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Advice needed please!

March 29th, 2005, 01:27 PM
I need your advice now :love: ... I've seen people pose questions about their jobs and what to do and they've gotten good advice here so I would like your help!

Some of you know that I babysit my brother's and sister's kids, it's going great and I love doing it but if anyone has ever done this for a living you know it's peanuts for money, only one step up from volunteering. We are okay moneywise, but I'm very tired of just being 'okay' and would like something with more stability (when they don't work, I don't have a choice in not working) and I really really want a real paycheck.
I have found a great opportunity to work for a wonderful company that helps the elderly get low cost or even free prescriptions. Pay is good, full time 9-5, benefits, vacation... everything!

My sister has already said she wants me to have a real job, she already has her son in preschool a few days a week and he'll go all week if I can no longer watch him.
So it's my brother's kids that I am worried about. I'm afraid that he won't have anyone to watch them and that I would be letting him down. Since I've been watching his kids, our relationship has been great but pretty much nonexistent before that. (we were never brother/sister type close, we're 20 years apart) I don't want to ruin what we have now.
Also, I watch them from 1pm till midnight everyday of the week (unless they call off)
I don't like those hours at all! The kids have to sleep here, they're always cranky at night, here and at home because of it.

I would also have to find someone to watch MY son, if I would take this job, for roughly 3 hours a day.

This works for us and everyone the way it is. But I want a real job :( What do I do??

March 29th, 2005, 01:39 PM
That's a toughie ...
I would suggest that you have to do what's right for you. If this job is something you'd really like then you should go for it. You wouldn't want to pass on this opportunity and then always question your decision by thinking "what if ....". Hopefully your Brother would be as understanding as your Sister and not want to hold you back from a great opportunity.
That's my 2 cents worth :p
Good luck ... :thumbs up

Cactus Flower
March 29th, 2005, 01:40 PM
Surely your brother can appreciate that you must meet your own needs, too?

Talk to him. Tell him exactly what you told us, that you cherish your new closeness with him, and that you don't want it to be dependant upon your providing babysitting for him. He can only be flattered that you feel this way.

This sounds like a wonderful job!

You have to be happy and fulfilled in your own life- it will only enhance your relationships with other people. Make an effort to still get together with your brother and his kids- maybe set aside one night a week for a "family supper" , including your sister and brother. And maybe even rotate which house it will be at....this Sunday at yours, then next Sunday hers....then his....

The kids will still get you see you, and you'll get to maintain closeness with your whole family.

Good luck with this!

Lucky Rescue
March 29th, 2005, 02:15 PM
Sneaky, your brother and sister work and they have the kids. They're doing what they feel is best for them so shouldn't you? You have a family too, but don't expect others to lose income or change their lives for you and your child. You are not responsible for these kids.

Since I've been watching his kids, our relationship has been great but pretty much nonexistent before that. (we were never brother/sister type close, we're 20 years apart) I don't want to ruin what we have now.
So the relationship is only good while you are doing him a service for "peanuts"?

Is your brother going to quit his job to care for YOUR child if you take the job?:p

March 29th, 2005, 02:36 PM
Sneaky, this sounds like a great job! If you feel this is a good move for you and your family at this time.. I think you should go for it!

Dont let feelings of obligation to other family members stand in the way of a move that you feel in your heart is right for you.
As for the relationship with your brother, that's great that its now become closer. But surely your desire to move in a new and different direction at this point shouldnt hinder this. You'll still see them all, and the experience has benefitted all.
But now you are ready for a change - for several reasons.
All are valid and worth pursuing. :thumbs up

Good luck to you!

March 29th, 2005, 02:37 PM
I agree with the above. If your relationship with your brother is worth anything, it will remain even as you take care of yourself... I think your one of those people that has a hard time saying no without feeling bad. Trust me, it is so great when you can do it. You realize that the help you give all the time is not the foundation of any good relationship and the people will just get it out of someone else and you won't feel as guilty.

Plus, having this job will give you a sense of accomplishment and self-worth that a lot of stay at home moms and care-givers lack simply because they don't care for their needs as often as they should. Even if you have kids to care for, your goals, dreams and achievements are still very important.

March 29th, 2005, 02:49 PM
Take the job, sounds great. Your siblings kids are their responsibility not yours.

March 29th, 2005, 03:37 PM
You should take the job! It does not mean you are any less concerned about your brother's children or him and a relationship should not be based on that anyway - and relationships take work all the time -. Do what is right for YOU! You need a job and want real money, take this one!!

March 29th, 2005, 03:41 PM
I say Go for the Job!!! Look at it this way.....which job would benefit YOU more? If your brother never bothered with you before, that is just plain rude! I know my brother only calls me when he needs a babysitter! That's it! I call him, just so I can see my nephews!

Also, I watch them from 1pm till midnight everyday of the week (unless they call off) I don't like those hours at all! The kids have to sleep here, they're always cranky at night, here and at home because of it.

This schedule definitely isn't for children!! Especially when they are travelled from place to place! This causes behavioural problems, learning problems etc. Your brother should be finding a sitter who can come into his home and watch the children. If this isn't possible, then a shift change is needed whether it be him or his wife/partner. I know this isn't always easy to do, but there must be something they can do.
My brothers both have children and have odd work schedules. It is extremely hard on the children. Children need a normal routine at a young age. I see the way they are and I feel sorry for them that they have to live by their parent's schedule!

Childcare is hard to find. Good childcare is expensive. But these are the consequences people have to think about when they decide to have children! You can't rely on other people to raise your children!!

Good Luck to you Sneaky!! I hope you go for the job!!! It won't hurt to try it out anyway, right?

March 29th, 2005, 04:07 PM
I think I would definitely take the job! You don't get benefits and retirement from babysitting. If your brother doesn't understand, the closeness may be one-sided. The approach Cactus Flower has suggested sounds like a good one.

March 29th, 2005, 05:19 PM
You guys seem to say the same thing my mom and sister say. Thank you!!
I guess it sounds easier than it really is.
I know he'll still talk to me, he's not a bad person... I just really hate letting people down and I honestly don't know what he'll do with the kids if I can't watch them. I know it's not my responsibility because they're his kids, not mine, but it's still hard not to think about what will happen with them.
My husband wants me to go for it.
Now I just need to figure out if it will even be worth it to work and pay for daycare for my son after school.
I'm pretty sure I will be going tomorrow to fill out an application and get an interview set up. I will decide for sure once I know all the details.
Thanks for your input, it means a lot. :love:

Lucky Rescue
March 29th, 2005, 06:12 PM
Now I just need to figure out if it will even be worth it to work and pay for daycare for my son after school.

Find someone who'll do it for peanuts. ;)

March 29th, 2005, 07:07 PM
There are tons of people out there ready to look after kiddies!

This is a good move--in time all of these kids will be too old for you to look after them. You need to prepare for that, and if it is coming a little early the oh well!!

Good for you for going for it!

March 29th, 2005, 08:01 PM
This must be very difficult for you. You sound like a very giving and generous person. However, remember that you need to be able to take care of yourself first to be able to take care of others. Also, let your brother do you a favor by wishing you luck and allowing you this great opportunity. You have helped out your brother and sister which has been great. Now, let them return the favor.

Maybe your kids can all go to the same daycare???? You can all look together and make it a family project.

The idea of having a scheduled family dinner once a week sounds like a great plan too. Now that you have a close relationship with your brother, I think you will be able to maintain it. You watching his kids isn't what is making the relationship work out. It provided the opportunity, but now that it is there, the two of you are making it special - not the babysitting arrangement.

Where one door closes, another opens, and it sounds like the door opened before you were able to get the other one closed, that's all. It may all work out better this way for ALL of you. I have found it worked that way so many times in my life.

Best of luck to you. :thumbs up Let us know what you decide to do!!!

March 30th, 2005, 01:23 AM
Thanks you guys!!
Find someone who'll do it for peanuts. ;)
I have never known anyone who will do it for cheap like I have, except younger kids and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I started babysitting when I was 12 or so and I can't picture my son listening to a 12 year old.
My family (other family!) wouldn't do it for that cheap and I honestly wouldn't expect them to.
I should ask my other sister to watch him for what she offered me to watch her son last year, which was $1 an hour, if you can believe it. (whose family makes 3 times the amount we do) but that's a whole other talk show. :rolleyes:

March 30th, 2005, 04:33 AM
Sneaky I know how you feel, you don't want to be the person to let someone down......only one thing wrong with that..... your thinking about everyone's feelings but the most important person.... YOU

It's not selfish for you to do what you need to do for yourself and any family member that gets their nose outa joint because you decide that you would like a career instead of watching children all your life is being selfish themselves because your decision does not suit their needs.

Go for it girl......sounds like a very rewarding job and you will kick yourself later for not taking the chance at doing something that can give you some real $$ not just a buck an hour :eek:

PS no harm in asking sis, and offerring the same amt......would love to see her reaction to it :p after all she thought it to be a fair amount :D

March 30th, 2005, 12:24 PM
There are alot of highschool students looking for part time jobs. It may be a plus that they can do their homework together when your son gets home from school!

March 30th, 2005, 12:26 PM
All the avdice you were given was bang on.

Look after YOU and YOUR KIDS 1st. (oh and throw hubby in there somewhere, you get the gist :rolleyes: )

Others' lives and concerns have to take a "backseat" so to speak.

My life got waay better when I accepted that I couldn't please everybody.

Your family will just have to find another solution for their needs, while you tend to yours.

Good luck, and congrats on the job!

March 30th, 2005, 02:18 PM
Thank you!

I filled out an application today and she wanted to have the interview right away (and a test :eek: which freaked me out, wasn't expecting it) but I couldn't because I had kids on the way over :(
So I will have it tomorrow, I just hope saying no to an interview didn't hinder my chances... but this is my job right now.
The same daycare that my nephew goes to picks up at my son's school for an after school program! And then he can go for their summer camp program too once school is over.
Everything except the issue with my brother is falling into place... now I just need to get the job! :p

March 30th, 2005, 02:22 PM
yeah, Sneaky! I knew everything would fall into place!

March 30th, 2005, 04:17 PM
keeping my fingers crossed for you sneaky!! :thumbs up

March 30th, 2005, 04:33 PM
Yay Sneaky. Don't worry about your brother, he's a big boy. If he gives you grief over this, try not to take it personally (I know. it's tough). Your needs and your family's come first.

March 31st, 2005, 06:57 PM
How did it go today???? How was the interview? I bet the test wasn't as bad as you thought.

Don't worry about needing to arrange for another interview time. It just proves you are responsible and dependable. That's the kind of employee they want in the first place.

All my fingers and toes are crossed for you :thumbs up

March 31st, 2005, 08:45 PM
Thank you guys!
But we've hit a yet another bump in the road. The job does not pay as much as I was originally told. I guess the guy on the phone was thinking of another position that they're hiring for (one that I am not qualified for).
Other than this, the interview went well and the job is mine if I want it. And you're right Boisian, the test was cake! I can't believe how easy it was.
Now I just need to think about this. I know now, after getting a taste of the real world of jobs, even though I don't know yet if I'm going to take it, that it's what I want.
I was working out the money part of it and if I take this job and now pay for daycare for my son I will only be making a small amount more (a very small amount!!!) than what I am now, but it's a foot in the door and it's steady. I could possibly move up in positions within a years time and make more.
Who knows... I may just look for another job like this one that pays more!!!
All I know is I want a real job and I'm going to get one! Talking about it really made me see this, so thanks for listening, everyone! :love: