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Is it just ME?

April 20th, 2005, 08:40 PM
Am I the only "Mommy" who just can't shed that last bit of baby fat?! I mean my daughter is almost 7 months now and I still have the last 18 lbs that won't go away!! I've lost all but this stubborn little bit, but it's enough to just piss me off! I'm not over weight by any means, I'm 5'7 @ 138 but I was 120 before and I want it back!! I don't have time for the whole gym thing due to the children by myself and working, but I do work out on the weight bench at home, and do the whole sit up/push up thing every morning and every night but I just can't see any difference and it's driving me nuts! I don't eat junk, I only drink water or juice on occassion, the only problem I have is I'm not eating enough... Since all that happened with my husband I didn't eat for 11 days... We're now on day 18 and I'm just starting to eat one meal a day... Anyway.. someone suggest something to fix this! :confused:

April 20th, 2005, 08:49 PM
Hey gorgeous!!! :grouphug:

Welllll, I may be wrong but ditching the husband is equivalent to losing ooohhhh, 180- 200 lbs is it not??? CONGRATS!!!

That's more than enough weightloss for now, girlfriend!! :thumbs up :grouphug: :love: You look AWESOME!!!! :D

p.s. can't lose baby weight either, must be the Tostitos!! (and happy hour!! :D )

April 20th, 2005, 08:59 PM
You have been through alot lately, ,so just take it easy, don't push it, you will eventually lose it!!
But you really should try to eat more then 1 meal a day, you don't want to add to yor troubles and become sick. try to gradually work your way up to 3 healthy meals a day. walking is also good excercise. :D

I agree with twinmommy, you just lost about 200LBs (LOL), so enjoy and the rest will come in time :)

April 20th, 2005, 09:05 PM
I agree with Happy, you should be eating more, actually you will lose more if you eat regularly. If you look at a big plate of food and want to gag (stress :sad: ) then try to eat like 5-6 snacks/day. Healthy ones, like skim milk cheese and low sodium crackers, a bowl of cereal, some soup.

Nevermind the weight, how are YOU???

April 20th, 2005, 11:06 PM
It sounds to me like you've hit the 'plateau'... your body is feeling like it should hold on to some of those fat reserves just for safe keeping.
You really do need to develop the habit of grazing... no more 3 square meals aday! Eat 5-6 times a day, smaller portions of course, and keep up with the exercise you've been doing. If your body feels like it will have constant fuel (food intake) then it will be more willing to let go of it's energy reserves (fat)
You want to be eating 'real' food though, don't just munch carrot sticks. The body needs to know it has more energy coming and you get that from carbs and protien.

I also wanted to tell you...
I haven't read all your posts (it brings me memories I'd like to not dwell on right now) but, it seems you've been through more then enough in the last little while........ focus on your kids and enjoy them..they will never be this age, size, cute..etc..etc again. Savour them and you will find the bruises on your heart begin to heal. It's just a man! God made many, many more of them.. The time will come when you can take your pick ;)

April 21st, 2005, 06:55 AM
I had my two girls a year apart from each other... yes, I know, what the heck was I thinking? They are now 2 & 3, over this past winter I finally shed the last bit of extra. Of course, I would like to lose a bit more but I have found that as I am borderline diabetic, I follow the advice you were already given and eat smaller meals more often. I follow the diabetic food chart and it really helps me to keep focused on the good stuff and ignore that bag of ruffles n dip! Don't sweat the small stuff, it will slowly disappear with time which is the best way to lose!

April 21st, 2005, 07:22 AM
my 3 are all 4 and under, I still have like 30lbs to loose however breastfeeding makes it tough since i have to make sure i eat well enough to keep the breastmilk going for the baby wich means i cant cut back too far.

but cutting out pop and sweets has made a big difference, and walking with the dog more helps a little.

i have heard weight watchers has a program for nursing moms, im tempted to do it as im concernd for the health ramifications of carrying extra weight around

April 21st, 2005, 08:33 AM
TWilson,you are about the same weight and height as me...not eating is not a good diet and will make you ill.
I have never eaten three meals a day,if I feel hungry I'll have a little something,but something that I like.
I do not live on salads,but eat quiet a bit of fruit and one good meal a day...
You don't have to punish yourself by eating boring things you do not like,just cut the portions,everything in moderation...
Part of my steady diet is:2 beers/day,1 choclatebar,cheese..the rest is just fillers :D
I am glad it seems you are on the way to recovery from your husbands shocker :thumbs up
I weighed 120lbs after my last baby and it was not attractive,skinny as a rail,130-138lb's should be just right for 5'7,so don't fret...I am sure you're beautiful!!!

April 21st, 2005, 10:03 AM
Just hang in there you have been through so much right now. I would sit here and tell you to not worry about it enjoy your kids but the fact is you are going to worry about it. Not eatting is not the right way though. How much water are you drinking a day. I dropped alot of weight when I drack 10 glassess of water a day. Grant it you are in the bathroom ALOT but it works. But you also have to eat. When I went to Curves and workouted they stresses 5 small meals a day. I ate breakfast (that is an imporatant meal, gets your body going) at 8:00 a snack at 10 than lunch at 12 than a snack at 2 than supper that night. You are not ever suppose to eat after 6 is what I have heard. That helps alot. :D

April 21st, 2005, 10:05 AM
YOu do realise that you are at the ideal weight for your height right? I'm 5'7" as well, and 140lb is the ideal weight for that height. I weigh I need to lose a little weight, but if I was 140, I wouldn't worry about it!

April 21st, 2005, 06:17 PM
Yes, I understand I am the "ideal weight" for my height but it is not ideal for me. I have to feel good about myself, I mean I don't think I'm "fat" or whatever but I want to be like I was.
I know I need to eat, but it's hard to do that when you just can't swallow the food, or you throw up when you try. It's slowly coming back, but just not much.
As far as the rest of the bs going on with me, it isn't getting any better day by day, it is getting worse. I am way past the anger stage, now I am to the analyzing stage where I think back on how so many things could have been done differently by both of us to avoid this. Not to mention each and every day I go to work I see him there with her following behind like a puppy. He doesn't show her affection at work, but you can tell she feels threatened by me, although I do not know why. If he is caught looking my way she starts to pout and drags him by the arm. We had a manager's meeting at this place on the water on Sunday, well I took the baby with me, not expecting him to be there with her since she is NOT a manager, he broke down and was all teary eyed, then he walked out in the middle of the meeting. I guess regret and guilt is too hard when a baby is staring you in the face.
Anyway, things are pretty rough around here as far as the way I feel these days. I am fine until 8 when the kids are fast asleep, that is when I loose it every night. Or if I wake up in the middle of the night from a dream or something and I reach over and he's not there, that's so negative! At work I try to stay as positive as I can, I don't let him see any of this bothering me, but at home it's a different story. I do not let my kids notice it though, although my oldest is still crying every night for him. He sleeps with a picture of them together on his pillow. It's sad. Other than that, everything is the same....

April 22nd, 2005, 12:01 AM
That is the problem with anorexia. People tell you all the time, you get it because you stop eating to lose weight. But a ton of the time, it starts exactly how you describe: I know I need to eat, but it's hard to do that when you just can't swallow the food, or you throw up when you try. It's slowly coming back, but just not much. When I was younger, I was a mess. I was anxious all the time, and I didn't eat because I knew I would just throw up. 4 years later, I was skin and bones, and I thought I was getting better. I never really had a problem with my weight, but I can tell you, not eating for a long time slows your metabolism down and that is not fun at all. I'm 5'6 and 176 pounds. I'm way heavier than I actually appear, but it's a hard number to look at anyway. I am so much more healthy-- my skin actually has color... I can actually RUN...

I say, right now, focus on the basics. Don't worry about the weight, that'll come when you find your happiness again. You have so much on your plate, just take it easy on yourself. Have you thought about therapy? It is a great tool to help you through these things too. (It worked on skeptical me-- I'd still be "ok" eating a half a meal a day without it...) I don't think I am alone in saying I wish I could do more to help than just post a couple of paragraphs...

April 22nd, 2005, 07:47 AM
I think that if your children and you are having trouble dealing with this change in your lives that you should definitely seek some outside help.

Counselling, while to some is viewed as a very negative thing, is really not. Counsellors bring an unbiased, new perspective to the table. They know the right questions to ask, are able to probe you into feeling things in a new way, and can help you work through the pain.

As far as eating goes, eat for fuel and nothing more if you're having trouble. If you don't eat your fruits and veggies for the day, you are going to run out of fuel...just like a car. If you run out of fuel you'll be no good for your baby and your kids. Try to find a routine for eating--have a plan for lunch (sandwhich, cookies and juice every day) and for dinner perhaps. Being extra organized may help you at least begin to see it as a fueling process if nothing else :thumbs up

Either way you're in a tough situation. It's going to take time, and energy to get through this...all I can really say is that I hope it all works out for the best :)

April 22nd, 2005, 07:51 AM
TWilson,I did not realize you all work in the same place,I really don't know what to say,you must be angry and heartbroken all at the same time :sad:
Those poor kids...who don't understand :sad:
It is important how you feel about yourself,especially in this situation,but not to the point where you risk your health,those kids need their mom,now more than ever...
I hope you have family members able to help you out when things get rough.
If it is any consulation(sp?)I believe your husband is also going through hell,probably regretting the whole sad situation :sad:

April 22nd, 2005, 08:35 AM
((((((((( TWilson ))))))))

You are definately going through alot right now.And yes,YOU are at your ideal weight.Stay with it.(shakes finger)

Your nerves are playing a key role right now.Have you talked to your doctor about this?He can help you.Mine did.He was a great help.I went through alot with my ex.I'm 5'8 and am @ 140lbs.This is perfect for me.But years ago I went down to 110lbs.I had to take time off work.And had to take care of my daughter.Thank god I had my dad to help.I couldn't keep food down at all.Long story short,my doctor helped me out.

You need to eat.You need your strength not only for you,but for your daughter.She needs you.

I do wish you all the best.

Another thing,my daughter is 18 now,and I still have a "skirt"...I give up trying to get rid of it.LOL...And I do work out.

April 22nd, 2005, 09:02 AM
When my dad left my mom and me,I believe I was around 5yrs old,my mom had a total breakdown,locked me out of our apartment and tried to gass herself twice.
I stayed with strangers until she recovered..I can still clearly remember how I felt :sad:
Today,help is available and I believe your older children and you need councelling,someone who can sort out your feelings and make the kids understand what is going on.
The feeling of betrayal and abandonment your children probably feel,needs to be talked about and explained to them.

April 22nd, 2005, 09:08 AM
My daughter will be 4 months on the 27th. The only weight I have lost is the weight I lost the day she was born. I used to sit at 115, I am at 135 right now. I have tried all sorts of things, nothing is working here either, and we may be expecting another, :eek: I guess my body doesn't do the mini pill.

April 22nd, 2005, 02:03 PM
Tammy, such a difficult time for you.. my heart really goes out to you.
I also didnt realize you all worked together... that is really tough!

You do need to try to eat, and perhaps see your doctor for some help with what you're going through.
Counselling or a support group might be good too. Its hard to deal with all the rollercoaster of emotions. The more verbalizing about it, the better to work through things.

Take care of yourself, and certainly you want to feel good about physical yourself.. but your weight is perfect. I would concentrate right now on your emotional self, a lot of healing to do. :grouphug:

April 22nd, 2005, 06:16 PM
I agree with the whole therapy thing, but right now I just can't do it. I mean by the time I get off work and pick everyone up from school and day care, take my son to Taekwondo, and get them home, it's time for dinner, baths, and bed. I work 6 days a week and I don't want my son to miss the one thing in his life he has to keep him stable right now, since he goes to class 5 days a week. If he didn't have that, he would be lost.
I don't doubt that my husband is feeling regrets, I can see it in his eyes. I can see the hurt on his face when someone mentions the kids around him. I can see the way he looks at me, it's like I'm sorry, please save me!
Working together is the hardest part, except for the fact that I only see him the first 2 hours of the day, then he goes to the field to work and I am in the office. But you see the hardest part is this, I have to pay ALL the bills which include regular bills and day care and private school tuition by myself, along with the car note and insurance, lunch money, groceries, ect.. My check some times covers it, some times it doesn't. He doesn't give me money because we are not "allowed" to speak, per my boss, at work, and of course he doesn't know my number to call here... not to mention they are holding all but 300 of his pay every week to cover money advanced to him for our office, therefore by the time he pays for his place to stay for the week, he doesn't have any left either. They will not give him more money, because they have put it in his head that he will not be able to open his office if I am taking all his money... my boss only cares about what money we make him, not about people as people, but dollar signs. He has not always been this way, but sells are down and we are all paid off commission. I can't afford to quit and wait 2-3 weeks to get a check from a new job. Stress is a HUGE factor for me right now, but when my kids are here I don't show it. I try to be as caring and as nice to them because I know they don't understand. My son still cries every night. All I can do is hold him and tell him it's ok, but I feel like **** for saying it because I know in my heart it's not ok.
I honestly am trying my hardest to keep food down, I don't want to starve myself by any means, that's just crazy. It's just hard for me to do it because I don't want to throw up. It's like I chew and the food gets stuck, I can't swallow it. Like when you have a soar throat or something, ya know? I don't know, all I know is I have to be strong for them, and I have to live one day at a time like I am trying to do, but some days I have to make myself get up. It's getting pretty bad. Each day gets harder instead of easier.
I'm just trying to pay everything, keep a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs, and keep everyone's spirits up. I do have family here, but my family and I aren't close. My Dad died when I was 2 and my mom is just in her own world, my brothers aren't really there either, they have their own lives and our age difference has always kept us from being close... so it's just me and the kids and a few friends from work that no longer speak to him because of what he did. I don't speak to our mutual friends because I don't want to know what he is doing and all that other office gossip they want to share... The only mind set I can have right now is that it can only get better, it sure can't get worse! :o

April 22nd, 2005, 06:43 PM
I didn't say you wanted to starve yourself. It's just that anxiety stops you from eating, and that can be a cause for anorexia. You don't realize how little you are eating and it becomes a pattern. You start having rules for eating, like I would stop eating at 4pm, so I wouldn't have anything in my belly at night when I would get anxious.

I'm not saying you are doing it on purpose, you are just doing what you feel like- not eating much because you can't keep it down.

I'm sure your son won't mind his mom taking an hour out of his time to fix herself up. You'll have a load off and be more fun to be with. As for costs, if you ask around at universities or hospitals, some do it on medicare and you won't have to pay a cent.

You have to find a therapist that suits your personality though. One who will actually help and who you have respect for.

April 22nd, 2005, 07:48 PM
I wasn't addressing the whole starving myself thing towards anyone, if it came off that way or rude, I apologize. I was just saying I know I don't "want" to do that, but I do understand that is basically what I am doing.
As far as my son is concerned, he doesn't know anything is wrong with me. We carry out our normal routine every day and I walk around here all smiley and happy, I know kids realize a lot more than people give them credit for, but usually my son will ask me what is wrong if he senses something, he hasn't yet. He just says I know you miss him, I know you wish he was home, and he says I pray at chapel every day for him to come back so we can all be happy again. We leave it at that. I worry about him a lot, he's the one who really notices he's not here. My oldest daughter is use to not seeing him much except Sunday's because he came in so late and was gone before she got up in the mornings. She's also use to not seeing him for 2-3 weeks if he works out of town, the baby of course calls him all the time, but she's a baby, she doesn't sit around and cry over all this like my son does. She's only 7 months old, or almost anyway. It's just a sad sad sad situation. I mean breaking up is hard enough but when there is kids involved, it is harder than ever. They are the ones I worry about, but then again any parent worries more about their kids than themselves...

April 22nd, 2005, 07:55 PM
I wasn't offended, I just thought I wasn't clear.

Coming from divorced parents, I know that even from a really young age, kids won't be honest about it. My dad brought us to a therapy evaluation and I was 4 and I remember clearly putting on a strong face and lying so I wouldn't lose my dad too. I spend years having anxiety attacks alone, and learning how to throw up alone so I would not upset my dad more (from age 4).

Kids are like dogs. They may not admit it sometimes but they know deep down.

April 22nd, 2005, 08:16 PM
I think that it's really important at this time not to generalize, Prin.

Your circumstances were a learning/growing/hardship experience for you, but not every child would react the same way. I don't believe that all kids would fib (lie) to ensure security of the remaining parent....I didn't.

I think you've got the right idea, TWilson, by making sure the kids still have some fun extra curricular activities. Unless it would become apparent to you that the child cannot function in the normal routine...I believe that that routine should continue. Not to be rigid, just to have some normalcy.

Summer's coming, and when school let's out the kids will have some free time and the days won't be as hectic.

I think counselling is a great idea, but if you cut out taekwondo to go to it....hmmm might start a mutiny!! :rolleyes:

My 2 cents..... :)

April 22nd, 2005, 08:26 PM
Sorry I didn't mean to generalize. All of my friends with divorced parents also held it together in front of their parents. I guess it depends how fragile the kid thinks the parent is.

April 22nd, 2005, 08:45 PM
No I know what you are saying, and alot of kids fake it, your right, but a good counsellor would be able to see through that, as would a good parent. The parents are living "in" the situation, however, and sometimes emotions cloud things.

So often the parent who remains with the kids in divorce becomes the "bad guy" , the reason for the other leaving, the one who recieves the brunt of all the childrens' pent up emotions and feelings...and we feel guilty because our kids are so distraught. You don't want to sweep any feelings under the rug, nor do you want to have "open season" on mommy in the form of manipulation. :rolleyes: It's really tough.

((((TWilson))))) hugs to you, it sounds like you need it, and know that we're here for you. PM me anytime if you want to chat.

April 23rd, 2005, 12:11 AM
I understand the point trying to be made by all of you. I am just afraid that if I pull him out of his daily routine that he loves so much it will cause confussion and upset him. He's already been through so much in his short little life, I don't want to make it worse.
I do tell him all the time, no matter what we both love him and he shouldn't be angry or upset with anyone. He does not know why he left or any of the details, just that for right now, he lives somewhere else. I don't want to crush his prayers for us to be together, so I just say for now. If he ask when he is coming home, I always tell him, sometimes grown ups have disagreements and sometimes we fix them quickly sometimes we don't. He seems ok with that answer. But then he replies with, well why don't both of you say you're sorry so then everyone is happy again. I never make it out to be his fault or my fault, I make it out to be equal because I do not want any hard feelings for either one of us from him. He has been talking with his teacher and his principal a lot about it. He will tell them more than he tells me. I think he doesn't want to upset me. He's such a great kid! His teacher gave him a picture of herself and told him any time he was sad to look at the picture and know she is praying for him and thinking of him. He felt so special. He's doing better though, not upset as much. In the beginning he couldn't even go to school for 2 days, now he is up and dressed in a flash every morning, it's only the night time that he's sad. That was their time.. they read, talked about girls, all the "man" stuff before bedtime. I still read with him but he doesn't wanna talk girls with his mom!

April 23rd, 2005, 01:25 AM
It will all work out eventually. You have to look foreward to that. Your hubby is going to miss out on his child's life, but you are not. You have to be proud of yourself for being as tough as you are. Even if you don't feel tough sometimes. Your man is not who you are. You are great by yourself and you just have to figure that out. I really hope you do. :grouphug: