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separation anxiety

ssparling
April 1st, 2005, 11:03 AM
I recently separated from my husband, unfortunately my beautiful, happy Harley the German Shepard had to stay with his dad. It was horrible for me and I mouned him....still am. :sad: My situation is this...I moved out of the city, but my job brings me back periodically for months at a time...but when my contract is over....I'm gone again.
My ex and I get along very well and visiting is not a problem. My question is this: Will it confuse or traumatize Harley to come and go from his life???

BMDLuver
April 1st, 2005, 11:13 AM
I have a friend who divorced and her kids stay with her for a good part of the time and the dog stays with him. However, he is out of town quite often for business and when he is, the dog goes to her place until he gets back. The dog also spends some of summer vacation there as well. I don't think when it's two people the dog loves that the back n forth will be a problem. It's just a change of scenery with people the dog knows. :)

goldenblaze
April 1st, 2005, 11:58 AM
I too wonder same thing, worry that because the dog loves both parents then separated. I think it would be harder on the pets seeing the other parent come and go. Wondering when they would visit again.. I've always felt sorry for any pet that goes through this myself. Not sure what is best, wonder about others opinions. :confused:

Princesss04
April 1st, 2005, 12:14 PM
I agree goldenbalze I think this would be hard. My dad (grandpa to the dogs) comes up alot and when he leaves Meater will sit by the door and watch him pull out. And than for the next few mornings right when they wake up they run down to the guest room to wake up grandpa and he is not there. They know and I know that they miss him. Than when he is almost to the house he will call and I will tell the dogs grandpa is here and we will go out front and when they see his red truck their tails go 100 miles an hour. So anyway I think that this would make it very hard on the dog because they will not understand why one person they love leaves all the time. Just my opinion though.

goldenblaze
April 1st, 2005, 12:45 PM
Great question.... would the dog understand that say daddy.. ;) is now only visiting and will always be leaving again.
Would the dog continue to watch for daddy everytime this happen..what is the best thing for the dog. :confused:

Princesss04
April 1st, 2005, 01:01 PM
I do not think they will go days looking for someone. As long as they have love when they are there than they will be just fine. Having someone come over and play with them is just like having a friend over to play. I think they will treat it like this. I mean we let our dogs play with their doggie friends. And they like they and they will only get to see them ever so often and they enjoy when they do get to see them but they are also fine when they are not there. Just like a friend. :D

Prin
April 1st, 2005, 01:04 PM
I went through that when my man travelled for work. They got used to it. They know "Daddy is leaving tomorrow, so it's going to be just mommy, Jemma and Boo," and "Daddy is coming home tomorrow". We went to the dog park really often when he was gone so there were pros and cons of him being away, not just cons.

It's a very different situation than if you had given up your dog to a stranger and then wanted to see it. Like Jemma and the lady who gave her to us. I told her she can't see Jemma again because it takes so long to get a "used" dog to trust its new family and her coming back into her life would really mess her up. She may feel that she has to give up her new family and just be generally insecure. But you were both parents so it will gradually become like a grandmother coming and going.

I wouldn't say it will be as bad as the situation Princesss04 talked about with her dad because I think for some reason dogs develop a strange, instant attachment to older men. I don't know what it's all about (maybe these are the people who need a dog in their lives most and the doggies sense that) but I don't think that the dog will be as depressed as that in your situation.

Princesss04
April 1st, 2005, 01:12 PM
Prin you need to read my next post. I never said it would be horrible. :D I think they would be just fine. As long as one parent is there. You need to read all of every post before you say things. I was just giving what my dogs do not what all dogs will do. Just wanted to clear up that I think they would be fine. :D

Prin
April 1st, 2005, 01:17 PM
I didn't mean you didn't think it would be fine, I meant I didn't think it would be the same as with an older man-- exactly what you said in your second post. I was writing mine before you posted the 2nd one- I didn't see it before I posted mine.

goldenblaze
April 1st, 2005, 01:33 PM
Question
So for how long should the visites be in between?
What if it was only once every few weeks.... or one a month.
All the love in the world from one parent is never the same as from both. Important thing pets feel down too like people how do you stop this before it starts? :confused:

Princesss04
April 1st, 2005, 02:02 PM
I didn't mean you didn't think it would be fine, I meant I didn't think it would be the same as with an older man-- exactly what you said in your second post. I was writing mine before you posted the 2nd one- I didn't see it before I posted mine.

Sorry Prin, did not mean to jump onto you musy be PMS with out the PMS. LOL Sorry my bad. LOL :D I have been grumpy all day. Need to get over it. Sorry! :D

Prin
April 1st, 2005, 02:08 PM
No problem.

As for the frequency of visits, I don't think it matters too much as long as you don't have a routine. If you have a routine and you break it, the doggy may be upset.

goldenblaze
April 1st, 2005, 02:48 PM
Prin well said..I didn't think of it that way. :thumbs up

Prin
April 1st, 2005, 02:51 PM
What can I say, I'm a baby of divorce, I know what this baby is going through..

ssparling
April 1st, 2005, 03:54 PM
Thanks for all the input. Let me give you a bit more detail...I would be seeing Harley most every night (except weekends) for the next four months. My work contract will be up then and I will be leaving for who knows how long...then I'll be back for who knows how long...and so on. The point is, I'll be in his life for months at a time, then I'll be gone for months at a time.
I just wonder if it's best for him (and for me for that matter, because when I had to leave him the first time....I was a mess!) if I just let him go then neither of us have to go through the mourning process every time I have to leave.
Comments...Suggestions?