- Pet forum for dogs cats and humans 


Diary of a Dog versus Diary of a Cat ( Humour )

March 9th, 2005, 06:03 AM

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Hot damn!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. I get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is great!


Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. In that way I shall be ready to flee at the first opportunity
that presents itself. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture). In yet another demonstration of civil disobedience, I
shall topple and destroy one more houseplant tonight under the cover of

Many of my efforts to wear down my oppressors are not going according to plan. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe I'll start vomiting in
their shoes and/or beds. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its
headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their
hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am.

The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released-- and he seems more than willing to return!! He is obviously a half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now.

But I can wait. It is only a matter of time . . . :thumbs up

March 9th, 2005, 06:27 AM
I love it! What a good way to start the day! Thanks