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How to annoy your professors

March 31st, 2005, 10:58 AM
I've been on strike now for 6 weeks :mad: And, unfortunetly, the professors send us things to read and papers to write by e-mail, telling us that they are available for questions -- but won't answer their phones, don't return phone calls or e-mails. (I've been trying for 6 weeks!!!)

It's all very agravating, so here are a few ways I intend on getting revenge!!

Ways To Annoy Your Professors

Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."

Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it. If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty any longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.

Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing, spewing toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene.

Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.

Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and run around the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"

Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.

Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these lies!"

Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them, write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and "You're the worst professor in the world, but I still love you."

Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain that drinking games make the class more interesting.

Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your professor.

Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a piece of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.

Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.

If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas. Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and the blankets and act like you're asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes off, preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing so for the duration of the class.

Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call the paintings things like, "Professor Acting Like Mr. Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's Talking About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.

Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return for the rest of class.

Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle, yell, "Look out!" and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.

Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins."

Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to quiet down.

Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your professor. Demand extra credit.

Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.

When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.

When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.

Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up during class, like your going to miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for someone to help you back up. When class is over say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.

Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."

March 31st, 2005, 11:14 AM
Gheez, as a prof, I can't say these amuse me too much - I have some wonderful students and while I do like to joke, I am quite serious in my lectures. (I guess I teach a serious subject) Often, the work is clinical tho - you know the old see one, do one, teach one. Then again, my primary job is to care for my patients but peripipheral to that is teaching younger med students and residents (I teach mainly residents who have managed to qualify for our pediatric residency program - if they do really well, the may be considered for our oncology program which is essentially internal medicine -- anyway--- I needed a joke today but NOT how to be taunted) I try to make my lectures interesting, not enteraining but at least lively and engaging. I also respect my students for having achieved what they already have and for doing good work. This is my break and I was hoping for levcity - so sorry, this does not do it for me tho I do realize it sounds like it's crazy in Quebec with that strike. (My cousin teaches at the Law School in one of the universities there and I have friends at McGill and U de Sherbrooke and they profs are just as frustrated!)

Perhaps you can get their attention in some other way. Call them at home? Wait outside their offices. I just know the people I know are having no picinic and are still working quite hard.

March 31st, 2005, 12:40 PM
Mebb why are you on strike? I am so lost. Some of those are funny though. Could not see myself doing any of them but they are funny! :D

March 31st, 2005, 01:00 PM
Gheez, as a prof, I can't say these amuse me too much

I know you wouldn't like that to happen to you, but it IS amusing!

Kind of like the "Things to do at a Wal-Mart". You don't really do them, but they sure are funny!

March 31st, 2005, 01:10 PM
Mebb why are you on strike? I am so lost. Some of those are funny though. Could not see myself doing any of them but they are funny! :D

The liberal governement cut 103 million out of the student bursery system....most québec universities and cegeps are on strike. My departement (law and political science) is one of the ones that have been out the longest....

CK -- I meant no offence to my profs...I do have the utmost respect for them! This strike is just making life difficult for the students. I'm sure it's no picnic for the profs either. I just have one professor who's being mean about it. As I've said in another thread, the law students were against the strike, but since we are outnumbered by the poli-sci, the vote went through. One of my prof is threatening to cancel the class or to fail us if we don't go back to class soon -- but we CAN'T go back to class because the picket lines stop us. when I've written to him, asking questions on a 300 page jurisprudence he made us read, he wrote back saying that 'I' wanted the strike, so I can figure it out myself.....I guess everybody's nerves are frayed.

Lets clear the air -- I would never do any of these things in class -- I just it was funny to imagine doing it!!!

Cactus Flower
March 31st, 2005, 01:37 PM
Aw, lighten up :)

These are hilarious jokes!

I'm going to forward them to a few profs, and they'll laugh, too....or send back a list of funny-things-to-do-to-your-students!

March 31st, 2005, 04:17 PM
being aprils fools day here i can see their application, dang it i have jsut finished my 6yrs at uni so i have to do another degree to enact them :D

personally i find going to sleep by accident gets their attention, and they sure dont forget you afterward or your name (a very embarassing experience and when i went to sleep i knocked all my books of the table and they crashed every where :o ) :D :p but a friend of mine dozed off in a lecture (around 200 students present) and when she woke up she yelled at the top of her lungs, well that certainly got attention :p

they were just absolutly hilarious :D :p

March 31st, 2005, 07:14 PM
Sorry - I was having a bad day. Lost one of my fav patients- cute little ten year old with Hodgkin's Disease. I had pronounced her 15 mins before I typed that. I know it is no excuse but I am still a doctor who cries when I loose someone. Especially a wonderful child so full of hope!

March 31st, 2005, 07:58 PM
Sorry - I was having a bad day. Lost one of my fav patients- cute little ten year old with Hodgkin's Disease. I had pronounced her 15 mins before I typed that. I know it is no excuse but I am still a doctor who cries when I loose someone. Especially a wonderful child so full of hope!

awwwwww....sorry to hear it CK :sorry:

10 years old is WAY too young to pass...what a tuff job you've got -- I don't think I could ever find it in me to do the work you do...

April 1st, 2005, 04:13 PM
CK, a big cuddle from me and charlie :grouphug:

it sounds one of the hardest jobs ever (i could not do it), but without wonderful doctors like you in the world where would we be, thank you for doing that job, your good heart is so easy to see and we all thank you and your collegues for your tireless efforts and caring hearts.

im so sorry :love: :grouphug:

April 3rd, 2005, 11:09 AM
CK, I'm sorry to hear that. We all have bad days. We're here for you! :grouphug:

April 3rd, 2005, 04:44 PM
Thanks so much!! I really need the encouragement today!

April 3rd, 2005, 06:05 PM
I'm sorry Cyberkitten. Sometimes I wonder why you do that job, but there are so few people like you that I am glad you do. (Bet you wish some days that you could be a bus driver, lol)

As for the strike, meb, we argued a bit about it on another thread... The govt is taking away 103 million in student bursaries so we're on strike.

Student strike thread (

April 3rd, 2005, 07:37 PM
Actually, I love my job MOST days, lol I would not mind being a tour bus driver - MAYBE, haha

I see the Quebec govt has settled with the students. That is great news for all concerned I'd think - ope things are back to normal very soon!

April 3rd, 2005, 07:44 PM
what kind of strike is this?? is it montreal universities?? Does that mean my acceptance letter to the university might be posponed?? ack!! as if may wasn't far enough!!! :mad:

*takes notes on the teacher annoyance tips- AH HA!! i DO have a cactus!* :D

April 3rd, 2005, 07:56 PM
It involves ALl the universities and cegeps in Quebec - perhaops especially Montreal. My cousin who teaches at McGill says it is likely the academic year will be delayed there. Different universities will make different arrangements I imagine. You should email or contact the Admissions depertment of the univ you have applyed to and ask what is happening there. It a strike by the students.