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Is Chivarly Dead? Manners old fashioned?

Shamrock
June 3rd, 2005, 07:53 PM
Ah,those eternal and impossibly perfect "good old days" :crazy: where things just always seemed "better" - no matter what generation is recalling them.

I think the more relaxed environment for certain protocol that we see today is a natural and normal evolution, and overall a good thing - for lots of reasons.
To a degree. Courtesy never goes out of "style".

I sometimes find it sad that there appears to be such a scarcity of common everyday politeness. :(
I see lots of nice things and good deeds. Like all of us have been the recipient many times.

But.. looking around generally, I feel a bit wistful, and wonder.
What ever happened to -
-Children (or young, able bodied-men) giving up their seats on a bus to older, less agile adults - male or female.
-Holding open the door for the person behind you?
-Saying "excuse me" when you bump into another?
- Saying "pardon me" when you dont hear instead of uhhhh? and a little more than a grunt for a thank you?. ( For Americans uh-huh is a customary reply, I realize, and perfectly acceptable)
- Eating with your mouth closed?
These things still happen, but appear to be becoming less and less the "norm"..
Lots and lots more like this with the general public.

And for personal interaction - does your signifigant other ( or do you, if male)
- open the car door for you
- pull out the dining chair?
- help you on with your coat?
-carry heavier things for you, grocercies, etc?

Do most women not really WANT this special, "preferrential" treatment but to be treated equally right down the line - in all aspects of life?
Do you?

If the Titanic were sinking today,wouldnt it be "children only".. no women and children lumped in together.
Is that the way you think it should be?

melanie
June 3rd, 2005, 08:04 PM
i cannot bear ppl without manners, its so simple to do and makes every one happy, is it that hard to pick up your dinner plate and pop it in the kitchen, is it too hard to help an old lady out when she is struggleing?? but if ppl dont use maners to me i certainly dont use manenrs back, and often remind ppl of using manners in a not so nice way.

there is no better feeling than a simple smile of gratitude of someone you took five minutes out of yoru day to help.


my husband was recentlyon the train home after a long grueling day. aheavily pregnant woman walked up to him and demanded his seat. she literally said to him quite abruptly 'can you not see im pregnant, give me your seat please'. he was appaled, he was going to offer the seat anyway, but for her to be so condiscending and rude about it realyl got to him. as he replied 'yes i will give you my seat, and i hope you can raise that child with better manners than you'.. well half the train started picking on him, one man threatened to take him off the train.

i think that is disgusting, manenrs works both ways, lucky i was not there or it would have been worse thats for sure. he was ready to move and giveh er the seat, he said no other man was going ot move, and yet she was so rude to him. yeah he knows shes pregnant, and he knows its hard, but his life is not a barrel of laughs either.

manners goes both ways, but i do think it is one of the essential keys that makes our society function betteer.

but i for one dont want men opening doors for me due to my gender, i would prefer they hold it open behind them as i am simply another person entering the building. im not into chivalry (i dont want or need men to do things for me) but most definatly manners.

Mockingcat
June 3rd, 2005, 08:17 PM
Although I'm big on manners, sometimes I get irked by big strong men who feel the need to do for me. While I apprieciate the offer, I get very fed up with men who won't take no for an answer.

Prin
June 3rd, 2005, 09:10 PM
What ever happened to -
-Children (or young, able bodied-men) giving up their seats on a bus to older, less agile adults - male or female. All the "kids" I know still do this. But they are outnumbered by the inconsiderate, I have to agree.

-Holding open the door for the person behind you? I do it ALWAYS, but I have had my share of selfish door openers squeeze through without even a thought of who is behind them..

-Saying "excuse me" when you bump into another? I do that too (even in a mosh pit)

- Saying "pardon me" when you dont hear instead of uhhhh? and a little more than a grunt for a thank you?. ( For Americans uh-huh is a customary reply, I realize, and perfectly acceptable) What about: "Whah?" or "Hein?" LOL I agree with that one too.

- Eating with your mouth closed? In a generation where parents are for the most part absent, you can't expect kids to have table manners. Unless they invent their own..

And for personal interaction - does your signifigant other ( or do you, if male)
- open the car door for you Only when we go on a date, to make it more special (we've been living together for 4 years, we have to do SOMEthing to break routine...)

- pull out the dining chair? If we ate at the table....

- help you on with your coat? ALWAYS. He always helps with the coat. He's sweet. (I don't need help though... :p )

-carry heavier things for you, grocercies, etc? He usually lifts more than I do. Especially since I got my hernia. I want to aggravate it so they'll fix me, but he still wants to take care of me...

Do most women not really WANT this special, "preferrential" treatment but to be treated equally right down the line - in all aspects of life?
Do you?
Yes I do. Even if it's not by the public (though a lot of it is just common courtesy), I do expect preferrential treatment from my man. Lucky I got one raised by a woman.

If the Titanic were sinking today,wouldnt it be "children only".. no women and children lumped in together.
Is that the way you think it should be?

Women and children is more natural. I mean if it was Noah's ark and these were the last people on Earth, seems to me the female is more valuable than the male and the kids are too, as far as future success of the species is concerned. Most male mammals are pretty much "sperm machines" as far as biology goes. The women put the energy into the fetus and then into the rearing. You just need a few good men to keep the pop going but you need a lot of women...

iRONKNiGHT
June 3rd, 2005, 09:19 PM
- Saying "pardon me" when you dont hear instead of uhhhh? and a little more than a grunt for a thank you?. ( For Americans uh-huh is a customary reply, I realize, and perfectly acceptable)

geez! lol i guess i'm guilty for the grunt's!

But also you forgot..when walking down the sidewalk and you see one of the oppisite sex (female) do you move towards where the sidewalk meet's the road?

I do all the time!

-Saying "excuse me" when you bump into another? I do that too (even in a mosh pit)

..No offence Prin.. but this is the most ridiculous answer i've ever seen!

mosh ( P ) Pronunciation Key (msh)
v. moshed, mosh·ing, mosh·es
v. intr.
To knock against others intentionally while dancing at a rock concert; slam-dance.


but a good laugh tho! lol... what can i say i Mosh all the time :evil:

Safyre
June 3rd, 2005, 09:45 PM
I have never seen a child give up a seat to an older person, however, I have, and will.

I always hold the door for others if someone is behind me... even a few feet behind me.
When it is a gentleman behind me, I find it very polite when they will take the door and allow me to go through.
If someone does not hold the door for me, I tend to say "Thank you" when I catch up to them.

The whole Pardon vrs 'what' 'huh'... I have always used proper manners, if I don't hear someone, i say 'pardon'? My friends have always found this amusing. The other thing i felt lacking from our list was phone manners. I HATE answering the phone to "hey, get john"... how about 'may I please speak with John"... or something nicer than 'hey,... get him"... that gets on my nerves.

I do not have a significant other, but yes, he would do everything you mentioned.
How about when you are walking with your significant other, the man is supposed to be closest to the street? How many guys do this anymore?

iRONKNiGHT
June 3rd, 2005, 09:52 PM
How about when you are walking with your significant other, the man is supposed to be closest to the street? How many guys do this anymore?

Yoohoo!! did you just not Read me saying that i do that in the Post above yours Missy?

i'll go highlight it for you.. since you miss'ed it!

Safyre
June 3rd, 2005, 10:03 PM
I understood yours more to say that if you are walking alone and you encounter a female, you will move towards the street for her to pass on the safer side.

You're a very polite man *pats on the back* :p

melanie
June 4th, 2005, 04:01 AM
what?? i dont get the guy walking on the street thing?? what does that mean (im serious no idea)?? why would a guy walk there??

my darlin daddy used to tell us that it was polite for a man to cross the street if you are walking toward him at night, so you feel safer or something (never really thought it a comforting thought) hes very into chivalry, its cute. :love:

now please explain :D

iRONKNiGHT
June 4th, 2005, 04:09 AM
it was polite for a man to cross the street if you are walking toward him at night, so you feel safer or something (never really thought it a comforting thought)

If you wanna feel safer stay indoors at night!

you honestly think i would "Cross" the street so you can feel safer?
What about me! do you think i wanna get run over by a car that i did not see comming because it was dark and i had to cross so missy can feel safe?!
that's just ridiculous *melanie*.. lol

Safyre
June 4th, 2005, 11:18 AM
Melanie ... the guy is not to walk ON the street.
If you are walking with a man, the man is supposed to be CLOSEST to the street. Basically, protecting you from if a car goes out of control or.. something like that. I can't remember the reasoning... two of my ex's did it constantly...

kandy
June 4th, 2005, 01:58 PM
I see less and less evidence of manners all the time. Although I do have to say that I notice kids from the southern US (remember I work in a college) all say "Yes, maam" or "No, maam". I know for them its a sign of respect, but I always tell them that I'm not old enough to be called maam, that would be my mom or grandma! :p They seem to exhibit more manners than kids from other parts of the country do.

Personally, I always hold the door if someone is behind me. My husband very seldom opens a car door for me, but he will open other doors for me. He normally doesn't carry the groceries, but he will hold the door open while I carry them in.

Prin
June 4th, 2005, 07:34 PM
He normally doesn't carry the groceries, but he will hold the door open while I carry them in. LOL I can picture that... You're struggling with a 40lb bag of dog food and he says "Here, let me get that." And he runs toward you and opens the door...

OdinAndAlan
June 4th, 2005, 07:53 PM
I tried to give my seat to an elderly gentleman once. All I got was a dirty look and the reply "I don't need your seat!" Believe me, it's really embarrasing to a 14 year old on a crowded bus.

I try to help out where I can, but most of the time I just get this fearful "what do you want from me" response. I've had people give me dirty looks when I take an extra second to keep a door open at a mall or something like that. Luckily most people give me a grateful smile and say thank you.

With regards to manners, I would say that most young people are not taught any manners at all.

melanie
June 5th, 2005, 05:45 PM
:p lol, well my mans 6ft 4in and weights all of 85kg, how the hell is he going to stop an out of control car, he would probably push me in front of it if anything, lol lol lol :D

Iron knight, its hard to stay cranky with you, so stop being funny and make it easier would ya :p (we should have the one finger salute in the emoticons) :thumbs up (pretend thats not my thumb).

Shamrock
June 5th, 2005, 06:13 PM
Alan, good for you for offering your seat on the bus! :highfive:
How rude of the older man to decline in such an ungracious way
He is the one who should be embarrassed - not you.

There is no age bracket for rudenes or for kind deeds.
Actually, I was struggling to put something heavy and awkward in my vehicle just recently ( a bike) when a teenage boy passing by noticed and offerred his assistance. How thoughtful of him - kudos to all parents who instill such qualities in their kids!. :thumbs up

As for the men walking on the outside, I always thought this harkened back to the olden days.
The man walked on the outside to prevent the lady from being splashed as the horse and buggies trotted by on very narrow and very muddy streets.

For the "manly" courtesies.. my husband opens the door for me to allow me to enter first.
Carrying heavy parcels.. opening car doors, getting my coat on and off - I'm on my own. And yes, if a street racer flies out of control... I'd just as likely be first in line for it :D

Joey.E.CockersMommy
June 5th, 2005, 06:47 PM
I had a birthday party for my son back in January and I could not believe the rudeness of the parents.

We had it at an indoor play place cost per child was about 15 dollars not cheap.

Parents just dropped their kids off and left, the only ones that said hi were the ones that I was friends with.

Parents picked up their kids with a "lets go Timmy" didn't even bother to say hi to the parents let alone a thank you.

One childs parent did not rsvp and showed up I assumed she wasn't coming and invited someone else in her places
One childs parent did not even bother rsvp and when I saw them at school said nothing.

I guess these parents will be passing their lack of chivalry down to their kids too bad.

Safyre
June 5th, 2005, 07:32 PM
Shamrock - "The man walked on the outside to prevent the lady from being splashed as the horse and buggies trotted by on very narrow and very muddy streets" THANK YOU... its been driving me nuts the reason for the behaviour... i knew itw asn't about cars nowadays .. lol
I still think its cute when guys do it... not neccesary, but cute

Joey.E.CockersMommy
June 5th, 2005, 07:47 PM
if a woman has to cross over a mud puddle the man must place his coat on top of the mud puddle and let her walk over it.