gender related discrimination..... (soap box just snapped in two). :D :p
it would have been too weird to change my name at 28yo, i have lived my life as me, i just could not throw that away and become someone else.... :D :D
June 5th, 2005, 06:52 PM
my name is hyphenated, im proud of my family and wanted to keep their name, as well as wanted my husbands name, the kids are hyphenated too
June 5th, 2005, 07:33 PM
I would rather take the name of my future husband, not because I agree with the history of this tradition but because my last name is SMITH :yuck: - how boring can you get???
In all honesty, I think being young has allowed me the privilege to take a man's name without concern. I don't feel like I'm a possession or supporting a patriarchal system. I think the traditional way is just fine, although if I didn't have the freedom to choose it for myself, then I'm sure I would fight against it. Nonetheless, the name Smith has got to go!!
June 5th, 2005, 07:36 PM
I choose Traditional.
I'll take my husbands... whenever I find one :)
June 5th, 2005, 08:21 PM
there is some great history surrounding this system and it is not actually that old. it is based on a christian system that was introduced recently (recently in geologial time- our time a few hundred years), only a few hundred years ago woman did not often take a mans name, especially in pagan circles.
i am not religious and not a christian, so that can be counted as another reason i dont do it :D
but of course each to their own and all that, whatever floats your boat so to speak :D :p
June 5th, 2005, 09:06 PM
We were married in Quebec, so I retained my maiden name. Let me tell ya, it caused a bit of confusion at the hospital here in Ontario when we had our first child. :rolleyes: At any rate, my last name comes with some great history to it, so I probably would have kept it anyway. ;) I wouldn't want to hyphenate our last names. They rhyme, and they're both Italian, so it would sound too much like that Chihuahua's sister on Lady & The Tramp (Maria Chiquita Juanita Chihuahua - except with a lot of "ini"s on the end instead). :p
June 5th, 2005, 09:26 PM
I was more than happy to get rid of my last name - it was really long and no one ever pronounced it right. It was so long that my mom said that I learned to type it before I could every write it! :D Now my name is much shorter, although everyone still spells it wrong. I would love to have a last name like Smith - something easy that wasn't always getting misspelled! I think to each their own - but for me it never even entered my mind about being a possession - I just hated my last name and was glad to see it go! Just because I don't use my last name doesn't mean that I no longer belong to that family or anything - just lots easier on the ole carpal tunnel! ;)
June 5th, 2005, 09:32 PM
Oh that is too funny, Writing4Fun!! :crazy:
Yes,the hyphenated names can get a little.. clumsy... and even comical!
I had no idea the maiden name was retained in Quebec- that is very interesting.
When I married..( long ago) there were no options to consider.
All last names have traditionally been male. Historically speaking, a woman can have a first name only.
Her husbands - his family name.
Her maiden name - her fathers family name
Her mother's maiden name - HER fathers.
And so on...
But, there is most certainly family "history" and for that reason, I like the idea of keeping both in some form.
If I were getting married in 2005,... think that I would choose a hyphenated name. :queen: :king:
June 5th, 2005, 10:09 PM
I was born with my father's last name. Being raised by my mother, and her family being my only real family- I changed my last name to her maiden name after I was legally old enough to do so. I did not identify with my father's last name at ALL (nor did my mother keep it). So I changed it, and have never regretted that decision.
It means a lot to me.
That said, no man is going to take it from me, either. Marriage would be fine, but my name stays the same. My mother brought me into this world, gave every ounce of herself in raising me, and now remains my best friend. Holding on to her name is my ode to her. It is the name that belongs on my headstone, and no other.
June 6th, 2005, 10:59 AM
I took Justin's last name and I am proud of it. I was proud of my last name and the family behind it but when I married we became one and that is the way I viewed it so we have the same name same bank account, etc. I was raised that when you get married it is no longer my stuff and his stuff it is your stuff. Call me crazy but that is okay. Anyway I was happy to take his last name. :D
June 6th, 2005, 11:38 AM
In ontario you retain your last name as well. It used to be that you had a choice to change it when you get married, and it was free, but now the only option you have is to go through and official name change process, which is $50.
I still hate my last name...so....it's changing one day to something else, even if I make something up!
June 6th, 2005, 11:58 AM
I would like Cheryl to take my last name, only because I would be honoured. I also want our children to have my last name, especially since her brother's kids are carrying her last name forward. But I told Cheryl if she wanted to keep hers, that I understood. After all, I know how important my last name is to me, how can I then expect her to stop using hers? She still hasn't decided, which is okay with me. So, for now, she's just Cheryl. Kind of like Madonna, Prince, Cher...I just asked her that whatever she does, please, do NOT hyphenate. Sorry, but I really hate that. I work in a call centre where I have to refer people by thier last names all day, and when I see a hyphenated name, the two names are usually very awkward, and they become "ma'am". And I don't want our kids to have hyphenated names. What happens if they get married, and hyphenate again, and it goes on? Suddenly, you have someone with a name like Smith-Armstrong-Day-Hunter-Vanderzwan-Martin-McRae. My rule is, the name has to fit on the back of a hockey shirt.
June 6th, 2005, 12:01 PM
What I posted is just my personal feeling about what my last name means to me. Perhaps if you all knew my history, you'd understand. But no need to go into that, really.
I don't in any way mean to insinuate that if YOU take your husband's last name, you're showing disrespect to your Mother, or her family. To each their own :) .
June 6th, 2005, 12:03 PM
Oh CF I knew you were not trying to offend and I did not take it that way! :)
June 6th, 2005, 12:18 PM
Personally, I hope my dd's keep their last name as a true sense of themselves. They were born with that name and shouldn't have to change it because they get married. I know I wanted to keep my last name, but did changed it to my husband.
June 6th, 2005, 12:31 PM
I kept my last name when we got married, because my last name is extremely unusual.
When Robbie was born, we hyphenated our last names for him. He kind of sounds like a law firm when you say his entire name, BUT since my brother is an idiot and my parents don't have any contact with him, I decided to carry the family name forward in my parents' honour.
June 6th, 2005, 06:21 PM
wow schwinn, have you been talking to my husband, you sound exactly like him, esp with the kids future last names, he worries what his grandchildren and great grandchildren will be called....lol
like i told him that is not our concern, it is up to their own parents to be creative and please themselves.... and names come and go, as long as he knows they have his genetic line i dont think it really matters, his blood line will continue ( :rolleyes: sheesh).
as far as grankids and great grankids, my name is totally different to my great grandfathers or grandfathers, but i am still his kid with his genes..... :D
but i must admit i am very proud of my family and roots, so my last name is sort of like a badge of honor to a very special club..... :angel:
PS- my hubbys aunt has married aman that has been married four times already, but they have been together longer than all previous, anyway she told me she kept her own name as she did not want to be the 5th Mrs ......... and i agree with that one :D
June 6th, 2005, 07:01 PM
I am 24 years old. I will keep my own last name when I get married. He already knows about my choice.
My reasons are simply that I like my name better than his. I would give my kids his name.
June 6th, 2005, 08:54 PM
I legally changed my last name a few years ago (from dad's surname to mom's maiden name.) And I will never change my name again. :p
I still haven't had all my ID changed yet. It was such a pain having to go from office to office to get everything done. :mad:
June 6th, 2005, 09:02 PM
I wish I had just kept my maiden name - man that would have been easier. .
I was a 'smith' and colin is a 'brown'
Because we moved to England right when we were married, I didn't have time to get a new passport with brown on it, so I continued to use smith. . .
. . . once my passport expired, and I had to get a new one - it was recommended that I hyphenate it to Smith-Brown. . .
Our close family and friends all use 'brown' only as my surname!
Now that we are back in Canada (in Quebec) I have to go back to using my madien name anyways!
So some people know me as: Smith
Some people know me as: Smith-Brown
Some people know me as: Brown
I know myself as CoNFUsed!!!!!! :eek: ;) :mad: :rolleyes: :confused: :p
June 7th, 2005, 03:54 PM
I don't have a choice. I live in Quebec and the rule here is that oyu have to keep your maiden name. I think that you have to pay if you want to change it.
June 7th, 2005, 11:05 PM
Yup. We in Quebec don't get to decide, but given the choice, I'd keep my name. I'm ME not "somebody's wife".
June 8th, 2005, 12:49 AM
I will take my SO's name when we marry. My last name is a pain, no one can pronounce it let alone spell it even after I teach them how. His name is pretty cool, it's corona which means crown in spanish (he's mexican). It's also cool cuz we can buy all kind of corona merchandise and have our last names on everything without paying more for having it put there. (it's kind of a fun game we play to see who can find the weirdest thing with our name on it). I don't think it really matters, it's whatever the woman thinks she wants.
June 8th, 2005, 02:43 AM
corona mmmmm is also a bloody nice beer, very smooth but pretty expensive :D :p