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What do you do when....

TWilson9498
April 3rd, 2005, 10:58 AM
What do you do when you have a 6 month old baby, a 6 yr old son, and a 4 yr old daughter and your husband walks out on you because you have a SMALL disagreement? Then he tells you he doesn't want to come home but he will be by to pick up all his personal things and you can have everything else? We were really happy and getting along great then he just comes home attacking me because he is working until 10 or later at night after going in at 8 am and I was upset because he's never around to help me with the kids. So he just leaves... Why? Why do people do these things? Someone help me to understand. I don't get it. I know this is totally off the topic of pets but I just needed some advice and didn't know where else to turn.

Lucky Rescue
April 3rd, 2005, 11:06 AM
Oh I am so sorry to hear this!:(

No one walks out of a happy marriage over a small disagreement or even over a big disagreement. There is something much bigger going on here and it's likely been coming on for quite awhile.

Couples counselling may help, if your husband has any interest in saving the marriage. You need to sit down and talk and find out what is really going on, like if there is another woman in the picture. You certainly have a right to find out why this is happening.

Again, so sorry. I can imagine how devastated you must be. If your husband will not talk or go for counselling, I suggest you go on your own. This is too big for you to handle alone.

BMDLuver
April 3rd, 2005, 11:07 AM
I went through something similar not that long ago. You need to decide if you really want to make things work or not. He may have already decided not to, however you need to sit down and have a discussion. Lay as much as possible out on the table and say, ok, where do we go from here. Get a sitter and just the two of you go out together to discuss this. Make a list of the pros and cons of him remaining in your life. This will give you courage as well when you have your get together. If you need someone to chat with, feel free anytime. :grouphug:

happycats
April 3rd, 2005, 11:15 AM
OMG, I am so so sorry, this must be so very difficult for you :sad:

But I would have ot agree with Lucky, there must be someting else going on here, no one would just walks out and leave everything behind (especially your own flesh and blood children)

You need to talk to him (In a non aggressive way) to get to the bottom of this. And if he does not give you an honest answer, then this is his problem, not yours, and you have to do whats best for you and thie kids.

My thoughts are with you , and if you ever want to talk just PM me. (((TWilson))))) :grouphug:

twinmommy
April 3rd, 2005, 11:43 AM
this is soo sad. I really feel for you, and have been there.

Examine what YOU want to have happen here. Take note that you might not know what exactly that is just yet...that's o.k...you may have forgotten about yourself lately. Depression and fatigue--that we sometimes don't even realize we have--can set in and make decision-making near immpossible.


(((((((hugs)))))))) try to take care of you, even with your kids coming first(I know..)
Feel free to pm me anytime you want to chat.

:grouphug:

Cactus Flower
April 3rd, 2005, 12:05 PM
It sounds as though he was waiting for an excuse to leave. I agree that something bigger must be behind his actions. Finding out what that "something" is, and working on that would be the key. Of course, he needs to want to work on it, and with you.

I'm very sorry this happened.

twodogsandacat
April 3rd, 2005, 12:11 PM
Well with three kids involved I wouldn’t be walking after a SMALL disagreement. Working those kinds of hours is hard and I’m sure it doesn’t leave much time for you or the kids. Seems like you are both may be missing things. To turn and walk away pretty much indicates there is or was already something bothering him.

I hope it all works out for you. Let him cool down a little and then try to address the issues. No body has to make a life changing decision overnight.

I agree – take care of your kids and yourself first.

:grouphug:

MegShawnMom
April 3rd, 2005, 12:23 PM
Working 14 hours a day must be pretty tough,how long has this been going on and how long will it continue?

Prin
April 3rd, 2005, 03:09 PM
Call me a pessimist and cynical but is he really working all those 14 hours? This happened to a friend of mine-- she and her son moved to Cuba to be with the man and he walked out on her. Now, she is the total symbol for my of an independent woman. She was so tough and now she owns a house and has a great job (and a big dog). Every woman has the strength to get by without a man.

What about couples' counselling?

chico2
April 3rd, 2005, 03:45 PM
TWilson,almost the same happened to us,but I had only two children at the time...and was in a new country,absolutely devastating :sad:
There were a lot of factors,stress trying to make ends meet,long hours at work and who gets the blame,the wife and the kids!
Husbands walk out because they can,it's so easy...as mothers we probably would not ever consider it,I know I would not.
My husband came to his senses,realized he loved us and missed us,we tried again and here we are 40yrs married..
You have 3 young children,a 24 hour job and I can imagine your husband and you don't have much time for each other,by the time he gets back from work at 10pm you are more than likely asleep and exhausted.
If this does not involve another woman,get a baby-sitter,maybe even get one for the weekend,get away and talk,see each other not as mom and dad,but as partners...You got married because you love each other and that love has to be nurtured to stay alive.

melanie
April 3rd, 2005, 04:10 PM
just remember you are mum, and you need to make yourself a priority as you have plenty of ppl depending on you, sounds like your a great mum and lovely person so dont doubt that. make sure you do look after yourself during this stress, make sure you get plenty of water and dont skip meals,(i know thats easy to say but it is really important).

hate to say it but when i first read your thread the only thing i thought was 'give him a good swift kick in the privates" (hope that made you smile just a little).

hugs to you and yoru babies, we are all thinking of you :grouphug:

CyberKitten
April 3rd, 2005, 04:31 PM
I am sorry to hear what you are going through! :grouphug:

When he comes back to "pick up his things", you should ask him for a longer answer and ask about counselling? Relationships can be tricky and I have to agree with LR - something has been amiss for awhile and it may well be that you are the one who was not aware of it. Ask him what is really going on? Can you save the marriage - that is if you want to?

Take care!!!

Shamrock
April 3rd, 2005, 05:40 PM
I am very sorry to hear of your troubles, Twilson. :grouphug:
My heart goes out to you.. an awful emotional rollercoaster this brings to you.

I agree with the others. Stated intentions to end a long-term committed relationship are rarely out of the blue, even though they can initially come as a huge shock. They are indicative of something that has been brewing for some time. The small disagreement you had was the trigger that caused it to spill over.
You have very heavy commitments - three young children and his long hours of work, you must both be feeling quite taxed at times. Its so easy to miss the red flags of relationship troubles when your daily routines take so much out of you as individuals.The "couple" part can start to suffer... more and more.
I also agree that the two of you need to discuss in depth exactly what it is that has him feeling this is the only recourse. He must give you an explanation of what lead up to this and at least explore options for a less drastic solution.

The aid of a counselllor would be a big benefit, to help you sort through things. An impartial person can often really help a couple caught in behaviour patterns that they may not even be aware of.
Hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

If possible, some time away just for the two of you would be an excellent idea.
Relationships can temporarily be derailed - but can absolutely get back on track too. With three young children, you both certainly have a vested interest in giving this avenue every attempt.

As a mother of three grown children, I can certainly understand, recallng the strain that this time in our lives presented.
Our relationship at times was on VERY thin ice, we seperated briefly a few times. So much to worry about, and to disagree about. Tired, overworked, frustrated dealing with three kids in five years. I wasnt sure if we would make it at all. We will be married 40 years this June.

I wish you all the best and hope this will be resolved with a positive outcome for you and your family.
Be sure to take good care of yourself at this stressful time..
:grouphug:

Prin
April 3rd, 2005, 06:01 PM
Husbands walk out because they can,it's so easy...as mothers we probably would not ever consider it,I know I would not.

I just had to reply to that as my mom left us when I was 2 and never looked back. I was raised by my single dad and in some ways it was harder for him because he wasn't a nurturing type and he didn't have the support that the single moms had. He was the only dad I knew in that situation.

It's not necessarily the mom who stays, it's the one who is more involved and the one who puts the work in.

Karin
April 3rd, 2005, 06:29 PM
Marriage is 100/100%. Not fifty/fifty. Find him, talk, cry...plead. Make your case and listen to his. If "something" else is there, you should have known...denial is too easy. Fight for your family.
Listen a whole bunch too...

When I was young and chasing two toddlers, I forgot to listen to what was going on around me.

glasslass
April 3rd, 2005, 07:12 PM
Wow! What a tough situation! Maybe he's feeling overwhelmed? Maybe there's other stuff going on as the others mentioned. Maybe he's just being a drama king and getting your attention? Regardless, take everything very seriously! Find out what your rights are and take whatever steps you need to to protect yourself and your kids. Don't allow yourself to say anything disparaging in front of the kids. They are the victims in this and will be affected in ways you wouldn't think of. If he comes back, make sure it's with the understanding that changes are made so that it won't pop up again six months from now. Counsiling, whatever. Don't let this become a power play that he repeats whenever he wants to get his way. Good marriages don't just happen. They are created by working through the difficult times. Get the communication channels flowing. Make sure he knows he can't just walk out on the kids too. He needs to take the kids for an afternoon or evening on a regular basis so that you can do some things of your own. If there is another woman, that should dampen the fires some when they have to deal with the whole man, not just the glamorous clandestine forbidden fruit! Let him know you won't just sit in your home with the kids and cry and wait for him. You are more than just Mom and the wifey. If you do work through this and get back together, the way you handle it can make your marriage stronger in the long run!

Princesss04
April 3rd, 2005, 07:39 PM
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I would have to agree with the others that there is something else going on besides this one small problem. I am not sure what to say but I will tell you to hang in there and remember that you will be in our thoughts and prayers. Sometimes the hardest descions are the best ones for you and your family. :grouphug: So sorry once again.

TWilson9498
April 4th, 2005, 02:01 AM
I lost him to an 18 yr old girl who just started working at his office 2 weeks ago. See, I took a month off work, due to his request because I was getting to stressed out and working too much dealing with the kids mostly by myself because of his hours, yes I do believe he is working all those hours, as my bestfriend rides in the same van as he does all day.. He sells Kirby Vacuum's and it is a door to door business so sometimes it takes a while, not to mention they drive about 2 hours down the road and it takes a little while to get in a house then the demo is about 2 hours each time... Anyway, he called me today..FROM HER CELL PHONE.. telling me he is taking my kids away and all this nonsense.. like he really can. Come on now.. He told me SHE was bringing him to OUR home to pick up his things, I politely told him I would kill her if she showed up, needless to say she did not. He went on to tell her I was pyscho and she need not go around me, I think he was a little afraid himself, since he threatened to call the cops to help him get his things.I do not have a problem with HIM coming but when another female drives up to collect MY husbands things, there will be problems. So anyway, he did not show and neither did she, luckily for her. I however would not answer the phone as he is calling every 5 minutes just to fuss about how mean I am being about his belongings... ME? Mean? Over material things? When he walks out on his family? Give me a break!!! See, the most important thing here is the kids yes, but I am only 24 yrs old. I had my son when I was 18. So yes, it does scare the hell out of me to have them by myself. So I did what any sensible hurt wife would do, I called HIS mother. She tried to talk to her and the lil 18 yr old had the nerve to yell in the background and tell his mother to stay out of HIS business and call his mother a b****... Needless to say that triggered a flight from Cali to Alabama by the end of the week... Sounding like a Soap Oprah yet? Nope, just our life. Things sure flipped out of nowhere. He was working until about 9 every night and calling 2-3 times a day to check on his family, that all stopped on Monday night. He tells me there is no signal where he is working, and not doing any of this in front of my friend out of fear she would tell me, but he got caught when I called her and asked her questions and he snatched the phone because I could hear him in the background. How selfish can he get. I must blame her as well though, ONLY because she KNEW he had a wife and 3 kids.... Some men and some women.. I swear it makes you want to just choke someone!!! :mad: :mad:

melanie
April 4th, 2005, 02:09 AM
hmmm sounds like a right %^&*$ charmer, if he is with some stupid girl thats fine, you can do better for yourself and family. better you find out what sort of person he is now than in 50yrs when he has had time to teach your children his ways.

and the best revenge is to live a long and happy life.

Sneaky2006
April 4th, 2005, 08:25 AM
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Melanie is right, best revenge is to be happy, you need this for your children too.

This happened to my niece a little while ago, except she was PREGNANT, if you can believe that. Some people just don't think and I don't wanna say it's just the men because the woman he cheated with knew my niece was carrying his baby.

I haven't gone through this myself but what I would do is, change the locks (he did say it is your house, no?) and put his things on the porch and he can get them when he wants... of course let him know where they are and don't be home when he comes, that way there's no fuss.

Also, don't worry about him taking the kids.... I know you're young but what 18 year old is going to want to deal with your kids??? She may want to play house but it would get old real fast.
Keep your chin up!

maddoxies
April 4th, 2005, 08:39 AM
Change the locks, change your phone number (unlisted) and get a lawyer. Hubby has anything to say, he can tell it to the lawyer.

Either put his stuff on the front lawn and tell him when he can come, or take it to his mom's house and let him get his stuff from there.

Been there, done that (without the kids) PM me if you need a private shoulder honey, we will get you through this :grouphug:

SnowDancer
April 4th, 2005, 08:54 AM
I am very sorry that your husband has put you and your children in this position. My advice would be to first call a lawyer and take his/her advice as per the laws of your state. Also, would strongly advise that as difficult as it will be, that you keep calm as possible and say and do absolutely nothing that will help your husband build a case against you. This includes any phone conversations that he may be taping - including your comments regarding his new girlfriend picking up his clothes. I would also want to change the locks, but would consult with lawyer first so that it does not appear that you have created the situation. It is not easy being the innocent party.

Rita
April 4th, 2005, 08:58 AM
Ditto .... change the locks, phone number etc.. And get yourself some legal representation so you know exactly what your rights are.
The most important thing in all this is the kids .... they are going to need lots of love and attention :grouphug: And always remember to take care of yourself as that will make you feel better and also have an important impact on the kids.
Take care of you and yours ....

Bearsmom
April 4th, 2005, 09:32 AM
So sorry for what you're going through.

I can tell you that the reason he's trying to make you out to be the loonie one....he thinks it means he'll get full custody. Sorry, but I just cannot picture his 18 year old tootsie looking after 3 youngsters.

HE chose to walk. If HE doesn't want in the marriage, then HE can pay child support out the wazoo (especially if you're not working, will probably include alimony), which, by the way, he's going to with 3 small ones.

You said that you blame the 18 year old. HE knew he was married, and that is where the fault lies. HE knows he has 3 kids and a wife.

Change the locks, leave his belongings outside, do NOT talk to the tootsie, communicate through an attorney (get a female one, they're far more vicious), get support from your family and friends.

Do NOT become a doormat to him, he'll think he can just walk back in. Make it painful for him to do so.

(gee, can you tell I've been through this before????)

heeler's rock!
April 4th, 2005, 10:37 AM
OMG!!! I am soooo sorry to hear this! It makes me so angry for what you are going through!! :mad:

I don't even know what to say, except that knowing my personality, I would totally cut him out of my life. I wouldn't even think of reconciliation. In my opinion, kids or no kids, when you are married to someone, that is FOR LIFE. If my husband chose to walk out on me to be with someone else, that's it. It's done. No 3 strikes you're out bull *****! One strike, you're gone!

I can't speak for you, but you have to really re-evaluate the person you fell in love with. I'm sure you never thought he was capable of such inconsideration, but apparently, he is. Even if he came crawling back to you, would you really trust him after something like this? I know I couldn't and therefore, I'd have to cut my losses and move on. You've got 3 beautiful kids, and you need to think of them. You also really need to take of yourself, or you may end up melting down. I truly wish you the best, and whatever you decide to do, only you know what will be best for you and your children.

Trinitie
April 4th, 2005, 11:13 AM
I agree about getting a lawyer. But, talk to the lawyer BEFORE changing the locks. He may be legally justified in entering the home to obtain personal effects, such as clothes as these are items he would need for his livelihood.

If you deny him access to the home, then you may be opening yourself to be the nasty person, instead of him. When dealing with infidelity you must always cover your behind better than he does. Mark everything down on paper. When he calls, when she calls (if she dares), when he tries to see the children, when he enters the home when you're not there (get the neighbors to watch for you when you're not home), when he enters the home when you are home, what he takes from the home. Basically, make a journal of family activities for the future. That way, if it does get ugly (but hopefully not), you have a well documented record of what transpired.

As you can tell, I've had friends who went through this, so I'm speaking from the experiences they went through.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I also have had indiscretions happen against me, so I sympathize. Be the stronger, and better person you know you are, and make it as painless for the children as possible. (even though you want to make him a speed bump)

twodogsandacat
April 4th, 2005, 01:23 PM
Sorry to hear that. It must hurt like hell but it is he that is taking the cowards way out not you. Stick to your guns and do it all legally. You will be able to survive this.

chico2
April 4th, 2005, 01:29 PM
Reading this, just makes me soo angry...and it will definetly not be easy for you,24yrs old and 3 little ones,your husband is a completely sefish,irresponsable
moron.
I realize money will be a big worry,unless you are independantly wealthy,I hope you have family to help and stand by you.
Childsupport no matter what,will never be enough,but I do hope you can take him for all he's got.
You have a very rough road ahead,I am sure at times you are angry enough to hurt someone,but at others just cry in despair :sad:
The 18-yr old chick has no right to enter your home,there is no way she would come near my kids or home,but she is not the guilty one,your husband is,she will dump him,before you know it :thumbs up OMG I wish I could have five minutes with him :mad:

glasslass
April 4th, 2005, 02:15 PM
I don't think you can change the tel# without giving him the new #. I believe he is entitled to be able to reach the kids. But I would get caller ID and if you don't feel like accepting his calls, that's up to you. Go for the child and spousal support - maximum amount possible. You will need it and it is his responsibility to provide for you. Don't allow him to come remove items without you being home. He could clean you out. Your attorney can require that he submit a list of the items he wants to remove and can require that a deputy be present when he does so. I doubt this little 18yo is going to be too happy to have to support his butt while he has to work to support his family. But getting involved with a married man has it's pitfalls. So does shirking his responsibilities. You can't just walk away and be free and single again. He sounds really immature! Time he learns how to be a man instead of a boy. You haven't lost much and she's getting even less. Would you want a man that behaved like this?

Princesss04
April 4th, 2005, 02:29 PM
Yes, contact a lawyer and do all through her. Woman lawyers are better when it comes to this kind of stuff. They seem to feel where you are coming from. Whatever you do DO NOT blow up at him or her no matter how much you may want to. They could be recording you or anything else. He will use anything he can to prove that you are not emotionaly stable enough to raise your kids. So hang in there and take all his stuff to his moms and let him get it there. Do not meet with him or talk to him unless you have your lawyer there. That is the only way to do it right. He will use anything please remember that. Be careful. I would not change the numbers or the locks until you talk to your lawyer because he will make you out to be the bad one. When my mom and dad went through this he let her come in and get all her clothes when we were at the store and she cleaned house. Even took our cat Fluffy which she dumped at the shelther. just took it to be mean. :confused: Hang in there and remember we are here for you when and if you need to talk. :grouphug:

heidiho
April 4th, 2005, 02:31 PM
U get a good lawyer and rake him over the coals,i sure as hell would

Shamrock
April 4th, 2005, 03:58 PM
I am very sorry to hear of these developments.
How devastating for you to be faced with such a situation, my heart goes out to you. :grouphug:
I agree that legal advice is best before you do anything on your own such as changing locks, tel number and so on.

People often try to justify unacceptable actions, minimize their own accountability by launching an offensive attack against the other party - its "their' fault. This tactic is dynamite to an already explosive situation, the salt in the wound to your heart.

Emotions will be running very high, naturally, but try to resist impulsive statments or actions that can be used unfavourably later.
You will need lots of emotional support to help you in absorbing and dealing with this.
Enlist the help of all the family and friends you can find, including here too.
Good luck to you and your family Twilson..I will keep you and your little ones in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

happycats
April 4th, 2005, 04:13 PM
I know here in ontario, the first one to get to the courts to get temporary custody ( until a custudy hearing can take place) Will get the kids!!!!! SO get yourself to the nearset court to get a temporary custody order !!!!
And yes you can change the locks, and request that he come with police to get his personal effects. EVERYTHING except his cloths are considered marital property and as such stays in the home until a court hearing takes place and a judge decides how to split up the assets!!

Hang tough, and don't let him sweet talk you!! His new little home wrecking hussy will soon get bored of him, and he will crawl back begging for forgiveness, don't fall for it !!

maddoxies
April 5th, 2005, 10:32 AM
Hi Tammy, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing today. We are all thinking of you, wishing we were closer to you too. :grouphug:

meb999
April 5th, 2005, 01:01 PM
I know it will be hard to do this, but it's important that you keep a cool head -- keep your wits, you'll need them. Get a lawyer ASAP, everyone has said it, but it's very important.

You're young and healthy and you'll get through this. When you need a little pick-me-up, just come here :) . This idiot will get his in the end, I'm a strong believer in Karma -- I hope he gets a disgusting vd.

I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts....stay strong...

DogueLover
April 5th, 2005, 03:41 PM
I am really sorry to hear about your situation.
What a selfish dick head.
How old is he?

I think you need to find a lawyer and get a legal separation drawn up, as he has pretty much admitted to his infedelity already, that is grounds enough for you to get the separation drawn up.
He may think this is all fun and games right now, but trust me, when he gets legal documents that tell him exactly how costly his roll in the hay with the 18 year old was he is going to really crap his drawers!! ;)
As you are at home with the kids( if I understood correctly that was partially his decision right?) he is going to be paying alimony and child support.
Right now he thinks he has the world by the tail because he walked away from his kids and you and any responsibility he had. The last laugh is yours girl, if he thought his job selling vaccuums was stressful and required long hours before wait until he ends up paying alimony and child support payments out of his cheque.
You should be sure to register a child support agreement with the Maintenance Enforcement Office. This way he can pay or go to jail. Check with your province/state`s court system about this program, most guys think they can get out of paying support. If they don`t pay they will lose their licence, have their paycheques garnisheed ( very embarassing for the dead beat as their employer gets a letter from the justice department and then EVERYONE knows that they are a dead beat) and if they quit their job to try to get out of paying support they have any gov`t money ( GST credit cheques, tax returns etc garnished to pay the support)
You need to get some info for this process, get his full name, birth date, a recent picture, and his SIN or Social Security number.
You need to speak with a lawyer so that you know what you are going to do with expenses.
All marital property has to be divided equally. That includes vehicles and any property that you own.( for example your home) and Bank accounts.
Unfortunately, all debts are settled as well before either of you gets any money.
Act on this immediately or you could end up in a very unfortunate situation.
If you are not in a position to hire a lawyer, you can contact Legal Aid, and he will end up paying for your lawyer as well as his.

I would personally put all his belongings on the front porch and call him to tell him that they are there. Let him know that he can come to get them at a particular time.
For your kids sake do not have the kids there when he comes for his stuff. It is really hard for the kids and they won`t understand. They shouldn`t have to suffer his ignorance. If they see him with her they could really get upset. And they don`t need to be in the situation where they see you fighting, especially if they have not seen it before.

Any other advice you may need just pm me, I`ve been down this road and trust me, if he has this little regard for you and his family, send him down the road. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Hopefully his 18 year old sweetie has LOTS AND LOTS Of money, because he is going to need someone to support his BROKE ass when the lawyers get done with him.

Bearsmom
April 5th, 2005, 04:11 PM
Go Dogue http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/dancefool.gif


Go Doguehttp://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/dancefool.gif

Go go go Doguehttp://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/dancefool.gif


Brilliantly stated!

chico2
April 5th, 2005, 04:25 PM
Yes Dogue,I completly agree with Bearsmom,you seem to know what you are talking about,this is what that jerk should havehttp://pages.prodigy.net/indianahawkeye/signs02/6.gif

Bearsmom
April 5th, 2005, 04:56 PM
Uhoh, http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/nono2.gif this could degenerate into a smiley http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/smiley24_shades.gifthread.

Ah well, least it'll make her smile.

DogueLover
April 5th, 2005, 04:57 PM
The only reason I know this is because I did it, and dealt with a dead beat.
Trust me, he might be smiling now but his time is coming and pay back is a real bee otch

If he thinks your psycho now,,,,,,,,, gawd help him when you get mad.


LOL LOL LOL


Women are stronger than men, and you are far better off without the loser.

Just be prepared, don`t get scared, get educated on what your rights are.
He could have a hell of a time with custody as he abandoned his children, the courts really frown on that.

One more thing about the child support thing, if he chooses to be stupid ( and from what we have heard so far...... he will) and not pay even after his warnings ( they usually get three months before they take action, but if he doesn`t pay then he could have his ass in jail.) and he is still responsible to pay the support.

Call a lawyer sweetie, and when he calls the next time just let him know that you have spoken to a lawyer, the head he is using to think with right now spends a LOT Of time in the dark, not much intelligence in that one I am afraid, and maybe a good reality slap in the face is exactly what he needs.

If he is assinine to call his own mother a beeotch, then let the little creep go. Like Dr. Phil says.............if they`ll do it with you..........they`ll do it to you so maybe this 18 year old will teach him a lesson in being humbled. Don`t be surprized if he calls wanting to come back, and when he does tell him to kiss your royal butt and hang up.

PM me sweetie and I will give you some ideas on what steps to take first. I have done this and can definately out ignorant any man on the planet. I only have one head to listen to therefore there is no confusion. LOL

TWilson9498
April 5th, 2005, 05:24 PM
Ok so umm, some how this lil girl's car was keyed, oven cleaner sprayed all over it (it eats through the paint and the metal leaving little holes through out the car), and cornmeal was put in her gas tank...
Now wait a minute! Don't fuss at me, read on... The reason these things happened to her precious car is only because SHE had the nerve to call MY house and tell me she was coming to get OUR kids and take them to stay with HER and their Father... I told her if she came near my house I would politely kill her. I waited on her all night, as she said she would be there in an hour, I went to bed roughly about 4:30 yesterday morning, and woke up around 6... I go out to my car and what do I see? Eggs, all over it... typical kid. Only those of those with a little more years know how to really mess a car up! Needless to say they can not go to the hotel because the car will not move, due to the cornmeal, so they slept in the car at the office. How sad huh? Well, about his clothes... Ever seen Waiting to Exhale? Well I put them in the BBQ grill and had a big ole fire outside the other night, he called and wanted his clothes so I said ok, I'll bring them to the office this morning, which I did. I did not lie, I just did not state they were burnt to hell and back.
He almost ***** himself, he was all excited to get his clothes til he opened the bag!
Then he has the nerve to tell me you know she doesn't mean anything to me, you know I love you, I will never love her or care for her. I said I know you won't, I'm not stupid, you're heart and your head are with your family but your d*ck was in her so I have nothing to say to you anymore. He said so I can't come home? I said, your home is now her car. Let her take care of you, let her cook your food, wash your clothes, be there for you when you've had a bad day, ect. He asked could he come get the kids on Sunday, I said no. I did tell him he is welcome to see them this Sunday on MY conditions, those are that he comes to our home without her, and that he is NOT allowed to take them out of our house, and I must be present.
I have spoken to a lawyer and have things underway, as they should be. I have went back to work today, not to his office but another Kirby office in our town. He must have called there 20 times today and another 20 when I got back home. The sad thing is, he calls me while she is sitting right there and says how much she does not mean to him and how much he loves me and wants to come home, then she gets all mad and says little comments and he out right says shut up b*tch this is my business.
Oh yeah, maybe I worded it wrong, he did not call his mother a b*tch, the lil 18 yr old did....
OH! Almost forgot, I noticed someone asking his age.. he is 29

Lucky Rescue
April 5th, 2005, 05:58 PM
Hmmm....I figured there was another woman (or CHILD, in this case). Men rarely ever leave unless they have someone else waiting in the wings.

Do not do anything that will get you into trouble. Make sure your own behavior is impeccable.

I would guess your hubby needed an adoring and easily impressed teenager to bolster up his ego. How sad. It will never last.

This little girl will find out she is getting much more than she bargained for, and her visions of true love and romance will go out the window when reality hits her in the face.

glasslass
April 5th, 2005, 06:55 PM
That little girl needs to realize that even if he does stay with her, he'll do the same thing to her that he's done to you.

Twilson, I know you're hurting and feeling vindictive, but please don't continue with the violence. Rise above that and don't allow them to pull you down. Your kids will be hurt if you are jailed yourself. These things can quickly get out of control, really out of control. Acts of vengence will give quick gratification, but believe me, you'll come out ahead by keeping a cool head and planning for the long term. You need to lay the groundwork now for your future security and your kids.

doggy lover
April 5th, 2005, 06:59 PM
Oh my god I'm so sorry for you and the kids. I think you are better off without the pig, what a load of crap. Just be careful of what you say and do. I'm pulling for you.

happycats
April 5th, 2005, 07:03 PM
YEAH DOGUELOVER AND TWILSON9498 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS FOR HIM http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/begood.gif

AND THIS IS FOR THAT LITTLE TRAMPhttp://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/chair.gif

Chin up girl, you can get through this!!! we're all here for ya !!

CyberKitten
April 5th, 2005, 07:17 PM
Yeah, typically, if a man leaves one woman in that way, he will do it again. I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru!! He must be an idiot and a jerk to do that to you and his children. My advice is get the best family lawyer you can! Get someone who knows how to go for the jugular. (Now I know that applies to most lawyers, lol) but I mean someone with experience in winning these kinds of cases.

Good luck!! :grouphug:

Karin
April 5th, 2005, 08:41 PM
I was really wishing for a better outcome than this. I am so sorry you have to go through all this pain. Saving my stories, emotional pain to me hurts worse than physical pain., but take my word for it, this will pass.
Happy ever after's only happened on Leave It To Beaver. (You're probably too young to remember this show)

I have been missing my ex-husband alot lately.....







...but my aim is getting better!

meb999
April 5th, 2005, 08:43 PM
I can imagine how hard this must be -- but you've got to KEEP YOUR COOL. the best revenge isn't keying a car, it's taking him to cleaners in the courts and having full custody of those wondefull kids.
Be more mature than them, don't stoop to their level. You can get thru this, women are very resiliant, we couldn't get thru childbirth if we weren't right?!

Good luck, and keep your head up!

TWilson9498
April 6th, 2005, 04:03 PM
I know I was in the wrong when I did it, but at the time I was in the "anger" phase I suppose. Now I'm just in the who the hell cares he's only a "Boy", seeing as how a "Man" would not do this.
He called 28 times yesterday until 3 am.... ( I had to answer because it was waking them up and I'm not turning my ringer off incase something happenes to someone I care about and they need me) finally he said I am coming to see the kids on Sunday, but Mary (the 18 yr old) is coming with me. I said I told you she is not coming to my house, he told me I needed to be more understanding and I would have to accept her sooner or later. I told him I don't EVER have to accept her nor do I have to let my kids go around her until there is a court order that says so... Needless to say he didn't like that, mentioned going to a lawyer again, but that is just fine as I have been talking to one for the past 3 days getting things ready... I changed my number when I got home from work tonight, everthing he had left in the house I threw out. (seeing as how I always had to do the running around and paying the bills he has NO receipts for anything so he can't claim I stole anything from him) I also came across his 1099's from work, I could only find the last two years, but I wanted to make sure I had proof of his income since he is a sub contractor who is counted as being self employed... He seems to think without them I can't prove his income therefore he can lie and say he's only paid like 400-500 a week and not have to pay me that much, but Both 1099's prove he is paid much more. The first is from '03 which was for 102,000.00 the other from '04 which was 93,872.28 so I do believe I will win much more than the 500 a month he thinks he will have to pay! He makes 2 grand a week I think he can afford more than freaking 500, since he says he will not pay over 500 because I don't have the proof. His dumbass doesn't even know I have it. He'll fall flat on his face sooner or later because he's not that educated. I had to keep up with everything because he did not know what the heck he was doing. She is loosing interest already because when he calls here and she starts yelling in the background about how she is "coming to find me and kick my a$$" he tells her to "shut the #^%$ up and calls her a b*tch ALL day long. I took him off the list to pick the kids up from school, I took him off the lease as a person with permission to get a key, since I signed the lease by myself he has no right to be here. Everything is crashing down on him and he doesn't even know it yet. That's the best part...

chico2
April 6th, 2005, 04:13 PM
Although I do not agree with you trashing the car,but I can certainly understand your fury,it seems you are doing ok..This man/boy will soon regret what he has done,unfortunately for him it will be too late.
I am glad you've seen a lawyer,from now on he can contact your lawyer....I would not want a"girlfriend"to see my kids,but I don't know if you can legally keep them from him.
But please do not make the children a pawn in this case,they don't understand why daddy is doing this and are often the ones getting hurt,I know,I was there as a little girl.... :sad:

TWilson9498
April 6th, 2005, 04:58 PM
I would never use them as a pawn. He is more than welcome to see them, he is just not bringing her to my house to do so, nor is he taking our kids to some hotel so they have to sleep in a bed that he has been screwing a kid in himself! He is bouncing from hotel to hotel because he's scared I will find him, I don't know why, I wouldn't hurt him physically, no matter how hard I want to. I don't agree with what I did to her car either, but at the time I did and I can't change what was done, I can only live and learn. I think things like that makes him feel special, like he gained some sort of pride when his wife messed up his girlfriends car, like in his head he thinks I am so hurt and angry that I am lashing out at her and not him, which makes him feel as if he can do whatever he can to me and I will always let him come back. I am not a doormat however. I even offered for her to drop him off at the back of our apartment so I didn't have to see her, and I would leave him here (keep in mind I did not say I would leave the apartments, just leave from inside the apartment) and let him spend time alone with them because I think they need it and so does he, to keep us from fighting in front of them. He told me he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable... HER? What about our KIDS! He said he would need to talk to her first then go from there... if she makes the decision as to if he comes to see his kids or doesn't, he didn't want to see them in the first place.

DogueLover
April 6th, 2005, 09:32 PM
I believe you can keep the children from having any contact with her........ as far as Canadian law goes.
My ex had a girlfriend and I refused to let her spend time with the kids and my ex at the beginning of our separation. The kids will be in enough turmoil and do not need any other contributing factors to add to their complete confusion.
My advice is to speak to a child counsellor and explain the situation. Ask the counsellor to give you a written statement on what they feel this type of visitation will have on your children.
As this is very new( at least to you and the kids) they only know mommy and daddy together and daddy showing up with a new "mommy" would be very hard on the kids.
Your soon to be ex husband has obviously been using the head he keeps in the dark again to think, don`t worry, this is very normal. He has no regard to your children`s feelings and what the introduction of the new girlfriend will do to his children. That is why I would ask that you talk to your lawyer. He walked out on you and on his kids. That is abandonment and I know that in Canada, or at least when I got separated, that was grounds for my ex to lose ALL visitation rights. Please ask your lawyer about this, I don`t know what laws your state has in regards to this but I am pretty sure you could call the shots as he walked.

Do your very best to not aggrivate any situation with him. He is looking for ways to make you look like you are the bad guy, only because his own guilt is more than he can handle.
If he talks to this girlfriend in the manner you have described, that is no environment for small children. Nor is one where his affections, and other indiscretions are in plain view for your children. He needs to do some serious growing up.

As for the child support thing, what you should try to find is his past tax returns. Don`t worry too much about not having them though, he will be required to produce them to the courts and to your lawyer.

Keep a level head and remember the maturity level you are dealing with.


Talk to your lawyer about the visitation and get something in writing. I believe you are now considered the custodial parent as he walked out and abandoned his kids. You should have the upper hand on him there in regards to visitation rights. Unfortunately, until you have anything in writing, you don`t have a lot of say as he is still your husband and their father by law. You cannot keep them from him without a legal document.