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December 2nd, 2004, 01:42 AM are a couple more I just couldn't resist posting. (Suggestion-a forum for jokes? Just an idea...)

Why It's GREAT To Be A DOG!

No one expects you to take a bath every day. When it's raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired. You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you're insensitive. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter what itches no one is offended if you scratch it in public. It's okay if you never "amount to anything" except being a dog. If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices. You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger's lap. Nobody thinks less of you for passing gas in public. Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, drinks, or anything else for that matter. A chew toy can entertain you for hours. There's no such thing as bad food. No one gets mad if you fall asleep while they're talking. You can sleep late every day. People think you're normal if you stick your head out the window to feel the wind in your hair. You never have to worry about good table manners. Someone else combs your hair. Your mate never complains because you whine. Everything smells good to you. You're always excited to see the same old people. Every garbage can is a fast-food stop. And if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault!

In a perfect world....

"Cat Commandments"

Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the computer.

Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

Thou shall not sit in front of the television or monitor as if thou art transparent.

Thou shall not projectile hair balls from the top of the refrigerator.

Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.

Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors.

Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thee will fall in and trap thyself.

Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 a.m.

Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

Thou shall not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

Thou shall not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

Thou shall remember that thou are a carnivore,houseplants are not meat.

Thou shall pee only in thy litter box.

Thou shall attempt to show remorse when being scolded.

December 2nd, 2004, 08:12 AM
Awwww,if only cats could read! Very true,very funny!!